https://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/17/lessons-from-the-other-side/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/chains.jpgchainsNot quite a fashion accessory I fancy in the warm summer months, but this explains why I didn't have any extra tiaras to sell...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/goldie.jpggoldieWould you want this woman advising you about the pressure valve on the air compressor you're about to spend $25.00 on?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/dog-with-necklace.jpgdog with necklaceShe was a very discriminating shopper. Unfortunately I had nothing she wanted and she promptly left.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/rifle.jpgrifleI guess you never know how common household items could be repurposed...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/eye-for-money.jpgeye for moneyI had to keep chanting, "It's not about the money, it's about getting rid of the clutter." But I kept wondering what I sold for 50 cents would end up valuable enough to furnish someone's summer home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/psychic.jpgpsychicIf I had all that jewlery to sell in the yard sale, I would have made even more. If only I had known...2025-05-17T18:01:23+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/19/goodwill-got-busted/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/coma-kittens.jpgcoma kittensDude, I don't think that was catnip we ate...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/peace-pipe.jpgpeace pipeApparently there is a long-standing tradition among the "Authorities" to destroy drug-related contraband in these elaborate, well-attended ceremonies. How else can they be sure that these dangerous drugs don't get into the wrong hands and lungs?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/pot.jpgpotWell, he had to be sure that what he found in the donation bin was really pot and not some loose Italian spice like oregano.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/donna-karan.jpgDonna KaranExcept for her jacket made from the hide of the endangered Tasmanian Kangaroo, Donna looks like a pretty eco-friendly kind of gal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/goodwill.jpggoodwillYou never know what treasures you might discover at your local Goodwill store--especially the one in Lawrence, Kansas.2025-05-17T17:56:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/22/an-open-apology-to-my-perennial-garden/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/weed-man.jpgweed manThese squatters aren't even trying to disquise themselves.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/plant-letter.jpgplant letterThis is not good.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/hypnosis.jpghypnosisYou will love gardening. You will learn the latin and common names for all perennial plants. You will weed with a happy heart. You will have the body of a super model.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/garden-gnome.jpggarden gnomeHe'll do. He seems strong, confident, and those gardens look pretty darned nice. And he looks like he enjoys the company of a lady now and again.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/worm.jpgwormhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/plant-chart.jpgplant chartThese fine Future American Gardeners (acronym terribly unfortunate) tried to help me discern plants from weeds by creating this nice picture chart. But when nap-time came, the whole thing had to be disassembled because it was built on someone's Blankie.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/pulling-weeds.jpgpulling weedsI wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley or a sunny garden...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tostribble3.jpgtostribble3Even these Star Fleet-trained professionals can't figure out what to do with creatures that replicate at will. What's a mere garden-challenged mortal like me supposed to do?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/weedy-garden.jpgweedy gardenWhere's my house? I know it's around here somewhere! It was so easy to find in the winter...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tigger-writing-letter.jpgtigger writing letterThis is serious business, Roo, I've got some apologizin' to do!2025-05-17T17:53:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/04/collector-or-hoarder-you-be-the-judge/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/word-nerd.jpgword nerdThe secret to my heart is out. I can't resist a tall, dark, handsome syntactician.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/fabric-wall-stash.jpgfabric wall stashhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/fabric-closet-stash.jpgfabric closet stashhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/queen-elizabeth.jpgqueen elizabethhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/buttons.jpgbuttonsYou may not think this is an over-abundance of buttons, but I don't use them. I just keep collecting them. They're so pretty...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/fabric-stash.jpgfabric stashThis is just one wall of my quilting room. Fabric is hiding everywhere.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/mini-booze-bottles.jpgmini booze bottlesWhen asked what happened to my display, I said it fell off the wall and every bottle broke.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/telephone-booth.jpgtelephone boothOur trailer was longer, but you can see why we rarely had large parties...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/giant-bra.jpggiant braMost, but not all, of my grandmother's napkins would've fit into this bra. That's why she needed her closets for the overflow.2025-05-17T17:44:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/06/evidence-of-annihilation-or-mercury-rising/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/too-hot.jpgtoo hotThere's only so many things you can take off when you're hot. At least I'm prepared for Doomsday.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/politicians-fighting.jpgpoliticians fightingWhat's that they say about history repeating itself?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/birds-in-bath.jpgbirds in bathCan you believe what those two are doing in there? Are you sure they're doing "It?" Let's watch a while longer just to be sure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wheres-waldo.jpgwheres waldoIf he's in Mesa, AZ, good luck, Waldo. It was nice knowing you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/boy-driving-truck.jpgboy driving truckNo, Sir, I don't know why you pulled me over. I was doing my best to stay inside the yellow lines.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/snake.jpgsnakeOh, you silly snakes! You just show up in the most unlikely places.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/snake-on-car.jpgsnake on carJust another ordinary drive to Grandma's. But, wait. Who's that riding on our windshield? I hope Grandma has some extra mice for our guest...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bunny-man.jpgbunny man"Hey, Kid, wanna carrot? No! Don't run away. I ain't strange. I'm just misunderstood."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/manure-man.pngManure ManAn eye witness to the accident says, "I saw her comin' down the hill headin' straight for the pizza joint. Lucky she broke ta da right before the s**t hit the wall."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/feather-forcast.jpgweather forcastSeems quite accurate for once.2025-05-17T17:41:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/08/if-only-i-drank/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/yawn.jpgyawnI choose not to see it as a yawn, but as a deep, contemplative breath to absorb my blog-related discourse. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-reading.jpgdog readingPublishers: tired of searching for a fresh voice? This is your lucky day!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cheers.jpgcheersI don't know what you're drinking, but The Queen of Blog Dolts is getting all bubbly inside with her selzer water!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/manifesting.jpgmanifestingActually, I found that old key while walking Scrappy. The rest is history.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/blogger-socializing.jpgblogger socializingI don't understand why everyone isn't as excited about blogging as I am...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/frantic-secretaty.pngfrantic secretatyDo I look like Super Woman? How does everyone else manage to keep up with their life, their appearance and their blog?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dolt.jpgdoltDude. Like I'm blown away that you, like, were so, like...clueless.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cat-in-pool.pngcat in poolI tried to look the part, but I felt like a fish out of water. No, wait. Wrong analogy...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/seltzer-spray.jpgseltzer spraySeltzer: refreshing in so many ways.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/under-the-table.jpgunder the tableOh no, not again! And look at the dust bunnies under here...2025-05-17T17:36:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/10/im-sorry-but-ive-got-terminal-apologitis/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/star-ships.jpgstar shipsShe was fast. I never saw her coming, but she had plenty of time to see me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-know-your-place.jpgwoman know your placeI wasn't sure what made me so "difficult," so I apologized and tried to change. It didn't work.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tombstone.jpgtombstoneI'm sorry I don't have PhotoShop and can't create my own perfect pictures for this post.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sorry-hands.jpgsorry handsIt's like "I'm sorry" is burned into my very flesh and blood...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dick-van-dyke-tripping.jpgdick van dyke trippingI bet he never said "I'm sorry" to the ottoman.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bug-splattered.jpgbug splatteredI'm sorry my Yaris interrupted your flight path and ended your brief bug life. I'm really sorry as my windshield wipers smear your body across my field of vision.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/grocery-cart.jpggrocery cartI'm sorry. Did I fail to mention the woman's view was obstructed by an overload cart? It's still no excuse for being so rude. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dr-evil.jpgdr. evilGeez, it wasn't like I was Dr. Evil asking for 1 million dollars or I'd blow up the world...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/eating-banana.jpgeating bananaJust try to find a picture on the Internet of a woman eating a banana that isn't X-rated. I'm sorry, but this was the best I could do and keep it clean!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sorry-cat.jpgsorry catI'm sorry I couldn't find a better picture for the beginning of this post.2025-05-17T17:31:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/14/bert-and-ernie-friends-with-benefits/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/ostrich.jpgostrichI wanted to be Big Bird's stunt double, but, no. They said I wasn't yellow enough. I hate yellow.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/grouchy-old-man.jpggrouchy old manOkay, so he was grumpy, had a dream and it all turned out. But he had a plucky kid and enthusiatic-but-dumb dog helping him. Most of us don't have it so goodhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/female-muppets.jpgfemale muppetsThese females are there to attract male viewers, like the women from Bay Watch. Well, look at them; not exactly like the women from Bay Watch.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/barnabus-collins.jpgbarnabus collinsUkay, boyz und girlz. Ze Count can't schpell, but letz have you count backvardz from 10 to 1 vile I wrap you in my large cape and put you to sleep.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/boy-with-apple.jpgboy with appleSomething's wrong. What would Cookie Monster do? Toss this sucker in Oscar's garbage can and grab a platter of cookies, that's what!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tickle-elmo.jpgtickle elmoHere he is, using the Internet to lure innocent tickle partners into his kinky giggle games.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/elmer-fudd.jpgelmer fuddMr. Fudd turned State's Evidence against Big Bird and is now in the Federal Witless (not a typo) Protection Program.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/stan-and-ollie-an-bed.jpgstan and ollie an bedIt's called "acting" for a reason. These men were serious actors playing the part of...of...well you figure it out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/gay-republicans.jpggay republicansShould we check Bert and Ernie's voting record? Can Muppets vote? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/reality-tv-cartoon.jpgreality TV cartoon2025-05-17T17:26:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/16/look-at-me-when-youre-asking-me-for-my-unborn-child/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/destinys-child.jpgdestinys childOops. Silly me. I'm easily confused.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/destinys-child.pngdestinys childSilly me, I'm easily confused.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/past.pngpasthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/i-did-not-just-say-that.jpgI did not just say thatTell me I didn't just say that out loud.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/ignoring.jpgignoringDone for dramatic camera effect on TV, it's plain creepy in a real conversation.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/gloria-swanson.jpggloria swansonI expected her to show up saying she's Destiny's real mother, not her aunt who died and came back to life as her crazy neighbor.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-with-treat-on-nose.jpgdog with treat on noseHow can you not stare when it's right there?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/thelma-and-louise.jpgthelma and louiseDid I mention we were in a convertible and off road for a portion of the trip? Oh, and it stopped raining for only a few minutes. It was then that the freaking GPS couldn't "re-cow-clue-ate" quickly enough. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/ethyl.jpgethylIt's just not easy being me some days. And this polka-dot dress isn't helping matters.2025-05-17T17:20:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/18/dracula-had-a-baby-with-judy-holliday/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lorna-at-almost-541.jpgLorna at almost 54Taken inside today. NOTE: all wrinkles are from laughing and being overly expressive when I communicate. Blonde hair is completely natural--you'll have to trust me on that one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lorna-at-almost-54.jpgLorna at almost 54https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/calvin-hating-school.jpgcalvin hating schoolNot the kind of "summertime blues" I'm experiencing when the sun shines for weeks on end.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/depressed-man.jpgdepressed manThis is after he discovered that the 2nd bag of potato chips went directly to his thighs, rendering his gold spandex pants too tight for a comfortable evening of watching re-runs of Jersey Shore.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/swaddle.jpgswaddleCould you make the blanket a little tighter? I can still feel my fingers and toes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/meg-ryan.jpgmeg ryanPerfect! I was really good at pretended.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/stop-following-me.jpgstop following meI'm telling you, it's unnerving.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/squinting.pngsquintingHow am I supposed to do anything productive when I'm blinded by the sun light? And the smile is because I just heard that some clouds are rolling in.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/coffin-cartoon.jpgcoffin cartoonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/judy-holiday.jpgjudy holidayGet away from me with those smooth-takin' fangs of yours. There's silver bullets in this gun. What? Those only work on werewolves. Darn. Okay, come on over here and let's get this over with. Oh, and remind me to add garlic to my grocery list. 2025-05-17T17:15:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/20/its-a-beautiful-day-go-outside-and-play/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/gilligans-island.jpggilligans islandI guess everything turned out okay at the end of the day at my home, too. But I sure loved a good rainy day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/demolition-derby.jpgdemolition derbyAnd this was just a normal Sunday afternoon driving crowd...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sea-monster.jpgsea monsterYou never know. They used all kinds of chemicals back then that seeped into the grownd water.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/swarm-of-flies.jpgswarm of fliesJust a another beautiful day playing "dress-up" outside in the country. I didn't need a wig. The flies were happy to oblige.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cow-methane.jpgcow methaneAnd the farm we lived next to had hundreds of cows. Imagine the danger...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/chubby-kid-running.jpgchubby kid runningYeah, that's me...only I'm a blonde girl wearing a tee shirt and shorts running in a grassy yard with my sisters. And I couldn't kick my leg that high. Other than that, we could be twins. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cowardly-lion.jpgcowardly lionI ca-ca-can't bear ta-ta-to hear those wa-wa-wa-words.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/i-child-proofed-my-house.jpgi child proofed my houseMaybe she wanted the trailer to herself; that's why she bannished us outside to play on "beautiful" days. But what was she doing in there while we were out there?2025-05-17T17:10:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/21/the-5-second-rule/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marilyn-waving.jpgmarilyn wavingI hope to see you in just a little while. Bye bye!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/alarm-clock.jpgalarm clockNow I was more than shaken, I was downright alarmed! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/owl-scolding.jpgowl scoldingOur waitress was, shall I say, "seasoned," and believed in serving food from the grill, not the floor.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/innocent-bear.jpginnocent bearLa, de, da, de, da. I'm just waiting for the rest of my order to arrive. Nothing out of the ordinary. Aren't I cute?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wheres-the-beef.jpgwheres the beefUh. On the floor with the lettuce, tomato and bun. Right next to the grimy footprints...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/spaghetti.jpgspaghettiWell, Dear, they wouldn't have put spaghetti on the drive-in diner menu if they thought this would happen.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/food-tray.jpgfood trayhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/car-hop.jpgcar hopIt took a special kind of gal to be a Car-Hop Gal. She had to be perky, precise, and pink.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/mels-diner.jpgmels dinerWe never saw Ron Howard or Cindy Williams there, but we went mostly for lunch.2025-05-17T17:07:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/25/its-best-to-be-on-top/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-in-boots.jpgdog in bootsOkay Mutha Nature, bring it on! I'm ready for whatever you got!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/human-pile-up.jpghuman pile upSame concept. Who would you want to be: the ones on the bottom or the one on the top? Forget the guy watching. Look at him. Do you really want to be him?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/deer-in-headlights.jpgdeer in headlightsMy. Brain. Shuts. Down. When. Your. Temper. Rises. Help.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/collapsed-house.jpgcollapsed househttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/pillowtop.jpgpillowtopThese deluxe mattresses of today are so cushy. Have you tried finding deep enough fitted sheets for them? I'm sure they would stop a missile or flying floorboard from a furnace explosion.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-sleeping.jpgwoman sleepingThis could be me. You can't see her face, so you can't prove it's not me. Let's pretend it's me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/brushing-teeth.jpgbrushing teethSee how old the mirror is? I don't know why she's brushing her teeth. She probably doesn't have many left.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/nys.jpgNYSSit down. I've got news. There's more to New York State than that little purple/teal/light green section at the bottom. Although the colors are pretty...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-in-bed.jpgwoman in bedGood grief, woman! Do you really think that bed will protect you from the dangers that are looming all around you? Have you no common sense at all?2025-05-17T17:03:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/30/connectivity-interruptus-its-a-dangerous-thing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/forgot.jpgforgotI should've had a V-8. Wait. That's not right. I should have let the cat in. No. That's not right either. I know I forgot something. Maybe I should check my email. Oh no...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/old-man.jpgold manDag Blammit! I thought we had an understanding. If I ask you questions, you're supposed to answer me. Look at me when I'm talking to you, Computer Screen!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/angry.jpgangryThe "Anger Management Conference" isn't until next week. It was postponed because of Hurricane Irene.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/drunk.jpgdrunkHe's still got his top, and I don't want to know what's going on with his lap. But I'm pretty sure he won't be able to find his lap top or do any electrical work tomorrow...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/chair.jpgchairThe new designer look in offices: minimalist.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/skeleton.jpgskeletonIt's worse than I though. When I started this post, I was wearing a short jeans skirt, a lime green tee shirt, and black flip flops. This thing that I've contracted because the freaken WIFI isn't working in my room has reduced me to this--a male skeleton. Well, my diet may have something to do with the skeleton part, but the male in different clothes is all the viruses fault.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/contagion.jpgcontagionOMG, if it can happen to a famous and protected star like Kate Winslet, it can happen to me. I'm doomed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tech-support.jpgtech supportI imagine Mr. Computer Magic looked like this: confident, competent, and sure as shootin' that my connection would end when ours did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/droped-wifi.jpgdroped wifiUm. Little problem. This is an arrow to to my LEFT KNEE--not known for its digital genius.2025-05-17T16:58:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/03/hit-me-with-your-best-slot/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/brochures.jpgbrochuresAh, the magic of marketing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/laughing-lama.jpglaughing Dalai LamaHa ha ho ho he he. That is good one. This whole blog judgemental. Ahhh. You make me laugh, Lorna.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/abandoned-building.jpgabandoned buildingRennovations are underway. The sign is being delayed due to a snaffu with paperwork. But I'm sure the gamblers who really want help will find the place.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/card-player.jpgcard playerI knew that engineering degree would come in handy. But why am I down to my last few chips?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/slot-machine.gifslot machineCome on, Honey, Papa needs a new pair of dentures. No, I'm not talking to you Martha. I only talk to you when we break for lunch.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/shaking-head.jpgshaking headI'll just have a water. I have to save my money. I can feel it in my knees. My luck is changing...or is a storm coming?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/notagain.gifnotagainhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dr-evil.jpgdr evilYes, it's that simple to enjoy an afternoon at our fine establishment. All you need to do is temporarily suspend your impulse control and forget about your financial obligations. You can do that, can't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/gangster.jpggangsterOkay, so they didn't have machine guns or hats or pin stripe suits. But you get the idea.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dumb-blonde.jpgdumb blondeUm, give me a second. There's so many restaurants in Scranton. And how do you know by the name which one has the best food to keep up my dreamy, gorgeous brain?2025-05-17T16:51:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/05/its-only-labor-if-youre-not-having-fun/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/big-eyes.jpgbig eyesYeah, I'm looking at you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tumblr_lkvxe4wq1x1qam69vo1_400.giflookingYeah, I'm looking at you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/chimp-laughing.gifchimp laughingDon't you just hate it when you're the only one laughing and you can't stop, but you try to stop and trying to stop only makes it worse? Well, my colleagues did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/serious-chimp.jpgserious chimpVery astute question you ask, Mr. Jones. Class, your assignment will be to find the answer to his question and write up a 10-page paper on why it was such an astute question. Hint: only I know the answer to the question.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/men-in-black.pngmen in blackYeah, no. I never had a job that required me to use anything like that. But it sure would have been cool to bust up a few extra boring faculty meetings with one of those laser thingies.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fighting-aliens1.jpgfighting aliensYeah, no. I never had a job that required me to use anything like that. But it sure would have been cool to bust up a few extra boring faculty meetings with one of those laser thingies.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fighting-aliens.jpgfighting aliensYeah, no. Never had a job that needed me to do anything like that. But I sure could have used one of those to break up a few extra boring faculty meetings...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/nervous-breakdown.jpgnervous breakdownIt was the last straw for Gertrude. Milly tried to comfort her, but the stress of having the semicolon in her opening sentence changed to a comma was more than she could bear.2025-05-17T16:42:24+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/08/all-she-wants-to-do-is-dance/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/surprise13.jpgsurprise1White birds CAN dance!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/surprise12.jpgsurprise1White birds CAN dance!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/surprise11.jpgsurprise1White birds CAN dance!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/surprise1.jpgsurprise1White birds CAN dance!2025-05-09T16:08:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/03/15/my-new-mouse-pad/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/img_1324.jpgIMG_1324In https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/images.pngimagesThank you, thank you, thank you! Me and my famous entourage deserve nothing but the best of your accommodations.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/9522486a07ef45aa9f53f601dd43880c-jpg.gif9522486a07ef45aa9f53f601dd43880c.jpgCome on! How can you sit still when "All in a Mouse's Night" by Genesis is playing on the fancy sonic boom box is playing?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/adorable-cute-mouse-mouse-on-mouse-favim-com-110447.jpgadorable-cute-mouse-mouse-on-mouse-Favim.com-110447I love YouTube, don't you? Surfing the Net is the best! What? Mice hate peppermint? Totally fake news.2025-05-09T16:02:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/03/news-flash-scientists-discover-reason-why-i-hate-to-be-tickled-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/two-hsps.jpgtwo hspsMe and my niece at the Kripalu Center. Kripalu is a Sanscrit word meaning "compassion."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/marilyn.jpgmarilynShe was probably an extroverted HSP, come to think of it...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hsp-diana.jpghsp dianaI bet she was an HSP, but not an extrovert. What do you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hspadv-2.jpgHSPadv 2The second white-board. I think we could have used another. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hsp-adv-1.jpgHSP adv 1One of two whites-boards listing HSPs' positive qualities.2025-05-08T19:11:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/12/procrastinators-anonymous-meeting-rescheduled-for-a-later-date/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/monkey-drinking.jpgmonkey drinkingHey, don't judge me. I'm under a lot of pressure already, and now I have to deal with this procrastination thing. Well, maybe I don't have to deal with it right now...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/monkeys-contemplating.jpgmonkeys contemplatingThe difference is so obvious. Purcell (on the right) is far more contemplative than his brother Everett. How can I tell? What is Everett doing with his other hand? With monkeys, you can be pretty sure it's not pretty.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/andy.jpgandyPoster Child for a Procrastinator. I mean, really. Would you trust him to get a report in on time?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/not-me.jpgnot meAt least two-thirds of all people (including penguins) procrastinate regularly. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/impatient.gifimpatientThat's me, always early and waiting for everyone else to mosey on in whenever they feel like it. 2025-05-08T17:53:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/12/mr-ding-a-ling-is-a-comin/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/hunter.jpghunterIn "Magambo" steamy sure comes to mind. On my 4th long walk with Scrappy in 90 degree heat after he pooped, things were steamy, too; but the visual of Gabel and Gardner is much more pleasant.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/good-humor-man.jpggood humor manWe listened for his bell and ran to greet this man who did, indeed, have good humor inside and outside of that white truck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/mr-ding-a-ling.gifMr Ding a LingThis company has been around since 1975, a tribute to the quality of its product overcoming the questionable judgment of the founders who came up with the name.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/not-interested-in-pooping.jpgnot interested in poopingLet's see what's over there. Oh, goodie! Another smell. And look--a jogger. Oh Boy, this is fun!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/hot.jpghot"we're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave..." Hey, wait a minute! I'm not in the tropics.2025-05-08T17:47:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/23/dear-divine-ms-l-2nd-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cindy-williams.jpgcindy williamsLooks to me like she's trying to cool off. Ergo, she must be hot.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/white-hair.jpgwhite hairYou jus-a make-a love to me an you wanna give-a me how mucha you stinkin' money? My lovin' it's-a priceless, you big goon!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/wet-t-shirt.jpgwet t shirtAt a recent unauthorized event at the Governor's Mansion, Ms. Topsy Cheston misplaced her left sneaker. Anyone in possession of her shoe is asked to call Crime Stoppers.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/tom-c.jpgtom cThis magic hoodie protects him from harm and insures his return for another sequel.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/clock.jpgclockThere's no time like the present...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/class.jpgclassGolly, you don't have to take notes, but you certainly may.2025-05-08T17:40:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/29/its-not-about-the-cupcake-officer/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/donna.jpgdonnaReally? You think that bully stink is going to fly with these brilliant readers?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/fireworks.giffireworkshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cupcake.jpgcupcakeNow it's making more sense. This cupcake is obviously dangerous yet somehow irresistible.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cake.jpgcakeI can't tell if this is a "before" or "after" picture of the cake in question...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/lightsaber.jpglightsaberMy money's on the kid with the light saber.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dolly.jpgdollyNot that kind of rack...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/debate.jpgdebateViable candidates are dropping like flies; other than that, you didn't miss much.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/mayan-cartoon.jpgmayan cartoon... or not.2025-05-08T17:31:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/21/attention-an-important-message-from-scrappy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dsc002311.jpgDSC002311This is just between us, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/psychic.jpgpsychic... she can do mystical thing like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/polygraph.jpgpolygraphMy Human doesn't need one of these when...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/terrier.jpgterrierWell, we're not all smart. But none of us give up!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/finalist.pngfinalistIs this direct enough for you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/rambling.jpgramblinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/p1010512.jpgP1010512I'm a little nervous. I've never spoken in the blog-o-sphere before.2025-05-08T17:26:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/08/a-fribbolous-post-if-ever-there-was-one/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/dancing-gif_thumb.gifDancing Gif_thumbKind of like I just did to you...booya!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/fashion.jpgfashionLet me explain. I wanted him to see me. Really see me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/zombie.jpgzombieDude, I don't get it. I got it going on! The suit. The tie. Even the kickin' name badge. Yeah, my shirt isn't tucked, but, yo, what's the big deal? Chill out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/muscles-old-lady.jpgmuscles old ladyWhere do you think I got these guns? Wordsmitherizing is tough work, Honey.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/woman-at-typewriter.jpgwoman at typewriterEnough with the dizzy blonde jokes. I'm smart enough to profreed my own typping.2025-05-08T17:06:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/21/what-do-fox-news-killer-maxi-pads-jackie-chan-microwaves-and-fema-all-have-in-common/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/p1010256.jpgP1010256Scrappy is my protector. It's a hard job, so I give him lots of breaks.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/nerf-gun.jpgnerf gunHey, I'd want some protection if an angry cat had me in its sights.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jackie.jpgjackieSurprise! I look pretty good for a dead guy, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/madonna1.jpgmadonnahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/madonna.jpgmadonnaBring in the troops! Madonna is armed and she aiming at Lady Gaga in some kind of unrecognizable get-up. It's like a Twilight Zone version of a USO show.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/matrix.jpgmatrixAnd we were worried about our cell phone data...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/info.jpginfoWell, I don't get all my information from the Internet...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/head-scratcher.jpghead scratcherI'm thinking. Don't tell me yet.2025-05-08T17:01:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/27/open-letter-to-physicians-miffed-at-their-patients/2025-05-08T16:50:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/12/04/a-total-winlose/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/what.jpgwhatI bet you're thinking what I'm thinking, "I can see that helmet."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/yuck.jpgyuckWho put the vegetables in my Jello? The green Jello isn't lemon/lime, it tastes like celery. And the red should be cherry, not tomato.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/cola.jpgcolaSee how happy everyone is?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/lard.jpglardThis ad may have worked a 80 years ago, but not now. The drinks are way too small.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131127_172404.jpg20131127_172404Better? I think so...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/helmet-hair.jpghelmet hairPolly knew she wanted to be a professional cyclist, so she made sure her hair would fit the helmet. Most girls her age weren't as committed to their sports.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/nudist-biker.jpgnudist bikerDo you see how important a helmet can be to aerodynamics? These bikers need all the help they can get to fight wind (and other forms of) drag.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/bike-airbag.jpgbike airbagThis was one of their first designs, but they thought it might be too cumbersome, especially for children.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131127_172458.jpg20131127_172458Why am I thinking so hard? I know which one it is...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/bike-helmet.jpgbike helmetDo not be fooled. Even on a non-emaciated person, this devise is large.2025-05-08T16:24:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/01/29/maybe-im-the-reincarnapathetic-present-day-version-of-the-bard/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/shakespeare.jpgshakespeareLorna and I could be twins...if: her forehead was twice as large, she died her hair mousy brown, she took enough testosterone to grow a dashing upper and lower lip stash, she wore brown contact lens, and changed her fashion preference to include excessively starched and rigid apparel. Other than that (and a few minor physical and talent adjustments), we would be indistinguishable. Oh my! I just made up a new word! I think this one will be popular for years to come.2025-05-08T16:15:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/03/12/walter-white-dexter-morgan-and-the-dizzy-blonde-buddhist/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/am-med.jpgAM medThis happens to me a lot when I'm reading in bed, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/binge-watching.jpgbinge watchingNot your typical image of a Buddhist, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/puppy.jpgpuppyThe acting. The writing. Can it get any better? Yes! Every episode it does!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/snobby.jpgsnobbyShouldn't I inform myself before I get all preachy and judgy? That would be a first!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/babu-finger-wag.gifbabu-finger-wagBabu and I know without knowing that some things are just wrong.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/breaking-bad.jpgBreaking BadHow many Buddhists watched this series? Can I see a show of hands?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dexter.jpgdexterMy Mom's hero...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/mirror-mirror.jpegmirror mirrorMirror, Mirror on the table, I won't judge me, what's up with Mabel?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/nutshell.jpgnutshellWARNING: It's a pretty big nutshell.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/confused.jpgconfusedThat's an understatement.2025-05-08T15:25:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/04/16/out-of-left-field/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/bodyguard.jpgbodyguardExcellent idea! I get tired of running around doing all my errands.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/comb-over.jpgcomb overJust trust her. She's been through a ruff time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/confused.jpgconfusedI seem to remember a snappy little blogger who made me smile. What was her name? Normal's Voice? No, that's not right. Laura's Choice? Hmmm. Maybe. I wish she hadn't vanished for so long.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/hell-house.jpghell houseGives you that feeling that good, productive things will happen inside, doesn't it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/disgusted.jpgdisgustedWhat? I have to get my car registered at the DMV?2025-05-08T15:15:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/05/14/words-with-the-wrong-definitions/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/glasses.jpgglassesDo you think these glasses make my look smart? I hope so. I need all the help I can get.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/where.jpgwhereWhere did I put that darned bunny tail?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/old-legs.jpgold legsAnd it's only downhill from here...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/sally.jpgsallyWhat are they saying my name means?2025-05-08T14:50:00+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/07/01/this-is-not-a-case-of-getting-what-you-pay-for/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/judy.jpgJudyYou're not gonna want to miss a word of what I'm hearing!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/shopping-dog.jpgshopping doghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/car.jpgcarFree to a good home. Interior in great shape.2025-05-07T17:51:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/07/22/the-b-word/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/long-line.jpglong lineI knew I should have gone to the bathroom before I came here...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/gilligans-island.jpggilligans islandNot technically large enough to form a bureaucracy, but there was definitely a pecking order...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/sociology.jpgsociologyInterested in culture and how the society we live in influences the people in that society? Well, then...sociology is the discipline for you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/red-tape.jpgred tapeCould someone put a finger on the bow for me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/foam.jpgfoamIt's alive!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/dork.jpgdorkDuh, huh. My name's not Peter. I just got promoted from the mail room. Now I'm in charge of Human Resources. Duh, huh. What's a human resource?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/dorothy.jpgdorothyBut the overdraft was just for $2.00. Oh, golly. Can't you please forgive me just this once? You don't have the authority? Who does? Please don't tell me his last name is Oz...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/baboon.jpgbaboonDo you know how difficult it is to find a dignified picture of a baboon butt? I don't suggest you try.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/outhouse.jpgouthouseThe separate stalls fer privacy ain't a bad touch, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/zombies.jpgzombiesNo! Not that "B" word! This is a G-rated blog.2025-05-07T17:45:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/07/25/no-wonder-theres-so-much-war-mongering/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/lorna-blue-shirt21.jpgLorna blue shirt2Do I look like someone ready to rumble...I mean fight? Heck no! I'm about the love, Baby, not about war.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/lorna-blue-shirt2.jpgLorna blue shirt2Do I look like someone aching for a rumble...I mean a fight? No! I'm all about love not war.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/hyena.jpghyenaI'm so freaking right, you never had a chance, Dr. Dizzy Blonde Buddhist Wimp.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/pineapple.jpgpineappleYeah, this'll hurt...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/lorna-blue-shirt.jpglorna blue shirtDo I look like someone begging for a fight?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/cow.jpgcowTell me what I'm thinking. I dare you. I double-dog dare you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/lily.jpglilyI know how you feel, Lorna. People judge us because we're timeless beauties who have it goin' on.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/sissy.jpgsissyWhose the sissy?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/beer-hat.jpgbeer hatI think this guy is an efficiency expert.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/tea-cup-dog.jpgtea cup dogMy headdress makes me look bigger than I am. I'm really just a very small example.2025-05-07T17:35:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/08/funny-phil/2025-05-07T17:13:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/19/writing-101-dear-dad/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/path.jpgpath2025-05-07T04:16:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/28/just-the-facts-maam-not-the-fear/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/marilyn-monroe-silly.jpgmarilyn monroe sillyRight?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/waiting.jpgwaitingHi! I'm Sally and this is my kid brother, Bobby. I've been waiting for my CT scan for, oh, about 57 years. I hear there's a dead girl whose been waiting for her's a lot longer. I feel so blessed, right, Billy? America has the best health care system in the world. Where's that flag I had--you know the one that clown gave to me at the parade when we were really young and not in the hospital...?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/women-standing.jpgwomen standingThe Toledo Tootsies agree unanimously after the pants seam blow-out debacle that: 1. there's is a chair-optional meeting; 2. loose skirts never go out of fashion; and 3. Pizza Hut is their after meeting haunt due to the salad bar which they could theoretically order. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ewok.jpgewokYo! I just, um, landed, and could sure use a smoke.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/pizza-car.jpgpizza carMaybe if I don't spend the whole tip on the kids, I can afford a moped to haul my cart around. Nah, the kid's already sent their list to Santa and it took extra postage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/lassie.jpglassieTimmy, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the edge of things. You know this isn't going to end well for you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/cable-guy.jpgcable guyOkay. That's stressful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/hands-over-face.jpghands over faceJust give me the good news. I can't take the bad stuff unless I get some major candy with it.2025-05-07T04:08:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/05/trivial-pursuits/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/icemask-hangover-cure.jpgicemask-hangover-cureThere's a heat wave happening around my parts (not my personal parts, but my geographica parts), so I got one of these beauties in my freezer for when I, um it gets too hot to handle.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/hawaii-beach.jpghawaii beachHe found some nice blue glass on this stretch of beach as I recall. I enjoyed the views while he focused on the dirt. We were kind of mismatched.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/granny-c_thumb19.pnggranny c_thumb[19]Yup-eree. I knew I'd be able to wear my fancy feathers without paying no nevermind to any persnickety squawkin'. Heck, my hearin' is gone anyway. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/menopause.jpgmenopauseHoly Sagging Boobies, Batman! No wonder I don't know what's happening around here. I need to lie down before another line with symptoms attached finds me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/i-feel-good_o_1112702.jpgi-feel-good_o_1112702Yeah, Baby! I'm doing it right this time and it feels, well, right!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/c-hase.jpgc-hase2025-05-06T14:48:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/12/03/an-incredible-opportunity/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tardis.jpgtardisJust wait...when you least expect it, something or someone is going to appear around here. Who? Exactly!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/its_a_good_life.jpgIt's_A_Good_LifeThis better not be another long, make-me-scroll-till-my finger-falls-asleep post, Mister!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/roger-bultot-2.jpgroger-bultot-22025-05-06T14:43:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/01/04/de-ocd-ification-its-a-thing-and-its-not-going-well/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/240_f_78371003_rbsyofnyhs366lqzmnjrtmh0ljuasvek.jpg240_F_78371003_RBSYoFNYHS366lqzMNjrTMH0lJUASVEkCozy, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/s-ffe65a25236e4446ed3b300551f767b65e86d231.gifs-ffe65a25236e4446ed3b300551f767b65e86d231I'm sure you know the feeling. Paddling to beat the band and getting nowhere...fast.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/ashamed-achiever.jpgAshamed-AchieverI'mhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/hqdefault.jpghqdefaultI simply don't have room in my house to meditate like this. Does this make me a bad Buddhist or just one not into soup?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/513s5mah-6l-_sy355_.jpg513S5MAh-6L._SY355_How could you make the bear poopie effect if the roll went the other way. Case closed!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/download-2.jpgdownload-2I don't think she's discouraged just because her baby needs changing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/buster-keaton-cockeyed-house.jpgBuster-Keaton-cockeyed-houseSee what I mean? Quite unnerving.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/img_0376.jpgIMG_0376Panic time!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/tumblr_ml6007vmsi1qhpmnao1_r1_400.giftumblr_ml6007VMSI1qhpmnao1_r1_400Hey, wait a minute! What changed? I'm still the same little sweetheart but now the rules have changed. No fair!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/temple_in_little_princess_1939.jpgTemple_in_Little_Princess_1939Golly, what should I wish for? I'm perfect. The cake is perfect. My life is perfect. Hmmm.2025-05-06T14:39:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/12/05/the-big-tease/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/old-couple.jpgold coupleOr not.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/free-advice.jpgfree adviceJust remember, you get what you pay for.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tease.jpgteaseNo, no, no. I don't mean that kind of tease.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ad.jpgadYou can't read all the fine print, which is okay. It'll just scare you. Plus, I'm going to tell you about some of it, anyway.2025-05-06T14:21:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/12/17/truth-is-stranger-than-well-truth-is-just-strange/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/grandma.jpggrandmaI'll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/sheep.jpgsheepI've been a very baaaad girl.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/overloaded.jpgoverloadedThis is going to kill my gas mileage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/beverly-hillbillies1.jpgbeverly hillbilliesWe're not the first. We won't be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/beverly-hillbillies.jpgbeverly hillbilliesI know we're no the first to take a cross country road trip, but this is a big deal for us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/cow.jpgcowYou think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? Be afraid. Be very afraid.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/crane.jpgcraneIt's only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.2025-05-05T18:30:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/01/16/things-you-should-know-or-not/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/real-neat-blog-award.pngReal Neat Blog Awardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/magnitism.jpgmagnitismHow many times must I tell you, keep the kitchen door closed until I get this situation under control?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/reading.jpgreadingWe're going as fast as we can, but we do have a life you, you know!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/famous-interviewers.jpgfamous interviewersAnyone can write a book about divorce. I wrote a book everything but divorce.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bubble-wrap-dog.jpgbubble wrap dogYou don't want to miss my moving tips, People.2025-05-05T18:27:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/01/19/happy-trails-happy-scrappy/2025-05-05T18:26:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/01/21/the-goodbye-walk/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/lorna-and-scrappy-3-001.jpgLorna and Scrappy 3-001Scrappy and Lornahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/scrappy-intense-stare.jpgscrappy intense stareHow could she ever replace me? I mean, really?2025-05-05T18:20:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/12/on-being-a-cunninglinguist/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/grin.jpggrinPuns don't make you laugh; they make you smile if they're good.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/sneak.jpgsneakThose sneaky little puns are the best!