In a paper about Hospice programs: “I feel the hospice program will be increasing all over the United States because it seems to be a popular alternative for death and dying.” So that explains why these programs are so hard to get into and people are living so much longer. Let’s see a show of hands for anyone who would rather join the Hospice program rather than experience death and/or dying. Alrighty then…

In an essay arguing to raise the minimum wage: “Although I make more than minimum wage, I will explain why I feel that minimum wage should very from city to city and be risen to at least more than $3.00 above the poverty level.”

In an essay on religious profiling due to the 9/11 terrorist attacks: “Now the U.S. is up in arms about national security.” I love an unintended pun.

In an essay about technology and its social consequences: “Technology as been going on for at least 100 years. Either I or the book came up with one downfall of technology. It could hurt the economy by firing people. Another economic problem that we might see in the next 25 years is depression.” Yeah, you bet your sweet asterisk I’m depressed. My iPad froze in the middle of hooking up with J-Lo. At least they said they were J-Lo …

In a paper on campaign finance reform: “Money is the corruption of all evil.” Suddenly our economic woes and rampant political debauchery make so much more sense.

In a paper on the role of women in religion: “When I became an alter server it was okay for the priest at this one parish, but when I moved to another parish the priest told me I couldn’t be an alter server because I was female. A few years later, my little sister went through the same thing and I wrote a letter to the pope. Now females are able to participate in the mass ceremony as alter servers and lecturers and anything but the priest position.” Wow! That must have been one convincing letter.

In a paper about female body image: “Many surgeons were furious at the ban of silicon implants. Armed with the belief that the advisory panel was stacked against them …”

In a paper on racism: “Our forefathers made a error of considerable dimension when they started rounding up folks in Africa and shipping them to the New World for use as tractors and steam shovels. People pressed into such hard service are apt to be peeved for several centuries, and their disadvantages, of course, become the curse and shame of us all.” 200+ years is a long time for a person to be peeved. Anger like that can age you.