The beach volley ball semi-finals are still going on? All that female hugging, butt slapping and general overly toned enthusiasm is wearing me out.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have to eat a protein bar and wash it down with a cold can of Ensure just watching all those athletes competing over in London.  And then I have to watch all those replays, which just makes me more exhausted.  Imagine diving in slow motion like that?  How much control do these athletes have over their bodies and what’s wrong with mine?  I can’t even eat or drink in slow motion…

How does he hold that pose in mid-air like that just so we can see his, ahem, form?

Not being a sports-obsessed person (I know, it’s hard to believe that I’m not and that I admitted it during the Olympics, isn’t it?), I’m tired of all the hoopla over such “must watch” events like rock hurling, spear throwing, pole launching, dancing with the ribbons, solo synchronized swimming, giving the best spandex wedgie, and shaming small countries because they never make to the medal ceremony (except to watch if they can afford a ticket).  I could go on but even listing these events is tiring me out.

See? In the business, they call this move, the Wedginator.

You may feel very differently than me about watching sports non-stop until you die. That’s okay. I’m glad we’re not married.  I understand that you have Olympi-mania (fervor bordering on sexual arousal surrounding anything Olympic, including but limited to: The Phelpster, other athletes that are awesome but nameless, Bob Costas and his plastic face, anything British until the games are over, and of course the medals–gold being the best because, well, it’s gold).

He just wouldn’t look as good in a silver suit, now would he?

But if you are, like me, feeling Olympi-tigue  (fatigue from watching the Olympics and/or hearing people talk about them and which country is winning in the medal count), I have a solution for you that still includes medals.  How’s that for compromise?

You woke me up to watch Olympic basketball? I thought basketball season was finally over. Men and balls. It never ends.

Remember Dark Globe’s Tell A Story Photography Contest?  The one that ends AUGUST 15th?  Well, the creative genius the lurks over there fashioned their very own gold, silver, and bronze medals for the winners of the three themes in the contest.  If you click on the link I just conveniently provided at the beginning of this paragraph, you can see the medals for yourself.  I don’t know why you wouldn’t trust me, but I know some people are skeptics, especially when it comes to people like me who don’t know a quarterback from a dime bag.  So, go check it out for yourselves, you Doubter-McDoubtersons.

I know there are photographers out there who are artists–people who will do anything for the perfect shot. Well, now is the time to share those perfect shots with the rest of us!

And while you’re at it, ENTER THE CONTEST!  SCOUR YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS AND JOIN IN.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Okay.  Stop being so negative.

You could win a MEDAL and be just like those athletes you’ve been watching.  Well, maybe not “just like” them, but a lot closer to them then I’ll ever be!

I’d rather be the photographer than the person trying to score in this Banana-rama Tournament, wouldn’t you? By the way, look for this sport in the 2016 Olympics in Rio.  A little slower than hockey, but just as much slipping and sliding.