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/beer-guts-cropped.jpgbeer-guts-croppedOkay, one more, Webster, and then we have ta git down ta business. That thar danged dictionary we just finished with needs another look-see. Words are piling up faster than yer pants are giving up the good fight, ol' buddy.2025-05-05T18:13:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/20/vitameatavegamin/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/cockatoo-feeds-husky-spaghetti-friends-furever.jpgcockatoo-feeds-husky-spaghetti-friends-fureverI told you Bird Love is passionate--Lady and the Tramp passionate. This picture makes me happy!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/daisies-lorna.jpgdaisies lornaI should look happy. I was in Bar Harbor, Maine with my Honey when I still an East Coast gal with hair.2025-05-05T18:06:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/04/07/what-are-the-fat-chances/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/tied.jpgtiedHey, as long as this is a soundproof, room, I'm okay with this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/obese.jpgobeseSee? I'm not crazy. This is a huge problem.2025-05-05T17:57:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/04/21/terrorists-dont-read-this-post-pretty-please/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/pictures-of-popeye-the-sailor-man.jpgpictures-of-popeye-the-sailor-manHe used to be a big-time celeb. Now he's small potatoes. Why? He's pushing spinach, which is so uncool now that kale is around. Get with the program, Old Man.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/old-fashioned-bathing-suit.jpgold-fashioned-bathing-suitI needed a photo to weed out any unsavory types who may have been tempted to read this post regardless of my cleverly titled warning. This should do it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/serious-cat.jpgserious catBe afraid of kale, People. No. Wait. Be afraid of no kale. I'm confused. Just be afraid.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/charlie_brown-happy-dance.gifcharlie_brown happy danceWe must avoid this pandemonium at all costs!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/maid-of-honor-bouquet1.jpgmaid-of-honor-bouquet1For the ultimate "green" wedding, try a kale bouquet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/tiny-tim.jpgtiny-timJust like spinach...so yesterday.2025-05-05T17:53:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/13/holy-cow/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/isolator.jpgisolatorI really need to do something about my writer's block, so I'm going to try out this new gizmo I saw in the Delta Sky Magazine. It looks very effective, don't you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nyc-poster.jpgNYC posterIf you can't read the fine print, it says: 73% of people killed in Manhattan crashes were pedestrians.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/silo-has-come.jpgsilo-has-comehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/lorna-car.jpglorna carDisheveled but remaining optimistic. I'm also buckled in because I'm wiser and know the ride is rougher than I ever imagined. But am I going to let that stop me? Naw!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/2nd-edition-front-book-cover-version-2.jpg2nd Edition Front Book Cover Version 2Yes, I was four years old in this photo and quite clueless--as clueless as when I began blogging.2025-05-05T17:47:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/15/im-old-enough-to-be-wise-so-listen-up/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/multi-smoker.jpgmulti-smokerTake your time. Relax. Think about your answer. I'm in no rush...yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/secant-and-tangent-lines.gifSecant and Tangent linesUm, er, I don't remember that kind of tangent being very fun...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/jumping-gay-walrus.jpgjumping gay walrusIt's not always possible.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/cruella-de-vil-movie-cruella.jpgcruella-de-vil-movie-cruellaSpeaking as one of the WordPress OverLords, I don't know why this Lorna person continues to mewl about being Freshly Pressed only once. Who does she think she is anyway? Someone special? Piffle!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/shock-treatment.jpgshock treatmentLook! Now you can have this totally safe treatment in the comfort of your home!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/beauty-micrometer.jpgbeauty-micrometerJust using the most accurate equipment to make sure all systems are operating at peak performance for my age.2025-05-05T17:43:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/19/exaggerations-theyre-the-worst/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/contraption1.jpgcontraption1Take a breath before getting into the "Test Your Gut Instinctalor 2." The first version of this contraption had a few glitches, but the families of the victims have all been compensated.2025-05-05T17:33:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/02/finally-a-reason-to-care-about-politics/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/funny-gif-racing-dogs-pagespeed-ce-5znazlm3ptq37huasnzn.giffunny-gif-racing-dogs.gif.pagespeed.ce.5znAzlM3ptq37HUASnzNNot that kind of race...but that looks like a race worth watching, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/prisoner.jpgprisonerI bet he has tons of experience with determination.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/candidate.jpgcandidateYou can tell I took this picture, can't you? 2025-05-05T17:28:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/17/its-only-a-matter-of-time-duh/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/computer-virus.jpgcomputer virusNo wonder so many people are out of work on these beautiful summer days!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/surveillance.jpgReportage activitŽs Spie au Casino Barrire ToulouseLet's see. Looks like Lorna has just finished her brisk morning walk and she's reaching into her stainless steel refrigerator to get...wait for it...the, um, yes! The blueberry smoothie! We have confirmation on the blueberry smoothie. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/smoke.jpgsmokeThis is how I plan to remain anonymous. Ingenious, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/kaput.jpgkaputCemeteries are great places for photo opps...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/hair-plugs.jpghair plugsMath question on the SATs: If an actress runs her hands through Kevin Costner's hair in September 2006, how much more hair will she have in her fingers than if she runs her hands through his hair in March of 2007? Assume the same rate of hand running.2025-05-05T17:22:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/22/maybe-its-not-the-other-driver-you-have-to-worry-about/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/dog-driver.jpgdog driverWas that my exit? Don't tell me that was my exit! Freakin' GPS Lady! You're useless! And I really have to pee...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/junk-truck.jpgjunk truckSee? I'm not feeling good about this whole adventure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shaving.jpegshavingYeah. No. Don't do this, either.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/dog-licking-face5-300x256.jpgdog-licking-face5-300x256Need I say more?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/big-cell-phone.jpgbig cell phoneThis cell phone's texts would be easy to read, but still not safe in the car. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/raccoon.jpgraccoonOkay, you got me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/traffic.jpgtrafficI'm glad someone thinks he's in charge.2025-05-05T17:11:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/07/where-theres-smoke-theres-lorna/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/beatles-tray.jpgbeatles trayYup. That's what the Fab Four looked like before the Pot Pie Incident. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/cold-fire.jpgcold fireThe Finns may be on to something with their salt spray...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/trailer-fire.jpgtrailer fireNext time, Tina, let's not try a flambe, okay?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bread-and-jam.jpgbread and jamIn my dreams. Maybe next month if I'm real careful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/burning-barrel.jpgburning barrelIt was perfectly safe. Well, not perfectly... Well, not safe...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/puff.jpgpuffHmm. I wonder how that happened?2024-02-07T22:16:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/05/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-4512/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/mother-theresa.jpgMother TheresaMaybe she was just there for a photo op, like your run-of-the-mill politician. But I don't think so...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/squalar.jpgsqualarIf you were really good, the nuns would let you play in the water. Just kidding. But Mom's stories were hair-raising.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/chimp-kisses.jpgchimp kissesOne at a time, please. I'm trying to be nice and let you clean my face because that's what you seem to want to do, but did you have to tackle me? This kindness stuff isn't for sissies.2024-02-07T22:13:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/24/what-was-i-thinking-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/rescue-workers.jpgrescue workersHey, where's all that fancy equipment I helped pay for with my $10 entry fee? And you women look like you're about to have way too much fun on this victim. Isn't she a spectator?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/weight-loss-poster.jpgweight loss posterI don't understand why. There was so much more of me to see. Now they have to look harder to find me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/yoga.jpgyogaI'm no fool. Knowing this position will come in very handy when my lift-chair malfunctions (you know it will) and launches me like the Space Shuttle.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/raised-eyebrow.jpgraised eyebrowWhat? You, Lorna? That sounds like something wonkadonk that I might do, but not you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dogs-dressed-as-batman.jpgdogs dressed as batmanHoly Bad Idea, Bat Man!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/bear.jpgbearShe's doing it again. She's making us wait for another one of her outlandish but true stories. At least when I interact with you, it's over quick. 2024-02-07T22:08:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/19/experts-agree-feed-a-cold-starve-a-migraine/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/fainted.jpgfaintedWell, that will be the first and last time I accomplish a back bend. My yoga instructor will be both elated and in mourning. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/cat-reading.jpgcat readingAre you frustrated with the battery life of the Kindle Fire, too? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/dog-hiding-eyes.jpgdog hiding eyesThe light is too bright. There's too much noise. I hope Heaven is dark and quiet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/no-lab-coat.jpgno lab coatDoctor VaVoom was the only psychiatrist on this mission. Had she been wearing a lab cost, this monster would have taken her much more seriously. So would the other men on the mission. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/suppository.jpgsuppositoryI agree, Doctor VonYikes, the idea of a suppository for people who can't swallow a pill or who are afraid of needles is brilliant. BUT I think we may have to work on the dosage size.2024-02-07T22:02:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/06/a-story-that-didnt-make-it-into-my-memoir-the-in-laws-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/nathan.jpgnathanBarely achieving this image.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/di-with-sister.jpgDi with SisterStriving for this image, but...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/trailer_trash-barbie.jpgtrailer_trash-barbieThis is not a perfect replica of me in my early 20s. I NEVER smoked any kind of cigarettes!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/chimps.jpgchimpsLeft: Lisa trying to get the heck away. Right: Tina assessing situation to take appropriate action. Right: Me: frozen and just trying to hang on until the danger is over.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/looney-tunes-glasses.jpglooney tunes glassesYosemite Sam was my favorite. Which one was yours?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/horse-and-donkey.jpghorse and donkeyHey, fancy horse face. I know I'm not much to look at, but I've got charm.And I make people smile just by looking at me. Can you do that, Mr. Show and Glow?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bribing.jpgbribingHey, You! Yeah, You. A mutual friend asked me if I could just slide you a few of these here green backs too you as long as you don't interfere with our "mutual friend's" future plans. Do we have a deal?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/man-woman-crying.jpgman woman cryingBut he's still just a boy. He can't be thinking of dating seriously. My goodness! He's only 25!2024-02-07T21:56:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/25/a-bird-in-the-hand-is-worth-two-in-the-bush/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/fast-food.jpgfast foodEating that thing fast has got to be dangerous on so many levels.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/man-dressed-as-woman.jpgman dressed as womanYeah. This is what it's come down to. I got "family" and "friends" I ain't never even heard of wantin' money from me. So I gotta go, shall we, say, incognito for the rest of my freaking life. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/lottery-tickets.jpglottery ticketsMaybe she would fit in at a casino. How would I know. I don't go to casinos either.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/gas-masks.jpggas masksI'm thinking I might get one one these. Sure, I'll get gas-mask hair, but at least my lungs will be safe from all the crap in the air. It's a freaking danger zone out there, People!2024-02-07T21:46:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/01/well-you-asked-for-it-okay-maybe-you-didnt/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/dog-found-something.jpgdog found somethingLet's be clear. This is not my dog. And It often takes a while to find the humor in some things...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/charleis-angels.jpgcharleis angelsOkay. Sometimes I need help from my other awesome friends. Hey, this is a community, right? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/darla.jpegdarlaPatient Zerohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/be-careful-cartoon.jpgbe careful cartoonAlways remember to be careful what you ask for...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/cat-and-computer.jpgcat and computerSometimes my posts have a wide appeal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/funny-image.jpgfunny imageI only accepted your dinner invitation with the provision that you would not talk about that blog of yours and we would talk about Beauregard's concern for safety in the dog food industry. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/monk.jpgmonkA little libation, a little chanting...what's not to be happy about?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/blog-cartoon.jpgblog cartoonSaving the world takes a variety of approaches.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/natural-blonde.jpgnatural blondeEven my hair dresser says she wishes she could bottle my natural color and give it to her clients. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/p1020233.jpgP10202332024-02-07T21:43:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/21/chilling-discovery-on-obesity-in-america/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/fire.jpgfireWell, you don't have to watch. But if you do, try to resist the urge to make S'mores. You're only contributing to the obesity problem.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/old-snowman.jpgold snowmanSnowman. Snow dog. You get the picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/maxwell-smart.jpgmaxwell smartYes, I know, Chief. Chaos got the jump on this story while I was trying to phone it. The chords got tangled. Gee, I hate when that happens.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/scientist-in-lab.jpgscientist in labDNA or Ben and Jerry's "Chubby Hubby"?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/america.jpgAmericaHeck Fire! America really might be a country divided. The south and mid-section might just sink into the ground.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/obesity-chart.jpgobesity chartOkay. Enough about me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/snowman.jpgsnowmanThis must be a snow woman. Women tend to carry their extra pounds around their hip and buttock areas. Poor dear. She can hardly move...2024-02-07T21:34:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/06/17/so-im-rethinking-the-spy-thing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/secretaries.jpgsecretariesAnd you wonder why it takes me so long to write. Look at the distractions I have to deal with. I bet Steven King doesn't have to deal with this kind of crap! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/hideous-wedding-dress1.jpghideous-wedding-dress1Rethink my outfit? What? Are you serious? I meant to look like a hemorrhoid suppository. Sheesh, some people just don't appreciate the artistic vision or a really good disquisehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/big-dress.jpgbig dressRethink my outfit? Okay. So maybe I should have considered ceiling heights and door frame widths before I bought this. But I don't I look pretty? And I'm protected, rain or shine. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/agent-99.jpgagent 99It was never easy being a spy, but Agent 99 had to deal with poor shoe reception. 2024-02-07T21:22:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/11/are-you-sitting-down/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/owl.jpgowlFreaking alarm. It's reminding me to move all right...move to a different house.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/squatting.jpgsquattingNotice: No books, newspapers, lap tops, and probably many years of practice. Don't try this at home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/upside-down.jpgupside downDoes this annoy you? I find it quite, oh, I don't know, stimulating in that, blood rushing to my brain kind of way.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/stretching.jpgstretchingHey! That's where all my paper clips are!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/yoga-ball.jpgyoga ballThat'll help clear the cobwebs out of my brain. Who needs coffee when a concussion will do the trick?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/hotdog-eatting.jpghotdog eattingI know this is a contest, but does anyone really win this one?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/laying-in-chair.jpglaying in chairMaybe he knew. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/shooting-in-butt.jpgshooting in buttNot this silly, but pretty darned silly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/cat-potato.jpgcat potatoI don't know. It looks like Puddy Cat is multi-tasking. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/are-you-sitting.jpgare you sittingOkay. You can tell me now. 2024-02-04T18:03:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/09/18/unpack-the-extra-pounds-youre-packing-on/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/buttons-popping.jpgbuttons poppingYup. I'm done. For now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/farted.giffartedYou'll be surprised how much work you'll get done because no one bothers you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/shar-pei.jpgshar peiI think it's about time for a new coat, don't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/big-gulp.jpgbig gulpQuick! Someone take that straw away from that man!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/glazed-donut.jpgglazed donutGood idea! Cut it in half and only double your chances of a coronary! Such a deal...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/chips.jpgchipsI love these single serving bags!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/buffet-plate.jpgbuffet plateIt's cafeteria-style food, People, not Mount Everest. You don't have to conquer it just because it is there.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/shes-goona-blow.jpgshes goona blowMaybe that third helping was a bit much...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/oktoberfest.jpgoktoberfestNotice how fleshy these women are? It's awful, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/dogs-in-bathing-suit.jpgdogs in bathing suitI know, Buttercup. This is the only style that covers up our rolls. I just don't know if the polka-dots work...2024-02-04T17:57:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/01/aging-gracefully-heck-no/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/nerf-bat-therapy.jpgnerf bat therapyOr, if your are opposed to anti-anxiety drugs...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/aarp-fda.jpgAARP FDAYup.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sanford-and-son-group-laugh-o.gifsanford-and-son-group-laugh-oI don't know. Maybe these guys got a hold of some other kind of "medicine." They see mighty merry.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/giggling-patient-recovering-from-cold.jpggiggling-patient-recovering-from-coldHmmm. I think we have a serious adverse drug reaction. My patients are always miserable after I treat them. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/startled-cat.gifstartled catHappens every time I get a "New Mail" alert. And I have to find a way to get rid of that darned pop-ups...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/old-owl.jpgold owlWhat? Whoo says owls can't be on the ground? I'm taking time to smell the flowers. It's called wisdom, People. It's also called too pooped to fly.2024-02-04T17:54:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/29/so-this-is-how-memories-are-made/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/bulldog.jpegbulldogHey, I had ta take dis gig. Scrappy refused ta pose fer any pitchers after da tiara incident. Can ya blame him?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/luke.jpglukeI'm either counting or pointing. It's clear to me, but not to you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/dexter.jpegdexterHe knows what I'm talking about. He has lots of knife-memories.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/cleavage.jpegcleavageWhat? My request is a simple one. Why do you look so...so dumbstruck?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/motelhellresize_499639.jpgmotelhellresize_499639Call the kids, Bert. We's having Roadkill Stew made with our fancy new catalog knife.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/memories.jpgmemoriesI'm not making this stuff up.2024-02-04T17:46:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/05/the-big-b/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/prodigy.jpgprodigyI wonder if, this time, I'll become a child prodigy in something other than drinking booze?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/old-time-braces.jpgold time bracesWell, at least all the gizmos are inside my mouth. Technology has improved.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bad-teeth-old-woman.jpgbad teeth old womanOf course this is unrealistic. My hair will never be this thick and long.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/beaker.jpgbeakerI know what that snap means! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/steve.jpgsteveHey! He's got a problem with the same tooth that I do. Only his is pokey-outty, and mine is twisty-shovey.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/tub.jpgtubI'm thinking this would quality for bathophobia.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/gaga-butt.jpeggaga buttNo buts about it, she's got it going on back stage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/crooked-teeth.jpegcrooked teethI thowed up justh to get the thcoop. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/horse.jpghorse2024-02-04T17:41:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/07/18/i-coulda-been-a-contender-which-means-i-wasnt/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/artist-lorna.jpgArtist LornaThis was taken at the beginning of the day when my hopes were still high. Do I look like a flea? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/two-heads.jpgtwo headsThese sold pretty well. In this weak economy. Go figure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/infinity-scarves.jpginfinity scarvesShe also bought two of the long infinity scarves. I gave her one of the shorter scarves just for buying so much!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/bags-up-close.jpgbags up closeThese are my sling bags. No two are alike and even each side is different. I only sold one. My sister bought two of the larger "Carpet Bags" made from tapestry material.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/bags.jpgBagsJust to give you an idea of what I've been doing while not finishing up my novel...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/market-overview.jpgMarket overviewhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/contender.jpgcontenderI dunno what went wrong. I thought I had a pertty good idea of what women like when it comes to accessories. I'm tellin' ya, dis is messin' with my head...2024-02-04T17:30:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/08/29/out-of-ideas-not-anymore-thanks-to-my-zany-brain/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/misspell.jpgmisspellTriple oops. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/park-bench.jpgpark benchWhat are you looking at? We're training for a triathlon. 12 more minutes to go, then we have to walk back. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/boat.jpgboatShe's hale and hardy. I built her myself and I call her "Half-Baked Alaska" 'cause that's where I'm headed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/george.jpggeorgeHa! That's funny. I've got to remember to put that on my blog. NOT!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/walking-thru.jpgwalking thruSuper-size that order, please. We have to walk all the way back.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/stuck.jpgstuckGetting stuck is no fun for anyone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/thinkinig.jpgthinkinigDo you think she's trying to confuse us? No she wouldn't do that on purpose. That's not the way she rolls. Or is it?2024-02-04T00:51:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/11/the-idiots-guide-to-non-wedding-planning/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/cake.jpgcakeI ordered a castle-looking cake. What's up with this? Don't answer that. I should have gone with the cupcakes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/police_sketches_vs_640_01.jpgpolice_sketches_vs_640_01Phil's relatives look kind of sketchy, which is ironic given the pictures we have of them.2024-02-02T18:07:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/31/planning-for-halloween/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/planning.jpgplanningOf course I've been planning. See? I'm checking to make sure the outlets are live so I can play my scary Halloween screamer music.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/marilyn-shape.jpgmarilyn shapeYeah, I've got curves, but I work at keeping them contained.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/halloween-deco.jpghalloween decoOkay, gang! Let's break this down and start putting up the animated Santa's Workshop and billion strands of lights. We haven't got all day!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/buffet.jpgbuffetRepeat after me: Unlimited. Trips. To. The. Buffet. It's, like, Thanksgiving and all the other food-festival holidays rolled into one! Speaking of rolls... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/fat-cat.jpgfat catStay away from my candy or I'll eat you for lunch, you little Yapper.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/crash-test-dummy.jpgcrash test dummyIf this is the new standard for air bags, too, I'm in trouble. weight 135. Those suckers are going to blast me through the seat into yesterday.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/jack-o_-lantern-nytimes1.jpgJack-o’-Lantern - NYTimesSomehow the pumpkins are grown in a mold and come out looking like this. No carving necessary!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/jack-o_-lantern-nytimes.jpgJack-o’-Lantern - NYTimes2024-02-02T17:58:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/08/stop-the-natural-nutrition-train-i-need-to-get-off-now/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/r2d2-o.gifr2d2-oI'm not sweatin' to the oldies with R2D2.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/lorna-reporter.jpglorna reporterYup, that's me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/senior-robot.jpgsenior robotLook closely. There is a "humanoid" performing exercises on the table. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/placenta.jpgplacentaI'm really considering not reading the local newspaper anymore.2024-02-02T00:53:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/11/a-dick-and-dave-story/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/dick-and-dave.jpgDick and DaveThis is Dick and Dave. If you've seen them, don't talk to them. Call 911 and hide. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shar-pei-226418.gifshar-pei-226418I'll take comfort over looks every time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/dick-and-jane1.jpgdick and JaneNo, not Dick and Jane. Dick and Dave. Well, at least the running part is right. If you don't quite get it, read on. You will.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/dick-and-jane.jpgdick and Janehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/kitche-picture-prompt.jpgkitche-picture-prompt2024-02-02T00:50:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/17/the-life-of-a-go-go-girl/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/20150809_184738.jpg20150809_184738This was the crowd we had to traverse to get to the train home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/20150809_184815.jpg20150809_184815This was while we were still hopeful...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-4.jpegimages-4Someone needs to make guys like him look, er, um, sound good. I can do that, right? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/dsc_0524.jpgDSC_0524And you never know what manner of blonde sea creature you'll find in the sand dunes...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/dsc_0545.jpgDSC_0545Ah, the coast! 30 degrees cooler and cloudy. Also, quite dramatic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-3.jpegimages-3Down boy!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/img_0098.jpgIMG_0098See? It's made from different batiks and I hand-appliqued all the panels. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/img_0097.jpgIMG_0097Don't think I'm so skilled I can do a three-dimensional quilt. It's draped on the sofa so I could take a picture of it. Each panel is of the same tree...only different.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/belgian.jpgBelgianNo, I'm not a little person. I'm 5'6.5" tall. This is Count--one huge, friendly Belgian with whom I made friends at the Clark County Fair.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-21.jpegimages-2The many moods of Lorna...2024-02-02T00:47:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/06/07/summertime-and-the-living-is-kooky/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/maxresdefault.jpgmaxresdefaultHey, I'm all for fun puns, but not like this. Excuse me while I change my sheets.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/53560377fa97461055fafda3df1a760e.jpg53560377fa97461055fafda3df1a760eThis might be my next campaign, but, for now, I need one these posters for sunshine.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/fozziedogma.jpegfozziedogmahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/img_0046.jpgIMG_0046I'm cool with your karma. Now let my sleeping dogma lie, K?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/img_0905.jpgIMG_0905I know it's nice to have A/C in your camper, but, really? This little gem was parked in my neighborhood. Nice, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/img_0599.jpgIMG_0599How many "Do not feed the bears" warnings do we need, People? Took this photo right in my own neighborhood. Good thing this guy was both full and distracted...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/img_0603.jpgIMG_0603Look closely. The passenger in this Subaru is a goat. That's baaaaad enough, but the kid is not buckled in. Took this picture while driving through Longview, WA.2024-02-02T00:35:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/07/18/americas-thc-epidemic/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/gallery-1428519406-toilet-fail.pnggallery-1428519406-toilet-failDon't ask. Don't tell. Don't flush.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/1462819178386.jpeg1462819178386Yup. This is the model Tina had. Just like Tiny House #3, it took some work to keep it sparkly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/boneyardlee_550.jpgboneyardlee_550Is she smiling because: a. she is outside of her wood-sided sarcophagus? b. she is the realtor who sold this rolling closet to a family of five. c. she is a tourist who wondered into the Tiny House District? d. she just finished 12 weeks on Slim-fast and feels as tiny as the house. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/humans-drinking-problem-chimp-chimpanzee.jpghumans-drinking-problem-chimp-chimpanzeeAh, don't worry about me. That's Kombucha in the bottle. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/517b3c98f5caf3a67d3a481ede0c9ae2.jpg517b3c98f5caf3a67d3a481ede0c9ae2Let's make America great again!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/crazy-japanese-products-sleep-at-work-stickers.jpgCrazy-Japanese-Products-Sleep-at-Work-StickersNever be caught sleeping on the job, at class, at the wheel, during court, or while in solitary confinement again. Just apply these eyeball patches over your eyelids and no-one will know that you are checked out. Warning: these stickers don't blink, so very observant authority figures may catch on.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/picnic-pants.jpgpicnic-pantsFor the food (but not the fashion) conscious. You won't miss a morsel but you may miss several dating opportunities. Everything is a trad-off, People.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/emergency-moustaches.jpgEMERGENCY-MOUSTACHESEvery car, camper, tiny house, and office should have one of theses kits. You just never know...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/sweat-butt-sauna-pants-png-converted_1312051944.jpgsweat-butt-sauna-pants.png.converted_1312051944Because who doesn't want a hot, moist crotchy essence when there's a choice? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/uroclub.jpguroclubWhat's worse than having to pee when at the tee? I'll tell you, watching your pal take a tinkle into his Uroclub while trying to look like a sport. Come on, Doug, we all know what you're doing. We can hear the tinkle. And your club sloshes every time you swing it.2024-02-02T00:32:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/12/27/smog-is-not-the-prob-in-portlandia/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/vlog58-700x325.pngvlog58-700x325You'd be surprised at the quality menu items in this establishment.2024-02-02T00:30:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/01/21/the-fat-chance-theory/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/hahaha_statler_and_waldorf_muppets.gifhahaha_statler_and_waldorf_muppetsHe's funny! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/thinking-gorilla.jpgthinking-gorillaClearly I need to walk more and think less.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/post-60053-unbreakable-kimmy-schmidt-its-mkk8.gifpost-60053-Unbreakable-Kimmy-Schmidt-its-MKk8Maybe I'd lose some serious weight if I did this all day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/health-nut.jpghealth-nutNo danger of this happening here, People.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/orangutan-bornean.jpgOrangutan-borneanUm. Yeah. Could you show me that Spanks in an XXL?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/2187242989_bf77320e21_o.jpg2187242989_bf77320e21_oIt's almost February. Do you really expect me to remember what I said way back on January 1st? 2024-02-02T00:24:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/23/the-problem-with-buddhism-is/2023-10-05T19:20:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/06/crime-in-portlandia-im-not-too-worried/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/marla-mae.jpgMarla MaeHere is the description of the movie: When a girl goes to get an IUD implanted by a distant relative, he commits a deranged act which has deadly implications for those close to her. Staring: Jason Strange, Katie Hamming, Lisa van Dam-Bates...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/mountain-walk.jpgmountain walkGo on. Take a closer look over the edge. Don't be afraid...Let me help you so you don't...oh! Oh, no! He slipped. Poor guy! You two should go down and see if he's all right. That's right! Over you go! So long, suckahs! Now all I have to do is get off of this god-forsaken trail. Give me a beer and a big screen TV. This outdoor crap is for the birds!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/238602_08-06_thurscops2_tx495.jpg238602_08-06_Thurscops2_tx495This Portland logger's body was dumped in a field. Took a while to identify him. I guess he wasn't wearing a plaid shirt.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/phonebooth.jpgphoneboothIf this isn't already a crime scene, just wait a few moments. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-2.jpegimages-2Hey! This is my land. Git yer arse away from here before I figure out how ta git my head outta my fence and point the business end of myself at yer sorry self. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/strange-fugitive.jpgStrange FugitiveIf only I had the kind of imagination that could make this kind of stuff up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/cabin_missing_papp_tx495.jpgCabin_Missing_Papp_tx495Yeah. This kind of poster, only is says "stolen" not "missing."2023-09-16T21:36:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/08/17/exposed-the-secret-plot-to-save-social-security/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/jky76jrhydfh-720x480.jpgjky76jrhydfh-720x480Floyd's Pigeon Pose is sloppy on a good day. I try to set up my mat as far away as possible from him. Plus he can't help but fart every five minutes. I get enough of that at home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/health-fitness-2014-04-aerial-yoga-main.jpghealth-fitness-2014-04-aerial-yoga-mainYeah, I'd be praying, too. Almost every time I have used an exercise band, they have broken and snapped in my face. And that's the best possible scenario here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/855f0613cdfac5f4873f83bbb74a0eb2.jpg855f0613cdfac5f4873f83bbb74a0eb2Yoga. Yes, Dearie. Yoga!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/90343409_ap_pokemon4.jpg_90343409_ap_pokemon4Dude, do you these phones can be used to search for, like, jobs and things? Psych! Gotcha! Now where's that Picchu?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/125842273.jpgComedian Jonathan Winters Portrait SessionSure! I may be old, but I remember cars! I'll take that there Smart Car out for a spin. Hey! Where's the back of the darned thing? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/sweet_success.jpgSweet_successI thought so.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1070.jpgIMG_1070This was the final piece in of the puzzle.2023-09-12T03:51:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/08/23/the-big-butinski/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/2c9efa2000000578-3244057-image-a-26_1442881698236.jpg2C9EFA2000000578-3244057-image-a-26_1442881698236Well, Jeah. The scoop is that Lorna has posted 600 honklarious posts and she continues to remain anonymous in the world of fame and fortune. She's a post-911 hyper-surveillance anomaly. No film at 11—why bother? 2023-09-12T03:39:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/16/do-americans-have-potentate-envy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/tv-set.jpgtv setMaybe you had to sit close because the screen was so darned small and you had to fiddle with the reception, but at least you knew how to change the channels.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/young-lorna.jpgyoung lornaExhibit B: A young Lorna. Okay, so it's a crappy picture and I don't have a tiara...yet. But you see the resemblance, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/young-di.jpgyoung diExhibit A: A young Princess Diana...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/harry.jpgharryHe keeps that up, one end of Harry or another will end up on, or in, the throne. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/supreme-court.jpgsupreme courtWhat do you know about these people? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/jubilee.jpgjubileeThey have the best floats in their parades over in England. We just blow up giant balloons. We're such kids...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/kate-grimace.jpgkate grimaceNot for nothin'. But if Ya wanna talk assault weapons? Here's your case in point. The so called artist otta be shot.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/brian-williams.jpgbrian williamsIt's not mean whose leaning, is it? It could be me, but I really don't think so.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/large-remote.jpglarge remoteWell, um, gee, thanks. I guess it will be harder to lose that one. But I am kind of weak right now. Will I be able to pick that thing up?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/freud.jpgfreudLet me repeat, zee male pee-pee parts represents da power. So, ya, women have the pee-pee envy but zoz psycho Americans can have zee potentate envy as well. It all quivite simple.2023-09-12T03:29:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/02/miss-ology-no-thats-not-right-its-mythology/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/goddess-of-love.jpggoddess of loveThat's what I'm talking about, Baby!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/goddesses-of-war.jpggoddesses of warGirls, girls. Can't we just agree to agree?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/miss-1977-cartoon.jpgmiss 1977 cartoonAnd so it is with goddesses and gods. They just don't get the respect they once had.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/miss-o.jpgMiss o2023-09-10T19:19:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/28/the-sony-trinitron-that-didnt-need-its-remote-a-real-ghost-story/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ghostbusters.jpgghostbustersHollywood! They blow things way out of proportion. You don't need weapons to get a little old lady out of a TV. Take it from me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/blue-haunted-tv.jpgblue haunted tvWe never saw a face, but the blue glow is eerily similar.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2-tvs.jpg2 TVsI love them both, but I can only be true to one at a time. I'm Catholic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/rabbit.jpgrabbitWe are not amused at your thinly veiled attempts to make me look bad. And by "we" I mean "me."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/haunted-tv.jpghaunted tvI'm not saying this TV could stalk you. That would be ridiculous!2023-09-10T19:14:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/18/the-evil-eye-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/child-construction.jpgchild constructionNoting good would come of this, given that I once tried to pry open a stuck dresser drawer and smashed my nose so hard that I still have the bump on my nose as a reminder to avoid all home improvement projects.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hot-water-bottle.jpghot water bottleForget posters of Clark Gable or Cary Grant, my grandmother had this poster on her bedroom wall.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/betty-davis.jpgbetty DavisThose girls...they're at it again, playing and laughing and, Dear God, moving things! I must put an end to this insanity.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/aunt-bee.jpgAunt BeeGolly, Aunt Bee was swell in every way. She cooked and sang for Opie. My grandmother cooked and cursed me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/evil-eye.jpgevil eyeWell, she has to be someone's grandmother...2023-09-10T19:04:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/19/the-evil-eye-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/scary-evil-eye.jpgscary evil eyeSo, maybe she didn't look that demented, but she was really mad.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hat.jpghatSome hats just won't go away and others defy laws of nature. This one belongs in both categories.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cute-food-plush-marshmallows.jpgcute-food-plush-marshmallowsHow much would you pay to see 3 blonde girls fused together?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cockpit.jpgcockpitOkay, the Ford dashboard wasn't exactly this complex, but the car was as airtight as an airplane when my grandmother was with us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/beverly-hillbillies.jpgbeverly hillbilliesWe weren't the only ones who liked to take the family out for a leisurely drive.2023-09-10T18:59:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/06/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-squirrel-proof-bird-feeder/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/super-squirrel.jpgsuper squirrelSo that's their secret. Anyone know how to get some Kryptonite? Just enough to weaken them...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bird-help.jpgbird helpHelp us. Those acrobatic rats won't let us near those delicious-smelling seeds.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/snow-white.jpgsnow whiteI may have to resort to this. But when will I have time to blog and I don't know if one Scrappy dog is enough to protect me from the Squirrel Gang that will surely attack me and soil my snow-white gown.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/squirrel-at-window.jpgsquirrel at windowHellooo! I don't see my squirrel-feeder up yet. What gives, MIssy?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/greedy.jpggreedyGreedy, buggers. They wouldn't even wait until the seeds were in the feeder...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bird-feeder.jpgbird-feederThat;s the model I choose. Looked like a winner to me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hardware-guys.jpghardware guysBert and Ernie are just waiting for me to ask them for their help. My crumpled note says "sheet rock screws." But there are different sizes and quantities. Oh, screw it! I'll buy one of everything.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/abyss.pngabyssAnd things will start to make sense until they don't anymore...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pondering.jpgponderingEmma Jean ponders the meaning of her life, the wisdom of her mustard-yellow china set, and her choice to try a vegan diet in the 1950s. Even her orange apron symbolizes something...but what?2023-09-10T18:41:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/28/shaggy-dog-tale-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/big-dog-little-space.jpgBig dog little spacehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-bowler.jpgHump BowlerHave you ever seen a more English-looking Old English Sheepdog? That's my Humphrey!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pics-4-2.jpgHump pics 4-2...this might convince you of his devotion to me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pics-4-3.jpgHump pics 4-3If this isn't proof that Humphrey would do anything for me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-leash-madness.jpgHump leash madnessHe lost me somewhere in a snowbank after yanking the leash. I never did find my mittens.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pics-4-1.jpgHump pics 4-1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-shaved.jpgHump ShavedAustrian Elk Hounds, like unicorns don't exist, but does this look like a shaggy dog to you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lorna-and-humphrey.jpgLorna and HumphreyIt was love at first sight. And I wasn't wearing a white dress and he sure wasn't that clean.2023-09-10T18:21:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/30/shaggy-dog-tales-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-and-magnum.jpgHump and MagnumRemember how we both loved Tom Sellick? I knew I'd get you to smile!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-6-2.jpgHump pic 6-2I'm still here and you know it, so stop your crying and get back to writing your funny stories.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-6-1.jpgHump pic 6-1I know you need me, but I'm getting real tired, Mom.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-sharing-with-alex.jpgHump sharing with AlexHey, It's looks likes a toy store exploded around here! I'm just trying to make room to lie down.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-kissing-alex.jpgHump kissing AlexHumphrey was always angling for a snack.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-with-new-family.jpgHump with new familyShove over, I want to be in on all this cuddling action, too!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-7.jpgHump pic 7https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/humphrey-me-and-g.jpgHumphrey Me and GThis was my supposed husband-to be with Humphrey and me. Don't we look happy? I don't have pictures of the other guys. It's probably a good thing...2023-09-10T18:14:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/29/shaggy-dog-tale-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-5-1.jpgHump pic 5-1Humphrey giving the camera an enthusiastic "High Five."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-5-3.jpgHump pic 5-3https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-6-3.jpgHump pic 6-3That's the look he gave me, right before he started scanning the crowd...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-pic-5-2.jpgHump pic 5-2https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/rottie.jpgrottieI..live..to..serve..my..Master. May..I..blink..now?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dog-running-away.jpgdog running awayGiven the way Muffin bolted from the show ring, I'm guessing she's still out there running at a pretty good clip. Maybe not. The obedience trial was in 1976. Muffin is chasing her dreams in Doggy Heaven.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dog-peeing.jpgdog peeingBladder control is very important in dog obedience trials, for owners and dogs. Peeing in the show ring will get you booted out every time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hump-in-snow-1.jpgHump in snow-1Come on! Catch me! I dare you to put a leash on me and try to hold me back! You can't because I'm KING OF THE HILL!2023-09-10T17:42:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/22/memories-are-a-hard-thing-to-forget-just-ask-scrappy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/up-dog.jpgup dogThis red light means there's a potential threat in the vacinity. Hold on Mommy, I'm about to zig, so don't you be zagging!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/cat-party.jpgcat partyWhat could possibly happen to this fine hand-woven tablecloth?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/trying-to-forget.jpgtrying to forgetIf I look tired, it's because I am. I have this recurring nightmare. A giant cat is chasing me. I try to fight it, but it has claws of steel and jaws that ooze poison. I always wake up in need of a Milkbone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/scrappy-trophies.jpgscrappy trophiesSee, Mommy? These critters are under my total control. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/i-love-my-cat.jpgi love my catHey you...I'm gonna...oh...Mommy! It's just the head and look at those eyes. They follow you. It scares me. Make it go away. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/scarecrow.jpgscarecrowMr., you're just asking for a big heaping helping of whoop-your-stringing-butt! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/smug-cat.jpgsmug catYou think those flimsy wicker chairs are going to protect you? Ha! Your smug little mug won't look so calm when I'm done with you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fake-racoons.jpgfake racoonsDon't think that tippy bird bath or those lame masks are hiding you. I can see the three of you and if you think cats in costume are going to fool a smart dog like me, you have another think coming.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/happy-fake-cat.jpghappy fake catI'll wipe that mouse-eating grin off your face.2023-09-10T17:11:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/14/setting-the-record-straight/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/freefall.jpgfreefallOn second thought, maybe I shouldn't have gone out on that particular limb...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/attacked.jpgattackedOh, don't worry about me. This is just some kind stranger trying to stop me from making some slanderous statement before my best-seeling memoir comes out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/barbie-and-ken-wedding.jpgbarbie and ken weddingThis is wrong on so many levels...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/wedding-fairy.jpgwedding fairyThis is wrong on so many levels...