Get your minds out of the gutter and into this G-rated blog, People!

This is a post about one of my favorite past-times: word play, or being a cunning linguist.

Those of you who know me, know that I’m not afraid to construct-u-late my own words in an effort to enrich-inate our already stretchy-pants language.

Have to keep those editors of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary busy!

I also like to find obscure words and make up possible definitions for them.

Try these on for size:

Is FORMICATION (a noun) 1: the art of molding clay into something resembling anything other than a glob of clay or 2: the totally freaked out feeling when you think something is crawling under your skin, but really isn’t because you are hallucinating for some gawd awful reason or 3: a common misspelling of “fornication” by either junior high school students, people on too much caffeine, or the religiously oppressed pious?

Does DOGGO (an adverb) mean an act that is: 1. hidden? 2: casual? 3: cool, hip, groovy?

What does BUTYRACEOUS (an adjective) describe? 1. Thoroughbreds? 2. Skin Color? 3. Butter?

MIZZLE (a verb) means to: 1: rain softly, but not quite drizzle. 2. cover the mouth of a creature smaller than a dog. 3. complain.

I’ll tell the correct definitions at the end.

Okay. I’ll tell you now: 2, 1, 3, 1

And then there are puns.

Puns are fun. Especially the subtle ones.

I was listening to some people complaining about having their mufflers repaired on their respective cars. After about 5 minutes of their moaning and groaning I said, “This conversation is exhausting.” No one got it. I smiled.

Similarly, I heard two people talking about having to get their tires replaced. On and on they went about tire life, tire rotation, all-weather versus seasonal tires…Finally I chimed in with, “This is all very tiring.” Again, they ignored me. Again, I smiled.

I’ve been having email correspondence with a lawyer who is redoing my will and some other documents. He asked me to send him some information for my will. I responded with a quick “Will do!” not realizing my pun until I pushed the send button. I wonder if he smiled. I did.

Some names and professions are puns.

In my old hometown, there was:

*a dentist named Dr. Spitz

* a physician named Dr. Blood

* a Funeral home called Drown Funeral Home

Here are some punny business names I got from dumb.com: (notice the highbrow sites I select for my research)

  • Surelock Homes – Burglar alarms, in San Jose, California
  • Indiana Bones Temple of Groom – Doggie day care & boutique in Thousand Oaks, California
  • Cyclo Analysts – Bicycle shop in Oxford, United Kingdom
  • Lawn and Order – Landscaping in Charlotte, North Carolina
  • Carl’s Pane In The Glass – Screen and window repair in Garland, Texas
  • Best Little Hair House in Denver – Beauty salon in Denver, Colorado
  • Junk & Disorderly – Second hand store in Auckland, New Zealand
  • Tree Wise Men – Tree maintenance in Ridgefield, Washington
  • Cane & Able – Mobility store for seniors and the disabled in Hitchin, United Kingdom
  • The Greatful Head – Barber shop in San Francisco, California

Aren’t these fun?