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hear-no-evil.jpghear no evilhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dr-who.jpgdr. whoHe's like a puppy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mother-and-son.jpgmother and sonWhat were we thinking? TV and computers haven't been invented yet. Neither have telephones that text. I guess we'll have to talk face-to-face about churning butter or how your shoes stay so white in all this dirt.2023-09-09T23:34:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/12/warning-internal-sensor-malfunction/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/foot-in-mouth.jpgfoot in mouthhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lorna-new-do.jpgLorna New DoSassy Lorna Haircut: W likes to play with my hair and make it look stylish. I washed the gunk out of it after I took this picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/faith-hill.jpgfaith hillLet's just pretend I can pass for Faith Hill if you close your eyes and listen to me sing "Breathe."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dancing-to-music.jpgdancing to musicI have ear-buds, so I look way cooler than this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/clown-car.jpgclown carI bet it gets great gas mileage...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ostrich.jpgostrichDid you mean to say what you just said or am I having another one of my out-of-mind-body-experiences?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/just-the-way-i-am.jpgjust the way I amEven if the way I am is critical, judgemental, ornery, and miserable...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/baby-cyring.jpgbaby cyringMommy told me not to scrunch up my face. It'll cause wrinkles. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/old-man.jpgold manSo what if my pitch fork is missing a few teeth? So am I. Wanna see what kind of damage an old fart and his butt-poke fork can do?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/all-in-the-family.jpgall in the familyI love you, but get the heck away from me before you drive me bonkers.2023-09-09T21:00:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/11/hate-or-peace-a-message-written-ten-years-ago/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/holding-hands.jpgholding hands"Children are the living message we send to a time we will not see." (Neil Postman, 1982) What message do we wnat to send: fear or love?2023-09-09T20:55:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/10/i-couldnt-have-said-that-if-i-tried/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hands.jpghandsLet's see a show of hands for anyone who would rather join the Hospice program rather than experience death and/or dying. Alrighty then...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/clapping-gif.gifCLAPPING-GIFhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/breasts.jpgbreastsOh, I don't know. If anything is getting stacked here, I don't think it's an advisory panel...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/depressed.jpgdepressedYeah, you bet your sweet asterisk I'm depressed. My iPad froze in the middle of hooking up with J-Lo.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/waving.gifwavingAnd with the new TSA security scanners...well, nothing is left up to the imagination.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/woman-with-earpiece.jpgwoman with earpieceI'm listening for the devil's voice, but I think it's all a farce.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/laurel-and-hardy1.jpeglaurel and hardyShall we give it one last go, Ollie? Oh, let's, Stan. Fine, Ollie, we'll give the crowd the last of Lorna's Student Bloopers then take a bow.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/laurel-and-hardy.jpeglaurel and hardy2023-09-09T20:39:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/27/dirty-little-secret-revealed/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/shocked_freak_your_mind_out-s450x253-137616-580.gifshocked_Freak_Your_Mind_Out-s450x253-137616-580You are going to make me wait? You simply can't be that cruel? Look at me? Do I look like I have time to wait?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/quotation-marks.jpgquotation markshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/crazy.pngCRAZYAfter researching this paper on sexual abuse, I feel so great! I think I'll blow something up to celebrate this wacky world I call "home."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/blissful-fox.jpgblissful foxOh, baby, that's what I'm talkin' bout. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tango.jpgtangoThey look pretty tangled up to me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/go-play-in-traffic.jpggo play in trafficSome anthropologist probably had a magazine with this ad, and the rest is Tiwi history.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/frown.jpgfrownLook at me and prepare to die, you cheating beer merchant!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bride-of-frank.jpgbride of frankDok-tor, doo you tink dis vil contain da hot flashes und relax her ven she is cranky? Ya, you really tink so? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/jessica-simpson.jpgjessica simpsonI'm trying to forget my memories...or am I trying to...Oh look, a photographer! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-face.jpgdog faceAt least I done grad-ee-ated from obedience school.2023-09-09T20:33:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/08/dude-you-actually-read-what-i-wrote/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dont-drink-and-drive.jpgdont drink and drivehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/girls-team.jpggirls teamApparently, this is a modern school of chiropratic. The X-ray machine is probably hidden by all the students feeling each other's backsides.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/jerry-and-george.jpgjerry and georgeCould you change just like that? It's not easy being one of us. We should know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/clown.jpgclownVito was the unfortunate byproduct of genetic engineering gone wrong.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/computer-and-woman.jpgcomputer and womanOkay, I just moved my laptop out of the way, but yours is still under my back. Oh, forget about it! I need you NOW, cyberstud7-8!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/police-interview.jpgpolice interviewI told you Officer. I tried to attack her and she hit me in the face with pepper spray. I fell back. Then SHE came after me and started kneading me between my legs. I was all kinds of confused.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/head-scratcher.jpghead scratcherI know someone had to have said that, but they didn't want everyone to know they said it because it sounds true but awful. No one wants to be known for saying something true but awful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/old-muppets1.jpgold muppetsTalk about loosing control of your bodily functions...we can't even move unless some guy has his hand up our butts.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/old-muppets.jpgold muppetshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/republicans.jpgrepublicansOh, that's why these guys wield so much power. They live in the White House with the President. I wonder if Obama knows...2023-09-09T20:26:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/06/comfort-food-not-so-much/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/oes1.jpgoesI love ya, Mom, but even I'm gettin' a little sick of the meatloaf. It's the garlic and onions. Other dogs in the hood are avoiding mehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/james-bond.jpgjames bondGet. That. Meatloaf monstrosity. Away. From. Me...Now!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/heart-shaped-steak.jpgheart-shaped-steakWork with me. Pretend this is meatloaf, not grilled steak. Imagine the meatloaf this shape and size, but on a turkey platter, not a dinner plate. Rather than 16 oz., think 15 pounds of meat covered with dark red ketchup. Okay! Now you've got my masterpiece. I didn't take a picture of it and apparently no one in the universe has ever created a mammoth heart-shaped meatloaf and put the image out on the internet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/herman-and-lily-munster.jpgherman and lily munsterA wife I can finally be proud of. Oh goodie!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/june-cleaver.jpgjune cleaverYessiree! That's the kind of gal Chuck wanted to come home to every night. Plus he wanted that gal to have a good-paying job to help with expenses. He was all for equality between the sexes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/muppet-chef.jpgmuppet chefJulia Child, take a hike. Chuckie Boy is going to create French couisine that even the French can't pronounce properly. And don't I look dapper in my poofy hat and pick bow tie? LORNA! I need you to wipe my brow.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/valentines-day-massacre.jpgvalentines day massacreEven though the circumstances of our 1st Valentine's Day dinner may have warrented me hiding behind the pelt of a dead animal, I had more dignity than that. Instead, I drank myself into a stupor.2023-09-09T20:11:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/12/812-is-middle-childs-day-time-for-a-middle-child-story/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/3-stooges.jpg3 stoogesIf this were my family, I'd be Larry (the one in the middle)--not in charge and not being cute--the one wondering "What the heck is going on?"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/rose.jpgroseShe looks quite comfortable in her polyester pants suit. But the lamb's wool adds a certain Savoir Faire to her ensemble that I never could have achieved. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tatoo.jpgtatooYes, that's it. My upper arm looked just as ornery and obvious. No wonder Mom noticed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-being-sucked-in.jpgwoman being sucked inSmother Smock had me! There was nothing I could do! It was just me against that cotton demon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-with-dress-over-head.jpgwoman with dress over headThere's no excuse for her. She's slim, bought the dress, and got stuck in it at home? Or maybe this isn't her home and isn't her dress. Oh how quick we are to jump to conclusions...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/muumuu.jpgmuumuuMuumuus look this fetching on everyone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/diner-destroyed.jpgdiner destroyedThis little diner served the best home baked desserts east on the Missippi; that is, until a tour bus stopped in and helped themselves to There was no safe place to hide when all the buttons and zippers started exploding.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/st-bernard.jpgst bernardDid I mention I also enjoyed a good nap?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/hear-no-evil.jpghear no evilThis is as good a time as any to tell you I wanted a chimp when I was growing up. I thought I would be a good influence on the critter and maybe avoid the kind of thing that happens on Planet of the Apes.2023-09-08T23:14:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/13/language-alert-im-not-exaggerating/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/niagra-falls.jpgNiagra FallsThe pressure is unending, but I must persevere so I may live to blog another day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/baby-reading.jpgbaby readingPerhaps we should dig a little deeper into this grammar lesson...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/big-spud.jpgbig spudWould say that's a ginormous or an awesomely, titanically, huge-o-rific spud?2023-09-08T23:12:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/03/scrappy-vs-kamikaze-kat/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/scrappy-traumatized.jpgscrappy traumatizedMy Humans cleaned my wound and tucked me safely in bed. I love my Humans.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/scrappy-sleeping.jpgscrappy sleepinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/maine-coon.jpgmaine coonThere's Grumpy, just waiting for his next meal--a small child or perhaps a Prius--anything that can't outrun him.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lion-attack.jpglion attackWatch something more down-to-earth like The Real Housewives of Anywhere. They're catty but don't generally draw blood.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wet-cat.jpgwet catWell, you brought this on yourself. Not feeling so King-of-the-Jungle now, are you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/angry_cat.jpgangry_catBe afraid, be very afraid...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/scrappy-surrounded-1.jpgscrappy surrounded-1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/scrappy-not-kidding1.jpgscrappy not kiddingScrappy is one of those made-up pups and I think he's scrappalicious!2023-09-08T22:53:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/11/would-you-take-50-cents-for-this/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/confused.jpgconfusedHow am I supposed to know what my junk is worth? I'm in the middle of a colon cleanse and can't be bothered to scan ebay for the 900 items I have to price by Thursday.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/yard-sale-messy.jpgyard sale messyAfter a while, I lose interest in making things look tidy and organized. If the Buyer wants it, the Buyer will find it. Give me cfredit for getting it out of the house and pricing it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/yard-sale-seller.jpgyard sale sellerThe ideal yard sale seller: happy, organized, and even has refreshments. I hate her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/yard-sale.jpgyard salehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/garbage.jpggarbageSome buyers make you want to appologize for your stuff.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sale-signs.jpgsale signsNo matter what you call it, I wish it was over.2023-09-07T04:25:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/04/this-is-one-tough-holiday-for-an-hsp/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/monastery.jpgmonasteryI bet there aren't any fireworks up there...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/war.jpgwarIt's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/scrappy.jpgScrappyI may look happy now, but the fireworks haven't started...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/cartoon-scared-lady.jpgcartoon scared ladyOh no! Not another 4th of July Party!2023-09-07T04:19:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/05/what-was-this-hsp-thinking-oh-i-wasnt-thinking/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/scared-cat1.jpgscared catThis is the result when a HSP goes to a crowded fireworks show.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/scared-cat.jpgscared catThis is what happens when an HSP goes to a fireworks show.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/had-a-rough-night.jpgHad a rough nightHey, Dude, got any more of those doggy downers? I had some major flashbacks when the bombs started going off.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/cat-frenzy.jpgCat frenzyThis is what happens when an HSP goes to a fireworks show.2023-09-07T04:17:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/05/if-you-cant-understand-them-make-something-up/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/confused-woman.jpgconfused womanWhere did all the real words go?2023-09-07T04:14:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/30/coming-to-america-an-inspirational-story-not-involving-eddie-murphy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/1940-nyc.jpg1940 NYCIf she couldn't have Paris, NYC wasn't a bad Plan "B"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/shack.jpgshackNot exactly New York CIty accomodations...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/fireworks.jpgfireworksThe National Symphony Orchestra was playing in the background. Mom was awe-struck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/anja.jpgAnjaMy mom: the most patriotic person I ever knew. July 4th was her favorite holiday and she celebrated it in red-white-and-blue style. Fireworks? She was packing us into the car!2023-09-07T04:08:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/28/im-miffed-at-tom-brokaw/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/greatest-generation.jpggreatest generationI didn't look inside.2023-09-07T04:06:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/26/im-way-too-old-for-a-boyfriend/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/etiquette.jpgetiquetteAnd who is this handsome gentleman with whom you are now shacking up?2023-09-07T04:00:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/26/and-now-a-brief-word-from-our-sponsor/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/tv-zombie.jpgtv zombieThat's what I see. I'd better cut my viewing hours down...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/old-infomercial.jpgold infomercialAnd now, a brief word from our sponsor...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/testimonial.jpgtestimonialIt's a miracle, a wonder drug, and it's only available if I call in the next 10 minutes!2023-09-07T03:57:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/23/thats-not-something-you-hear-everyday/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/menu-surprise.jpgmenu surpriseIt says here you have food...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/cher.jpgcherDoes outfit come in a girl's size 4?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/laughing-people.jpglaughing peopleGood old Liz, What a kidder!2023-09-07T03:53:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/22/how-to-give-a-cockatoo-a-shower/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/wet-reg.jpgI'm wet and I'm lovin' it!I just took a shower. Do I look happy?2023-09-05T15:22:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/21/im-a-highly-sensitive-person-are-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/scaredbaby.jpgscaredBabyI'm easily overwhelmed by, well, everything.2023-09-04T20:55:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/20/a-beautiful-mind-is-a-terrible-thing-to-waste/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/equilibrium-theory1.jpgequilibrium theorySeems simple enough, or does it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/confused-old-woman.jpgconfused old womanSomething doesn't quite add up here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/equilibrium-theory.jpgequilibrium theoryIt seems simple enough...2023-09-04T20:10:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/15/physical-intelligence-who-knew/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/might-mouse1.jpgMight MouseNow, there's a mouse with physical intelligence!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/might-mouse.jpgMight MouseNow, there's a mouse with physical intelligence!2023-09-04T20:04:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/15/thats-just-crazy-talk-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/suspicious_donald_duck4.jpgsuspicious_donald_duckOur language is disappearing as we speak.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/suspicious_donald_duck1.jpgsuspicious_donald_duckOur language is disappearing as we speak.2023-09-04T19:59:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/12/say-what/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/paul-revere.jpgPaul Revere2023-09-04T19:33:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/11/uncommon-sense/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/sorry.jpgsorrySorry, Ollie, I'll do better the next time...2023-09-04T19:08:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/07/to-be-honest-with-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/suspicious_donald_duck.jpgsuspicious_donald_duckI'm movin' on to the scrutinization of other anomalizations. In other words, see ya! 2023-09-04T18:33:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/05/26/weeds-harken-disaster-for-local-church/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/sod_is_dead2.jpgsod_is_deadWeeds Are The Devil's Handiwork2023-09-02T23:36:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/05/26/im-afraid-of-facebook/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/img_0838.jpgIMG_0838FaceBook scares the bejeezus out of me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/surprised_woman.jpgsurprised_womanFaceBook scares the bejeezus out of me!2023-09-02T23:36:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/09/need-a-job-read-on/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/paper-airplane.jpgpaper airplaneOh, goodie! Mommy's been interviewing people for her office again!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/respirator.jpgrespiratorDon't spend that first pay check all in one place!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/the-little-rascals.jpgthe little rascalsWell, they probably come pretty cheap. But scare tactics rarely work at landing you a job.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/monkey-smiling.jpgmonkey smilingPleased to make your acquaintance. I really need this job. You have no idea what I'm willing to do do to get this job...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/smile.jpgsmileDo you see how a smile can be a bit, well, overdone?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/handshake.gifhandshakeAnd absolutely no hugging. Ever.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/avatar.jpgavatarProbably not the best choice for your interview. Of course, don't send your Avatar on your interview either. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/fast-food-worker.jpgfast food workerSounds better than than cleaning toilets, wearing a stupid hat, scraping fat off the grill, and saying "Do you want fries with that?" doesn't it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/cross-eyed.jpgcross-eyedTime to focus, Job Seekers!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/candle-hat.jpgcandle hatI am full of bright ideas. Now you know why.2023-09-02T22:51:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/22/hair-the-blog-ical/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/goldie.jpggoldieWell, why did you come here? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-buns.jpgmillie bunsSo Luke really got turned on by this look, huh? No, I really mean it. Huh? I can't hear you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-blonde.jpgmillie blondeNope. This blonde isn't going to have more fun in the jungle gym tonight. At least not the kind of fun I want. I'm a walking banana tramp. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-black.jpgmillie blackI'm liking this look, People. I think I'll keep this rug.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-flat.jpgmillie flatNow I look plain mannish. This was NOT part of the deal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-behive.jpgmillie behiveNo! This is not a sultan's hat. It's a bee-hive hair do. Come on, People, Have a little imagination and forgiveness.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-frizz.jpgmillie frizzIf there's a bird up there, good luck getting out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie-blunt-bangs.jpgmillie blunt bangsThey called "bangs" for a reason. I don't have a clue what it is, but it can't be good.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/millie.jpgmillieOkay. Sure. I suppose I will be your model. Nothing much happening in the zoo today...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/confused-cartoon.jpgconfused cartoonMeh! I"m not sure where I was headed, but I'll know when I get there. Or not. I probably won't remember. Who are you, anyway?2023-09-02T19:32:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/25/live-from-the-grave-princess-di/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/scrappy-tiara.jpgscrappy tiaraScrappy will be waiting, too. But he's not as into this stuff as I am.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/lorna-diana-tiara.jpglorna diana tiaraHow can someone who appears so innocent be so rascally?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/charles-and-camilla.jpgcharles and camillaYeah, I'd be drinking, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/jackson-family.jpgjackson familyWow, that is a large family! But isn't that Michael Jackson's family. He was the King of Pop. I think I'm getting my dead royalty confused...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/happy_faces_biscuit.jpgHappy_Faces_BiscuitWell, now, let me reconsider...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/lorna-tiara.jpglorna tiaraAnd there's me. But remember. I'm way older, poorer, and I'm taking my own picture with a phone that's smarter than I am.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/diana-tiara.jpgdiana tiaraThere's you...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/truck-driver.jpgtruck driverAh. Um. I ain't feelin' no vibes...unless you count the ones about to blow a hole through my britches. Ha, ha, ha!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/too-many-candles.jpgtoo many candlesOkay, maybe I overdid it on the candle thing...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/diana1.jpgdiana1Do I really want to do this?2023-09-02T19:22:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/12/gimme-the-facts-maam-just-the-facts/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/sorry.jpgsorryStop calling me. I know! I know! I should never have asked everyone to say "cheese!" at your husband's funeral.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/white-cars.jpgwhite carsSo it's kind of like when you buy a pimptacular sporty white car and. like, everyone seems to have one just like yours?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/red.jpgredI'm getting it. Deflect attention away from the braces. Be so outrageous that braces are the least of your worries. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pain-scale.jpgpain scaleI have a feeling that orange is my new look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/smurf.jpgsmurfCan you get more nerdy?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jello.jpgjelloNot in your mother's or grandmother's Jello recipe book, but they sure are popular. And slippery.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/dentures2.jpgdenturesTime to get up, Sunshine!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/dentures1.jpgdentureshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/dentures.jpgdenturesRise and shine! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/contraption.jpgcontraptionIsh kine off har ta ash queshons wif dis sing in ma mouf.2023-09-02T18:48:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/14/party-like-its-1957-only-56-years-later/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131017_165009.jpg20131017_165009I feel older...at least by a day. Do I look it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pinata.jpgpinataAnd you see what happens when too much of a good thing https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/little-lorna-1.jpgLittle Lorna-1Technically, this was taken in 1958, during my first birthday party.2023-09-02T16:53:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/20/ortho-recon/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/torture.jpgtortureYup. I knew it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/personal-space.jpgpersonal spaceMy teeth did not get this memo.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131101_163556.jpg20131101_163556I'mhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cheerleaders.jpgcheerleadersHigher probability of braces, but also harder to glimpse.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bingo.jpgbingoLow probability of braces.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jason.jpgjasonDon't worry. I'm just really into hockey. I'm the goaly. And, hey, hockey is a contact sport, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/madmen-scene.jpgmadmen sceneAw, come on. Someone open your mouth.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/woman-in-bandages.jpgwoman in bandagesHey, thanks for coming by. I have a favor to ask. I'm a little strapped for cash and feeling kinda low...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/train-tracks.jpgtrain tracksGiven that's what my mouth was probably going to look like, I needed to make the right decision.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131119_120205.jpg20131119_120205Should I be a suspense writer or what?2023-09-02T16:52:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/03/28/ive-got-this-um-ah-problem/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/monkey.jpgmonkeyTo think, I'm one missing link away from these buffoons.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/beard.jpgbeardIt's a rare woman who can pull this look off. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/bad-hair.jpgbad hairI can't do anything with my hair when it gets so humid.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/body-odor-ad.jpgbody odor adShe looks too happy to have body order. I smell something fishy here...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scooter.jpgscooterJust go ahead a watch your program. I'm taking care of things just fine. And stop calling me "Scooter."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/bad-breath.jpgbad breathAt least they're aware of their problem. I wonder how it affects their intimacy?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/embarrassed.jpgembarrassedDid that noise just come from me?2023-08-31T23:23:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/07/11/and-you-thought-you-had-a-bad-day/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/3-stooges.jpg3 stoogesDrive no stick shift.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/pubic-schools.jpgpubic schoolsA good educashun is a terrible thing to waist.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/blow-torch.jpgblow torchBring it on, Spiderman!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/pistol.jpgpistolLet me show her how to use it. No! Let me! BANG! Uh. It was loaded?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/no-dumping.jpgno dumpingPerhaps banks need a few of these signs posted...just in case unusual deposits from unsatisfied customers becomes a trend.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/aliens.jpgaliensOh, why not? You know I've always wanted to go to Hawaii...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/bull.jpgBULLAs a self-respecting bull, I tend not to go for authors. They're such easy pickings. But this guy was just asking for it.2023-08-31T20:52:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/05/08/the-only-hemorrhoid-remedy-youll-ever-need/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/burned-butt.jpgburned buttHey, I'm Dr. Cutler. I can (and have) done anything. I'll fix this up for you in time for bathing suit season. Next time, just cut the hole in your underwear smaller, use less sulfur, and try to find a churn. Sorry to hear the hemorrhoids are still a problem...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/churn.jpgchurnI don't care how much them piles of yours is killing you. You ain't touching my churn for no snake-charmer's miracle cure especially if your bare behind and fire are part of the deal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/bucket.jpgbucketIs there a miracle cure for this miracle cure? I got a feeling I'm gonna need it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/doubt.jpgdoubtI seem to remember an enhanced interrogation technique involving these items...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/bliss.jpgblissSounds like the pooping version of an orgasm, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/scratching.jpgscratchingDoes anyone have a Tucks pad I could borrow...well...use?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140118_153617.jpg20140118_153617Now there's a face you can trust with your butt.2023-08-31T20:11:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/16/writing-101-room-with-a-view/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/time-travel-ad.jpgtime travel adI wonder how much the ticket is?2023-08-30T16:56:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/17/writing-101-monkey-mind/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/money-writing.jpgmoney writingWhat's the worse that could happen? So I get a few more wrinkles from my Thinky Face...2023-08-30T16:06:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/22/writing-101-her-name-is-lorna/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/cat.jpgcatGosh darn it. Buddhism is hard.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/laughing_together.giflaughing_togetherCan you believe two people dress up like this to go to meditation?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/evil-eye.jpgevil eyeImpossible. You cannot be who you say you are. I will not permit it.2023-08-29T14:18:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/23/writing-101-remote-wars/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/drew.jpgdrewYou screwed up and you know it. Don't blame it on the star.2023-08-29T14:13:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/07/lost-and-found-the-finale/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/nail-biting.jpgnail bitingHow does this story end? What is this story about? Did I turn off my curling iron?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/dectective.jpgdectectiveSeems that being friends with certain people may require a specialized skill set.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/phone.jpgphoneReally, Michele, you should keep in better contact with Lorna. I know she changes phone numbers like most people change underwear.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bridesmaid.jpgbridesmaidSure. And I can totally wear this dress to other functions. I could be a one-woman float in a 4th of July parade...just as an example.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bride.jpgbrideHey! Look at me, Everybody. It's all about me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/drama.jpgdramaWe've all had one or 45 of those days, honey. We can relate. But, Sweetie, you're killing my buzz.2023-08-29T14:09:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/01/lost-and-found-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/operator.jpgoperatorHey, I have to get paid minimum wage. How else do you think I can afford this fashionable hair do and fancy clothing?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/boobs.jpgboobsYeah! I totally know how you feel. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/lorna-and-humphrey1.jpgLorna and HumphreyHe looks like a better best friend, doesn't he?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/lorna-and-humphrey.jpgLorna and Humphreyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/mother-and-daughter.jpgmother and daughterTell her about your pig-tails. I don't care. Just write something!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/telegram.jpgtelegramWhy do they even bother?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/biting-nails.jpgbiting nailsThis is suspenseful and all, but I'm really wondering why I don't have more worry lines on my forehead. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/cliffhanger.jpgcliffhangerIf you don't tell us more, I'm going to jump...or walk...or fall...or something.2023-08-29T13:58:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/18/writing-101-lost-and-found-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/friends.jpgfriendsLet's define "best friends" shall we?2023-08-29T13:53:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/22/the-trick-is-knowing-when-enough-is-enough/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/sad-lucy.jpgsad lucySorry. That's the best I can do for now. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/lucy.jpglucyThat's after meditation...or was that medication? I can never remember anymore.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ashamed.gifAshamedYeah. No. Two hands are not enough to covered this ashamed faced.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/wagons.jpgwagonsWhat do you think? Was this first class back then or economy class? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/thanksgiving.jpgthanksgivingWhere's the casserole with the mini-marshmallows and sweet potatoes? I need my vitamin A.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/12-angry-men.jpg12 angry menNever trust an honest woman. She's playing you for a fool! A fool, I say!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/magic.jpgMagicMagic. Housework. None of it works for me.2023-08-29T13:49:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/02/10/a-dizzy-blonde-goes-to-get-her-hair-cut/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/munchies.jpgmunchiesThere are some really interesting "health food" stores around here they might be interested in visiting...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/potlander.jpgpotlanderWord Play, gets me every time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/hiking-books.jpghiking booksI'm preparing for upcoming family visits and the end of the rainy season. You could accuse me of hyperadvanuary planning. I tend to plan ahead.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/me.jpgmeI think Phil really liked the top I was wearing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/20150205_130954.jpg20150205_130954I think Phil really liked the top I was wearing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/charlize.jpgCharlizeYeah, Baby, That's what I'm talkin' about.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/justin.jpgJustinActually, his hair is a bit long on the top compared to mine.2023-08-29T04:50:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/19/i-sent-my-mom-a-fathers-day-card/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/anja-toasting.jpgAnja toastingCheers to you, Mom/Dad! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/tammy.jpgTammyMy mom had a more, um, understated beauty.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/brady_bunch_full_cast_1973.jpgBrady_Bunch_full_cast_1973Sure, it's all smiles for the camera. But what happens when no one's looking. No thank you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/father-and-son.jpgfather and sonTV dads were the best!2023-08-28T23:12:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/28/the-couth-fairy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/donkey.jpgdonkeyGet it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/young_adult_drinking.jpgyoung_adult_drinkingDon't judge me. It's medicinal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/couth-fairy.jpgcouth fairyShe's not your ordinary fairy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/baby-ipad.jpgbaby-ipadOkay. When I was teething, my mom gave me a Milkbone. Yeah. a dog bone. I told you I was old. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/nillionaire.jpgnillionaireBelieve it or not, you don't have to work that hard to become one of these.2023-08-28T22:59:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/07/17/good-help-is-really-hard-to-find-and-other-stinky-news/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/batman-tvseries-burtward-150x150.jpgBATMAN-TVSeries-BurtWard-150x150Holy cooking crap, Batman!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/images.jpegimagesBreeding online is all about merging picture files...I think. You just have to be sure that you merge a .dog with a .dog and a .cat with a .cat--at least that's what I read in this article in the dentist's office. But we need to get a computer and hook it up to the web. Not sure about all that. You know anything about this web stuff?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/stinky.jpgStinkyYou know how when your dog rolls in dead animal juice? Yeah. About too many thousand cars did that day. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/wicked-wife.jpgWicked WifeAt least I read the newspaper every day now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cheetah-animal-new-hd-wallpapers-for-desktop-background.jpgcheetah-animal-new-hd-wallpapers-for-desktop-backgroundOkayhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/blinded_by_the_sun.jpgBlinded_By_The_SunDon't look at me like that. Sensitivity to light is a thing.2023-08-28T22:41:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/11/03/omniveracious-its-not-a-thing-but-it-could-be/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/eggplant_mutant.jpgEggplant_mutantMy hobby will NOT be gardening. The world doesn't need more mutants. You're welcome.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/9006156465_e36c05ab6c_b.jpg9006156465_e36c05ab6c_bPerhaps omnivoracious (all eating) or omnivexing (all trouble). Both could work...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/pie-eating-contest-2-1-660x359.jpegpie-eating-contest-2-1-660x359Perhaps omnivoracious (all eating) or omnivexing (all trouble). Both could work...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/fox.jpgFOXNope. Not an omniveracious person in the bunch. And, by the way, have these guys ever once done a story about a fox?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/images.jpegimagesIck. No wonder they call it "sweetbreads." https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/images.pngimagesI guess I should go this way, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/enhanced-buzz-20881-1380829769-18.jpgenhanced-buzz-20881-1380829769-18The purr-sonification of power, Baby!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/61anw62yz5l-_sy355_.jpg61ANW62yz5L._SY355_Trick or treat, old lady! Doesn't matter to me. I'm Antman and I'm gonna ruin your picnic either way. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/awareness.jpegawarenessReally? She's back and she's already at it? Aren't there enough words in the English language? Why does she have to make up more? Sheesh!2023-08-28T22:28:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/02/09/ive-been-thinking-about-man-buns/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/woman-vintage-1940s-looking-very-borded.jpgwoman-vintage-1940s-looking-very-bordedYou know how when you feel like crap and you just want to get out of your rotten body but you're just stuck? Yeah. Well, welcome to my world.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/gas-mask-kiss-london-december-1940.jpgGas Mask Kiss, London December 1940Phil and I have figured out a way to stay connected in that "safest sex" way ever.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/incrediblemenwhocanrockthehairbunlook6_1406030286.jpgincrediblemenwhocanrockthehairbunlook6_1406030286Oh, come on.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/grid-cell-12065-1422734172-12.jpggrid-cell-12065-1422734172-12I'm not loving this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/large.giflargeOkay. I'm loving this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/img_0521.jpgIMG_0521Intriguing, huh?2023-08-28T21:56:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/13/youre-hired-take-that-donald-trump/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/women-drinking.jpgwomen drinkingThe program lasted only a few years. I wonder why...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/reese-witherspoon.jpgreese witherspoonNeed to know if your correlation is significant? I'm on it! (This is not me--you can tell because my dog weighed more than a cat and we only had land-lines back then--but those are the only differences).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/keypunch.jpgkeypunchSIng with me..."Memories, light the corners of my mind. Misty water color memories, of the way were were..."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-scrubbing-floor.jpgwoman scrubbing floorYeah, my landlord wished...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-on-artifact.jpgwoman on artifactI thought he'd get the hint when I posed on his favorite ancient artifact, but it wasn't meant to be.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/frogfish.jpgfrogfishI asked the doctor not to take a picture of me until the cortisone cream had a chance to work.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/little-rascals.jpgLittle RascalsNuttin' but trouble, I tell ya.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/i-hate-housework.jpgI hate houseworkDoes this look like any way to spend a Saturday?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bull-dog-pups.jpgbull dog pupsWhat? We were good and could be left alone for a day. Jeez. How much trouble could we get into?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/odd-couple.jpgodd couple2023-08-18T16:57:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/02/you-didnt-tip-her-did-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/throwing-out-the-trash.jpgthrowing out the trashKnowing what I know now, maybe she acted too hastily...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cat-and-vent.jpgcat and ventMiss Kitty has the right idea, but her hair is short and dries quickly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/redneck.jpgredneckBreaking up is hard to do, especially when there's mud wrestling involved. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/parrokeet-on-baby-head.jpgparrokeet on baby headWhen I'm singing about peace on earth, that's how I reach the high notes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/hair-dryer.pnghair dryerWhat? It's not working? You want me to lie down where? I don't see your floor...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lily-munster.jpglily munsterK couldn't take a chance on messing up those beautiful nails. Afterall, it was only my scalp that was being eaten away by those stinking chemicals...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dirty-sink.pngdirty sinkAt least she was eating regularly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/messy-livingroom.jpgmessy livingroomShe said she was too busy to finish unpacking. I think her boxes exploded.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tip.jpgTipHere's a tip: when you're providing most of the service, don't tip the service provider.2023-08-17T16:22:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/27/the-scarlet-letters-kissing-cousin/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/captain.jpgcaptainI tried to go to bold new places where I'd never been before, but only a few understood my mission. It's hard to steer a star ship with only a skeletin crew.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/shocked-faces.jpgshocked faces"It's so horrible! It's so awful! I have to keep watching to see if it gets any worse."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/video-game-addict.jpgvideo game addictI do NOT look like this at my computer. I have a lap top and I drink only herbal tea. So there!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/newspaper-clippings.jpgnewspaper clippingsSome people might consider this recycling or avante garde DYI home decorating, but whatever...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/ted.jpgtedSeriously? You expect me to be listening to you right now? Hello? Anyone in that head of yours?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/scared-dog-and-old-woman.jpgscared dog and old womanLet's get the heck out of here, Ralph, Lorna has finally lost her marbles.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/puritan-man-and-woman.jpgpuritan man and womanSee? It's all her fault! Look at the seducive way she's dressed. That poor man just can't help himself as he grabs her from behind and over-powers her. She has all the control.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/the-scarlet-letter.jpgthe scarlet letterIf this is the only way to get you away from your computer and that cursed blog to which you seem addicted, then so be it! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/burning-b.jpgburning B2023-08-17T14:18:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/09/the-case-of-the-novice-blogger-and-the-clueless-mom/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/two-handsome-men.jpgTwo Handsome MenYou know my blog. Here is the result of my Clueless Mother Adventure: Alex!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1-month.jpg1 monthWhere did the time go?2023-08-15T23:44:14+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/08/you-know-you-have-way-too-much-time-on-your-hands-when/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/boy-at-computer1.jpgboy at computerI am shocked, dismayed, and overwhelmed! Or I am shocked, delighted and overwhelmed!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/boy-at-computer.jpgboy at computerI am shocked, dismayed and overwhelmed! Or I am shocked, delighted, and overwhelmed!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/pooper.jpgpooperAnd there's talk about the details later, too. And they wonder why I've developed a shy sphincter.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/reality-tv-shows.pngReality-TV-showsBut my DVR can only record 2 shows at a time! What's a Real Shut-In of New Jersey supposed to do?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/lego-car.jpgLego carI wonder how this model does in crash tests?2023-08-15T23:39:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/18/thats-crazy-talk-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/suspicious_donald_duck3.jpgsuspicious_donald_duckOur language is disintegrating as we speak.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/suspicious_donald_duck2.jpgsuspicious_donald_duckOur language is disintegrating as we speak.2023-08-15T21:19:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/10/whod-a-thunk-it/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/surprisedphoneface.jpgSurprisedPhoneFace"Can you believe it, people are actually reading her blog?!"2023-08-15T20:51:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/08/whats-in-a-name-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/charlies-angles.jpgCharlies AnglesDon't I wish...2023-08-15T20:44:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/18/the-best-real-estate-ad-ever/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/hyde-hall-light.jpghyde-hall-lighthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/franklin-castle.jpgFranklin-CastleNo, this is not the set for the Munsters. It's The real Franklin Castle in Ohio.2023-08-09T18:38:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/06/25/lizzie-smiled/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/burned-cake.jpgburned-cakeUnless you burn the smithereens out of your tasty dessert, then desert and dessert are easily confused...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/run-away-screaming.gifrun-away-screamingYeah, that's how I imagine these fugitives are now that the Adirondack bugs have had their way them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/portland-weather.jpgPortland WeatherI didn't sign up for this!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/screenshot_2015-06-24-16-39-36.pngScreenshot_2015-06-24-16-39-36I did not sign up for this!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/booger-blogger.gifbooger-bloggerOkay. This is an unfortunate oversight. What I'm talking about is way bigger than this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/kent.jpegkent2023-08-09T18:18:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/07/20/is-there-a-plastic-surgeon-in-the-house/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/images-3.jpegimages-3I'm not one of those lucky women who can pull the chin-hair look off.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/images-2.jpegimages-2Ummm. You guys are going to need more than those needle guns for this job.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/a8868f4ded302070cabdec62d3cd7a45.jpga8868f4ded302070cabdec62d3cd7a45So, maybe he had a rough night and woke up too early to a startling noise...still, the guy could use some cosmetic "adjustments," don't you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plastic-surgeon.jpgplastic surgeonI took this picture in my neighborhood. You know, the one where all the screaming, running, jumping children play...2023-08-09T17:59:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/20/positive-reinforcement/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/basset_hound_0003.jpgBasset_hound_0003What kind of nonsense is she talking about now? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/demolition-4.jpgdemolition-42023-08-09T17:38:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/09/14/by-any-chance-have-you-found-my-sparkle/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/images-3.jpegimages-3There it is! Catch it before it disappears again...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/images-2.jpegimages-2I'd never be so lucky as to tumble into frosting. Never.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/images.jpegimagesJolly rotten luck, Old Girl. Doubt if it landed with me, but I'll give it a go and see if I can sniff it out with Humphrey and the other gents in our Amateur Sleuth Club. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/audrey_hepburn_and_gregory_peck_at_the_mouth_of_truth_roman_holiday_trailer.jpgAudrey_Hepburn_and_Gregory_Peck_at_the_Mouth_of_Truth_Roman_Holiday_trailerAudrey could not bring herself to look into the Mouth of Truth...or was it the huge Gregory Pecker-like thing that was making her frightened? Either way, she was not having a good day--and that's the way she's like me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/snn1227cn-6823_1343068a.jpgSNN1227CN--6823_1343068aYou'd think with these ears I'd hear something worth spreading, but, no. I've been keeping my mouth shut for a very good reason.2023-08-09T17:33:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/11/09/everything-old-is-new-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/images-4.jpegimages-4If you wear that new mini-skirt to the ceremony, Honey, I'm going to have to wear this mask you hate so much. Sorry, but that last zipper blow-out cost me an earlobe. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/3581035125_58e5da1e24_b.jpg3581035125_58e5da1e24_bA moment of silence, please?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/22294-alice-cooper-without-makeup.jpg22294-alice-cooper-without-makeupSo. Yeah. Right. The 70's, 80's, 90's, and whatever you call the time we're in are a little fuzzy. But the sizzle I remember is fine, Man. Real fine.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/tumblr_nauy227wug1so5ik5o1_1280.jpgtumblr_nauy227wUG1so5ik5o1_1280Hmm? Yes, I think it's about time the apron makes a come-back. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/51ibyk3lkcl-_sx311_bo1204203200_.jpg51IbYk3lkcL._SX311_BO1,204,203,200_Yeshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/mirror_mirror_by_blackadder74.jpgmirror_mirror_by_blackadder74I want her mirror.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/do_not_take_his_bone.jpgDo_not_take_his_boneI'm not able to get the prescription stuff, so I'm trying this holistic approach to managing my stress. Leave me alone. It's not working yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/gramofon_1_ubt.jpegGramofon_1_ubtBack in the day, I called them records and they skipped and scratched. Today, they are called "vinyl" and have superior sound quality. Huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/images-3.jpegimages-3Hmm. You look very familiar. I feel as if I've seen you before. 2023-08-09T16:35:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/01/26/where-in-the-world-is/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/giphy.gifgiphyShe learned her subtle ways from me, you know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/6dd5f9e30e54d7201224d05c27e64e0a.jpg6dd5f9e30e54d7201224d05c27e64e0aMy eyebrows work as a team. There is no eye in team, unfortunately.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/images-2.jpegimages-2Eye sea ewe. Due ewe sea mi? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/me.jpgmeI told you. This is the face of a happy guy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/edwincovarrubias.jpgedwincovarrubiasLet's just say he's a man of mystery in a land of mystery and we're going to try to solve a least some of the mysteries. Sounds fun, huh? Oh, just play along anyway.2023-08-09T16:15:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/05/09/facebookaphobia-its-a-thing/2023-08-09T16:09:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/09/29/mark-zuckerberg-keep-your-paws-off-my-idea/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/can-of-cheese1.jpgcan-of-cheese1If humanoids can do this to cheese, we must be able to figure out a way to hook up pets online. Wait. That sounds way more painful than I intended. You know what I mean. Plus I'm just a dog. Give me a break.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/3b93993ec76e1ff0975840199eb64202.jpg3b93993ec76e1ff0975840199eb64202What do you think these paws are saying?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images-13.jpegimages-13That's not what I meant, but, okay.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_0003.jpgimg_0003The poodle part of me is smart and wants stimulation. The terrier part of me is curious and wants stimulation. This rug ain't doin' it for me, Mom. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images-12.jpegimages-12She peeks out every once in a while to get fresh air. Heck if I know what she's making in there. I think she she's making herself a drippy blonde.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images-11.jpegimages-11https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images-10.jpegimages-10https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images-9.jpegimages-9https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/flesh-eaters-rita-look-in-tent.jpgflesh-eaters-rita-look-in-tenthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/jane-drinks-close-up.gifjane-drinks-close-up2023-08-09T16:04:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/01/18/edumacated-guesses/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/5-crazy-government-experiments-2-orig.jpgSevered Head1966: Kathleen Breck as the college girl whose severed head is kept alive for experimental purposes, and Dana Andrews as the sinister Nazi scientist Dr Norberg, in a scene from the film 'The Frozen Dead'. (Photo by Keystone Features/Getty Images)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/544fc18e-0fda-4f1e-b800-0762be07f894-2.jpg544fc18e-0fda-4f1e-b800-0762be07f894-2Or, you know, just plain...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/old-black-white-inventions-0.jpgold-black-white-inventions-0Now, this is a brilliant use of government research funds! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/tippi_hedren_in_22roar22_1981.pngtippi_hedren_in_%22roar%22_1981Um. I could use some help here. I got this stalker. She's cute and soft, but way too clingy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/original-chapter-2-cadyville.jpgoriginal-chapter-2-cadyvillehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/famous_faces-5.jpgfamous_faces-5You don't have to be Einstein to know that this dude is trying be something that he isn't.2023-08-08T14:28:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/02/08/newsy-mcnewserson-is-back/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/562e2e921900002e00b94d6f.jpegJB1181-001I've got to get the story on this nice group of herbalists who claim to know how to fix all the world's problems. Exciting stuff, huh? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/kim-kardashian-has-zero-desire-to-return-to-old-life-after-robbery-lead.jpgkim-kardashian-has-zero-desire-to-return-to-old-life-after-robbery-leadI remember the day: Oct. 16, 2016. She said she was retiring from public life. I'm pretty sure she didn't.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/snack-stadium-calories.jpgsnack-stadium-caloriesThe game lasts for four hours, and researchers from Cornell University tracked grocery purchases and found the average American will eat more than 6,000 calories by the end of the day. (You’d need to run a marathon to burn off all of those calories off — that’s 26.2 miles.)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/squirrel-and-crow-battle-over-discarded-slice-of-pizza.jpgsquirrel-and-crow-battle-over-discarded-slice-of-pizzaFeb. 7 (UPI) -- A squirrel holding a piece of pizza and a crow engaged in a lengthy chase throughout a neighborhood in Canada. The squirrel can be seen enjoying its slice of pizza on a street in Nova Scotia, as the theiving crow swoops in to swipe the newfound snack out of its grasp. In hopes of defending its meal, the crafty squirrel attempted to hide behind the wheel of a nearby parked car to avoid the lurking crow's beak. Come on! Why can't we all just get along, People...and crows...and squirrels?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/a1fcfd1e0b2ed9dda209b72faa503817.jpga1fcfd1e0b2ed9dda209b72faa503817I knew all this talk about scarcity of organs and stuff was just a ploy to get me to sign away my body for who knows what after I die. I hope They wait until after I'm dead to start harvesting.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/314237255-secretaria-maquina-de-escribir-invento-trabajo-de-oficina.jpg314237255-secretaria-maquina-de-escribir-invento-trabajo-de-oficinaYes. Uh, huh. It's me, Newsy. I'm a little busy at the moment. Way behind my deadline. You know what that's like! Okay. So just give me the headline and I'll look into it. He did what? Again? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/img_1249.jpgimg_1249https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/fullsizeoutput_3e.jpegfullsizeoutput_3eNow I know why so many kids want to grow up to be astronauts. I'm sure Hawaii is just like Mars, minus the ukuleles, of course.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/fullsizeoutput_3d.jpegfullsizeoutput_3dI find the conclusions of this study limited. The fact that https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/fullsizeoutput_3c.jpegfullsizeoutput_3cThat's why I live here.2023-08-08T14:18:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/17/the-beginning-and-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/stress.jpgstressI'd say that's a good representation of the kind of stress she was under.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/funeral1.jpgfuneralMy dad's family after the funeral, minus my mom. They're smiling. Did the photographer ask them to "Say cheese!"?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/funeral.jpgfuneralGroup picture of my dad's family taken after his funeral. Mom is not included.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/snow.jpgsnowOkay, but how about the path up to the trailer?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/tina-and-lorna.jpgTina and LornaTina is on the right. She could have been a ballerina. I'm the happy cute pudgy kid stuck to her arm.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/trailer-daddy.jpgTrailer DaddySlick digs, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/anja-and-bobby-wedding.jpgAnja and Bobby WeddingSay "Cheese!" https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/short-marriage.jpgshort marriage2023-07-22T21:17:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/15/the-apple-didnt-fall-far-from-the-coconut-tree-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/construction-girls.jpgconstruction girlsI'm just warning you. It wasn't easy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/family-tree.jpgfamily treeAll those tiny bubble on the outside are probably half-siblings I know nothing about.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sisters.jpgsistersJoyous reunion? NOT!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/black-veil.jpgblack veilYou have to admit, if she appeared at a funeral, you'd wonder. Right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/silly-hat.jpgsilly hatBobby, I thought if I dressed up in this fancy hat you would surely stay a while, but I see you want to leave again. I'll give the hat back to the pheasant if that will make you happy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dolly-parton.jpgdolly partonNo caption necessaryhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/gomer-pile.jpggomer pileGolly, I sure do wish you'd stop surprising us with all these twists and turns. My head is spinning too much already!2023-07-22T21:03:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/13/the-apple-didnt-fall-far-from-the-coconut-tree-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/jewish-american-princess.jpgJewish American PrincessOkay. So I like to wear a tiara, can take you on a guilt trip like no travel agent ever dreamed, can say "chutzpah" with the proper phlegm-ish, and make the best Challah this side of the Gaza Strip... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/ruth-buzzy.jpgruth buzzyI'm just saying nothing good ever came from a man wanting you-know-what from you-know-who.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/woman-rules.jpgwoman rulesThat look worked for all of us, not just Pépé. Mémé was definitely the matriarch of our family.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/meme-and-pepe-1.jpgMeme and Pepe-1The "happy" couplehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/green-acres.jpgGreen AcresLisa Douglas from the Green Acres TV show knows how my grandmother felt. Only Mrs. Douglas had it better.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boat.jpgboatAh, what happened to "women and children first?"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/miscommunication.jpgmiscommunicationDefinition of miscommunication: I heard what I think you said. 2023-07-22T20:40:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/11/the-apple-didnt-fall-far-from-the-coconut-tree-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/private-pepe.jpgPrivate PepeCarl, aka Pepe.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/meme.jpgMemeMaija, aka Meme.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/cary-grant.jpgcary grantThat's who I always pictured. I'm sure my mom did, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bust.jpgbustI chose "bust" as well. Now I keep looking at it and wondering what I was thinking...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/snowmen.jpgsnowmenI hear Canadians have a much finer fashion sense. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/grumpy.jpggrumpyStop asking questions. I was supposed to die, that's all you need to know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/koala.jpgkoalaThis family tree is more twisted than I am at the moment.2023-07-22T20:20:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/18/the-hand-that-rocks-the-cradle-had-better-not-be-mine/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/handcuffs.jpghandcuffsThere aren't any babies where you're taking me right? Good. Wait! What's that you're telling me about "Community Service" in a daycare. Oh no!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chimp-holding-cat.jpgchimp holding catHey, I don't know what I'm doing. You're mommy said you were going to sleep the whole time and all I had to do was make sure you kept breathing. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/burch-and-sundance.jpgbutch and sundanceThose two were smooth-talkin' hooligans and an innocent girl like me never stood a chance. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/wednesday-addams.jpegwednesday addamsSee how well I take care of my doll? What kind of Mommy do you think I'm gonna be?2023-07-22T19:58:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/04/i-could-get-a-ph-d-but-couldnt-find-restroom/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/giggle-1.gifgiggle (1)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/giggle.gifgigglehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/old-ladies.jpgold ladiesThat looks about right, only they were moving much faster.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/crying.gifcryingYou may need more than a little hankie before this is all over. I sure did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/woman-with-sissors.jpgwoman with sissorsYes, I'll be right there to hold up your piece of sheet-rock and bake some cookies. I was just trying to collect my thoughts. Scissors? Oh, um, I must have picked them up by mistake. I know not to walk alone with anything sharp...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/out-of-control-hair.jpgout of control hairControl is an illusion. Just look at me. I spent an hour and $100 worth of anti-frizz product on my hair this morning. Resistance is futile.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/keep-your-eye-on-the-ball.jpgkeep your eye on the ballhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/too-many-balls.jpgtoo many ballsJasper did his best to control all the balls thrown at him. What you don't see are the balls he has stuffed under his tail. 2023-07-22T19:30:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/22/lorna-for-such-a-smart-girl/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sophies-choice-1982-00-645-75.jpgsophies-choice-1982--00-645-75Don't worry, Lisa. Lorna always means well and I've taken away all the matches.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sled.jpgsledI knew I shouldn't have tried one of these new-fangled sleds...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/goldie1.jpggoldieIt's not my fault. I was actually riding my bike without falling and I got so excited. Then the bushes were there before I had a chance to stop and I couldn't figure how to stop anyway. So the bushes stopped me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/goldie.jpggoldieIt's not my fault. I was actually riding my bike without falling and I got so excited. Then the bushes were there before I had a chance to stop and I couldn't figure how to stop anyway. So the bushes stopped me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bathtub.jpgbathtubAt least neither of us jumped in fully clothed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/drunk.gifdrunkSure. I'l take you home, Blondie. How 'bout a lill kiss for my troubles?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/crossed-eyes.jpgcrossed eyesI. Don't. Know. How. Much. Longer. I. Can. Hold. This Fart. In.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mean-nun.jpgmean nunSister Mary Knuckle Sandwich. She taught us about God's love.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/horse.jpghorseWhere's the "on" button that makes this horse go? It's gotta be here somewhere...2023-07-22T18:23:24+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/11/12/whered-he-go/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/capture-walter-dog-plus.jpgCapture walter dog plusI'm baaaaack! Surprised? Yeah, me, too!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/goingtrain.jpggoingtrainDon't know about you, but I'm ready for the train to Happyville. All Aboard!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/jhc5.jpgjhc5Photo prompt courtesy of J Hardy Carroll. Thanks for the perfect Veteran's Day tribute photo!2023-07-11T16:25:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/gem-worthy-lorna-isms/2022-08-10T00:56:19+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blog/do-you-want-your-manuscript-to-captivate-your-audience-from-the-first-to-the-last-word/2022-06-22T00:58:03+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/14/ive-got-a-wicked-scorpio-vibe/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/scorpio.jpgscorpioPretty hard to ignore, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/ben-hur.jpgben hurYup. Could've been anyone of these dudes, except for Charleton...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/driving-miss-daisy.jpgdriving miss daisyDon't worry, Miss Dizzy, um, er, Honey. I'll take you some place much better than your family's place.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/martin-scorsese_0.jpgMartin-Scorsese_0Him. Not so much.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/matt-mc.jpgmatt McHe's got it, too.2021-06-29T20:23:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/07/12/tiny-houses-make-my-head-hurt/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/jumping-joy-tiny-house-giant-journey.pngjumping-joy-tiny-house-giant-journeyIs the person and dog in this picture: a. jumping for tiny house joy b. stretching after tiny house confinement c. attempting tiny house escape. d. experiencing brief psychotic episode.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/01-confused-animals.jpg01-confused-animalsWho? What? Lorna's resurfaced? Well, I suppose otter things have happened in recent memory. What's the otterest thing that's happened to you lately?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/foz-and-me-at-coast.jpgFoz and me at coastJust spent some time at the Oregon coast with my guys (Phil and Fozzie).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/panews_p-9445b81f-54aa-4ad4-8722-d55e20319ea2_i1.jpgPANews_P-9445b81f-54aa-4ad4-8722-d55e20319ea2_I1Hey, it could happen to anyone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/tinyhousead-alt-02_wip5-2_withtunein.jpgTinyHouseAD-ALT-02_wip5-2_withTuneinAnd you thought this was the neighborhood children's playhouse.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/03mskzx.jpg03MSKZxNeed I say more?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/ella-tumbleweed-tiny-house-14.jpgella-tumbleweed-tiny-house-14How many MPGs does your house get?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/woman-441411_960_720.jpgwoman-441411_960_720Brexit, domestic terrorism, regular terrorism, the brouhaha at Starbucks over secret formulas for colorful coffee drinks, and now this? Tiny houses? I'm glad i'll be dead soon. I will be dead too, right?2021-06-10T01:47:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/01/16/did-he-or-didnt-he/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/23399746065_ae58f8eb7b_b.jpg23399746065_ae58f8eb7b_bDarn that Lorna! She's up to her old tricks again. Or is it that she's just older and trickier? Darn that Lorna!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/12561007984_dcac76bbf3_b.jpg12561007984_dcac76bbf3_bAfter reading this, you can go back to your normal lives. Good luck with that.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/images.jpegimagesHaving difficulty focusing...it's happening now, isn't it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/waiting_for_the_president.jpgwaiting_for_the_presidentWaiting...to hear about what happened...to me...or to him...or if the hat make too much of a statement.2021-06-10T01:47:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/awards-accomplishments-and-aw-shucks/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/best-moments.pngbest momentshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/beautiful-blogger-image1.jpgbeautiful-blogger-imagehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dragonsloyaltyaward.jpgdragonsloyaltyawardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/beautiful-blogger-image.jpgbeautiful-blogger-imagehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/boty-6star-thumb.jpgBlog of the Year Award 6 star thumbnailhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/grazieaward.jpggrazieawardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/candle.gifcandlehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/abc-award.jpgABC Awardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/th_laughter-lol-animation-smiley11.gifth_laughter-lol-animation-smiley11https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/rudolph-award-2011.gifrudolph-award-20112019-07-29T19:04:19+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blog/2015/07/30/libby-couldnt-help-herself/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/in-the-light.jpgin-the-light2019-06-08T22:27:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/12/19/did-you-hear-about-the-blonde-who-went-to-a-comedy-club-and-got-depressed/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/2d4f438200000578-3268632-lighting_up_the_star_broke_with_convention_by_smoking_a_cigarett-a-28_1444591054762.jpg2d4f438200000578-3268632-lighting_up_the_star_broke_with_convention_by_smoking_a_cigarett-a-28_1444591054762Maybe it's the new look? I hope not. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/b648c1932551ef4408f88b32e2f47476-2.jpgb648c1932551ef4408f88b32e2f47476-2You didn't look quite so, um, intense in your profile picture. Remind me what you do for a living. Ah, yes, professional mourner and professional scarecrow. Two separate degrees? Inspiring. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/2238959844_0480e6a257_b.jpg2238959844_0480e6a257_bKind of melts your heart, huh? And other important stuff, too...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/0001-1963-pabst-blue-ribbon-time.jpgTime for a Beer!Time for a Beer!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/terry-old-man-black-and-white-white-black-old-1739166.jpgTerry Old Man Black And White White Black Oldwondering (about how things turned out for me, not wondering about inane stuff like if they make a phone the thickness of a potato chip, is it baked or fried?)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/gary_gulman_800x600.jpggary_gulman_800x600This is the guy that has been preoccupying my thoughts lately. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/images.jpegimagesI laugh until it hurt. And then all that was left was, well, you can see all that was left.2019-06-05T16:06:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/21/more-front-page-newspaper-funnies/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/stressed.jpgstressedToo. Much. Coming. At. Me. All. At. Once. I. Need. To Chill. Before. I. Spill.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/donald1.jpgdonaldWell, it was fun while it lasted. But, hey, just like in the TV show, I might be back!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/donald.jpgdonaldWell, it was fun while it lasted.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/newspaper-guns.jpgnewspaper gunsI don't know about you, but "love" and "guns" just doesn't go well together unless you're writing a rap song, which I don't thing these guys are doing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/newspaper-misbehave.jpgnewspaper misbehaveTypically, we find that younger students give teachers the most trouble, but sometimes, these older students can be very sassy. They think just because they're over 80, they can say anything they darn well please.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/newspaper-web.jpgnewspaper webUp in our neck of the woods, kids learn early on about the Web. It's this kind of education that will help them get the jobs that will be downsized when they grow up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/newspaper-gym.jpgnewspaper gymThis must be what that no No Child Left Behind policy is all about. If they are all at their desks during physical education time, then no one will be left behind on a track or on a field.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/newspaper-pilot.jpgnewspaper pilotHey, this is a small town and it's a small air port. They had to get creative with the seating.2018-10-24T14:53:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/21/maybe-i-should-start-reading-my-local-newspaper/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/dick.jpgdickI mean, look at this scene of carnage. Will Hollywood ever get a conscience?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hiding.jpghidingCould you please turn the volume down on all that life going on out there?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/ricky.gifrickyWhat makes you laugh like this?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-6.jpgnews 6I'm not sure if "turning the other cheek" is the smartest move here. What would Jesus do? And Shouldn't clergy be wearing their collars in public, even in their rockum-sockum social engagements?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-5.jpgnews 5Is it me, or are young people just looking younger these days? I mean, these recruits look like they have enough enthusiasm to be good law enforcement officers, but I think they might be taken about as seriously as Barnie Fife.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-4.jpgnews 4Chaoshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-3.jpgNews 3Speaking of slowly...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-2.jpgNews 2We all know the wheels of justice turn slowly. now you know why. We have one old man on the job looking for the hooligan who robbed our Stewarts store. And all he is brandishing is a "Stop" sign.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/news-1.jpgnews 1Two things caught my attention here: that getting a chicken wing joint made the big headline and the picture of the two women looking like, maybe, they had too many chicken wings.2018-10-24T00:28:23+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/19/the-power-of-the-press-to-entertain/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/racoon.jpgracoonHey, I noticed something wonky with your cable wires while I was up here. Your reception should be much better now. You're welcome.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/disco-lorna.jpgdisco LornaI try to look my best when I answer my door and while walking Scrappy. I just don't get why all the men in my neighborhood are so friendly and the women aren't...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dog-reading-newspaper.jpgdog reading newspaperLet's put this paper to bed, Girls and Boys. So what is the front page is exactly perfect. No one but a blonde blogger with way too much time on her hands will notice anyway...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/airport-headline.jpgairport headlineAnd you thought paying extra for your bags and enhanced security measures where over the top. Now it seems the new trend in air fare is self-propulsion. Hey, fuel prices aren't going down--but unless my arms get stronger, I may be...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/school-districts-battle1.jpgschool districts battleObviously the two districts haven't settled all of their issues yet. But it looks like the Smokin' Blue Sabers are going to get their way by cutting more than just costs from the Not-So-Fighting Reds.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/std-and-kitten1.jpgSTD and kittenAnd the number of kittens needing homes have increased as well. Coincidence? I think not! It's the innocent-looking ones you have to watch out for, People. That little kitty will bring a lot more to your family than purrs and hair balls.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/std-and-kitten.jpgSTD and kittenIt's the innocent-looking ones you have to watch out for, People. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/school-districts-battle.jpgschool districts battleObviously the two districts haven't settled all of their issues yet...2018-10-24T00:22:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/09/if-i-expose-more-of-myself-the-vice-squad-will-become-involved/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/kirk-and-scotty.jpgkirk and scottyShe's gunna blow, Cap'tin. We'll have to risk it, Scotty. We can't take on another award.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/1313397867_cat_begging.gif1313397867_cat_beggingYou don't often see a cat beg. I hope this leaves an impression on you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/begging.jpgbeggingYou don't often see cats begs. I hope this leaves an impression.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/princess-diana.jpgprincess dianaThe resemblance is remarkable, don't you think? Oh, stop you're laughing. I can dream.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/walter.jpgWalter"And that's the way it is...from everywhere U.S.A."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/lorna54boots.jpglorna54bootsI fell down shortly after this picture was taken. Exhaustion from balancing myself...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/madonna.jpgmadonnaWhat's not to love: sexy, blonde, pom-poms?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/sensible-shoes.jpgsensible shoesAll you need to do is try this once and you'll see the wisdom of sensible shoes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/unibrow.jpgunibrow...that. To be fair, she only had one brow to raise.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/good-wife.jpggood wifeThat's what I'm talking about, not...2018-10-24T00:16:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/08/hey-whats-the-dilly/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/her-sister.jpgHer SisterA charcoal sketch of me done 30 years ago. I seem a bit pensive, but you can tell it's me, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/still-life.jpgstill lifeA still life done in oils.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/crab-hat.jpgcrab hatPerhaps I should get a better Public Relations manager, or maybe hire a Public Relations Manager. My track record of making great decisions on my own isn't stellar.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ebook-autograph.jpgebook autographI hope my book signing has at least as many people.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/sneaking-a-peek.jpgsneaking a peekAre you sure it's okay to take a look? I hope so because this is just too good not to look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/little-lorna-001.jpgLittle Lorna-001Yes, that's the girl whose name means "lost."2018-10-24T00:14:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/03/20/hasta-la-pasta/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/giphy.gifgiphyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/384ddcd776835169bacd2a0edbc86a0f.jpg384ddcd776835169bacd2a0edbc86a0fSay hi to Peaches and Turnip. I'm experimenting with vegan cows. That sounds dumb. I know cows are vegan. I'm trying to get them produce vegan milk.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/p178118814-3.jpgp178118814-3Hmmm. Where are all the vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free bakeries? And Plaid is the the official uniform out here. I look dreadful in plaid! But I like the gloomy weather.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/posted-by-the-book-girl-at-wednesday-april-24-2013-xwmyjd-clipart.pngposted-by-the-book-girl-at-wednesday-april-24-2013-Xwmyjd-clipartI guess that about says it all.2017-03-21T02:36:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2017/01/19/which-came-first-our-45th-president-or-a-very-quaffed-moth/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/3038639605_1_3_lqeck8uk_zps2fad8425.jpg3038639605_1_3_lqeck8uk_zps2fad8425Hey! What about me? I could use some discovery action! How about Aves Melaniumhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/article-0-18cac68600000578-360_634x418.jpgarticle-0-18cac68600000578-360_634x418Really? You want in on this action, too?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/images1.jpegimagesIt's a big day in the research center! We need to have our wits about us. HAHAHAHAHA!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/a-donald-trump-hair-history.pnga-donald-trump-hair-historyHey, you have to work with what you've got...or not got, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/trumpy-large_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqqvzuuqpflyliwib6ntmjwfsvwez_ven7c6bhu2jjnt8-png.jpegtrumpy-large_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqqvzuuqpflyliwib6ntmjwfsvwez_ven7c6bhu2jjnt8-pngIs it me, or do the have the same expression, too?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/img_1233.jpgimg_1233Introducing Neopalpa donaldtrumpi! 2017-02-21T16:26:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/11/07/new-fangled-voting-machine-confuses-old-fangled-voter/2016-11-14T02:17:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/07/new-fangled-voting-machines-confuses-old-fangled-voter/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/dame-edna.jpgdame ednaThat's not my mom. She could never stand in front of a crowd and speak into a microphone like that. That's my job.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/shredder.jpegshredderIntroducing the 2012 Democrater. It counts and shreds to insure your privacy. Or does it shred and count to insure privacy? Either way, no one will no you voted.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/raising-hand.jpgraising handIt's not may fault. I have been given faulty equipment. See this book? The pages are all floppy. I can't work like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/1950s-voting-machine-201210-small.jpg1950s-voting-machine-201210-smallAh, the good old days with good old voting machines with good old levers and good old men inside them. No wonder Mom loved these machines.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/old-fashioned-woman.jpgold fashioned womanOkay, Mom can't find her aprons any more. She rarely cooks for herself anyway. But her phone is stuck to her wall and she would never own a cell phone.2016-11-06T17:01:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/11/03/vote-for-fozzie/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/img_0101.jpgimg_0101Campaigning is exhausting. I don't know how humans do it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/pix-debate-watch2015-590x340.jpgpix-debate-watch2015-590x340The Foz is way cuter than any of these selections. And he's portable.2016-12-19T23:25:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/10/10/dancing-the-walk/2016-11-11T17:39:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/09/08/whats-happening-in-outlandia/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1035.jpgimg_1035Eeewww. Picking up poopies should really be handled by trained professionals.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1044.jpgimg_1044https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1087.jpgimg_1087And you thought these critters were scary. Ha! Tweetie Bird is laughing his tail feathers off at Mr. Chirpindrool.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1086.jpgimg_1086https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1076.jpgimg_1076I live among some very passionate Trumpeteers. I just didn't know that they were trying to influence the election from the grave.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1075.jpgimg_1075As every good 4-H-er knows, you have to appreciate where things come from. So it's perfectly natural to have these beauties (the plants,not the wigged out judges) at the state fair. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1069.jpgimg_1069Just in case plain old Twinkies weren't risky enough for you, and you had one too many deep-fried sticks of butter, you're in luck! Or maybe your cardiologist is in luck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1067.jpgimg_1067"911, what's your emergency?" "Donut worry. I'm a police officer. I was latte for work and my caramel swirled to avoid all the holes around here. Batter send in back up, though."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1066.jpgimg_1066I'm guessing these plants didn't quite make it to the state fair. I've seen some odd things in port-a-potties in my day, but nothing like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/img_1065.jpgimg_1065I can see why they might be cracking down on drivers around here. 2016-09-30T22:14:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/08/02/the-news-just-keeps-getting-newsier/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/images-2.jpegimages-2I'm busier than I look, but keeping you entertained is a serious job and I take it , well, seriously. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/734350-_sx540_sy540_.jpg734350._SX540_SY540_https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/13500751.jpg13500751I'm busier than I look, but keeping you entertained is something I take seriously.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1056.jpgIMG_1056I'm sure lots of people think that balancing on one foot while boozed up is great for your core something, but if I remember correctly, having both feet on the ground while tipsy wasn't a guarantee of staying upright. Maybe if you have enough wine, you forget about falling and get creative with the explanations about all the bruises. It's a mind/body exercise.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1051.jpgIMG_1051Introducing Pooper Uber! I don't think that's what these entrepreneurs in the world of doggie doodoo are calling it, but it works the same way. Uber Scoopers are piling up for test runs in San Francisco, LA, and NYC. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1050.jpgIMG_1050https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1046.jpgIMG_1046I don't know much about America's favorite pastime or about baseball, but I bet that if I played on one of these teams, the other players wouldn't all rush to cover me if the ball came toward me (like in every game I've ever played in my life).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1016.jpgIMG_1016I'm seriously rethinking my aversion to organized religion. The most exciting thing we did in my religious ed classes was learn the major and minor ways to get to hell. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_1014.jpgIMG_1014I have new motto: When accused of any bunkie, blame it on a monkey. I know. Not very Buddhist of me, but I have a reputation to protect. And let's face it, monkeys have reputations that are in the crapbasket.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/img_0939.jpgIMG_09392016-09-07T19:35:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/07/27/theres-a-great-editor-in-cybertown-and-you-found-her/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/565991526_41596f30f4_o_cjj_restrepo_an_unusual_group_of_animals_at_a_meeting_seemingly_convened_by_the_smallest_among_them_potd.jpg565991526_41596f30f4_o_cjj_restrepo_an_unusual_group_of_animals_at_a_meeting_seemingly_convened_by_the_smallest_among_them_POTDSupportive AND adorable!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/200.gif200This free offer is looking mighty good right about now!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/img_0569.jpgIMG_0569Sorry. I'm the creative genius and the good looks of this operation. I need some technocat with brains to partner with me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/error-message.pngError MessageIt's good to have options.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/funny-dog-smile-crazy-face.jpgfunny-dog-smile-crazy-faceUh. What? Is something important happening here? Do I need to pay attention?2016-08-18T16:30:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/05/27/shes-done-it-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/img_0569.jpgIMG_0569Okay, Mom! You read the book to me and I'll pup-talk you through posting another review for this 5-bark book. Deal?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/bitch-913985_960_720.jpgbitch-913985_960_720She's done it again! And she's styling' while she's doin' it!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/the-seven-year-dress-kindle.jpgThe Seven Year Dress KINDLEAren't you intrigued?2016-06-08T16:55:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/05/24/ive-become-one-of-those-people/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/7357285134_fe338d0d9c_b.jpg7357285134_fe338d0d9c_bHuh? This language thing is going to be trickier than I thought. Or maybe not so much.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/rexfeatures_1822822ag.jpgrexfeatures_1822822agOh, Shizzle Sticks! I seem to have forgotten my memory. What was I saying?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/img_0898.jpgIMG_0898https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/img_0850.jpgIMG_0850Okay, do I look like someone who needs a flashy car to get a good parking space at the marijuana, um, er, drug store?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/tinfoilhat.jpgtinfoilhatEither they are Nestles Chocolate Kisses Enthusiasts (unlike me) or they are worried about all these gamma-goblin rays from the cyber-billions of electronic do-dads pinging, poking, and vibrating us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/how-old-is-hillary-clinton.jpghow-old-is-hillary-clintonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/queen-elizabeth-horrified-2.jpgqueen-elizabeth-horrified-22016-06-13T18:49:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2016/03/10/so-am-i-dead-yet/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/febfbb76837b6e6a4fd93332ec5aca97.jpgfebfbb76837b6e6a4fd93332ec5aca97I might have decided blogging was passé and taken up this new-fangled way of communication. You should try it. People don't sound like their words at at all. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/99fda30d71c0e615a39c1a75054c1431.jpg99fda30d71c0e615a39c1a75054c1431I'm not dead yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/fullsizerender.jpgFullSizeRenderLook for the Foz's official election portrait when you vote.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0520.jpgIMG_0520x https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0519.jpgIMG_0519Have you ever seen happier worshipers? I'm beginning to see the attraction to organized religion around here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0518.jpgIMG_0518Okay. Either this is one well-funded little league or this woman ruined her life for peanuts. And I mean that literally.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0502.jpgIMG_0502xhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0501.jpgIMG_0501Are they trying to lose federal and state funding?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0487.jpgIMG_0487https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_0484.jpgIMG_0484I know there is a big article here, but could someone please explain to me in simple terms how ANYONE could put a collar on a wild wolf by mistake? Seems like a lot of trouble to go to when you weren't specifically instructed to do so.2016-05-10T23:31:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/12/23/only-in-portlandia/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0384.jpgIMG_0384I had to read this advertisement several times. I'm happy that Purple Hair Woman found her life's calling. I'm worried that crickets have become the "other white meat."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tumblr_mzwets5kiv1snz8koo1_500.giftumblr_mzwets5KIV1snz8koo1_500I'm using all my moves for peace, harmony, and a whole lot of laughter in each day ahead of us. No wonder I feel too pooped to pop most days! Maybe if all of you join me, we'll start something wonderful that can't be stopped.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/cute-toddler-digging-earth-out-pot-mischievous-little-boy-blond-hair-plant-35049706.jpgcute-toddler-digging-earth-out-pot-mischievous-little-boy-blond-hair-plant-35049706I had to do some digging, and it wasn't easy; but I didn't want to let you down.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/6926681190_ac91dcb5a4.jpg6926681190_ac91dcb5a4I go to these finger wiggling parties all the time. Stick with me. I'll show you how to give as good as you get.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0381.jpgIMG_0381Only in America can you buy cozy pajamas and weapons in the same discount store. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0380.jpgIMG_0380Men, please don't heed this article's advice. No matter how you interpret it, it's probably not that kind of holiday party.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0379.jpgIMG_0379https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0378.jpgIMG_0378I never enjoy reading about violence and I'm just sick about all the gun violence. So this story struck me as, well, a nice change of pace. I still hope they stick it to the assaulter, but at least his weapon was made from all natural ingredients.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0331.jpgIMG_0331I know people get really excited about cheese plates, especially when there's smoked meat nearby, but, come on. Nothing beats kielbasa on a cheese plate? I'm just taking a guess here, but I'm thinking that cheese is pretty important, right? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0330.jpgIMG_0330It's been decades since I've eaten meatballs, but I don't remember having to order them where I buy rugs and stools. It's really hard to keep up with modern times.2016-01-22T00:59:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/12/08/theres-a-new-man-in-town/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/images.pngimagesYup. Definitely part Tigger.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_00031.jpgIMG_0003https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0003.jpgIMG_0003You can call me Fonzie if you like. Hey, just call me and I'll come a running! I don't want to miss any fun!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_00551.jpgIMG_0055You can call me Fonzie. Close enough! I just don't want to miss out on any fun.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0055.jpgIMG_0055You can call me Fonzie. I'll still come because I want to see what fun you have in store for me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0002.jpgIMG_0002Doesn't he look more like a Fozzie Bear than a Tumbleweed? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0005.jpgIMG_0005We recently went on a hike around Pitlock Mansion in Portland.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0023.jpgIMG_0023Playing with one of his many new toys.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/img_0007.jpgIMG_0007Taken the day I brought him home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/berenice-bejo-the-artist-et-uggie.jpgberenice-bejo-the-artist-et-uggieWhat a nice dog! I really like your dog! Can I bond with your dog? I really miss my dog. Your dog is so sweet...2016-01-22T01:00:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/11/23/coloring-outside-the-lines/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/soldier-and-bear.jpegsoldier and bearNow that there bear has talent!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/suepackingart72.jpgSuePackingArt72Sue is always busy doing something constructive, but she's willing to chat with us today, yeah!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/51rh0dukm5l-_sx340_bo1204203200_.jpg51rH0dUkM5L._SX340_BO1,204,203,200_https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/51igixv30ml-_sx345_bo1204203200_.jpg51IgiXv30mL._SX345_BO1,204,203,200_https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/glamclamsidea72.jpgGlamClamSideA72https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/camussugarsaltadj72.jpgCamusSugarSaltadj72https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/takingaleek72.jpgTakingALeek722015-12-09T18:52:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/11/19/ten-nine-eight/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/14661937541_233ed41c8d_b.jpg14661937541_233ed41c8d_bFozzie Bear loves puns and bananas. Why are not bananas ever lonely? Because they hang around in bunches. Ha. Ha. What did banana say to Fozzie Bear? Nothing! Banana can't talk, silly! But banana phone? Hmmm.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/206785218_e1ed58dfa1.jpg206785218_e1ed58dfa1These fellas look as if they know something about poofing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/images1.jpegimagesPlease, don't make this post as long as the last one or as much of a bummer as the short one before it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/ce-grate.jpgce-grateWhat? You don't find this photo inspirational? I bet you could write a flashy fiction piece based on this picture. If I did, you can.2015-12-03T01:26:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/10/23/legally-blonde/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/images-4.jpegimages-4Yes, I'm talking to you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/10_month_old_fennec_fox.jpg10_Month_Old_Fennec_FoxAnd this is why we should try to stay away from tired idioms.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/the_man_who_laughs_1928_3.jpgThe_Man_Who_Laughs_1928_3Are you sure about that?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/images-3.jpegimages-3Do you mean I didn't have to take those supplements and spend years at the gym to get noticed? All I had to do was violate copyright law? Ah, shucks.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/veronicafoster-ronniebrengungirl-smoke.jpgVeronicaFoster-RonnieBrenGunGirl-smokeHmm. If i take out my lip gloss, I think this little baby will fit in my purse.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/images-2.jpegimages-2No. No. No. I didn't mean that you are poppy-faced ugly. I meant you can't take good photographs. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/images.jpegimagesOh, who am I kidding? I could never be here. My hair is too short.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/10968905154_140c71b403_b.jpg10968905154_140c71b403_bI knew the man couldn't be writing all the time. But wait. Did he write the song he is playing? Probably.2015-11-10T19:09:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/27/position-available-immediately/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-31.jpegimages-3I may be adorable, but I'm rascally, too. If you don't watch out, I might surprise you...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/claire-fuller-9.jpgclaire-fuller-9I had a dickens of a time trying to figure out this photo. What do you make of it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-22.jpegimages-2Wait just a minute, Girly. I didn't pop over here to read some boring economics lecture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images2.jpegimagesBTW, WTF do they want? And how much $ are they paying?2015-11-09T17:05:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/25/trust-me-you-wont-feel-a-thing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/nana82ndbday.jpgNana82ndBdayMy mom celebrating her 82nd birthday. Soon to be among the thousands carrying that card that says, "I'm giving this sassy bod to science. Cart me away for free!"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images-5.jpegimages-5You hear the most interesting things when you listen.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/images1.jpegimagesMom may have had me confused with someone who works in the dead body business.2015-08-28T01:15:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/13/is-your-dogs-health-at-risk-read-my-surprising-nyt-story/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/fullsizerender3-copy.jpgDogs! Let's keep them safe2015-08-17T22:59:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/08/07/a-child-of-the-moon/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/moon-and-sky1.jpgmoon-and-sky12015-08-17T23:00:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/23/theres-a-new-man-comin-to-town/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/talk.giftalkDo as the, er, um, lady says...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/hiding-owl.jpghiding-owlBut my eyes are still as blue as they ever were! At least the eye that still opens...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/portlandia_cover_final_pr.jpgportlandia_cover_final_prThere's just so much to do...2015-06-01T22:59:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/21/hey-man-give-peace-a-chance/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/lennon-and-ono.jpglennon and onoWell, it's more comfortable than a sit-in...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/teen-pregnancy-stats.jpgteen pregnancy statsGood to know. I bet menopause complaints are way down among both women and men between the ages of 90 and 100. And zero complaints of insomnia (or anything else) from the new admissions to the morgue. Finally, so good news in the health field. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/whippet.jpgwhippetWhen I crack the whip, no one get hurts, except the people who don't like puns.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/santoshwriter-1.jpgsantoshwriter-12015-06-01T23:02:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/05/01/its-never-too-early-to-start-your-holiday-shopping/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/kitten-ribbon.jpgKittenI have how many gifts to wrap by when?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/head-cure.jpghead cureThis is a gift for anyone on your list who needs a bit of an attitude adjustment. Just tell them it's like spending a day at the beach, only they have to sit very still with their head enclosed in a metal case while solar (or some kind of) rays bombard their head until they are normal (feel rejuvenated). It must come with instructions, a script and that nice white insane person's gown.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/poker-face.jpgpoker-faceAny gamblers, robbers or serial killers on your gift list? Perfect! This mask hides those pesky "tells" that gives a person away at the most inopportune times.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/motor-rollerskates.jpgmotor-rollerskatesFor the Devil-May-Care persons on your gift list (or the ones you don't want on your gift list next year), consider these contraptions. Thrill seekers should get a kick out of strapping a tank full of leaded gas on their backs to power their roller skates as they whisk themselves onto the highway. Film at 11:00. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/hair-growth-hat.jpghair-growth-hatAnyone with thinning or vanished hair needs this product. Just look at it. You can't tell if the guy is bald or not. So just wearing the Hair Growth Hat gives you an edge. Totally worth the money.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/gum-finger.jpggum-fingerHey, Baby Boomers with periodontal disease or meth heads, you need to be kind to your gums. This gizmo is the ticket. It's not weird, or gross, and should only be used in the mouth. Got it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/foot-bikes.jpgfoot-bikesQuality, active family time not your thing? No problem! Strap on these foot bikes and stride, glide, or slip-slide your way to oblivion. These are totally safe and make you appear quite sophisticated. Really.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/family-bike.jpgfamily-bikeNeed to spend more quality time with the family AND get more exercise? Here is the solution! And if you rip your pants or a hem comes loose, Mom can fix your garments on the go!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/egg-cuber.jpgegg-cuberAnd you thought your kitchen was complete. Think again. Why have a plain hard boiled egg that looks like an egg when you can have a hard boiled egg that looks like a white box? Think of what you've been missing all these years? These egg cubes are stackable! Think of the possibilities!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/a-dog-restraint.jpga-dog-restraintRover will never rove again once you've got him your grips with the Hound Holder. Works best on dogs who aren't ticklish or aren't apt to run away.2015-05-12T16:48:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/04/29/an-honor-to-serve-friday-fictioneers-challenge/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scalp-molester.jpgscalp-molesterI just got me one of these. Maybe this will help get my imagination jump-started. It should get something jump-started...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/carol-burnett-norma-desmond.jpgcarol burnett norma desmondYou didn't know I could be so, well, dramatic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/barcelona-2006-011.jpgbarcelona-2006-011https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/appalled.jpgappalledSay it's not so. Take it back. Lorna was never a procrastinator. Why would she begin now? If it's true, we'll have to rethink the entire justice system and why men wear ties. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/baby.jpgbabyDon't get your diapers in a bunch. I'm thinking....2015-05-14T18:54:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/04/24/mirage-friday-fictioneers-challenge/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/keck.jpgkeckhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/owl-with-glasses.jpgowl with glassesAre you watching me now?2015-05-01T20:01:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/never-turn-back-a-novel/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/marilyn-kissing.gifmarilyn kissinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/never-turn-back-kindle.jpgNever Turn Back KINDLEThis is a 412 page-turner!2015-04-14T00:44:03+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blog/2015/04/13/the-reviews-are-in-but-whose/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/sin-2.jpgsin (2)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/sin.jpgSinhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/eavesdroppingjpg.jpgeavesdroppingjpgHey, I get the scoop any way I can. Don't judge me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/tattooed-angel-artwork-22615.jpg??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/reading-library-ladder.jpgreading library ladderSo many many pages, so little tushy padding.2015-04-14T17:31:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/24/tongue-twisters-with-lorna-the-challenge-edition/2015-04-09T15:42:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/13/tongue-twisters-with-lorna/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/finger-wagger.jpgfinger-waggerWhatever naughty thing you're thinking, just stop! Lorna runs a clean shop here.2015-03-24T01:22:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/10/angels-tattoos-and-other-hinky-stuff/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/kramer-mind-blown-gif-72on.gifkramer-mind-blown-gif-72OnIt doesn't take much to blow my mind these days.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/angel-tattoo-design.jpgAngel-Tattoo-DesignI'll explain later...if I can.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/me-and-herbie.jpgme and HerbieAs you can see, she love birds. Bird love is, like, intense. This woman is capable of major passion.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/rock-star.jpgrock starWhere'd you put the knife? Not in your pants I hope? I told you never put the knife in your pants.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/tattooed-angel-artwork-22615.jpg??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????That rose looks pretty good for having traveled through time, eh?2015-03-11T21:46:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/03/03/more-newsie-neighbor-stories-from-portlandia/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/barney_fife.jpgBarney_FifeYou see here? A gun's nothing you play around with. It's serious business and you have to be a rained professional like me to handle one. Not everyone can be trusted with a dangerous weapon like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/monster-truck-fan.jpgMINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAHe looks like he's ready for some lovin'.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/former-oregon-state-student-may-spend-a-year-in-jail-for-allegedly-filming-porn-in-campus-library.pngformer-oregon-state-student-may-spend-a-year-in-jail-for-allegedly-filming-porn-in-campus-libraryThere she is. You can tell that she's a freshman. A student with more porn film class experience would have dressed in something a bit more tasteful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/pdogscratchingani.gifPDogScratchingAniAnd that malady is the least of my worries.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/hiding.jpghidingI simply prefer to focus on other things, like nothing.2015-03-25T19:33:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/02/24/ive-got-the-shutterbug/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/nikon.jpgnikonHeck if I know what all that gibberish means. It has an "auto" setting. I'm using that for now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/camel.jpgcamelI may need a whitening treatment. Oy Vey!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/witch-teeth.jpgwitch teethThe case that won my dentist her degree.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/sick.jpgsickNothing in your black bag is gonna help what I got unless your black bag has room for another lens.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/white-bird-mirror2.jpgwhite bird mirror2This one, too. He came out with some wiggly, squiggly thing in he beak. Got a picture of that, too. But...yuck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/white-bird-mirror1.jpgwhite bird mirror1You may not believe this, but I saw the refection and meant to take this picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/coyote.jpgcoyoteI guess the rules about not getting out of your car don't apply to everyone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/mallards2.jpgMallards2Some women have no problem telling their men to mind their own business.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/mallards1.jpgmallards1Some men just have to look when their ladies are taking a bath.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/gree-trees.jpggree treesWhat can I say? I like trees?2015-03-04T01:48:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/02/20/romance-is-in-the-ether-er-um-air/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/running-heart.jpgrunning heartPhew! I've got 11 months to recuperate.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/fulffy-butt.jpgfulffy buttWell, don't blame me. You gave those chocolates to me. What was I supposed to do? Insult you on the most romantic day of the year? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/tickled.jpgtickledNot exactly what I meant, but I hope he was feeling some love. Or some something.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/tricia.jpgTriciaShe's as sweet as she looks, so don't hesitate to contact her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/until.jpgUntilSee? Romance with a twist. What's that key all about?2015-02-24T18:29:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/02/03/to-make-you-feel-my-love/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/smiling-scrappy.jpgsmiling scrappyWho loves ya, Baby? I do!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/once-in-a-blue-moon.jpgOnce in a Blue Moonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/scrappy-box.jpgScrappy BoxI picked the box because the decorative part reminded me a bit of an old time world map. Scrappy--ever the traveler...2015-02-11T02:24:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/01/29/got-newsy-neighbors-i-do/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/moon.jpgmoonDon't you admire what people can do with a shrub, hedge clippers, and a little imagination?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/violin.jpgviolinTrust me. You don't want to see the pictures I saw when I searched Google Images for naked violin protest. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/car.jpgcarClassic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/jogger.jpgjoggerWhere am I? There has to be something better I could be doing right now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/lucy-and-ethyl.jpglucy and ethylA good neighbor is hard to find. So I'll have to settle for a newsy neighbor.2015-02-11T02:25:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2015/01/09/why-my-blog-is-like-the-best-one-to-follow/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/therapy.jpgtherapyThat'll make you feel better.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/gomer.jpggomerShazam and golly! The way they drop the F-bomb on that there HBO channel, it's enough to give a guy like me the willies. And think about all them women-folk who have ta listen ta that. I sure am glad my momma taught me better.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/perplexed.jpgperplexedLike this one. Is he as confused about the hat as I am? I'm thinking he got himself inducted into some secret brotherhood of and now he is stuck trying to figure out the secret hand shake and how to explain his long absences every other Thursday evening to his wife. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/rant.gifrantYeah, I find that annoying. How about you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/operator.jpgoperatorNone of the modern day equivalent of this kind of thing necessary to keep up with me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/head.jpgheadAnd why wouldn't you trust me? I just got back from the, um, er, rest home. Yes, that's it, where they tuned me all up. My brain is working better than ever. I just wish I could remember where I left my body...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/gum.gifgumDoes it look like I could use some diversion?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/paris.jpgparisDo you notice how humble people like Paris and me try to hide our assets so we down draw unnecessary attention to ourselves? That's just how we are.2015-01-16T01:22:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/26/read-n-and-weap-inc-aint-been-sittin-on-our-hands/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/stretchy-pants.jpgstretchy pantsRemember, stretchy pants aren't just for yoga and athletes. Wear 'em during your holiday meal. Your belly will thank you kindly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/red-green-car.jpgred green carWe thought this might save her some money on hotel bills for her cross country trip. Whadaya think? Made it ourselfs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/cat-with-antlers.jpgcat with antlersThat's all she can afford.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/bush-beating-car.jpgbush beating carThis beauty is great for beatin' the bushes. Other stuff, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/drama-queen.jpgdrama queenI need my creative space. And feathery hats. And poofy skirts. Is that too much to ask? Why must people label me as "high maintenance?"2014-12-03T02:00:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/24/have-i-come-down-with-hallucinationism/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/invisible-fence.jpginvisible fence2014-11-26T23:11:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/18/flying-donkeys-and-fairy-men-oh-my/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/big-glasses-girl.jpgbig glasses girlI have reviewed the data carefully. Lorna is correct. She is living is a dream world if she believes her blog is as innocent as she thinks.2014-11-21T20:09:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/13/news-from-readum-and-weap-inc/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/duct-tape-baby.jpgduct tape babyThe Wall Huggie.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/duct-tape.jpgduct tapeI'm licensed to use this stuff and I won't hesitate to use plenty of it to keep you quiet...and fix just about anything that needs fixin'. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/cleavage.jpgcleavageThis ain't the exposure we had in mind, but any exposure is good exposure in our book!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/psycho.jpgpsychoI give "Silence of the Lambs" 2 stars. I just couldn't connect with the Hannibal. He's so mean and makes all the wrong choices.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/the-muscle.jpgthe muscleGood thing we got the boys from Ruff M. Up on retainer.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/projects.jpgprojectsThat's us at a marketin' conference. Some team buidlin'/outdoor he-man exercise. You know, the typical book marketin' conference stuff.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jersey-shore.jpgjersey shoreYeah. They both got publishers to buy and market their books. Even more astonishing, they can read.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/red-green.jpgred greenWe don't use the whatcha call typical tools of the marketing trade, but we get er done.2014-11-17T23:43:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/10/illegal-wedding-photos/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/intimate.jpgintimateLove was definitely in the air. Illegal or not!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/fairy-tale.jpgfairy taleMy mom, bless her heart, bought this votive candle holder for me a couple of years ago, thinking about how happy I am to be with the man of my dreams.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/phil-and-lorna-dancing.jpgphil and lorna dancingThe song we selected as "Our Song" was by Jim Croce: "Time in a Bottle."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lorna-and-alex.jpegLorna and AlexMe with Alex, the child who made it through my bumbling parenting.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/the-four-earl-girls.jpgthe four Earl GirlsMe with my mom and sistershttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/dancing-1.jpgdancing 1Dancing with my younger sister...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/dancing-with-my-man.jpgDancing with my manDancing with my guy...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/after-vows.jpgAfter VowsTaken after we said our illicit vows. I think I'm going to nickname Phil "The Big Dipper."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/the-setting-001.jpgthe setting-001The scenic backdrop for out illegal shindig.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lorna-and-phil-sitting.jpglorna and phil sittingBefore the event began, we thought we'd sit and look pretty for the camera.2014-12-17T15:23:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/05/come-and-play-with-lorna-to-win-an-amazon-gift-card/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lorna-lee-bubble-text.jpgLorna Lee talkinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/never-turn-back.jpgNever Turn Backhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/worm.jpgWorm saying he won't hurt Lorna2014-11-10T22:06:14+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/11/03/somebodys-ready-for-the-big-move/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/scrappy-hood.jpgScrappy Hoodhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/scrappy-raincoat-001-e1415037081631.jpgScrappy raincoat-001I hear it rains A LOT in the Portland area. I don't my hair-do to take a beating. But...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/scrappy-raincoat1.jpgScrappy raincoatWill the gals still find me irresistible in this get-up? It's always a toss-up: looks vs. practicality.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/scrappy-raincoat.jpgScrappy raincoathttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/20141103_120722.jpg20141103_120722Will the gals still find me irresistible in this get-up? It's always a toss-up: looks vs. practicality. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/20141103_120307.jpg20141103_120307I hear it rains A LOT in the Portland area. I don't my hair-do to take a beating.2014-11-08T19:01:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/29/what-am-i-going-to-do-now/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/george.gifgeorgeHe could be "Mr."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/mad-cat.jpgmad catI know that look. You know that look. Let's avoid that look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/cleaning.jpgcleaningI cleaned 'er up real good, Honey,https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chimp-reading.jpgchimp readingI don't care about that banana cream pie. This new novel by Lorna Lee is just too good to put down.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/high-five.gifhigh fiveOkay. Now that's over, what do we do?2014-11-03T15:14:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/24/just-when-you-think-the-news-couldnt-get-any-worse/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/disgusted-lucy.jpgdisgusted lucyYou know thing are getting rough for me when I start using images of Lucille Ball rather than Marilyn Monroe or Princess Di. I need help, People!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/panda.jpgpandaI love the novel, don't get me wrong, but I'm at the point where I think I can recite it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/dunce-cap-girl.jpgdunce-cap-girlMaybe I watched too much TV news when I was a kid and got punished for it, so now I'm just reliving the haunting memories. All's I know is I am majorly news-averse.2014-11-03T15:15:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/18/kevs-author-interviews-presents-lorna-earl/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/never-turn-back-kindle1.jpgNever Turn Back KINDLEOh yes, he did!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2nd-edition-front-book-cover-version-2.jpg2nd Edition Front Book Cover Version 2https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/framed-photo-for-promo.jpgFramed photo for promohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/20131017_184020.jpg20131017_1840202014-10-24T19:29:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/17/free-free-free-did-i-mention-free/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/girl-with-glasses.jpggirl with glassesUm. Where's my thesaurus? I need more superlative adjectives for my reviews of Lorna's writing. Frankly, I'm blown away. I have to get these books on the pre-school summer reading list. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/stop-eating.jpgstop eatingWha...? Dis ivn't ree? Gulp!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/pampered-pet.jpgpampered petI'm thinking I don't need to read this book about life's ups and downs. I've only ever known the ups.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/street-vendor.jpgstreet vendorYou want Kindle Ap? We got Kindle Ap.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/impatient.gifimpatientThis is worse than when I had dial-up access.2014-10-24T19:42:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/how-was-i-supposed-to-know-a-memoir/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/about-author.jpgAbout AuthorThat's me, Lorna Lee!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/book-cover.jpgBook CoverThis girl was destined for something...I just don't know what. Let's hope it's lots of book sales. It's sure not modeling.2014-10-14T15:11:05+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/13/the-wait-is-over-never-turn-back-is-never-turning-back/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/house-hunting.jpghouse huntingGood to know, but does it have a gas fireplace?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ellen-phone.jpgellen phoneYeah, I'd do a phone interview.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/whispering.jpgwhisperingSure. This new book is way different that her hilarious but poignant memoir, but it's great in a whole new way. You gotta read it. Forget Dick and Jane. I'm tellin' ya!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/tearsofboehnerplain.giftearsofboehnerPlainAnd this is a good day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/droopy.jpgdroopyEver feel like this? Then you know how I feel.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/big-hair.jpgbig hairI'm selling this product to more body in your hair. I didn't mean for your body to be part of your hair. Maybe I should try marketing it differently...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/marilyn-monroe-dance-reaction-gif.gifMarilyn-Monroe-Dance-Reaction-GifYeah, I'm that happy. Hope you will be, too!2014-10-24T20:23:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/10/10/more-than-one-part-good-interview-with-janni-styles/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/mother-theresa.jpgmother theresaOkay, so maybe I'm not quite that popular...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/one-part-good.jpgone part goodhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/janni.jpgjanniThis beautiful soul wrote a beautiful book. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/carebear.jpgcarebearUh huh. Who wouldn't wuv me to wuv you?2014-10-15T19:14:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/25/somethingss-gotta-give/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/jumping-for-joy.jpgjumping for joyYup. You're happy because good things are happening to me, not because you don't have to feel guilty deleting all my posts you don't want to read.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/weeds.jpgweedsGood luck with that landscaping thing I never quite got the hang of.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/whew.gifwhewWhew!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/i-quit.jpgI quitUh huh. I'm just walkin' away.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/email.jpgemailHey, that's not all me...is it?2014-10-02T15:05:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/09/20/whats-the-hold-up-new-book-cover-revealed/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/20131017_183938.jpg20131017_183938Yup. I'm the Culprit Princess.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/grandmother.jpggrandmotherMaybe your grandmother, Honey, but not mine!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/sleeping-cat.jpgsleeping catUm. I was looking for the mouse and this pad was so comfortable....https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/never-turn-back-kindle.jpgNever Turn Back KINDLEIt's like Peter knew the vision for the cover inside my head, only better, and made it real.2014-10-02T15:08:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/08/15/well-my-name-does-mean-lost/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/goggles.jpggogglesI knew at least one of my readers was looking for me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/happy-campers.jpghappy campersTotally Happy Campers!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/kitty.jpgkittyI really need to get a few things off my plate before I can start blogging again like I used to. Maybe I should start with getting ME off my plate...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140731_172244.jpg20140731_172244View from our tiny "beach." The pond was high due to the wet summer we've had.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140731_172223.jpg20140731_172223Path leading to the pond that was supposed to be there (as opposed to the one created by the rain).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140731_172147.jpg20140731_172147Our site. No close neighbors except for a persistent and cute chipmunk.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140720_165532.jpg20140720_165532My guest room needed something happy in it. I call this quilt "Funshine."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/wall-hanging.jpgwall hangingI'm not in Pennsylvania, nor am I Dutch. I just love working with wool and doing things by hand.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140720_165100.jpg20140720_165100See, told you it was for Phil.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140720_165024.jpg20140720_165024I finally made a bed-sized quilt for me! (And Phil, of course...)2014-09-06T14:16:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/06/26/its-about-time-no-its-not-its-about-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/up-down.jpgup downThe sexual tension was flipping palpable.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/dog-glasses.jpgdog glassesThanks, my one loyal reader. I owe you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/worried-telephone-lady.jpgworried telephone ladyHelloooo. Is anyone there? Hellooo?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/scrappy-tiara.jpgscrappy tiaraIf you don't do it for my mom, do it for me. It costs money to keep me in the style to which I'm accustomed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/lorna-smile.jpglorna smileMy smile after braces.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/lorna-before-smile.jpglorna before smileMy smile before braces.2014-07-02T18:34:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/06/02/put-on-your-party-pants-june-is-here/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/yelling.jpgyellingYou just had to vote conservative, didn't you? Now look at where we are. Left out in the cold, as usual...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/party-pants.jpgparty pantsWell, maybe you can put those pants away and still have a good time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/insurance.jpginsuranceFine print? Even I don't read it. Trust me. Just sign here...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/catfish.jpgcatfishIt's about time we celebrate such awesome creatures.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/saunter.jpgsaunterNot much would get done, and wouldn't that be great?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/donald-duck-091138.jpgdonald-duck-091138Just one day for me, the duck who made Disney?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/cat-bite.jpgcat biteThere, there, Princess Leah, this is National Hug Your Cat Day. It's a good thing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/bubba.jpgbubbaOh, just pick one and party with him. It's only for a day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/accordion.jpgaccordionAccordion players are notoriously enthusiastic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/bathing-suit-dog.jpgbathing suit dogI knew I should've laid off the gummy bears jumbo packs...2014-06-25T21:22:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/05/29/triple-crown-in-2014-yes-or-no-the-hippophiliac-hopes-so/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/finish-ring.jpgfinish ringWhen did it become a Finish Ring and not a Finish Line?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/hat-horse.jpghat horseThis is the Kentucky Derby, after all. If I make a decent showing here, I could be put out to stud. Not a bad life, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/weather-map.jpgweather mapAccording to this weather map, something fishy is happening to a large portion of America...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/baby-jockey.jpgbaby jockeyMake sure to wind him up real good right before race time!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/nose-strips.jpgnose stripsHe's the only horse that doesn't snore.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dog-agility.jpgdog agilityI'm telling you, People, you'll be sitting on the edge of your Laz-E-Boy!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/preakness.jpgpreakness3 is my lucky number. And Purple is a very spiritual and healing color. With my system for picking horses, do you think I should play the horses?2014-06-26T13:12:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/05/17/time-to-let-go-but-not-of-this-book/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/bw.jpgBWYes, it's time to retire. My hair is too thin to cover my age spots and wrinkles. And another shot of Botox will paralyze my frontal lobe. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/christoph.jpgChristophHe's such a great writer and even better sport. And now we know he was a DJ!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/time-to-let-go-cover-large-200x300.jpgtime-to-let-go-cover-large-200x300Elegant cover, huh? The man has great taste!2014-05-25T15:07:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/04/03/drop-everything-and-read-this/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/pants-falling-down.jpgpants falling downWell, I didn't mean everything you're wearing. Use some common sense, People!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/from-here-to-eternity.jpgfrom here to eternityLike I said, nothing exotic. Just so alone time with me and Phil.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/five-star.jpgfive star2014-04-16T23:41:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/03/19/oceans-elven/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/reading.jpgreadingPreparing for an author interview takes great care and precision leg-work.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/eleven.jpgelevenLet your imagination fly, People.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/eleven-elves.jpgeleven elvesThese eleven elf-like creatures invite you to write about them or any other elves you happen to know about. 2014-03-27T15:47:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/03/15/living-life-backwards-lets-see-whats-thats-all-about/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/img_51341.jpgIMG_5134I had fun, too!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/living-life-backward.jpgLiving Life BackwardHere it is!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lion.jpglionI'm always looking for a scoop...I just hope this furry fellow isn't looking for one, too!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/img_5134.jpgIMG_5134I had a fun time, too! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/img_5111.jpgIMG_5111I told you he is a dapper chap. And look what he's reading. It must be good because it's making him smile...2014-05-08T15:10:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/03/05/breaking-news-from-readum-n-weap-ink-inc/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/disguises.jpgdisguisesYou may see them coming, but you won't have a clue who they are.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/fanning.jpgfanningSending a kid over to fan you is extra. It's in the fine print...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/20131017_184020.jpg20131017_184020I'm taking back some of my retainer if you don't show a bit more discretion.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/little-rascals.jpglittle rascalsThey're just waiting for our phone call...or whistle.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/drinking-jpg.jpedrinking.jpg.Not to worry: one is a protein drink and the other is reconstituted super-green foods in water and juice.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/new-crap.jpgnew crapFinally, truth in advertising!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/chuch-kill.jpgchuch killSometimes it's best to keep quiet. I'm keeping quiet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/anitclimbing-paint.jpganitclimbing paintCould probably argue with that logic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/closed-bar.jpgclosed barCan't argue with that logic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/funny-sign.jpgfunny signUnbelievable! I'm coming with a U-Haul!2014-03-08T15:12:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/17/finally-a-game-im-good-at/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/running.gifrunningOkay, People, start running, because YOU'RE IT! Well, you don't have to panic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/monster.jpgmonsterAha! I found a dangling participle! And I'm keeping this beauty all to myself!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/glamour-girl.jpgglamour girlThat's more like "It."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/it.jpgitNo, not that "It."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/stumbling.gifstumblingThis would be like me on a rather physically adept day.2014-03-05T12:30:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/15/have-you-gotten-your-free-copy-of-my-memoir/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/pile.jpgpileNone of the fine reviews the the 1st edition garnered came along with the 2nd edition. So PLEASE fill up that Amazon page with reviews! Thanks!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/sad-dog.jpgsad dogNope. No. Nah.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/happy-dog.jpghappy dogDon't you just love jumping for joy?2014-03-27T15:48:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/12/new-and-improved-slimmer-and-trimmer-it-could-be-me-but-its-not/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/2nd-edition-front-book-cover-version-2.jpg2nd Edition Front Book Cover Version 2I mean, how could you resist reading about how this clueless kid grew up to be this clueless blogger?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/drunk-old-woman.jpgdrunk old womanShyeah. 550 blog posts and I still look this smokin' hot in a red dress. How do I do it? I don't even know the secret to my mediocrity, but I'll come with an answer if you give me enough time. Check back for my 1,000th blog.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/monk.jpgmonkDomestic disputes are the worst. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/model.jpgmodelJust a few months ago I couldn't breathe in this dress. Now look at me. I can take nice shallow breaths without popping a a seam.2014-03-05T12:28:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/10/not-the-olympics-the-oscars-or-the-grammies-but-its-still-worth-tuning-in-for/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/snow-fort.jpgsnow fortNever mind. The shovels are out in the garage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/applause3.jpgapplause3What do we have here? It's gotta be good. We're all watching!2014-02-11T17:55:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/07/try-getting-out-of-this-post-without-saying-something/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/staring.jpgstaringWell, did you vote?2014-02-12T00:33:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/02/05/spammer-sara-want-to-be-bffs-should-i/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/meg2.jpgMeg2Another message! What could it be? Should I read it? Oh the mystery of it is making my life seem so much more exciting than it was before.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/sara2.jpgsara2Now I'm thinking SpamSara looks more like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/sara.jpgSaraHere's what I imagine my gal SpamSara to look like. Sweet, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/meg.jpgmegOh, goodie! Another message! Should I open it now or wait?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/jj.jpgJJDo you mean to tell me...? Oh, never mind. I've seen and heard a lot of stupid things in my life, but are you trying to make me trow something at you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/talking.jpgtalkingYeah, I'm still here. Keep talking. I'm listening.2014-02-10T18:59:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/01/27/a-word-or-more-about-blogging-ethicalness/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/sick.jpgsickDr, House isn't available, but I'm optimistic that I'll live. I just keep thinking that there is sequel to my memoir in the making...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/panda.jpgpandaAnd then my car got towed when I was in jail over night because my best friend left me at this bar where I got totally wasted and make a jerk of myself infront of this sweet girl I was trying to meet from work. So I just got fired and my landlord kicked me out and I burned my mouth on my last Hot Pocket.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/geek-girl.jpeggeek girlReady for my next assignment!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tug.jpegtugIt may not always be pretty, but we're connected. I know it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/fainting.jpegfaintingOh, just leave her, Big Guy. She doesn't have enough meat on her bone to make it worth your while.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/crying.jpegcryingOh, how I've missed you!2014-02-08T01:10:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2014/01/06/so-how-did-i-do/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/lilyhammer.jpglilyhammerHey, Lorna! I ain't gettin' rich from that, whatcha callit, memeroir you wrote. So I better see some real action from that next thing you been workin' on. Capisce?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/giggle.gifgiggleLet's make 2014 the Year of the Giggle!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/windy.jpgwindyI'm not going to lie to you. I've got a lot of work ahead of me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/cat-massage.jpgcat massageNow you know my secret. I get my best silly ideas when I'm very relaxed. And nothing says "relaxed" more than kitty claws kneading those sore muscles.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/earring-magic-ken.jpgearring magic kenI sort of feel like Earring Magic Ken. Yup. He was pulled off the market quicker than most people can say, "I don't have anything against gays. but there's just something not right about that Barbie's boyfriend wearing an earring."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/wp-monkeys.jpgWP monkeysWe sure have a lot of bloggers here at WordPress. I wish they'd hire more of us Monkeys.2014-02-09T15:44:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/26/two-pictures-two-words/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131024_173948.jpg20131024_173948No one told me that having braces makes your eyes puffy. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131024_174112.jpg20131024_174112https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131017_164020.jpg20131017_164020The old chompers may not look horribly out of whack now, but if left to their own devises, it would be Halloween around my home every day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131017_163933.jpg20131017_163933The old chompers may not look horribly out of whack now, but if left to their own devises, it would be Halloween around my home every day.2013-12-06T16:37:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/11/01/and-the-adventure-continues/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/phantom.jpegphantomHey Lady, let's go over there! I think there must be something fun, fun, fun, to do over there. Then you can take me back to my special place. Okay? So let's go, go, go!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/waiting-for-news.jpegwaiting for newsDon't fret, Bert. I'm sure she won't make us wait too long for the answer. She's not a cruel woman.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/marilyn-in-glasses.jpegmarilyn in glassesNo, dear. It's not the hair or body or even the flawless features that got me where I am. It's the glasses. They make you smarter. It's like magic. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/george.jpeggeorgeJust pretend George is Philip and this brunette is me. Yes. We love nature.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/book-cover.jpgBook CoverIt's a great read, really. More people would say so if they took the time to read it.2013-11-15T16:54:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/19/i-had-to-be-a-broad-for-this-interview-with-christof/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/queenelizabethpurple2.gifqueenelizabethpurple2Wasn't it nice of her to send me off back home personally? Maybe she was just happy to see me go.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/monica.jpgmonicaIndoors. Definitely involves control...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/crazy-eyes.jpgcrazy eyesThat's the way that some people look at me sometimes. Just so you know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/madmen.jpgmadmenYou'd fit right in, Christoph!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/the-ritz.jpgthe ritzI find the Ritz staff very friendly...and cuddly.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/molly.jpgMollyMolly is a smart girl. I think I'll follow her lead and see what else is on her reading list. Maybe you should, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/b3-full-book.jpgb3-full bookThis is the book we'll be chin wagging about today. Smashing book cover, don't you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/533263_10150846693202132_1907767914_n.jpg533263_10150846693202132_1907767914_nSee? I told you he is a dapper chap!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/judy-holiday.jpgjudy holidayAll right, already. I made a mistake. I should have said 'abroad." What's the big deal anyway?2014-05-29T20:45:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/15/its-not-all-in-your-head-at-least-according-to-aurora/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/eye-marble.jpgeye marbleAccording to my only slightly freaky eye-marble paper weight, this book is going to do a world of good. It already has. Eye should know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/crazy-hair.jpgcrazy hairMy hair is not the worst thing ever. It's the best thing ever. Really. I paid good money for this style. It better be the best thing ever or I'm going to feel like the worst thing ever.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/frazier.jpgfrazierFrazier was listening, but was he paying attention? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/750-wide-front-cover.jpg750 wide front coverThis is her recently released book of poetry.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/750-wide-2010.jpg750 wide 2010Here is the brave and beautiful soul you are about to meet.2013-10-27T19:55:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/11/snollygoster/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/lori1.jpglori1Was that a bad word? That sounded like a bad word.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/what.jpgwhatWhat is she talking about now?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sophia.jpgsophiaYo. I'm impressed with the types of people you hang out with. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/baby.jpgbabyI'm not happy. No I'm not. You could have spent more time on a good comb-over for my hair. I've got more lift-off than the Space Shuttle!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sissor-hands.jpgsissor hands"Snollygaster?" Really? I know you have long hair covering your face, but do you see what I have instead of hands? Do you really want to mess with me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/used-car-salesman.jpgused car salesmanHey, for you, I'll even throw in a tire repair kit. Not that your're gonna need it, or nothin'...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/picking-nose.jpgpicking noseAchem. No one is supposed to pay attention to these proceedings. And the snack tray is held up between North and South Korea. They argue about everything.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/mae-west.jpgmae westCome on, Fellas. I can't help it if you lose both heads when I'm around. But there's no need to call me names.2013-10-14T18:06:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/10/04/im-just-a-magnet-for-internet-rascals/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/cameron.jpgcameronNever cared much for the old podium...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/mummy.jpgmummyNo, Mr. Mummy! You misunderstood. I didn't call you a psychopath because you were muttering curses, I merely noted that you appeared to be coming unraveled.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/line.jpglineWhat are you in line for? I don't know but it must be good. Look at the line!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/scream.jpgscreamSee what I mean. I'm feeling all compassionate and like hugging someone, but this woman has to go scream and totally kill my serenity buzz.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/diana.jpgdianaLet's put this to rest, shall we? If Lorna were taller, thinner, had more refined features, was wealthy enough to afford posh clothing and a make-up and hair stylist, we could be twins.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/rabbit-fart.jpgrabbit fartButt, if this was the Easter Bunny...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/horse-wash.jpghorse washhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/baked-bimbo.jpgbaked bimboOkay. So maybe I was baked a little too long...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/bobby.jpgbobbyYou dare mess with my hair? You gonna wish you ain't never been born.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ham-threesome.jpgham threesomeGeorge and Cindy took a step on the wild side and engaged in their first Ham Sex threesome.2013-10-09T20:22:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/09/15/whats-your-line/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/cat.jpgcatWould you please give me a moment. I'm getting into my creative mode...and loosening a hairball. The two are not mutually exclusive.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/vacuuming-lawn.jpgvacuuming lawn2013-10-03T15:26:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/09/09/newsance/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/truck-pool.jpgtruck poolInnovative, kind of creepy, or ill-advised (in the"this will end badly for any number of reasons" way)?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/stuck.jpgstuckSure. No problem. I'll be happy to stand here while you snap some pictures. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Hey! Wait! Where are YOU going? How am I going to explain this to the neighbors? Not your problem, you say? Well just you wait and see how my problem becomes your problem right after my problem gets solved. Never mind. It makes sense to me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/mitt-and-chicken.jpgMitt and chickenHmmm. Either the Colorado Senator is wrong or Mitt Romney is headed a life as a poor black man.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/mitt.jpgmittHmmm. Either Senator X is wrong or Mitt Romney is headed a life as a poor black man. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/small-car.jpgsmall carLet's make it a "quickie," shall we?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/clown.jpgclownYes, that's our Sharolyn. Sniff. Sniff. She was always such a clown, but underneath... Anyway, her nose doesn't look quite right--too...upturned maybe? But I heard the the embalming guy at Butcher, Burnum, and Leavitt Funeral Home is new and might have gotten a little crazy with the pump.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/man-in-cage.jpgman in cageWould you look at the hat on that critter, Leo? I wonder what purpose that thing serves in the wild?2013-09-15T15:15:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/09/03/anyone-up-for-a-game-of-chess/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/woody.jpgwoodyLorna, you may be only a quarter Jewish, but you know funny like I know funny. You're just one-quarter as funny as I am. Sorry, you mostly Shiksa blonde.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/chess.jpgchessClearly this is not going to be fun. That cat in the corner is going to distract both of us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/changing-tire.jpgchanging tireSee what I mean? What's this all about Fellas? What really needs inflating here?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/gene-kelly.jpggene kellyYeah, that's what I was thinking of and that was total fantasy. No man can dance like he did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/agnes.jpgagnesLorna: Actually I'm not doing fine, James. That was AGNES, not Agatha, Moorehead. A memory is a terrible this to misplace.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/eyeroll.gifeyerollLornahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/old-man.jpgold manThanks for hanging in there. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/photo.jpgphotoThis is not Marlon Brando. It's James. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/a-font-with-serifs-2.jpgA Font with Serifs 2Nice cover, huh?2013-09-07T12:33:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/09/01/sunday-short-and-sweet/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/reading-playboy.jpgreading playboyGood Grief! This article is fascinating!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/finish-line.jpgfinish lineYou wish this post was THAT short! Come on, People, it's me we're talking about.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/mobility-chairs.jpgmobility chairsShizzle! I knew it. An organization a big and powerful as the AARP had to have its own militia. And if they take out one of their own (me), who would even notice?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/blog-nature-walk-cartoon.jpgblog nature walk cartoonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/blog-birds-cartoon.jpgblog birds cartoonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/blog-couple-gaming.jpgblog couple gaminghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/blog-cable-cartoon.jpgblog cable cartoon2013-09-09T20:49:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/18/what-do-you-think/2013-08-23T16:30:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/16/the-big-apple-took-a-bite-out-of-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/cody-strand1.jpgcody-strandThis is Cody Strand. He will be someone you won't forget.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/john-candy.jpgjohn candyHere's John Candy. Remember him?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/boy-with-chart.jpgboy with chartThis could be Lorna's decreasing energy as she stayed in the bustling city, her progress on her novel this week, or her blog popularity if she doesn't bounce back soon. Anyway you look at it, People, Lorna's headed for the crapper. We need to keep her in the country where she belongs. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/carmines.jpgcarminesAnd they say everything is bigger in Texas...That's the house wine at Carmine's.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/20130806_195735.jpg20130806_195735Now there are a some people who really love NY...for very different reasons.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/cody-strand.jpgcody-strandHere's Cody Strand, the comic genius in Book of Mormon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/young-john.jpgyoung johnThis is a picture of John Candy when he was just starting out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/stage.jpgstageView of the stage before the announcement about no photos...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/umbrella-lorna.jpgumbrella lornaI'm not shielding myself from the bright lights or tropical sun. It's raining. My hair can tell.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/theater.jpgtheaterAnd this is why I don't have a photography blog.2013-08-20T16:27:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/13/hey-let-me-introduce-you-to/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/fake-stockings.jpgfake stockingsWhatever you need. I'm here to help.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/papmpered.jpgpapmperedI just want you to relax and feel good. This mask and tourniquet around your throat isn't too sung, is it? Good. I just want you to feel free to answer all of my questions. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/shaking-hands.jpgshaking handsIt's always good to meet new friends. Just be sure to carry Handi-Wipes with you...just in case.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/some-several-souls3.jpgsome several soulsIt's a novel, but this is three-year old Laura on the cover. I asked her for a more recent picture but she said "The last time I had my picture taken for an interview, it really looked like I had been hitting the embalming fluid too heavily." She passed on a more recent picture. Go figure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/some-several-souls2.jpgsome several soulshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/some-several-souls1.jpgsome several soulsIt's a novel, but this is three-year old Laura on the cover. I asked her for a more recent picture but she said "The last time I had my picture taken for an interview, it really looked like I had been hitting the embalming fluid too heavily." She passed on a more recent picture. Go figure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/some-several-souls.jpgsome several souls2013-08-15T23:38:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/10/is-there-a-microcrapologist-in-the-house-my-spam-is-fishy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/bloodhound.jpgbloodhoundCome on. I'm waiting and clearly I can't keep this up all day.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/ham-radio.jpgham radioI'm sorry. I just don't have enough chin hairs to pull this off.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/surprised-dogs.jpgsurprised dogsWhat? That's like $28.00 in dog money!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/magic-glasses.jpgmagic glassesI even got me a pair of these Hilary Secretary of State Magic Glasses. They didn't work any better for me than they did for her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/shorthand.jpgshorthandCould I read that back to you? Um. No. But I could hum a few bars...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/yummy-spam.jpgyummy spamOnly the highest quality SPAM will do. Our sense of security and need for reinforcements depends on it. And when I say "it," I meant "it." No one knows where it comes from. It's best that way.2013-08-15T23:38:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/08/breaking-news-im-learning-so-much-useless-information/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/spit.jpgspitThis isn't what you think. He is sucking something out that isn't supposed to be in those onion rings. I wouldn't order onion rings if I were you. Not all servers are probably so conscientious.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/oprahnew.jpgoprahnewUm, where's your double chin, O? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/oprah.jpgoprah60 is the new 30, or so says Al.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/he-man.jpghe manI bet military training will now include combat bottle opening.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/mop.jpgmopThat's the best I could come up with and the hotel staff would let me take it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/cat-woman.jpgcat womanNo, I wouldn't say that my 10 hours of TV viewing per day has influenced me one way or the other.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/tv.jpgtvI think this would make a fine aquarium. It certainly would be more stimulating.2013-08-15T23:38:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/08/06/a-highly-sensitive-blonde-goes-to-the-big-apple/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/20130806_095000.jpg20130806_095000I really am having a good time!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/king-kong.jpgking kongI'm just trying to get away from all the noise and pandemonium. The Jungle was so much more peaceful. I miss the jungle. Mommy! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/naked-cowboy.jpgnaked cowboy...the Naked Cowboy. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/repent.jpgrepentThe man was standing right next to...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/pooped-lorna.jpgpooped LornaGive an HSB a break, would ya?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/crazy-city.jpgcrazy cityExcuse me. Pardon me, but I need to get through...oh never mind.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/zebra.jpgzebraNo matter how hard I try to blend in with the crowd, they seem to know I'm a tourist.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/panicked.jpgpanickedI don't know what I was thinking, either. The street vendor was so pushy and yet so convincing. He wore me down. He said the hat made me look years younger. I trusted him. You should never let me out there on my own again, I tell you! Never! Where will I wear this when I get back home? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/times-square.jpgtimes squareTimes Square. Why Am I there?2013-08-14T00:38:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/31/secret-of-universes-existence-unraveled-or-was-it-just-my-brain/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/karaoke.jpgkaraokeI want me one of these! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/dr-phil.jpgdr philI think that Dr. Phil needs to weigh in on this one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/mythbusters.jpgmythbustersI think the Mythbusters need to weigh in on this one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/japan.jpgjapanAnd I suppose they plan to pump extra neutrinos into the atmosphere the old fashioned way?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/scotty.jpgscottyI'm tellin' ya, Cap'tain. Dilithiam crystals are just anti-matter. We had ta call 'em somethin' fancy soundin' fer the audience ta make it sound like we're travelin' on a real make believe star ship.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/pout.jpgpoutYeah. That's the look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/confused.jpgconfusedI was understood everything perfectly until I started reading the darned article. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/science-geek.jpgscience geekOkay, so we only wore the matching tee shirts during labs. It made him happy and I got good grades...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/google-eyes.jpggoogle eyesContinue. You've got my attention at least until something better comes along.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/chimp-reading.jpgchimp readingThe origins of the universe? How droll. I'm still waiting on news about whether the missing link is still missing. Now that's news most people can at least understand.2013-08-11T16:50:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/25/tips-for-when-you-tip-over-and-cant-get-back-up/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/sick-monkey.jpgsick monkeyWhat's your excuse? You look fine to me. A little fresh air and some time on the monkey bars will perk you right up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/aarp.jpgAARPJust look at all the fantastic info in this magazine! You could live to be 50 or older until you die!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/belts.jpgbeltsWe know crunches don't work. But jiggling the fat off seems logical to us. I mean, what else do we have to do all morning until lunch?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/falling.jpgfallingI'm going to stay healthy and young even if it kills me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/crunches.jpgcrunchesSee? Crunches of any kind just aren't good for you. I'd stay away from them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/skeleton.jpgskeletonwhat do you think? I ramped up the intensity of my work out and the results are, well, pretty obvious.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/adjustable-bed.jpgadjustable bedI don't know. I may have to wait until my back feels better and then get me one of these beds. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/massage-therapist.jpgmassage therapistI thought something was a little off with him. I think it was his hair. Maybe a scalp-rubbing fetish?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/igor.jpgigorYou'd be amazed at the things you find when you walk around your home like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/back-problems.jpgback problemsAnd I thought I had back problems...2013-08-02T19:47:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/21/the-ninja-turtle-and-the-highly-sensitive-blonde-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/teenage-mutant.jpgteenage mutantToo much? Yeah. Where would it get a mask like that, anyway? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/shell-shock.jpgshell shockMaybe that's where the term comes from.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/skinny.jpgskinnyCome to think of it, he may have looked more like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/mr-america.jpgmr. americaI wasn't in a picture-taking frame of mind and he did have a shirt on, but he could have looked like this...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/doctor.jpgdoctorWell, then it nibbled on my lace collar here, Doc, before it started in on my earlobe. That's when I lost control of my car and hit a tree.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/godzilla.jpggodzillaImagine that this is not a building but the back seat of my Prius. Oh come on! Just use your prone-to-histrionics-imagination. There you go!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/shush.jpgshushShush. There's no use putting up a fight. You're gonna lose. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/tree-hug.jpgtree hugI really should stick with objects from nature that are less apt to move quickly and startle me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/seal.jpgsealYeah, right. This is either photoshopped, it's a trained seal, or sedatives are involved for one or both of the "actors" in this shot. From my most recent experience, you don't just go pick up a wild animal and rescue it. The animal may have some opinions of their own.2013-07-31T14:37:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/19/the-ninja-turtle-and-the-highly-sensitive-blonde-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/super-hero.jpgsuper heroWhen I'm not writing, blogging or quilting, I'm thinking up ways to save the world while wearing the skimpiest outfits possible. Someone has to do it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/ninja-turtle-2.jpgninja turtle 2I was going to take more pictures, but Ninja Turtle had other plans...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/ninja-turtle.jpgninja turtleI planned on taking more pictures, but Ninja turtle kind of wrecked my plans.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/scared-turtle.jpgscared turtleHow could I be so sure? I'm a Highly Sensitive Person. I feel this way most of the time, People. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/lubriderm.jpglubridermSee? I'm not a complete reptile dolt. Wait. That didn't sound right...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/dog-peeing.jpgdog peeingWhen you gotta go, you gotta go.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/big-turtle.jpgbig turtlePut a set of windshield wipers and a horn on the thing, and you could register it. Okay, maybe it wasn't that big.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/doggy-door.jpgdoggy doorRex is obviously stuck. Fluffy is only trying to help him get unstuck. Fluffy is such a Buddhist.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/looking.jpglookingYes, Ma'am! My intentions are entirely honorable. I just want to make sure the lady here doesn't lose her balance. That's all.2016-03-20T17:09:24+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/16/unfashionably-late/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/shaking-my-head-picture.gifshaking-my-head-pictureWhat were you expecting? This is Lorna, remember? She wimped out again. But at least she tried. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/mark-spitz.jpgmark spitzSee? Don't those awards look great on his site?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/many-awards.jpgmany awardsDoes this mean I can skip practice on Friday night and maybe have some fun?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/coochy-coo.jpgcoochy cooWhy, Reginald! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/contemplating.jpgcontemplatingDon't disturb me. I'm meditating. Maybe I'll figure out why the Blog Awards are such a problem for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/entrance.jpgentranceOh Dear. Am I late? I simply could not decide if this was the front of this dress. I'm still not sure...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/first-best-moment-award-winner1.pngfirst-best-moment-award-winner1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/beautiful-blogger-image.jpgbeautiful-blogger-imagehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/super-sweet-blogging-award.jpgsuper-sweet-blogging-awardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/inner-peace-award.jpginner-peace-award2013-07-26T20:03:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/04/whats-more-patriotic-than/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/usa-joe.jpgusa joeYo. I'm Joe. I left my flag on my motorcycle. You gotta problem wit dat?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/joe.jpgjoeBut you don't have to be a plumber...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/superman-tv.jpgsuperman TVI told you, Jimmy, I'm not revealing my middle name to you or anyone else. I have to keep some things to myself.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/usa-glasses.jpgusa glassesSee?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/waving-flag.jpgwaving flagFlags in both hands. Brings a tears to your eye, doesn't it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/superman-movie.jpgsuperman movieYes, that's impressive, but will you remember to pick up my almond milk?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/superman-cartoon.jpgsuperman cartoonGee wiz, he even looks like a flag.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/aarp-the-magazine-cover-june-july-2013-imgcache-rev1370533839017.jpgAARP The Magazine June/July 2013 CoverDon't let these two boozers fool you, this magazine is chock full of serious stuff.2013-08-27T17:45:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/07/01/to-be-fair/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/family-circle.jpgfamily circleDrop 10 pounds fast? How about dropping that cake in the trash?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/barbie.jpgbarbieSee what I mean? Poor Insomnia Barbie. But after she gets a makeover, Ken won't be able to keep his plastic parts to himself.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/dressed-up.jpgdressed upThis make-over cost me a pretty penny, Mister. But I feel like I could win Best in Show!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/cat-in-sink.jpgcat in sinkThere is just no way all that hair is coming out of that sink without changing someone's life.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/middle-ages.jpgmiddle agesðu scán æfenis þys, eh? No? It says, You can read this, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/glasses.jpgglassesIf I can't take a closer look with these babies, I don't know else I can do.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/jumping-bull.jpgjumping bullI'll admit that I'm unconventional. I sometimes see potential where none exists. So this post is about wondering if I jumped the gun or was full of bull.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/magazine.jpgmagazineI'm human. I'm willing to consider the possibility that I may have jumped to some erroneous conclusions without all of the facts, so I'm looking into things a bit closer. 2013-07-08T16:14:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/06/21/is-it-just-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/lounging.jpgloungingHi! Remember me? Well, I had to get your attention, didn't I?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/telephone.jpgtelephoneHello? Yes, this is Lorna. Bar Harbor? Maine? You want me to come visit you? Sure! I know how lonely you tourist towns on the ocean can get. Mind if I bring a friend? Great! See you soon!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/supposal.jpgsupposalOh, no. This isn't an actual proposal of marriage. It's more like a suggestion of the possibility of the two of us formalizing our relationship with some legal documents and maybe some religious ritual. Or something like that. If you want...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/hairdo.jpghairdoAll right. If my hair changed into that, I suppose my life would have to change...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/o-mag-001.jpgo mag-001Notice the circled area. It says: "Change your hair, Change your life."2013-07-11T20:33:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/06/10/im-way-overdue/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/angela-old.jpgangela oldAnd look at her after. This is what spy-stress will do to a person.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/angela-young.jpgangela youngLook at Angela Landsbury before she started her gig as a mystery writer/detective.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/spy.jpgspyYou've got to admit, I've got the eyes for it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/bad-aim.jpgbad aimAll of a sudden, the concept of "margin of error" become relevant to people outside of a statistics class.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/pondering.jpgponderingNo! I am not digging for a bugger! This is my "I am pondering" look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/spy-cat.jpegspy catMaybe I could just do recon missions?2013-06-19T14:07:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/06/02/fashion-donts-for-the-fleshy-girl/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/bathing-beauties.jpgbathing beautiesNever underestimate the value of those accessories, People!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/marilyn.jpgMarilynI was more like Marilyn, but with more abundant curves in less fortunate places. A girl can dream, can't she?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/twiggy.jpgtwiggyShe could pull off any ensemble...except one that required cleavage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/stripes.jpgstripesStripes as a fashion statement have been so overdone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/zebra-stripes-and-fat.jpgzebra stripes and fatIt's been tried so many times, but it never seemes to work...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/chubby-lass.jpgchubby lassShe looks pretty skinny to me!2013-06-05T18:23:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/29/i-have-writers-laryngitis-we-need-to-talk/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/opera-singer.jpgopera singerI open my mouth and nothing comes out...well, except this suppressed urge to go lingerie shopping (and not for my wife). https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/old-blogger.jpgold bloggerGimme another double espresso cut with French Vanilla Ensure and I'm good to blog for another 2 hours.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/frankenstien-and-mermaid.jpgfrankenstien and mermaidI bet you can't wait to hear my spoof on this one...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/baby-checking-service.jpgbaby checking serviceIn case you needed as example of renunciation. This, of course is impermanent, as all things in life are. So don't get all huffy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/turtle-ride.jpgturtle rideA ha! That's my problem. I need a speedier steed. But, didn't I hear that "slow and steady" can also win a race? I hope so.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/invisible-man.jpginvisible manI don't know what you're talking about. I don't see anything.2013-06-04T23:29:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/15/you-can-have-it-all-but-do-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/said-enough.jpgsaid enoughOkay, I think I've said enough.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/male-model.jpgmale modelMen, you can identify with this guy, right? You're pants are always falling down, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/serious-talk.jpgserious talkWitness the end of the Baby Boom. It wasn't birth control; it was all those labias in need of prettying up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/angel.jpgangelI really gotta get me a pair of those wings...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/frustrated.jpgfrustratedIs it just me, or do you feel a little trippity doo da by some of the things you see?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/plastic-surgery.jpgplastic surgeryIdentifying names and places redacted to protect the scoundrels. 2014-08-12T18:16:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/12/on-this-day-and-every-day-use-your-brain-for-good-not-tomfoolery/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/talking-to-self.jpgtalking to selfThis is the only Head Game I play. I call it "talking to myself so no one else can hear what I'm saying so they don't think I'm crazy." I'm not sure it works.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/ted.jpgTedBefore you get the wrong idea, this is NOT Philip and me AND this is NOT the Ted to which I am referring!2013-05-17T17:22:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/10/my-best/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/alex-and-mom.jpgalex and momMe and My Best. Again, please don't tell Scrappy!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/croc.jpgcrocHey, don't judge me, Missy. You're the one bending over in a crocodile-infested river. And if you think that thong is going to save you...well, you're right.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/two-handsome-men.jpgTwo Handsome MenJust don't tell Scrappy about this post, okay?2013-05-15T20:52:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/06/news-flash-scientists-discover-reason-why-i-hate-to-be-tickled-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/prius-big-wheels.jpgprius big wheelsMaybe next time I go on a solo road trip, I'll get some of these tires for my Prius. My gas mileage may suffer, but if I have to go off road, I will.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/tumblr_lqxbqagylk1qii6tmo1_250.giftumblr_lqxbqaGYLK1qii6tmo1_250I'm finally done. I hope you like...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/fainting-o-1.giffainting-o (1)Looks like she was one of the unlucky three in a 100...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/fainting.jpgfaintingIt's done bass. I hope you like...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/cemetary.jpgcemetaryHad it been this cemetery, I might still be there...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/20130427_163158.jpg20130427_163158The utility road I took to get to the Kripalu campus.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/mad-scientist.jpgmad scientistOh, well if he says it's a fact, it must be true.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/koala.jpgkoalaRare, different. Not wrong.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/elphants.jpgelphantsI'm feeling like this bench. Are you?2013-05-12T15:26:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/05/02/news-flash-scientists-discover-reason-why-i-hate-to-be-tickled-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/little-girl.jpglittle girlI've had enough, have you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/overstim.jpgoverstimA normal work day for most; a reason to start crying for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hsp_cov1.jpghsp_covThis is the book I read a few years ago that started this whole business.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/hsp_cov.jpghsp_covThis is the book I read a few years back that started this whole thing.2013-05-12T15:27:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/28/steamy-and-sultry-interested/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/follow-me.jpgfollow meCome on, follow me. What's the worse that could happen?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/mae.jpgmaeSee? I'm still hiding...I mean retreating behind this feathery thingy. 2013-05-01T17:31:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/24/im-retreating/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/bird-asleep.jpgbird asleepAh, that's more like it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/naptime.jpgnaptimeI suspect this will be the scene at both the lecture hall and the evening entertainment. But would someone remove that green ball? It's very annoyingly bright.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/upset.jpgupsetI was just trying to make a point. Why do you have to make such a big deal out of accuracy and truth. Sheesh! Cut me some slack. I'm under a lot of pressure. I still have to pack for this weekend.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/deep-stretch.jpgdeep stretchI wasn't ready for a stretch quite that deep, no matter how I was supposed to achieve it. "Hot yoga" isn't all it's cracked up to be...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/richard-gere.jpgrichard gereMaybe he's new to Buddhism, too. He's still got that Rock Star thing happening.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/retreating.jpgretreatingDon't think of it as running away; think of it as running toward...2013-05-01T20:03:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/22/and-your-navigational-system-is-never-wrong-right/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/lion.jpglionI learned this technique at a Buddhist retreat. If that's not magic, what is?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/surf-dancers.jpgsurf dancersAny crazy surfing going on over at your place?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/lorna-jap.jpgLorna JAPThe tiara helps keep my hair in place on windy days. And when cameras are around.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/rescue.jpgrescueSee? I told you. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/child-with-glasses.jpgchild with glassesI'm sure she can help me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/researcher.jpgresearcherBefore the invention of surveys, this is how social scientists collected data and drew their conclusions. This was also where the term "margin of error" comes from.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/surfing.jpgsurfingYou just never know how people surf the net these days...2013-04-24T17:15:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/21/if-you-cant-believe-what-you-read-why-are-you-reading-this/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/devil-girl.jpgdevil girlDo we really want to send men to Mars? Is this the reason why?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/puppet-people.jpgpuppet peopleNo actual animals or mindless citizens who fail to think beyond the pablum fed to them by mainstream "news" entertainment media were harmed in the making of this movie.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/dragstrip-girl.jpgdragstrip girlThis is a movie poster from the 1950s. What's this movie really about? Dragging? Stripping?2013-04-23T14:44:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/15/have-you-heard-lorna-is-the-cats-pajamas/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/identity-thief-melissa-mccarthy.jpgidentity-thief-Melissa-mccarthyGotta go! I'm off to find another client who can pay me in something more than Thank Yous, which I don't seem to get a lot of for some reason.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/happydance_stickpeople.gifhappydance_stickpeopleOh yeah, I can feel it. Can you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/sppechless.gifsppechlessEither of us looks like this. Our hair isn't that disheveled and we don't slouch. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/dressed-the-same.jpgdressed the sameThis is so strange. I know everyone is supposed to have a double, but one that has the same awesome-sauce fashion sense?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/bernadette.jpgBernadetteYup. That's me. Bernadette. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/secret-agent.jpgsecret agentNo, no, no! I don't mean that kind of agent. Although the gun and the hat make her look more convincing. Maybe I should get one of each.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/cat-pj.jpgcat pjHey, no one said marketing would be fun. Or dignified.2013-04-21T22:45:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/08/making-my-own-kind-of-music-round-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/donkey.jpgdonkeyDon't worry! Once she hits the ground, there's no stopping her. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/woman-blowing-horn.jpgwoman blowing hornIt's time again for my agent (a comely, multi-talented, and athletic woman) to share with you more good news about my memoir.2013-04-10T18:58:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/07/pardon-me-i-couldnt-have-heard-your-name-correctly/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/moe.jpgmoeReally?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/young-boozers.jpgyoung boozersHopefully he can hold his liquor as well as he can hold your public money...2013-04-09T13:38:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/05/and-i-thought-i-sucked-at-marketing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/alien.jpgalienHold on, Captain Mustache! That's not what I had in mind when I said I was donating my body to science. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/save-a-child.jpgsave a childOkay, so these marketing people make the hospital people and me look like pros.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/hosp-and-morgue.jpghosp and morgueWell, I guess hospitals have to make ends meet somehow...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/recovery.jpgrecoveryWill I ever sit comfortably again? And, to the person who placed this gun by my side...thank you, but where are the bullets? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/between-legs.jpgbetween legsThe view is great...of an upside lake, but I can't see my butt.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/hatchet.jpghatchetII'm happy to help out a blogger buddy and author pal. Now I have to get back to this editing job I've been working on. Murdering someone else's darlings is more fun than I thought it would be.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/two-nurses.jpgtwo nursesThe Dickins you say! How long did it take for her to recover from that procedure? Over 6 weeks? Well, that's just silly. Most people recover in 5.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/estate-planning.jpgEstate planningImagine my surprise.2013-04-13T19:17:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/04/01/wow-that-lorna-is-a-really-good-writer/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/duh.gifduhSorry. I told you I was tired.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/bette-davis.jpgbette davisYeah, and the book was so scary that my hair kind of went crazy, too.2013-04-06T18:14:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/31/hop-on-over/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/e7lcf4jpg.gife7lcf4jpghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/curly-cue.jpgcurly cueHey, it's Easter. Work with me.2013-04-01T21:32:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/30/hey-i-tried/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/p1020020.jpgP1020020Put the blasted camera down and leave me alone. I'm serious. They called me "Scrappy" for a reason. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/goldie.jpgGoldieWhat? Another holiday get-together? I thought we just had one...oh. That was a birthday thing. Shizzle. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/dsc00758.jpgDSC00758How can you resist a pooch like this?2013-04-20T15:13:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/27/making-my-own-kind-of-music/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/suzanne.jpgsuzanneYup. I did that. But did I really publish that I did that?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/chimp-reading.jpgchimp readingI'll share more reviews as they come in. That's assuming more come in. I keep looking for them. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/invisible-woman.jpginvisible womanUm. No. Not like this. She looks very visible to me. I felt invisible in that, um, can't see me kind of way.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/britany.gifbritanyI did that, but did I really write that I did that?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/blowing.jpgblowingI feel and hear your pain, Sir.2013-04-09T13:41:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/25/eggcruciating/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/gasp.jpggaspWell, you've got the first part down flat. But you've got to let that breath go. Otherwise, you're not quite getting the relaxing thing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/waiting-for-jesus.jpgwaiting for JesusMakes sense once you know the history. You're going to either have to trust me on this one or do the research. My guess is that you're going to trust me. Research is hard. As hard as these hard-boiled eggs...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/egg-cartoon.jpgegg cartoonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/eggspectation.jpgeggspectationWent to Montreal this weekend and had brunch at this neat cafe. And a blog post idea was born.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/head-stand.jpghead standWell, I thinking of something a bit more traditional, but if this gets the egg-words to eggsit my brain, well, okay, I'll give it a go.2013-04-12T13:50:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/16/dont-discount-this-discount-on-my-memoir/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/marilyn.jpgmarilynYou know, people always discounted me, too. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/5-stars.jpg5-StarsThis book earned every one of these stars.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/yoga.jpgyogaOkay, that's very impressive. You can really spread things. But spreading the word about my book would also be great.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/green-hair.jpggreen hairUm. I wanted more sheen in my hair, not green in my hair. You better give me a discount on this...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/robot1.jpgrobotI'm pretty sure this guy generates these wacky codes. Sorry.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/trailer-trash.jpgTrailer trashHere he is, my Daddy, Bobby, with my mom's parents and baby Tina.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/go-on.jpggo onGolly, this is good. Why'd ya have ta stop? Guess I'll have ta git Ma or Pa ta buy the book, I gotta see why this Lorna gal is so lost.2013-03-20T20:26:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/14/what-would-you-do/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/kitten.jpgkittenYou can see I really am in a bind and I could use any help you have to offer me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/alien.jpgalienNot a good look for me at all. And while I've got your attention, do you know any effective facial hair removal techniques? That's been bothering me, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/hangover.jpghangoverMiss Avershum, please pull yourself together. I need you to type up that letter to Corporate right away.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/judy-h.jpgjudy hOkay, I admit that my pressures are self-imposed. But that doesn't make them any less real.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/when-perms-were-permanent.jpgwhen perms were permanentI've tried all kinds of things to calm my brain, some more cumbersome and, well, unsightly, than others. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/woman-being-fitted.jpgwoman being fittedThat's not exactly what I meant.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/cliff.jpgcliffDarn you, Navigational System! Let's see you "recalculate" your way out of this one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/fullscreen-capture-3142013-22922-pm.jpgFullscreen capture 3142013 22922 PMNotice the number of unread emails. This is after I have deleted or handled all of the non-WordPress post-related notices. 2013-04-09T13:38:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/13/wordpress-has-talent-round-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/sleeping.jpgsleepingLike a babyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/ama.jpgAMAOh, that's what that award show is called. You'd think they would call it something more intuitive...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/americas-got-talent.jpgamericas got talentWhere am I in this panel of judges? I should be there instead of germ-o-phobe bald guy. 2013-03-18T21:20:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/10/balderdash/2013-03-13T15:12:14+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/07/starve-a-cold-feed-a-freshly-pressed-fever/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/p1020165.jpgP1020165I've been helping my mom with her posts because I want her to get Freshly Pressed again. To be honest with you, she needs my help more than she realizes.2013-03-11T17:42:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/06/my-phone-is-smarter-than-i-am/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/blank-stare.jpgblank stareThe guy had me under this dome thing. It's the newest sales technique to keep you from physically wandering off. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/blonde-on-phone.jpgblonde on phoneDesperate times call for desperate measures. I'm willing to give up my secret identity as a CIA operative just to get you, Mr. Smarty-Pants Phone to give up your secrets. What makes you so much smarter than me...besides that https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/old-fashioned-phone.jpgold fashioned phoneThis phone isn't going anywhere. And usually neither is my cell phone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/me-poopy-pants.jpgme poopy pantsThis message flashes across your screen and a little tooting noise accompanies it. This is a must have app. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/dictaphone.jpgdictaphoneGee, my phone isn't that much smaller than this gizmo...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/robot.jpgrobotSpeak to me, Orlon! Don't give me the silent treatment. I get enough of that from my wife.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/skeptical.jpgskepticalWhen Professor of Future Studies, Dr. Cherry Cheeks, reviewed the literature on "Singularity," she saw red. "Could robots ever have a fashion sense? These mad scientists are playing with fire."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/galaxy-2.jpggalaxy 2Introducing Lornoid. 2013-03-10T21:49:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/03/03/5610/2013-03-12T13:02:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/26/desperation-is-the-mother-of-reinvention/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/nude.jpgnudeTonight's entertainment at Drafty Acres Nudist Colony will be Willy and the No Hands Band.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/mirror.jpgmirrorTake a good look in the mirror, Ladies. Do you like what you see? Okay, not you, Ms. In Love With Yourself, but the 99.9% of you women who feel fundamentally flawed and worthless. Yes YOU! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/magazine.jpgmagazineWell, I had to adjust my position. I couldn't sit for too long given my, um, tender backside condition.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/undercover.jpgundercoverWhen you go undercover, this is all in a days work. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/remodel.jpgremodelI'm confused. What am I looking at here? Is this our wedding license, building permit, or separation papers? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/nudist-colony.jpgnudist colonyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/woman-with-beard.jpgwoman with beardNow that's what I can some major reinvention!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/cow-woman.jpgcow womanImagine the money you'd save on make up and the conversations you'd start but wouldn't have to be a part of...2013-03-01T14:40:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/26/fairy-tails-yes-i-meant-tails/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/crystal-ball1.jpgcrystal ballI see Lorna's life changing more than most people change their underpants, but she seems to adjust and be happy. Is something wrong with her or does my crystal ball need some Windex?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/foxy-scrappy.jpgFoxy ScrappyTaken several years ago. Doesn't he look like the proverbial "fox in the hen house?" He was (and still is) quite the rascal).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/scrappy.jpgScrappyThe little ruffian when I first met him at the shelter.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/my-side-of-the-bed.jpgmy side of the bedScrappy like to keep my side of the bed warm for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/p1020127.jpgP1020127https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/crystal-ball.jpgcrystal ballAlways trust a woman with a gold turban on her head. 2013-02-27T20:52:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/22/my-ears-are-ringing-and-my-heart-is-thumping/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/waving.gifwavingI'm trying not to lose any more weight, really I am. But what goes in must come out and that Natural Law is a real bummer right now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/cat-in-glasses.jpgcat in glassesI'm a highly sensitive cat, man. This shocking news has me floored and the idea of all the bright lights of fame, well, you know I gotta prepare for that. Do you think these shades suit my face?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/laugh-in.jpglaugh inMore breaking news: We're Lorna's medical team and we're happy to report that her bottom is looking up. She should be back in the swing of things in no time, no ifs, ands, or butts about it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/on-the-air.jpgon the airWe interrupt the chaos with breaking news. Lorna and her memoir just made news outside her family and circle of blog friends. Yes, I know. Even this reporter is stunned.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/arte-johnson.jpgarte johnsonI vonder vhat else she haz to say about dat book?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wonder-woman.jpgwonder womanWe writers love analogies, so here's one for us: Wonder Woman is to Awesome Crime Fighting as Paulette is to Spectacular Writing and Human Being https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bad-investment.jpgbad investmentNo, no, no. This is not the kind of good news I'm talking about, although, I may want to look into this later. I'm not a "numbers" person, but this seems too good to be true.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/phones-off-the-hook.jpgphones off the hookWell, no wonder my ears are ringing. 2013-02-25T19:40:00+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/15/the-day-after-the-night-before/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wincing.gifwincingYeah. No. I never want to see myself doing that in the bathroom again.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/skull.jpgskullTold you I lost weight.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/boy-hung-out-to-dry1.jpgboy hung out to dryI basically got myself into a predicament that seemed, well, manageable at the time, but has proven to be, um, unfortunate.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/model.jpgmodelDon't hate me because I'm beautiful and wafer thin. I'm sitting in this water to soothe my aching butt. You don't know what we go through to stay so slim...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/disquised-lorna.jpgdisquised lornaWho is that masked princess of zany? Surely she can't be Normal's Voice! No, I remember her now, she's LORNA'S Voice and she's back, Baby!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bad-singer.jpgbad singerWe've got to let him finish the song, he's paying for the conference.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/lion.jpglionMen! You've got it so easy. You can just, um, self-heal...for hours if you want. We women have to rely on others to take care of matters. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/alien.jpgalienYeah, you! What the heck were you doing setting up shop around my butt? Did I really need a "No Squatters" sign?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/confused.jpgconfusedOh no, is she messing with our minds again? Golly, and right after Valentine's Day when all that candy is making me jumpy...2013-02-28T18:14:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/14/5530/2013-02-15T16:00:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/12/a-story-that-didnt-make-it-into-my-memoir-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/woman-lifting-man.jpgwoman lifting manSo I killed a tree, I will be there to support your son in more ways than one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/what-was-i-thinking.jpgwhat was I thinkingWhat is going on? I don't understand you people.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bridge.jpgbridgehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/easternstarwomen.jpgEasternStarWomenUm. What's the alter for? And Why are all the women in long white dresses? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/masons.jpgmasonsGood Grief! Did my future husband and his father belong to a group of men that wore over-sized envelopes on their waists? And what was in those envelopes that females couldn't know about? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/you-tell-me.jpgyou tell meI don't know. You tell me. Is this corn any good or not?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/caorn-bear.jpgcaorn bearOpen mouth. Insert awful corn. Say something stupid like, "Wow! Best corn on the planet!" Congratulations, you are now an official Corn Dolthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/corn-fresh.jpgcorn freshYep, I think that corn would pass the freshness test for the VPs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/corn-on-the-cob.jpgcorn on the cobThat's right, one row at a time, then go back and get the next row--just like a typewriter...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/drunk-woman.jpgdrunk womanGuess who, Honey? Yup! It's me! Bet you never guess you married a Party Girl! Well, lucky you, Gig Buy...uh, I mean Big Guy!2013-02-26T21:20:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/10/in-memory-of-a-meatloaf/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/beach-ball.jpgbeach ballYes, my recovery from my butt surgery is going about as well as this woman's recovery. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/hitchcock-in-cannon.jpghitchcock in cannonI wonder if that's how all great creative artists launched their careers?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/mixer-and-power-tool.jpgmixer and power toolPerhaps the perfect Valentine's gift EVER!2013-02-11T19:30:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/08/5494/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/feb-2013.jpgfeb 2013Does this help?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/cheating.jpgcheatingRemember, your idea and story must be original. No cheating.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/candle-hat.jpgcandle hatPeople get bright ideas all the time. I didn't say they were great ideas, just bright ones.2013-02-11T19:30:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/02/08/a-story-that-didnt-make-it-into-my-memoir-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/the-victory-garden-guy.jpgthe victory garden guyHe just looks like a man that would rather talk to plants than, say, anyone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/julia-intro.jpgjulia-introIt's just not right. It could have been fixed but it wasn't. And now we all have to live with it...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/sign.jpgsignAs luck would have it, I carried this sign with me for riding lawn mower situations.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/clueless_lady1.jpgclueless_lady1Well, bleach my bloomers! That's the difference between a rock and a stone. I never knew. Thanks for clearing that up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/gas.jpggasFun Fact: Navy beans, if not soaked long enough produce A LOT of gas. Remember that on a cold winter night if you lose power...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/shirley-t.jpgshirley tI'm just a little angel trying not get into too much mischief.2013-02-26T15:41:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/31/super-bowl-intel-for-the-sports-impaired/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/fans.jpgfansI'm happy for you, really I am. I just can't understand you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/oh-yeah.gifoh yeahOh yeah, you heard me. Game on!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/impressed-baby.jpgimpressed babyI gotta tell ya. Iz impressed with what you got going here. Where's you learn all this fandinkle shizzle about football and the Superest of Bowls?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/movie-theater.jpgmovie theaterThere's more People Like Me than I thought. And none of us want to be identifies as non-Super Bowl Lovers.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/goldie.jpggoldieWhat do you mean? I could know a lot about football and the Super Bowl. I just choose not to know a lot about either. My head is so full other things. Blonde Things.2013-02-19T19:05:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/30/facing-my-fears-quite-literally/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/alien.jpgalienHere's a visual for you. Don;t think of this as an alien face, think of this as my butt. You're welcome. You can use this image any time you need help with those snack cravings.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/mae-west-lounging.jpgmae west loungingI'm very photohygenic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/angry-woman.jpgangry womanOkay, so I was rusty on the prayer thing and I phoned a few people and vowed never to have this surgery again.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/popcorn-popping-in-slow-motion.gifpopcorn-popping-in-slow-motionYup, just like that, only lots of them and a lot faster. Okay, not just like that...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/buddha.jpgbuddhaWhat are you laughing at, Buddy, um, I mean Buddha? You do know that men with a lot of belly fat are at higher risk for heart disease, right? You should have died a long time ago.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bear.jpgbearShizzle. I thought coming back as a salmon was a good idea. Next time I'm picking something safer. Like an Amish person.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/beverly-hillbillies.jpgbeverly hillbilliesDon't ya reckon that Lorna should be tendin' ta her business, not watchin' our business?2013-02-07T15:10:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/29/ive-got-the-cure-for-the-wintertime-blues/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/dancing.gifdancingYou wanna feel like this? Enter this contest, get your creative juices flowing, and win yourself an award...a Dragony Award!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/robes.jpgrobesOops. Her, I mean My robe opened. She, I mean I was just reaching for another one of these fascinating entries to read. Judging is very hard work. See how serious she, I mean, I look?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/puff.jpgpuffOkay, so I'm scared by fire-breathing dragons. But I can handle Puff the Magic Dragon...unless Puff was a cleverly designed symbol for pot. Then that's just wrong. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bloodhound2.jpgbloodhound2Okay, you got my attention. What's this all about. Stop beating around the bush, Lorna!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bloodhound.jpgbloodhoundCould I have another double espresso, please? The first two just didn't seem to help pep me up.2015-03-24T15:16:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/27/hop-or-drop-you-choose/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/mid-air.jpgmid airAre they hopping or dropping? You decide. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/too-much.jpgtoo muchSometimes I just don't know when enough is enough. I mean when I'm talking. I think I have a very good grasp of using color and make-up to create a subtle stylish office-to-evening look, don't you?2013-01-28T15:57:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/25/okay-now-i-feel-really-really-for-real-different/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/jane-hathaway.jpgjane hathawayYes, I'm beating the bushes to market this book. I just wonder when I'll have a chance to start on my next project...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-lyrics.jpgSupercalifragilisticexpialidocious-LyricsSee how happy one book can make people and penguins? I'm telling you, People, this is not your run-of-the-mill book that makes you wonder if all humans are creepy. Just some...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/gator-buggy.jpggator buggyThe paperback book took a while to arrive, but you can see why. It was deliver by "Gator Express."2013-02-14T19:25:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/23/in-defense-of-lip-syncing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/beyonce-lip-sync-national-anthem-inauguration-controversy-continues-after-beyonce-inauguration-2013-performance-abc7chicago-com-google-chrome-1232013-10425-pm.jpgBeyonce lip sync national anthem inauguration controversy continues after Beyonce Inauguration 2013 performance abc7chicago.com - Google Chrome 1232013 10425 PMJust captured a few minutes ago. Well, maybe more than a few minutes. It took me a while to figure out how to actually capture the darned thing. It's like trapping Osama Bin Laden. Possible but took a lot of figuring out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/national-enquirer.jpgNational EnquirerI think the yellow arrows add dramatic effect, don't you? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/beyonce-2.jpgbeyonce 2What? I won't be asked back for a 3rd Obama Inauguration? Shizzle. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/singing-nat-ant.jpgsinging nat antYeah, well, it looks as if at least one of you knows the words, but you could be singing "We Are The Champions" and no one would know because of all the cheering.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/news-anchor.jpgnews anchorIn this reporter's opinion, it was totally unprofessional of Beyonce to lip-sync, or even hint at the possibility of lip-syncing our National Anthem on such an important occasion. It really leaves her exposed to all kinds of criticism and jeopardizes her future as a role model for successful influential women. Shame on you, Beyonce. Back to you, Harry.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/beyonce-1.jpgBeyonce 1I don't know. She seems to be selling it just fine to me.2013-01-28T19:45:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/22/now-this-is-ironic/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/free.jpgfreeThere are lots of things for free out there. But my book is really worth it. You'd be taking a risk on either of these two...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/blonde-and-baby.jpgblonde and babyHey Baby, riddle me this. Every time I get stressed, like when someone makes me chase my tail, I get dizzy. And then my hair, uh, fur, gets blonder. Why is that? You look like a kid that's got it all together. Just tell me because my internet skills are doggone lousy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/you-lose.jpgyou loseMove over, Mister. You lose.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/lorna-thought-bubble.jpgOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI thought not.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/adjustments.jpgadjustmentsOkay, so maybe "great" is an overstatement. I'm sure a few of my posts could have used some, uh, adjustments.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/longwinded.jpglongwindedMy next book.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/round-razor.jpground razorDoes the very idea of this personal hygiene aide make you speechless. Well, then, welcome to my world.2013-02-04T19:16:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/20/okay-now-i-feel-different/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/computer-head.jpgcomputer headI really need to get me one of these. The ad says they help you focus better on what you read on the Internet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/baby-peacock-costume.jpgbaby-peacock-costumeOh yeah! I'm feeling proud as a baby who can sit upright!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/sad-puppy-face.jpgsad puppy faceNeed I say more?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/blonde-dog.jpgblonde dogIt's very important when standing after your Buddhist meditation NOT to get up too quickly. We dizzy blondes have a tendency to fall back down.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/splash.jpgsplashUh, this wasn't the kind of big splash I was aiming for with my book release...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cheerleader.jpgcheerleaderGimme an W! Gimme an O! Gimme another W! Gimme an aspirin for this groin pull! WOW! no one's getting out of this without some serious damage.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/mirror.jpgmirrorMaybe that's why I feel different. Who installed this new mirror?2013-01-27T10:29:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/13/funny-i-dont-feel-any-different/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/marilyn.jpgmarilynOoh. I just love you all so much! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cell-phone.jpgcell phoneYes, Sweetie, I know just how you feel.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/telling.jpgtellingYeah, well, you don't want to overdo it. You know what I mean, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/george-clooney.jpgGeorge ClooneyI can see him, but I can't touch him, so, really, what's the point?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/joy.jpgjoyIs it on? I'm not feeling it. Are you sure it's on?2013-01-20T20:21:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/07/tidbits/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/candle-hat.jpgcandle hatThis occasion calls for a special celebration, so I picked up this fancy hat. Do you like it? I just can't wear it near smoke detectors or fire marshals. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/dog-with-hat.jpgdog with hatNeed a lift when you've had a few too many? Call Hot Diggity Dog Transportation. Our noses are better than our eyes, but we'll get you there one way or the other.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/sick-man.jpgSick manWhen I say I look and feel like a disaster site, I'm not lying.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/happy-old-woman.jpg846-06112188Well, it did take me a really long time to finish this book...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/women-in-jail.jpgwomen in jailSorry, Ladies. Ignorance of ignorant laws is no excuse for violating those laws. I had to turn you in for flirting. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/hairdryer-women.jpghairdryer womenWe really should catch up like this more often.2013-01-13T18:23:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/06/the-divine-ms-l-returns-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/scrappy-on-lap-top.jpgscrappy on lap topScrappy is on the job helping the Divine Ms. L. keep up with all the news that fit to print.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/dumb.jpgdumbUm, we have a question. Um, we forgot the question. Oh, yeah, whose that guy standing next to me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/yelling.jpgyelling2013-01-07T15:26:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/03/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-122712-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/donkey-boat.jpgdonkey boatWell, I suppose being kind to yourself can be something like taking yourself on a cruise...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cartoon_line_big.jpgPeople Waiting In Line"What are we waiting for?" "I don't know. I just saw a line and thought it must be something good." https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/woman-in-glasses.jpg255-22340Oh! Now it makes so much more sense. All I needed was seeing it with a different set of eyes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/graphic-buddha-teaching.jpggraphic-buddha-teachingAnd this is supposed to be helpful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/clinging.jpgclingingDon't you even think about taking my dollies away from me. They make me happy and someday they are going to be worth lots of money on eBay.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/sunrise.jpgsunrise2013-01-08T19:21:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2013/01/01/lorna-dances-her-way-out-of-2012/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bruce-willis.jpgbruce willisRoger that! Target in view. Blonde. Black dress. She won't know what hit her. I'll contact you when she's been neutralized.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/perfect-storm.jpgperfect stormDid we pay extra for all this wave action? I hope we didn't pay extra for this, because it's seriously not working out for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/red-jumpsuit.jpgred jumpsuitThis is an amazing likeness of me and my jumpsuit except: my jumpsuit was long-sleeved, I wasn't standing behind a microphone, and I had a huge Italian Dressing splotch shining where my cleavage should have been shining. Oh, And I wasn't as popular as Faith Hill.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/gross.jpggross10...9....raaalph...8...Eewww...7...bleurgh...6...Hey, Lisa, do want any more of this Chex Mix? I Don't. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/witches.jpgwitchesMaybe I'm just not getting invited to the right kinds of parties...2013-01-04T19:43:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/28/what-goes-around-comes-around-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/chasing.jpgchasingHey! Wait! The Lorna Train is leaving without me...again. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/celebrating_golden_agers0_1349131239.jpgCelebrating_Golden_Agers0_1349131239Come on, People! I expected a bit more enthusiasm than that. How about some booze? Silly hats? Cranking up the voltage on your pace-makers? Something.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/child-cheater-angry-child-400x308.jpgchild-cheater-angry-child-400x308I don't know. That kiss looks more than just platonic to me. And I don't even know what "platonic" means.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/baby-toss.pngbaby tossI do hope your catching skills are up to par.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/badmitton.jpgbadmittonWhat are the chances that I'd be in this particular game again?2013-01-09T05:32:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/27/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-122712/2012-12-28T19:13:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/01/dear-divine-ms-l-7th-edition-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/flies.jpgfliesWhat you don't see in this picture is more important than what you do see. Hidden in the tall grass are: two honey-slathered naked people wishing they had simply gone out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their anniversary; 31 writers hoping for some macabre idea for a book or screenplay about flies because their ideas about buzz saws just didn't cut it; and 21 entomologists who gave up on Google for their research because it brought them to a little blog called "Lorna's Voice" when they were trying to find an academic source for their research on swarming flies, so they decided to try some good old fashioned field research. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/buzz-cut-2.jpgbuzz cut 2Not this so much, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/buzz-cut.jpgbuzz cutThis is what you searchers were looking for, weren't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/how-does-this-mouse-pad-work.jpghow does this mouse pad workhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hunt-and-peck.jpghunt and peckOh no, I never thought of this possibility. Scrappy! You scoundrel! Now I know what you're doing when I'm in my sewing room.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/map.jpgmapGeez. This map really is confusing. The last time I looked, I was in the car headed west on Route 76.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/boy-scouts.jpgboy scoutsHey, look! We finally found one! Let's get her outside where's there's lots of traffic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/loose-dentures.jpgloose denturesBessy, where's my Fixodent? I wanna try to make it through at least one chorus of "In the Good Old Summertime" for old time's sake.2012-12-26T22:35:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/26/the-divine-ms-l-returns-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/zoolander.jpgzoolanderBring it on, Wonga-tonga Internet Searcher. The Divine Ms. L. can handle anything move you have to throw at her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hat1.jpghatDon'[t look at me like that. I know this hat is awesome. It will be awesomer when I have the matching mini-cape to go with it. I'm still searching for it on E-Bay and random blogs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/chimp.jpgchimpSo. You think it's my tie? My posture? My ho-hum job? I'm telling ya, the ladies seem to love my sensitive eyes and oh-so-kissable lips, but I just can't them to date me more than once. What am I doing wrong?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/upside-down.jpgupside downYou'd think you'd know when you were headed in the wrong direction.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/mae.jpgmaeHold on a minute, Sailor. Let me figure out where I've been before I figure out where we're going. 2013-01-09T05:37:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/23/5192/2012-12-24T13:48:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/21/tis-the-season-to-be-giving-fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/singing.jpgsingingLet's start again from the top, and this time, Kid, try not to cut into my solo...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/octomom.jpgoctomomYeah, I got a favorite kid. The one who's the quietest. It varies from day to day. Well, from minute to minute.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ellen-degeneres-star-hollywood-walk-of-fame-10.jpgEllen DeGeneres Honored On The Hollywood Walk Of FameYeah, she'd be great.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/too-tight.jpgtoo tightWhy didn't someone stop me from eating that tenth pig-in-a-blanket?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/boty-1star3.jpgBlog of the Year Award 1 star jpeghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/boty-3star.jpgBlog of the Year Award 3 star jpeg2012-12-23T14:34:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/20/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-122012/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/enough-already.jpgenough alreadySeriously, People. Mom and I wish you all the best that life has to offer. And don't worry about the Mayan Prophecy. Personally, I think someone's chisel slipped, they got fired (maybe literally), and then never got back to the calendar because they were being attacked. Stuff like that happened back then.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/exhausted.jpgexhaustedI don't know how Lassie, Benji, or that cute dog in the Traveler's insurance commercial do it. These photo shoots are exhausting. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/okay-i-smile.jpgokay i smileOkay. I'll smile for the camera if you promise to take these antlers off of me. I have a proud terrier reputation to uphold.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/really-mom.jpgreally momUm, I guess I'm Buddhist like my mom, so I'm just going to say "Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us." (And this wasn't my idea. Can you tell?)2012-12-21T16:47:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/16/are-you-rested-from-my-vacation/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/relaxed.jpgrelaxedGee, I hope no one mistook you for passed out...or worse.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/drunk-people-04.jpgdrunk-people-04Yeah. No. That's not my problem.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/not-ending.jpgnot endingThe world is not ending. The world is not ending. The world is not ending. Someone hug me now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/beach.jpgbeachCan't you just hear the rhythmic rush of the surf?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bicini.jpgbiciniPhilip really wanted me to wear a two-piece bathing suit. I wore it once. and he was sure to get a picture of me in it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/lounging.jpgloungingI only ventured onto the beach after 4:00 pm, when the sun was low. I was probably the only person there trying hard NOT to tan.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/no-cursing.jpgno cursingNow, that's my kind of restaurant. I just wish they served something I could eat.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bad-view.jpgbad viewToo many Bahama Mamas?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/good-view.jpggood viewThe sand felt like baby powder between my toes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/palm-trees.jpgpalm trees2013-01-02T17:59:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/12/03/im-really-doing-you-a-favor/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bloodhound-dog-puppies.jpgbloodhound dog puppiesI know it's a lot of work--all that clicking and going over to other blogs, but grab a mug of mulled cider or spiked eggnog and relax. Just don't let the boss catch you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/heart_of_banyon-lorna-1.jpgheart_of_banyon-Lorna-1Me in Maui. I just wanted you to know what I look like on vacation while on an island. I'm standing under a very large Banyan tree, which they probably don't have in the Bahamas. So I'll have to stand under something else shady instead...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/under-water.jpgunder waterI was looking at condos in the Portland area just recently. This is a nice second-story unit. The view is quite literally breathtaking.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/halo.jpghaloYeah, well, my halo sometimes needs a bit of adjusting...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/grumpy-cat1.jpggrumpy cathttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/grumpy-cat.jpggrumpy cathttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/praying.jpgprayingPlease let my parents be hearing this. They don't want a super big tree this year or any lights to outline our house and every single bush in the yard. That's just wrong. Grandpa, you're in Heaven, right? Can you please tell then how sad you'll be if they don't go all out this year? Thanks. Amen.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/christmas-carnage.jpgchristmas carnageKeep looking. I know little Jimmy is under here somewhere.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hat.jpghatCan you believe that this is the only way I can get gifts into the house without my kids knowing about them? I don't care what they say about how light-weight those new iPads are, they get heavy after carting them around on your head for a couple of hours.2013-01-30T01:07:57+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/29/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-112912/2012-11-30T18:26:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/27/now-is-not-the-time-to-be-shy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/squirrel.jpgsquirrelHey, Gang! It ain't the kind of nuts we're used to or the kind that will get us through the winter, but it's fruity enough for us to go have a look-see.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/shy.jpgshyAw. Come on. I'm an artist. I don't do shameless self-promotion. What's that you say? This may bring my artistic talents to the light of day? Well, then...2013-01-30T01:10:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/25/i-almost-forgot-to-tell-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/confused-old-woman-on-computer.jpgconfused old woman on computerMarge, you said Lorna's Voice was a good blog to follow. You know I'm new to computers and this blogging stuff. And look what this Lorna fellow has me doing. I've got to go to this other place to read about something I thought I came here to read about. This is more confusing that picking a Medicare supplement plan. I think I'm going to stick with Facebook.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/3-stooges.jpeg3 stoogesSee? Someone's life is going to change...but whose?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/duh.jpgduhAnd this is me on a good day.2012-11-27T22:25:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/19/ive-got-some-good-news-and-some-well-other-news/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/gluttony.jpggluttonyUh, yeah, sure. I'm ready to stand in line at Best Buy. I gotta have that new iSomething. But can I finish this chocolate pudding or gravy? Whatever it is, it's hitting the spot.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/goldie.jpggoldieWhat? It's Thanksgiving already? What month is it, anyway?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/exhausted-statue.jpgexhausted statueYeah. This about sums it up. I have all the life of this statue. All the quick wittedness, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/feathers.jpgfeathersI told you the hotel was "quaint." I got so distracted with the quills that I got ink in places that even I found it hard to explain.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/crammed.jpgcrammedOkay, so I'm exaggerating here. The room had higher ceilings and there were definitely not that many women in our room--at least not while I was in there.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/natives.jpgnativesWe here in the Northwest use our pointers to indicate where a fine woman such as yourself can alter your garment to accentuate your, um, shall we say, assets? You'll find all of us around here helpful like that.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/lorna-at-beach.jpglorna at beachThat's me at Cannon Beach on the Pacific Ocean. The Northwest made me very happy. But I guess you can see that.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/hereafter-is-closed.jpghereafter is closedEat, drink, be merry, People. The Hereafter is closed. I think that means that The Grim Reaper is unemployed, too. Death is out of business at least for now. 2012-12-03T19:26:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/14/my-mom-was-making-stew/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/swimming-baby.jpgswimming babyDid I mention that Eugene was young and fearless, making him the perfect pilot for this test flight/dive?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/mafia.jpgmafiaHey. Don't get your pants in a knot, gentlemen. We're, uh, reasonable men, ain't we, guys? Yous let us keep our nice suits and hair products, and we'll go wich yous guys peacably. Oh, and, we gotta keep the heat we're packing, too. Yous guys don't think we're that happy to see you, do you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/julie-newmar.jpgjulie newmarYes, I think this hotel room will do nicely for my vacation.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/85.jpg85I wonder if I'll feel so fondly about this birthday?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/fireman-lorna.jpgfireman LornaYeah. My dad left before he saw this daughter grow up to be a swinging somebody.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/sculpture-from-macaroni.jpgSculpture from macaroniOkay, that was a stretch. But had the BBC been launched from the Macaroni House, this might have been the first producer.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/barrel.jpgbarrelThere you have it, Folks, a barrel shaped coffin.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/civil-war-general.jpgcivil war generalYa ha. Old Pompous Pants rides into battle again.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/cat-walking-away.jpgcat walking awayTransfusion, yeah, right! Who in their right mind would let that mad scientist near them with a needle and pump? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/dialated-eyes.jpgdialated eyesLorna, I swear, you look younger each time I can't see you.2012-11-19T16:10:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/09/somethings-got-a-hold-on-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/baby-laughing.gifbaby-laughingSee? Kind of contagious. And I'll be sitting in First Class. I hear they give you bibs and roomy seats.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/laughing.giflaughingSee? Kind of contagious and more fun than sneezing during cold and flu season.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/not-in-the-mood.jpgnot in the moodWhy, Miss Lorna! I could not have heard you right. You are NOT taking your lap with you on your journey? Whatever will you rest your delicate hands on while you await the attention of your handsome gentleman caller? Oh, pardon me. You are leaving your laptop behind. Whatever is a laptop, Miss Lorna? Isn't your lap your top?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/reno-911.jpgreno 911I'm sure this fine WP security squad would be all over my disappearance like bad analogies in a post, but, really, you don't need to call them. By the time they responded, I'll be back anyway.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/wizard-of-oz.jpgwizard of ozIt'll be just fine, Child. Don't go worrin' yur purty head 'bout things ya cain't understand. That's what weeze her fur.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/crazy-woman.jpgcrazy womanI don't know what got a hold on me, but I sure as heck found something I can get a hold on...and it isn't reality, People.2014-02-11T17:34:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/08/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-11812/2012-11-19T16:10:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/04/need-to-shed-a-few-pounds-try-the-french-connection/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/video-dancers.jpgvideo dancersI hate these people. They don't even look real.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/weight-loss.jpgweight lossThere's something more going on here than jiggling his way to a slimmer him. I know his front side looks like his back side, but he's having more fun on this machine than he's allowed to have.2012-11-09T21:21:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/02/im-harder-to-track-than-big-foot-but-im-worth-it/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/marilyn.jpgmarilynI'll take this one, but not that one. Oh. well, maybe I'll take that one, too. They all look so tempting...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/bigfoot.jpgbigfootCome on, People. How hard are you really trying to find this "elusive" creature?2012-11-07T15:21:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/11/01/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-11112/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foggy-morning1.jpgfoggy morning12012-11-06T23:00:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/31/where-do-you-go-when-youre-gone/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/duh.gifduhhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/bear.jpgbearYeah. You just don't feel like yourself at all. And everything is fuzzy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ostrich.jpgostrichO yes I have. You wanna look into this face and tell me otherwise?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/saying-wrong-thing.jpgsaying wrong thingSo maybe I spent a little too much time talking about what I hate about the women I've dated before and how you remind me of so many of them. Can we start again? I think you'd look great as a blonde.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/looking.jpglookingWell, they said Grandma went to a place where she would find peace. I know she lots of pieces of good stuff in here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/er.jpgERYou better haul your booties over to the that blonde whose lady parts are about to kerslpode. Sheesh! You'll do anything for Sweeps Week.2012-11-02T16:37:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/30/i-dodged-a-bullet-named-sandy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/earthquake-activity.jpgearthquake activityBob, either we better alert the local authorities about all this seismic activity or you have to stop lying about where you were last night. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/sandy-track-gif.jpgsandy track.gifAll will be well in Lorna Land.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/bullet.jpgbulletWhew, that was close!2012-11-02T13:06:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/29/voodoo-economics/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/cute-raccoon-image-05.jpgCute-Raccoon-Image-05Those fat cats with new money are always trying to horn in on our action. I'm pretty tired of them hanging on to our coattails, aren't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/angry-girl.jpgangry girlI wouldn't want to mess with her. Would you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/chart-of-national-debt.jpgchart of national debtI'm confused. If you ignore the labels (and most people do when faced with statistical charts), if this a graph of the rising national debt, the increase in expenditures on Halloween, or the blood-glucose level of Trick-or-Treaters? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/monkey-at-computer.jpgmonkey at computerSometimes I just can't believe all the information I can get on the internet. How did I live without it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/geeks.jpggeeksHey! We're going for a tour of the Federal Reserve! Wanna go, Lorna? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/beverly-hillbillies.jpgbeverly hillbilliesOkay, technically, they were part of the 1%, but how do you think they are doing now? Yeah. They are struggling like the rest of us. At least they have a collector car.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/6-million-dollar-man.jpg6 Million dollar manWe may need to allocate some federal funds for better choppers and spiffier duds for our 1,000 handsome secrets weapons. We don't want our enemies laughing at their leisure suits.2012-11-01T13:15:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/28/its-not-gossip-if-its-true/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/crazy-lady.jpgcrazy ladyI do believe you may have exaggerated your case when you said that the tea was the finest you had ever tasted. Come. Come. I used a Lipton tea bag from the 1980s.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/flasher.jpgflasherOf all the sights Rex expected to see during his frolic in the forest, he certainly didn't expect to see this overly interested canine.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/typewriter1.jpgtypewriter1Yes, and when I put a whole bunch of letters together in just the right way, sometimes interesting and amazing things happen, like my hair curls just the right way to make men notice me,,,https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/whispering.jpgwhisperingHey, Grandma, I keep hearing on TV that you're bankrupting America. Mom said not to say anything to you because it might upset you, but I just thought you should know. Plus, I hid you're hearing aid.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/compasscommaward.pngcompasscommaward2012-10-30T15:20:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/25/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-102512/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/child-reaching-out.jpgchild reaching outhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/reaching-out-whale.jpgreaching out whalehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/reaching-out-panda.jpgreaching out pandahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/reaching-out-elephant.jpgreaching out elephanthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/reaching-out-dog.jpgreaching out dog2012-10-28T13:56:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/24/and-thats-the-way-it-is/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/flash-gordon.jpgflash gordonEnough with the parties and costumes! They can only amuse us for so long. If we don't hear from Lorna soon, what will we do for entertainment? Pictionary? Dear Lorna, no!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/jesse-and-eric.jpgjesse and EricThis is why they are called "actors."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/cam-as-clown.jpgcam as clownEric actually did attend clown school.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/glide-free-patient-lift-big.jpgGlide-Free-Patient-Lift-BigOf all the contraptions I've imagined for my bedroom, this is NOT one of them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/umbrella.jpgumbrellaWhy didn't we think of this? Mom wouldn't have had to sprint nearly so many times over the weekend.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/mother-and-son.jpgmother and sonThis is all the action my mom is ever gonna see. You got it, Mister? Ya, I'm talking ta you Dad and any other man who wants ta take your place. Don't be fooled by this smile. I can kick and head butt like a pro.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/depressed-dog.jpgdepressed dogI'm glad you're back, Lorna. But how do you suggest I stop wearing black?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/woman-on-telephone.jpgwoman on telephoneOkay, Bertha. I'm ready. Yes. I know. I've been away for a few days and I've got quite a back log to deal with. That's why I've got Hank on the other line. My Carpal Tunnel Protectors are in place and I'm ready to go. Now, tell me, what do my readers want to know? 2012-10-26T12:41:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/22/voters-you-know-you-can-vote-right/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/turtle.jpgturtleMyrtle votes very chance she can just for the thrill it gives her to come out of her shell and make her voice heard. Don't you want some of what Myrtle's feeling?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/captian-jack-sparrow.jpgCaptian Jack SparrowI wouldn't mind this kind of pirate, but do you really think most pirates have such a fine disposition and superior dental health?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/bored-cat.jpgbored catSheesh! I just cleared my inbox. And look at all these new posts. Don't these bloggers have a life? I do. I have naps to take, humans to ignore, kitty litter to spread around the house. The list is endless--just like these blog posts. And some of them even want me to vote on silly shizzle cracker polls. I scratch polls, people. I don't take them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/teacher-at-podium.jpgteacher at podiumI'll say this one more time. Blogs are not acceptable academic resources for your term papers on voting behavior. Yes, I know some of them have polls, but they are not scientific. Trust me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/voter-turnout.jpgvoter turnoutThis is either a chart showing voter turnout rates, which I can't understand because I'm a sociologist, not a political scientist at graph maker. Or it's a chart of my heart rate after I saw the lackluster participation in my most recent attempt at a poll, which I don't understand because I'm a doctor, but not a physician and not a mind reader.2012-10-24T23:07:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/20/visiting-with-the-family/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/marilyn-having-fun.jpgmarilyn having funWell, I may not be having quite this much fun, but I'll have fun. So bye-bye for now!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/marilyn-goodbye.gifmarilyn goodbyeBye bye, but only for now. You won't even get a chance to miss me and, poof! I'll be back.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/cam-and-mitch.jpgcam and mitchNow Mitch, you promised that you'd let me shake my groove thang with Lorna. You know how well she dances. I promise she won't embarrass you and you know I won't embarrass you. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/secret.jpgsecretDon't look so glum. This really is good news once you get used to the idea.2012-10-23T15:11:24+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/18/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-101812/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/hearts.jpghearts2012-10-25T21:04:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/15/looking-for-love-in-all-the-well-read-places-part-2-and-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/worried-queen.jpgworried queenWhat? Is she saying what I think she's saying? We must do something to keep this sweet child at Our beck and call. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/computer-loser.jpgcomputer loserYeah. I feel better now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/judy-holliday.jpgjudy HollidayAnd it wasn't for my excellent balancing skills or fashion sense, either.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/alligator_people2.jpgalligator_people2I may be a "newb" as my son called me, but I know enough about the internet to know that people aren't always who they represent themselves to be and they can find you even if you don't give out personal information. I've seen The Net with Sandra Bullock.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/book-tub.jpgbook tubBook clubs are so passe. I'm into book tubs, the perfect end to an evening of "Dwayne" time on Goodreads, don't you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/suspensful.jpgsuspensfulMy laptop doesn't have antennae, but that was me each time I saw a new email from "Dwayne" my new Goodreads "friend" and erotica connoisseur. Well, I typically keep my blouse buttoned up because it's getting cold around here.2014-07-17T20:50:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/14/looking-for-love-in-all-the-well-read-places-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/wait-for-it.jpgwait for itDo I look like a mind reader or a good guesser?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/shocked-monkey-with-hat.jpgshocked monkey with hatWhat? You're leaving us hanging...again? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/woman-drinking-tea.jpgwoman drinking teaDo tell, Lorna. I belong to Goodreads and I certainly could be a target for cyber S.E.X. Just look at this package.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/woman-lounging.jpgwoman loungingContrary to popular fantasy belief, I don't lounge around all day waiting for men-folk to call on me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/woman-with-computer.jpgwoman with computerI really need to upgrade my laptop. It doesn't fit very well on my lap. While I'm out, I might get my hair teased some more. Size matters, you know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/tome-jones.jpgTom JonesYeah. That's him. Kind of.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/appalled-girl.jpgappalled girlI think Lorna's gotten herself into some trouble again. She really shouldn't be left alone.2012-10-16T14:15:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/12/october-in-the-adirondacks/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/folliage-7.jpgfolliage 7https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/folliage-8.jpgfolliage 8https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/folliage-9.jpgfolliage 9https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foliage-5.jpgfoliage 5https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/family-ride.jpgfamily rideGoing for a drive used to be the only form of entertainment...well, maybe not the only form of entertainment.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foliage-4.jpgfoliage 4https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foliage-1.jpgfoliage 1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foliage-2.jpgfoliage 2https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foiliage-6.jpgfoiliage 6https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/folliage-3.jpgfolliage 32012-10-19T15:06:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/11/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-101112/2012-10-12T15:24:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/09/how-was-i-supposed-to-know-wanna-take-a-look/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/earl-girls.jpgEarl GirlsFrom left to right: Tina, Lisa, Mom, and me. I can't find a picture of Tina and me in our uniforms, but this is about the age we were when we did our "hard time" in Catholic school.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/take-a-look.jpgtake a lookNo, no, no! I'm supposed to find a "look."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/uncle-fester-and-lurch.jpguncle fester and lurchCan't you tell that we are dying to read your little memoir?2012-10-12T15:28:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/05/ive-walked-for-your-cure-will-you-walk-for-mine/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/muppets.jpgmuppetsOkay. Sure. We'll walk for you. But we need someone to walk for us first. Hey, we have the same problem you do, Lorna!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/butt.jpgbuttThere is something wrong with this picture. Most of us carry our hemorrhoids inside our pants.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/lounging.jpgloungingYah ha. This is my idea of a walk...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/reggie-bird.jpgReggie BirdReggie! I should have known he would be working with the SPCA to help them pick a hot steamy day for their walk. He was a tropical bird and he told me he wanted to go along for the walk. And I thought I could trust that boy...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/verklempt.jpgverklemptI'm sorry. I just get so verklempt when I think of all the selfless things I do to help other people. Also, I forgot my reading glasses and crying always works to distract an audience.2016-07-12T17:13:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/04/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-10412/2012-10-05T15:24:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/02/what-was-i-thinking-part-4-the-y-tri-begins-and-ends/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ta-da.jpgta daThat's it! I hope you enjoyed my little adventure in tri-athleticism. Once was enough for me. Maybe once was too much for me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/finish-line.jpgfinish lineDid I mention I was dog tired?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/tired.jpgtiredYou tuckered me out, people. A dizzy blonde can only take so much excitement https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/bike-race.jpgbike raceOh you can tell by the way I use my moves I'm a woman's man, no time for https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/goggles.jpggogglesSee what I mean. And I think they would have slowed me down, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/do-not-run.jpgdo not runHow can these top athletes miss a sign like this? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/finally.jpgfinallyOh2012-10-06T19:21:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/10/01/what-was-i-thinking-part-3-race-day-preparations/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/hyperventilating.gifhyperventilatingYeah. No one even gave me a bag. I was sunk.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/red-ball.jpgred ballWell, I was wearing red...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/little-rascals.jpglittle rascalsSure, they had time to pose for a picture of themselves. But what about me? Wasn't I supposed to be the main attraction of the day?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/spitting.gifspittingMaybe this is why real athletes prefer the glue goop to tasty milkshakes during the race. Things could get messy and testy between competitors.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/poodle.jpgpoodleThat's what I'm talking about. A green collar just wouldn't be as, well, hot.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/woody-allen.jpgwoody AllenLook at him. The man oozes success and self-confidence.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/waking-up.jpgwaking upToday is the the day. Oh no. Oh boy! 2012-10-04T14:17:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/27/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-92712/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/lets-play.jpglets play2014-07-24T15:37:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/26/what-was-i-thinking-part-2-training/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/queen.jpgQueenThe venues have all been inspected by the officials in charge. There's nothing left to do but take a deep breath and hope those carbs kick in.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/wonder-woman-chimp.jpgwonder woman chimpAnd I'm psychic, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/toilet-bike.jpgtoilet bikeSince it was a longer bike ride than I anticipated, I decided to equip my bike with some necessary safety features. The extra weight might slow me down, but I would save time by not having to stop for a pee-break. I know. I thought of everything!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dolphins.jpgdolphinsI said endorphins, not dolphins. But this looks fun...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/woman-tri.jpgwoman triI can be her. I can do what she can do. I can only lift my bicycle like that if I have some of that leftover lentil loaf and mashed potatoes before I got to bed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/crying.jpgcryingAs if my hair do and polka dot scarf aren't reason enough for the entire class to tease me, now I have to walk around with a giant kick-ball hickey on my face. I hate sports.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/carb-loading.jpgcarb loadingI loved the carb-loading part of training. I miss the carb-loading, but not the training.2012-10-02T17:47:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/22/all-kinds-of-things-are-happening/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/one-on-one-text.jpgone on one texthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/mariyln-with-dog.jpgmariyln with dogI mean, this could have been taken this morning...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/daily-globe.jpgDaily GlobeI'm the fresh-faced one with the long hair, the long tie and without the protruding chest. Come to think of it, this isn't a very good likeness of me at all.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/adoring-fans.jpgadoring fansThese are just some of the crowds that form waiting to see what I'm going to do next. They can hardly contain their excitement. Can't you feel it?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/bored.jpgboredLife is pretty boring around my home. I've exhausted the number of neighborhood girls willing to let me fancify their hair. They boys? Forget about it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/giving-tree.jpggiving treehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/pema.jpgpemahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/a-girl-named-zippy.jpga girl named zippyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sea-biscuit.jpgsea biscuithttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/bel-canto.jpgbel canto2012-10-19T15:06:39+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/20/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-92012/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/hugging.jpghugging2012-09-22T17:14:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/14/im-totally-cat-woman-in-an-awesome-not-creepy-way-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/strong-lorna-001.jpgStrong Lorna-001See? Just recently, this rock fell out of the sky and split before it reached me. I'm just one lucky gal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/soot-on-face.jpgsoot on faceWhat? I don't smell any burned papers. No, we weren't trying to cook anything. Oh, yeah. We spilled a salt shaker. Sorry, Mom. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/flying.jpgflyingWhoa, Freaking, Nelly! When I said "Giddy Up!" I didn't mean straight up!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/cheney-gun.jpgcheney gunHey, Lady. I've shot a person for a lot less than singing. Now get out of here before I press charges for walking on public road while I'm trying to destroy something.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/granny-riffle.jpggranny riffleI'm not familiar enough with firearms to identify the caliber of rifle. Big-ass is pretty accurate, though. Maybe it was a shotgun. Like I said. I'm no expert.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/double-cat-julie.jpgdouble cat JulieSeeing double? That's appropriate. I have enough lives for two totally Awesome Cat Women. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/quicksand.jpgquicksandOkay. This is what happens when I venture out into the wilderness, people. Do you know how hard it is to get quicksand stains out of a white tank top and what used to be my clean, fresh...never mind. This is why I don't go hiking. Why invite trouble when trouble so easily finds me?2014-11-05T19:11:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/13/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-91312/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/give-it-a-rest.jpggive it a rest2012-09-14T14:51:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/11/one-of-those-autumn-days-911/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/blue-sky-blue.jpgblue sky blueA rare photo that I actually took on one of those autumn days around where I live--a place that remains clear, blue, and silent even today.2012-09-13T19:33:36+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/10/im-totally-cat-woman-in-an-awesome-not-creepy-way-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/unstoppable.jpgunstoppableYou should know me by now. Anything is possible in my world. Earthquake? Kersploding furnace? Run-away train on a movie set? Someone is going to rescue me. I was just wait for guys like these...This blonde is no fool.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sniper.jpgsniperAbort the mission, Psycho Sharp Shooter! You got some seriously bad intell and there is a tree that can do the job just in case--it's cleaner. The state highway crew will scrub the scene for you. Brilliant, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/gif_foot_tapping.gifgif_foot_tappingAlright already, Lorna. Most of us want to hear about how you almost got killed but weren't. Let's have it before we're ready to kill you!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/cant-decide-what-to-wear.jpgcan't decide what to wearIf things come crashing down around me, maybe I'll be safe in here. Hey, look! I forgot I had this sweater!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/tree-on-car.jpgtree on carIf they had been driving fast enough, they could have totally missed this tree that was aiming for them. Amateurs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/crystal-ball-reader.jpgcrystal ball readerSomeone Up There just threw this at me. What should I do with it? I'm not good with balls.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/ball-lightning.jpgball lightningLook how afraid these grown men are of ball lightning. And I was just a little kid.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/cleavage-cat-woman.jpgcleavage cat womanThey don't make zippers as sturdy as they used to. The last thing I need is to fret about dodging the Grim Reaper AND worry about a wardrobe malfunction. Oy Vey! You have no idea what it's like being me.2012-09-14T00:02:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/07/im-blown-away-figuratively-by-something-literary/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/little-girl-with-glasses.jpglittle girl with glassesI agree, Lorna. It was a great read, containing all the literary elements required of a successful piece of fiction.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/curse-you.jpgcurse youCurse you, James! How I have to skip out of this obviously enjoyable gig as a Pilgrim woman with no rights so I can buy your book and read it. You think they'll miss a pint or three of grog?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/clapping.gifclappinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dumb-blonde-model-reading-book-upside-down.jpgdumb-blonde-model-reading-book-upside-downDo NOT confuse me with her. I never read with my head tilted like that. It's bad for my neck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/facts.jpgfactsSee? That's what I'm talking about!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/disney-characters.jpgdisney charactersThe only thing I can say for sure is that Blonde = Good in the Disney Hall of Shame. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/fat-cat.jpgfat catWait just a cotton-pickin' minute. Did I hear you say I was "sturdy?" I'm a cat and cats are sleek no matter how much we weigh. I just happen to be relaxing and doing my deep belly breathing. If you meditated as purrfectly as I do, then you wouldn't be so flipping judgmental, Stupid Head! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/i-died-once-cover1.jpgi-died-once-cover1Yup. Here it is. This is what blew me away. And not just the cover art...what's inside is just as awesome.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/wind.jpgwindAnd this is why I stay inside on excessively windy days. I get enough exposure just sitting here at my computer.2014-10-06T01:10:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/06/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-90612/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-dog.jpgsmiling doghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-lamb.jpgsmiling lambhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-fish.jpgsmiling fishhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-donkeys.jpgsmiling donkeyshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-chimp.jpgsmiling chimphttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-panda.jpgsmiling pandahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-dog-and-o.jpgsmiling dog and ohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smiling-dolphins.jpgSmiling dolphinshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smilingbird-thumb-550x400-9441.jpgSmilingBird-thumb-550x400-9441https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/elephant.jpgelephant2012-09-10T14:49:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/04/im-totally-cat-woman-in-an-awesome-not-creepy-way-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/shocked-housewives.jpgshocked housewives (This should be read with a Southern Belle accent of at all possible.) Goodness Gracious! Our delicate sensibilities are all kerfuffled by that word Miss Lorna used. Whatever can she be talking about?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/chimp-survey.jpgchimp surveyYes. I agree. Chubby girls who lack common sense shouldn't be playing on equipment designed for people like, say, me--your average pollster. I'm really supposed to be asking you who you're likely to vote for in the upcoming Presidential election, the elephants or the donkeys. I know. It's the only way I can tell them apart, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/crazy-hair.jpgcrazy hairTwo other member of LSSA (Lightning Strike Survivors Anonymous), a hair support group for women who need advice on what to do with their unmanageable tresses after they get zapped. Health and beauty professionals are woefully underprepared for this kind of trauma. We need each other and the Styrofoam balls to prevent any further damage to our egos and roots.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/housewife.jpghousewifeI don't have any tricks up my sleeve. But I can't promise you there isn't surprise behind this apron...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sexy-cat-woman.jpgsexy cat womanYes, yes, yes! That's more like it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/crazy-cat-lady.jpgcrazy cat ladyNo, no, no, no, no! And the Cat Woman's body is somewhere under there. It's kind of like a "Where's Waldo?" crime scene...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/one-life-to-live.jpgone life to liveI never watched this daytime TV drama (that I remember), but I guess they were pretty awesome, and they were cancelled. So it could happen to me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/squinting-owl1.jpgsquinting owlShizzle! I thought the forecast was for clouds all day. Why is it sunny again? I can't take all this bright-and sunny-crap!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/squinting-owl.jpgsquinting owlhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/cat-woman.jpgcat womanOkay, so I don't usually wear lipstick that red, but otherwise, put the two of us in the same room with the same costume and the only way you could tell us apart is that my costume would have more going on in the upper frontal region...and I don't mean the forehead.2012-09-11T12:55:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/09/02/observations-from-the-road/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dog-in-plane.jpgdog in planeThere you are! I was just about to go on a Search and Rescue Mission. Let me cut the engines, deplane, and run around in circles. You could help by pulling me out of this contraption.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/mr-rogers.jpgMr RogersDon't bother with the menu, folks. I'll go ahead and read it for you. Spaghetti is that long skinny pasta that tastes great with sprinkly cheese on it...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/big-hat.jpgbig hatYup. This guy is 6'2" and totally standing in front of me at every venue I've ever tried to see. Even at night, this dude is worried about skin cancer.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mr-bean.jpgmr beanCome on, Lorna! Let's hear what you have to say. I know it will be just dandy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/human-wheel.jpghuman wheelSo that's how those trucks keep going when a wheel blows. I wonder how much this job pays? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/new-seatbelt-design.jpgnew seatbelt designYeah, well, this is just the first prototype. The second one is even better. Any guesses what it might look like? Let's just say those smug smiles, guys, will be gone.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/two-steering-wheels.jpgtwo steering wheelshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/darn-it.jpgdarn itThis is a poster of the International Camera Enforcement Officer. He found me and wasn't happy. Well, you can kind of see that that's his general disposition. Even frisking me didn't lighten his mood.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/behind-bars.jpgbehind barsOkay, so I've put on a little weight since I've been in The Big House. Whatcha gonna do, arrest me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cool-dog-driving.jpgcool dog drivingSome things you can only see from behind the wheel. I just wish I could get the keys to this Bad Boy...2012-09-23T21:02:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/30/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-83012/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/dancing-woman.jpgdancing womanHey! Who put a nanny cam in my bedroom?2012-09-02T19:42:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/26/newsflash-from-readum-n-weap-ink-inc/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/angry-girl.jpgangry girlhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/keg-on-wheels.jpgkeg on wheelshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/six-pack-abs.jpgsix pack absNot all of the sons have six-pack abs, but we're giving you fair warning. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/book-cover.jpgbook coverLorna just emailed us and told us she had no interest in writing a story in which the man's chest was more alluring than hers. We said she was picky.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/good-cheap-fast.jpggood cheap fastWe're trying to find a way to put all of this important info on our business cards and fit our contact info on there, too. Any ideas?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/funny-headline.jpgfunny headlineWhile we are trying to avoid this kind of incident for Lorna in Easton, PA (oops), this kind of publicity for her would be great for her career. Maybe not as a distinguished writer, but , ...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/shirley-temple.gifshirley templeGolly, I think Lorna's Voice is just about the funnest blog around. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/women-hardhats.jpgwomen hardhatsWe here at Readum N. Weap, Ink., Inc. are always on the job, keeping abreast of the latest in quirky memoirs by dizzy blondes.2012-09-05T19:22:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/22/the-swedish-meatball-versus-the-blonde-vegetarian/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/coming-attractions.jpgcoming attractionsSo this is your idea of a sneak peek of coming attractions? Talk about leaving the barn door open...You might want to hire a marketing professional, Honey. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/bandage.jpgbandageAll wrapped up and ready for guests.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/chrish-farley.jpgchrish farleySwedish Meatball wasn't as adorable as he was, but he was definitely as clueless and interested in beer. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/early-brain-scan_cropped.jpgearly brain scan_croppedThat's how they found the brain tumor and curled my hair. Don't you love "modern" technology?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/hitting-your-head.jpghitting your headThank goodness they didn't use nails, because I'd hate to have to use this method to make sure everything was good and tight.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/bush.jpgbushYou see, that there's the size of my, er, um, ... The Axes of Evil are this close to building a nu-cu-lar bomb. But they misunderestimate me if they think they'll get away with it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/ted.jpgtedDon't worry. It's not that scary of a story.2012-08-26T14:51:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/19/and-stuff-like-that/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mona-lisa.gifmona lisaYou're not going to get away with insulting Lorna. Oh no! The Mona-ster has your back, Honey.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/english-teacher.jpgenglish teacherShe died and was buried with that ruler. You know what that means, right? She's a ghost that's armed. Do dead math teachers carry dictionaries? Just wondering...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/baby-with-big-mouth.jpgbaby with big mouthPut a sock in it Kiddo. Okay, put your fist in it. Just don't scream.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/owl-face.jpgowl faceSo...? So tell me! Don't leave me hanging here. Throw me a...a...mouse or something.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sleeping.jpgsleepingThat was one tough semester...a whole class of narcoleptics. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/spaz-attack.gifSpaz-attackYeah, no. You want to avoid looking and sounding like this (if you can imagine what he sounded like as he was doing this). See, he thinks he all, "I'm cool." And we're all, "Did he forget his meds?" I'm just giving you some pointers so you can avoid the linguistic equivalient of this embarrassment.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/fred-and-ethel.jpgfred and ethelOh no, Fred, you didn't just say that...again. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/hamster.jpghamsterBrilliant! Stuff something in my mouth before I make more of a fool of myself than I already have.2012-08-27T22:53:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/16/help-i-need-somebody-help-not-just-anybody-hel-el-elp/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/blindfold.jpgblindfoldWell, she looks like she's having way too much fun. I suppose I am, too, for a writer who is pretty much in the dark. At least I can call myself a writer!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/waiting.jpgwaitingOkay. I over did it. These guys were clean-shaven and much more dapper when this post began.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/shocked-man.jpgshocked manYou said what about our sex life or lack thereof?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mesmerized.jpgmesmerizedFor those who are visual learners, here's a theme for you. The boy, um, reader, is captured from the start; the theme is clear, but enough is left up to the imagination to keep the boy's, er, reader's, attention for a good long time.2012-08-17T14:24:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/14/im-kerfuddled-and-its-not-because-im-blonde/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/smoking-computer.jpgsmoking computerYup. You have to call The Tech Guy and, after waiting on "hold" for hours only to be told you're stupid, you might actually need a cigarette to calm you down. It's a total trap.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/recliner.jpgreclinerI learned these stretches in yoga, so don't be so judgmental.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/old-ladies-man.jpgOld ladies manThis silver fox read all about Mark Zuckerberg and he's the brains (powers by Viagra) behind Senior People Meeting. Well, Mr. I've-Got-My Plate-Full-But-l-Can-Get-A-Bigger-Platter, I'm not liking the odds one little bit.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/facial-hair.jpgfacial hairBe honest. To what feature are you most drawn on this trying-to-look-alluring woman?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/judge-judy.jpgJudge JudyThis is one of her better days.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mouse-mouse.gifMouse-mouseHey, Loser, you sure you want to click there again?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cat-computer.jpgcat-computerHah! Caught you, Anastasia! Where's Claire? Getting you some catnip to make the night extra fun at the expense of others?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/jr.jpgJRThey could totally get a wax figure to play him. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/confused-blonde.jpgconfused blondeI'm not loving the hair. Either I do something I might regret later or I shoot someone. 2012-08-18T13:35:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/08/tired-of-watching-all-those-athletes-winning-gold-silver-and-bronze/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/banana-peel.jpgbanana peelI'd rather be the photographer than the person trying to score in this Banana-rama Tournament, wouldn't you? By the way, look for this sport in the 2016 Olympics in Rio. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/ambitious-photographers.jpgambitious photographersI know there are photographers out there who are artists--people who will do anything for the perfect shot. Well, now is the time to share those perfect shots with the rest of us!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tired-face.jpgtired faceYou woke me up to watch basketball? I thought basketball season was finally over. Men and balls. Whatcha gonna do?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/gold-elvis.jpggold elvisHe just wouldn't look as good in a silver suit, now would he?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/wrestling.jpgwrestlingSee? In the business, they call this move, the Wedginator. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/diver.jpgdiverHow does he hold that pose in mid air like that just so we can see his, ahem, form?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tired.jpgtiredI was sure that double Ensure with a protein bar chaser would last longer than the beach volley ball semi-finals. All that female hugging, butt slapping and general overly-toned enthusiasm is wearing me out.2012-08-10T12:48:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/07/naughty-can-be-nice/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/werewolf.jpgwerewolfWell, I didn't do that. I don't like men with pokey facial hair.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/hobby-horses.jpghobby horsesRemember, you can do anything and make it look good. All you need is confidence, style, and snazzy duds. Now giddy up and go vote!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/dog-jumping.gifdog jumpingOh Boy! I can't wait to vote. When can I vote again? Let's go vote again! Are we there yet? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/nerd.jpgnerdYeah. We know this guy. He's hooked into "The Man" and making sure that, come election time, you only get to cast one piddly little vote. Well, Katie is going to turn this guy's world upside-down, which might make him a wee bit excited--so look out, Katie!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cousin-itt.jpgCousin IttThe Keynote Speaker at the Association Media and Publishing Annual Meeting. No wonder they are missing out on all the talent here at WordPress.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/kiss.jpgkissWell, I didn't do this. I just discovered I have arthritis in my back and this kind of stunt is exactly the kind of thing my doctor told me to avoid if at all possible.2012-08-10T19:34:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/06/why-buddhists-shouldnt-write-memoirs/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/oprah-winfrey-anthony-tony-robbins-fire-walking-upw-297-253x300.jpgoprah-winfrey-anthony-tony-robbins-fire-walking-upw-297-253x300Oprah looks very motivated. I need to be very motivated. But do either of us really need hot coals under our tootsies to get us to where we want to be? Hey, Oprah, maybe we should talk. I'm not sure what I could do for you, but I've got some ideas about what you could do for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tony-robbins-feet-on-hot-coals.jpgTony-Robbins-Feet-on-Hot-Coalshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/temple.jpgtempleThis is a lot more opulent than sitting on a cushion and meditating. But is it a Mormon Temple or a Scientology Church? And is that Tom or Mitt? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sue.jpgSuehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/giant-beer-can.jpggiant beer canhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/queen-elizabeth-photoshopped.jpgqueen Elizabeth photoshoppedAnd this is what happens to those self-centered holier-than-thou people. The tabloids are ruthless and somehow get access to private, for-Philip's-eyes-only-glamour-photos. How about a little more self-reflection and humble pie, Lizzy?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tips-for-single-women7.jpgtips-for-single-women7And some girls, tipsy or not, just over think things to much. And a thinking girl makes a man mighty nervous. Just look at this guy. Poor man. He's fallen victim to that rare creature: a blonde with brains.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/bathing-suit.jpgbathing suitOkay, I didn't do this, but I did something she probably didn't...2012-08-09T14:56:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/08/01/im-no-mariah-carey-but/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/procrastination.jpgprocrastinationYeah. Try not to do that, okay?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/coach-beast.jpgcoach beastExhibit A. Totally ripped from Google Images and hilarious. So what if it has nothing to do with a post announcing a photography contest? It's a photograph, right? Sheesh. Let me have a little fun. It's been a really long time since I've done a post like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cake.jpgcakeSee? She has the cake in one hand and she's eating it from the other. This woman is a genius, but I have a feeling she's not going to stop. Would you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mariah.jpgMariahI take that back. I could be Mariah Carey. I look great in red and can look equally surprised given the right circumstances, like, say, being asked to judge an awesome competition.2012-08-02T20:26:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/07/16/i-want-you-i-need-you-i-love-you-an-exploration-in-lust/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/elvis.jpgelvisIn the immortal and eloquent words of Piglet: "Oh My. Oh, mm...mm...my, my, my!"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/draino.jpgdrainoTalk about a great writing prompt...It has it all: drama, suspense, emotional turmoil, drainage issues, sexism, ridiculosity. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I find for you.2013-03-10T14:53:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/07/03/what-is-irony-let-cnn-fill-you-in/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/fishing.jpgfishinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/andy-and-barney.jpgandy and barneyYa huh, Barney. That would be ironic, wouldn't it?2014-07-24T15:35:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/28/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-72812/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/bonanza.jpgbonanzaMy impression of boys was that they were overly eager to sprint or liked to imitate apes while smiling at the camera. I wasn't optimistic about their ability to be romantic. Maybe that's why my novel only lasted 7 pages. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/dancing-dog.gifdancing dogThe treat is behind Door #1. Come and get it, Cupcake!2012-07-03T19:21:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/07/05/here-today-gone-tomorrow/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/woman-lounging.jpgwoman loungingWell, a gal's gotta have some diversions. All that reading is hard on the eyes, you know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/glasses-girl.jpgglasses girlEmma Jean: The Patron Saint of Little Girls Who Always Knew They Had A Book In Them And Wanted To Wear Glasses To Make Them Look Smarterhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/in-plain-sight.jpgin plain sightYes, we can protect you, but you have to follow our rules. #1: no blogging. Remember, this is how you got into this mess in the first place.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/hepburn.jpghepburnOh Dear. Whatever shall I do with this fragile creation now that it is here? I think it best that I worry a while longer. Perhaps it will take care of itself if I just stare at it long and hard enough. I'm very good at that, you know.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/adult-diaper.jpgadult diaperNo one wants it to come to this, right? Right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/alright-already.jpgalright alreadyAlright already! Spit it out, Woman. I haven't got all day. Can't you see I have a meeting with my former hairdresser and a mediator? I'm in no mood for being teased more than I've been already.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/payphone.jpgpayphoneWhy do I get the feeling that this isn't going to be great news?2012-07-15T22:02:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/07/03/the-customer-is-always-right-the-end-i-hope/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/red-chicken.jpgred chickenI think this was chicken in a former life.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/chinese-man1.jpgchinese manOkay, so he looked more like a teenager, a bit shorter, wasn't wearing a hat, and he was dressed in black pants and a white shirt. But other than that, this could have been him.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/booth.jpgboothWe didn't have a choice of a booth like this when we chose to eat in at our Chinese restaurant. Just as well--very poor back support.2012-07-04T16:06:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/07/02/the-customer-is-always-right-not-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/oh-no.jpgoh noOh no! Even I know that Chinese food is meant for take-out. I do it morning, noon and night. Um, well, between Taco Bell, KFC, and McDonalds. So many fast food joints, so few hours in a day and days in a week...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/spaghetti_bowl_head_2.jpgSpaghetti_bowl_head_2Trust me. It was worth it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/awful.jpgawfulSmiley must watch a lot of SNL. He nailed this look.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/red-butt.jpgred buttYup, no running is gonna leave this behind behind. Actually, this butt runs more than I do. You learn to love what you got and try not to let photographers snap photos when your assets are exposed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/chinese-man.jpgchinese manOkay, so he was look more like he was 15 or 16 years old, not quite that tall, and he was dressed in black pants and a white shirt. But other than that, this could have been him.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/pothole.jpgpotholeThis pot hole started out as a snail sanctuary. Now you can land a fairly decent-sized trout after a good rain. Next year, I hear there are plans to stock it with salmon...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/radio-show.jpgradio showWhen last we left our highly sensitive heroine, Lorna, she was traumatized by the Drunken Noodle Debacle at her former favorite Thai restaurant and hoping that Old Thai Curses could be neutralized by the affections of a swarthy former Marine and a #1 cute pooch Scrappy. 2012-07-03T19:19:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/27/the-customer-is-always-right-not-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/i-didnt-do-it.jpgI didn't do itUh huh. You can feel it. I sure did. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/chinese-kitchen.jpgchinese kitchenDo you want a real adventure in dining with Lorna and her persnickety diet? Stay tuned. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/blacklisted.jpgblacklistedYes, Sir. Her name is Lorna and she has been going to local dining establishments with menu demands traitorous of the American high-calorie, low-nutrient diet. She must be stopped.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/bull-dog.jpgbull dogUh huh. You know the look. And I got it full force from a little old Thai woman. It was powerful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/angry-bird.jpgangry birdWhat? Someone came into my kitchen. Someone is going to be very sorry...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/thai-waitress.jpgthai waitresshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/donald-trump.jpgdonald trumpIf I don't get that cleavage should we split up before she's 30 and too old for me, then YOU'RE FIRED!2014-07-24T15:34:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/21/tick-tock-an-exploration-in-sloth/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pendulum-clock.gifpendulum clockhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/photoshop-clock-pendulum-anima.gifphotoshop-clock-pendulum-animahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/dallas-cowboy-cheerleader.jpgdallas cowboy cheerleaderFocus on the silver lining, people.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/snoopy.jpgSnoopyI don't mean to scare anyone from joining the fun, but as you can see, the competition is getting rather fierce.2012-06-27T17:50:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/15/my-two-new-favorite-letters/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/two-toed-sloth.jpgtwo-toed-slothWhat? You're writing a story about me? Well don't expect me to rush down from this branch to read it. I spent the last two weeks getting from the base of this branch all the way down to the end. I've got some serious snoozing to do before I start another trek.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/george-and-michelle.jpggeorge and michelleThis is the part in my book when Phil tells me he can't live without me. Spoiler Alert: that happens a lot in my book.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pole-dancer.jpgpole dancerI never thought my yoga classes would help me become so flexible. And those planks really help with upper arm strength needed to wrestle yourself into these tight outfits.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/james-brown.jpgjames BrownI couldn't pick just one letter. You know, Baby, had to pick two. Now you got me so excited. I'm doing my rocker split for you.Oh, yeah. Baby. Baby. Sing it with me, Baby, Baby...2012-06-18T12:09:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/08/vote-early-vote-often/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/funny-sign.jpgfunny signOkay, this looks like a better deal, but looks can be deceiving. Still...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/miss-america.jpgMIss AmericaTrust me this Katy's contest isn't rigged. Little known behind the scenes fact: each woman aspires to be a writer and strive to create world piece through exposing cleavage and thighs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/dreamy.jpgdreamyI just can't get her words off my mind.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/fox-news-anchors.jpgfox news anchorsYes, let's discuss the latest Gallop Pole. Oh, I meant Gallup Poll. I must have been distracted by that lavender tie you're wearing. You really should think more carefully about your wardrobe and how it's going to reflect on us as professional news anchors.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/church-lady.jpgchurch ladyListen up, Kiddo. You've got some important decisions to make. So read what this little Missy Lorna has to say.2012-06-13T16:15:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/06/01/no-news-is-good-news-so-whats-this/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/closing-post-office.jpgclosing post officeDon't worry, Honey. If these hacker keep after me, I'll send enough mail to keep the post office open until at least 2050. By then my arthritic hands will have to let go of the pen. I hope I have enough friends within shouting distance at the nursing home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/hacker.jpghackerOkay, so maybe not every hacker works on his knees and with that magic super-powered face mask. I just want you to stay way from my currently virginal new email account. Is that too much to ask?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/john-edwards.jpgJohn EdwardsIf you could see me now, I have that same "I know I did something wrong, but it wasn't all that bad, so look past the past and embrace the sincere promise that I'll try to do better when you trust me again, and you will trust me again because look at me--I'm freaking irresistible." But I really mean it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/betty-white.jpgbetty whiteYeah. No. I don't have any stories like that in my book.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/peeking.jpgpeekingHiya! I know I shouldn't come out right now. I've still got a lot to do in here, but I think you'll agree this is going to be worth it. I'll wrap myself back up in just a minute...2012-06-19T17:39:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/21/slowly-step-way-from-the-blog-lady-and-no-one-will-get-hurt/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/waving-goodbye.jpgwaving.goodbyeIt's either sink or swim time. I aim to swim. (But not like "wit da fishes" like the mob would say--just to be clear.)https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/old-woman-typing.jpgold woman typingMy goodness, time flies when you're editing and re-editing your memoirs. The laptop died a long time ago and I found that typewriter ribbons are a lot less expensive than ink cartridges. Go figure. And that's what happened: my figure got up and went. But my fingers are still strong.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/old-ladies.jpgold ladiesHopefully Milly and Me will be hugging each other after winning a Majong tournament, not catching each other on our way down toward dual broken hips.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/wilted-celery.jpgwilted celeryMy wit on a bad day. Hopefully this isn't one of them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/dog-reading.jpgdog readingI blame, um, thank, Scrappy's former owner for his literacy skills. She must have read to him every night.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/owl.jpgowlI'm constantly having to look over my shoulder to make sure You-Know-Who isn't figuring out what I'm really doing on this computer. It's really becoming a pain in the neck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/sophia.jpgsophiaAlright, I'll tell them what you want me to tell them. You're right. It's for my own good that I do as you command. Maybe I'll even lose that last 5 pounds from not sitting so much at the computer.2012-06-01T14:58:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/18/behind-the-mask-an-exploration-in-envy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/finger-bite.jpgfinger biteThe suspense is killing me. Is finger biting one of the deadly sins? I hope not, because I'm a gonner if it is.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/the-voice.jpgthe voiceIt's a writing contest on a blog, people. I don't know what all the fuss and fanfare is about. 2012-05-27T17:13:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/15/procrastination-its-about-time/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/typing-class.jpgtyping classExcuse me. I'm late for my weekly typing class. I have to make sure my memoir is typo-free, you know!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/robocall.jpgrobocallYes. our collective, ahem,company knows a great deal about plotting and arcs. We have just the protocol, ahem, product for you. If you sell your soul, ahem, buy our program now, we will guarantee world domination, ahem, 100% satisfaction and a complete manuscript--not necessarily related.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/sign.jpgsignSee what I mean?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/chimp-watching-tv.jpgchimp watching TVWhen did I ever have time to help those nice people in lab coat with all their experiments while I was cooped up in a cage? I'm just so busy now catching up on, well, life. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/procrastinators-handbook1.jpgprocrastinators handbookI wonder how many people got around to reading this book?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/procrastinators-handbook.jpgprocrastinators handbookI wonder how many people got around to reading this book? 2012-05-26T13:00:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/10/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-51012/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/anja-earrings.jpgAnja earringsMy younger sister had a jeweler select the diamonds. Wow did they sparkle, but not as much as Mom's eyes did when she opened that box.2012-05-15T16:37:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/08/music-passion/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/full-moon.jpgfull moonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/pole-dancing.jpgpole dancingOkay, so this new class at the Wellness Center may not be working out quite as I envisioned, but I'm up (or maybe down) for any kind of dancing if there's a good beat.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/sexy-singer.jpgsexy singerThis is who I dreamed of being...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/singing-in-car.jpgsinging in carLast I checked, karaoke while driving is not against the law. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/secret.jpgsecretEven after all you know about me, this might came as a shocker. Or maybe I just blew in your ear and it tickled. You never know with me.2014-07-24T15:38:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/07/anything-can-happen-at-the-kentucky-derby-party/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/mrs-howell-in-lovey-s-secret-admirer-gilligans-island-20632754-640-480.jpgMrs-Howell-in-Lovey-s-Secret-Admirer-gilligans-island-20632754-640-480The "Shalom Shack" must have something like this. I'll just have to keep going back until I find the right clip on fluffy-doodle.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/philip-and-hat-lorna.jpgphilip and hat Lornahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/trophy-winner.jpgTrophy winnerMuch to her, and a lot of other people's surprise, "I'll Have Another" is the horse that this friend of one of my niece's picked, so she ended up with the trophy, presented by my other Hostess Niece.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-winners.jpgHat winnersAnd everyone thought "I'll Have Another" was a long-shot... Yes, it was a tie. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-line-up.jpgHat line upIt's post time and the hats are lined up for the final look-see. And the winner is...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-lorna.jpgHat LornaYou will recognize both the hat and the woman underneath it...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-lisa.jpgHat LisaMy younger sister--the one with all the artistic talent. Remember her? Her "hat" is a headband with a "1st Prize" banner stuck to it. She called it "minimalist"; I called it presumptuous. We were both wrong. Spoiler: she didn't win and some of the females didn't wear hats--the ultimate in minimalism. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-tina.jpgHat TinaMy older sister. You can't see it, but her hat had a doggy theme, complete with a doggy biscuit that got nabbed by one of the dogs at the end of the party.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-megan.jpgHat MeganA friend of the Hostess.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat-anja.jpgHat AnjaThe most experienced at life (oldest) person at the party, my mom. She picked up her hat at a second-hand store called the "Shalom Shack." You think I'm kidding? I couldn't make that up if I tried. She didn't do anything to the hat but wear it.2012-05-19T12:13:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/04/you-cant-attend-the-kentucky-derby-topless/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/young-owl-wearing-a-hat-in-front-of-white-background.jpgyoung-owl-wearing-a-hat-in-front-of-white-backgroundI try to protect myself from the sun, but I simply prefer being out when the sun isn't.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/cats-with-hats.jpgcats with hatsI know it wasn't befitting the cherished tradition, but we were desperate to feel like we were part of it. Give us some points for trying.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/horse-in-hat.jpghorse in hatNo, no, no! The women of the rich men are supposed to be wearing the silly hats, not the horses of the rich men...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat5.jpghat5Close-up of the cluster of "roses" on the side of the hat.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat4.jpghat4Close-up of the "rose" in the center of the ribbon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat3.jpghat3Back of the "Rune for the Roses" hat. The yellow ribbon dangles down to the middle of my back. Too much?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat2.jpghat2This is the front of the hat. In case you're wondering, I'm resting it on top of a lamp shade for these pictures. I know, usually people wear lamp shades after a crazy party, but, remember, this is me we're dealing with.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hat1.jpghat1I can't take credit for making the hat or the feathers, but the "roses" are mine. They are fabric roses for my "Run for the Roses" hat. Clever, huh?2016-06-08T16:55:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/05/03/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-5312/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/awesome-guy-dancing.gifawesome-guy-dancingIt's not what you got, Baby; it's how you use it!2013-06-28T21:06:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/30/sorry-wrong-number/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/wrong-number-3.jpgwrong number 3I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets these disturbingly hilarious phone calls. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/wrong-number-2.jpgwrong number 2Sir, I'm sorry Guy Woods confused you. But mister, he confused me more and you have no idea how sorry I really am. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/wrong-number-1.jpgwrong number 1Hey, Phil, whoever you are. All I'm looking for is a little action, if you know what I mean. This friend of a friend gave me this number and said I wouldn't be disappointed. Guess what. I'm disappointed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/little-kid-on-phone.jpglittle kid on phoneSheesh, I got it already. Carrots and plums, bath, story, then bed. Who do you think I am? A baby? I'm hanging up now. Next time text me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/cell-phone-booth.jpgcell-phone-boothPersonally I feel a bit conspicuous when talking on my cell phone in public. It's especially awkward while driving. I can see why the laws are getting quite strict.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/telephone-operators.jpgtelephone operatorsThe only mobile thing about this telephone set-up were the chairs.2012-05-03T00:11:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/27/proof-of-life-an-exploration-in-gluttony/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/burqa.jpgburqa2012-05-02T17:54:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/26/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-42612/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/horse-frightened.jpghorse frightenedHorse Frightened by a Storm by Eugene Delacroixhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/summer-landscape.jpgsummer landscapeSummer Landscape by Pierre-Auguste Renoirhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sunset-at-lavacourt.jpgsunset at LavacourtSunset at Lavacourt by Claude Monethttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/starry-night.jpgstarry nightStarry Night by Vincent Van Gogh2012-05-02T12:12:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/24/im-clearly-confused/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/maxwell_smart__confused.gifmaxwell_smart__confusedAh yes, if only I's used the soup camera...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sopranos.jpgsopranosAnd exactly what is it about da concept of justice dat ju don't capice?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/we-need-more-power.jpgwe need more powerCapt'ain, Sir. Don't look so surprised. I know you need more power, but she's got not more to give. If we had stopped at Alpha Centurion and reloaded our supply rather than galavanting to that planet with the busty blonde alien women who all looked like Kim Novak, we wouldn't be in this predicament. But I'll go down to the Engine Room and see if I can squeeze a wee bit more from the old girl while you squeeze a bit more from your new girl. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/coal-miner.jpgcoal minerYep. I work with that there clean coal y'all keep hearin' about every day. Tomorrow's my 16th birthday. I'm gettin' a chest X-ray fer my present. I ain't never X-rayed before. Should be excitin'!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/bowing.jpgbowingI vow not to blow you up if you vow not to run me over. Agreed? Agreed! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/catfish.jpgcatfishWhatever is in the water, I'm not drinking it. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/silly-chimp.jpgsilly chimpAnd a howdy doody good day to you! You've reached the Brilliant Oxymoron Hotline where we've never met an oxymoron we didn't love. Do you have an oxymoron to offer us or are you calling to get our Oxymoron of the Day?2012-05-02T11:38:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/18/dont-take-my-word-for-it/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/weight-lifter.jpgweight lifterGolly, I sure Momma didn't leave no bullets on the ground. She don't know I'm messing around with her new BustBlaster she done ordered from the Home Shoppin Network.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/nancy-grace-2.jpgnancy grace 2Now that I've given you the good news for the day, let's fill the show with all the bad news. I can't wait.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/yellow-roses.jpgyellow rosesIz soo happy ta see you. Ocifer. You like my buds, you hansome guy you? I sure will go wit you, but onnly if you hep arrange me with your bigg manly man hans. Yessir Ocifer, Sir.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/dogs-driving-car.jpgdogs driving carLet's get the car closer so Mommy doesn't have to lug the groceries so far. I'll work the steering wheel. Shadow, you keep an eye out for traffic. And Doodles, you make sure you know the brake pedal from the gas pedal. Let's take this puppy out for a spin! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/burger-phone.jpgburger phoneI'm telling you, this burger is so bad, I'm using it to make this call. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/dog-eating-tickets.jpgdog eating ticketsI go goof balls for golf tickets. Yummy! I bet the tickets to the World Series are better than Bacon N' Bits.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/jon-stewart.jpgjon stewartHa! Ha! You think I'm kidding, don't you? That's the beauty of my show. I'm not. I'm just packaging the news in a way that Highly Sensitive People like Lorna can sleep at night.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/cant-look.jpgcan't lookIt took a lot of work to get this uninformed. You really should be impressed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/nancy-grace.jpgnancy graceShe could be telling me I'm getting a $2000 tax return and I'd still be scared.2014-08-22T14:44:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/19/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-41912/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/purple-finger.jpgpurple fingerImagine the fearlessness it took for women to vote in the first "democratically" held elections in Iran. Look in her eyes. I see more than courage; I see pride, determination, and hope.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/baby-cancer.jpgbaby cancerMaybe this child is too young to know fear, but surely not too young to know pain. And yet the pure joy on her face from this simple daffodil expresses to me the heart of a truly brave soul. 2012-04-24T21:34:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/16/its-spring-not-fall-right/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/batcave.jpgbatcaveHoly Super Heroes, Batman! Looks like there's enough for a dizzy blonde to do in the Bat Cave. Why would I want to go outside at all?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/shoes.jpgshoesNah. That would be asking for more trouble knowing me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/rash.jpgrashI know how you feel, Lorna. Let's do a fist bump or how about a diaper dump, oops, I mean bump. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/stationary-bike.jpgstationary bikeOh, this may look safe enough. But beware of the hidden dangers of mounting a stationary bike. They carpet those floors for a reason.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/gas.jpggasI'm about to lose my license...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/confused.jpgconfusedRita was confused. The calendar indicated that it was spring. Then why did she keep falling down? 2012-04-19T15:12:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/12/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-41212/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/barbershop.jpgbarbershopThey're taking requests, folks. Go ahead and have these fancy gents sing you your favorite tune from the 1930s!2012-04-16T20:43:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/11/im-better-than-new-just-kidding/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/business-casual.jpgbusiness casualBusiness casual? I think the red clutch pulls the look together for any Chamber of Commerce dinner, don't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/boneless-chicken.jpgboneless chickenI've got PETA on my speed-dial. This just isn't right.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/good-as-new.jpggood as newEven though she's old, I'll have her lookin' better than new with my special tools and the magic smoke I'm blowing up yer...um...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/baggy-tights.jpgbaggy tightsAre these supposed to fit like this, or did I wander into a casting call for a "Depends Undergarment" commercial?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/dumb-and-dumber.jpgdumb and dumberWarning: Objects in your rear view mirror may not look as brilliant when an oxymoron is following you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/buddhist-cartoon.jpgbuddhist cartoonYou think being a Buddhist is easy? If it was, everyone would not join.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/smart-water.jpgsmart waterYou'd be dumb not to drink Smart Water. It's water, only smarter. And it makes you look better than you...um...better than new...er...just like Jennifer Aniston?2012-04-16T20:39:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/10/best-pilates-soundtrack-ever/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/old-woman-taking-a-break.jpgold woman taking a breakThis is the only kind of leg lift you're getting out of me, Lady.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/exercise-bands.jpgexercise bandsThe person behind her is one sweaty palm away from a Personal Injury Law Suit involving Rubber Band disfigurement.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/on-the-phone.jpgon the phoneYeah. You dialed the right number. I can do anything you want: your standard heavy breathing, delicate sighing, sing you a bedtime swanky song, or, for an extra twenty-five bucks, I can do the full Pilates Soundtrack. Yeah, sure. I'm blonde and stacked like the International House of Pancakes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/clark-gable.jpgclark gableMy abs are rock hard. Go ahead and give them a good punch. It's from all the laughing I do off the set.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/betty-white-naughty.jpgbetty white naughtyShow us how to do the "Sex Kitten" stretch again. I really like that one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sally.jpgsallyYeah, well, we weren't faking it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/hogans-heros.jpghogans herosVell, I don't vant to cruncin' mine tummy on dat ting. Ve need some vollunteerz. I know just ver to find dem.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/bad.jpgbadI should have known better than to keep my tanning booth appointment after half-price Margarita Night. Why do I always make such bad decisions?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/perfect1.jpgperfectYou, too, can look like this with just a few Pilates classes every week, well, no. Every day is more like it. And for those perfect facial features, you're on you're own, Honey.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/perfect.jpgperfect2012-04-16T22:35:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/06/milestones-or-miles-to-go/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/cliffhanger.jpgcliffhangerMake that "next week." See you then!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/marilyn-kisses.gifmarilyn kissesI don't know why you love me, but I'm glad you do. Here's a little token of my appreciation from me to you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/impress-me.jpgimpress meGo ahead. You're going to tell us whether we want you to or not. At least I've got these beads to fiddle with while you babble on.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tee-shirt.jpgtee shirtNumbers. You gotta love 'em!2012-04-12T20:09:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/06/material-girl/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/laughing.jpglaughingLorna, please. You're killing me here. Mommy's gonna have to clean up those yummy mashed peas and carrots I just ate from my MacBook Air. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/box-of-wine.jpgbox of wineWell, that kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think? How are you going to pay attention to Mr. Stud-In-A-Box when you have all my captivating posts in front of you? That poor lonely man...All boxed up and no one to impress.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/lounging.jpgloungingLilly discovered the rejuvenating effects of declining, or reverse reclining, once she stopped blogging so much.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/lucille-purse-2.jpgLucille Purse 2The other side of the purse...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/lucille-purse-1.jpgLucille Purse 1I made this purse for my Phil's mother. Again, I used hand-dyed batiks in colors she often wears in the summer. She wears red year-round.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/stepping-stones-3.jpgstepping stones 3A view from the other side of the room showing them in relation to the dining room table. I also made the table runner and place mats. I bought the clock.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/stepping-stones-1.jpgstepping stones 1I designed this pair of wall-hangings and call them "Stepping Stones." They are made from a wide variety of hand-dyed batik fabrics, each outlines in a narrow black batik.2012-04-09T18:47:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/04/03/dear-divine-ms-l-6th-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/hunks.jpghunksHow do you spell options? H...U...N...K....S. I'm feeling in the mood for no answering any more questions, how about you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/old-man-at-bar.jpgold man at barHey, Blondie, if ya git dat--buuurp--ha,ha, mutt away from you, I'll buy you one of these. We could make some of dat bee-utiful muzak together, me and you...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/hearse.jpghearseIf you want to travel to your final resting place in a pimped-out temple-hearse, it's your money.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/whoa.jpgwhoaThis is unacceptable behavior. Our therapist specifically said that you were to stop when I said "Whoa!" and then you'd get a nice bunch of carrots. Ring any bells?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/earhorn.jpgEarHornIn an attempt to hear things Harold never heard before, he fashioned himself a fancy listening devise. He regretted this decision on so many levels. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tap-shoes.jpgtap shoesAlways wear sensible shoes when tapping and clicking your way through my blog. You could be here a long time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/crazy-vintage-hat.jpgModel in Box Hat and Long GlovesIt's convenient that there's a book on top of my head in case I have to look something up, but I usually just just make stuff up off the top of my head, book or not.2012-04-08T11:33:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/30/that-was-awfully-good/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/aw-come-on.jpgaw come onhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/news.jpgnewsListen up. I've got a scoop and you've got to get this to print fast. Lorna is starting a new series. Yes. You heard me right. She's doing it. Now print it before that charming louse gets the lead on my story. Yeah, You know the one I'm talking about, that clever fool of a guy I'm gonna kiss after I hang up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/austin-powers.jpgAustin PowersYeah, Baby! I can have some fun with this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/judging.jpgjudgingOkay, so maybe I didn't use the exact right word. Things get lost in the translation and before you know it, we have the Grammar Police (or real police) on the scene.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dictionary-barbie.jpgdictionary barbieI know it may seem like a waste of teen wowza-rific-ness, but a girl has to develop her mind as well as her, um, other assets.2012-04-05T13:39:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/29/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-32912/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/puppy-and-fawn.jpgpuppy and fawnhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/options.jpgoptionsThere's always a choice, even if the choice is only in deciding to look at the situation differently.2012-04-03T21:00:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/26/its-a-miracle-i-survived-the-baby-boom/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/big-dress.jpgbig dressMaybe I need to dress bigger? My style is rather understated...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/cartoon_cheerleader.gifCartoon_cheerleaderhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/voting.jpgvotingThis picture is worth more than 1,000 votes. Scary, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/sheldon.jpgSheldonYou. Boomers. Are. Disgusting. How did you manage to survive?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/riding-on-hood.jpgriding on hoodSeat belts? I don't even need a seat!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/insane-women.jpginsane-womenUnlike Eunice, who gets a bit moody around her "39th" birthday every year, I am a proud 54 year-old, non-hatchet-bearing woman.2012-03-30T14:28:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/24/deja-vu-all-over-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/death-by-clicking.pngDeath-by-ClickingOh, poor you, clicking your day away. Well, I suggest you toughen up and buy another, sturdier mouse. So many links, so little time...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/laundry.jpglaundryStop with the zany posts, Lorna. My hands are raw from all this laundry detergent. Wasn't lye banned at least a few years ago? And you should see the condition of my computer keyboard and screen...I'll be scrubbing for days.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/rick-perry.jpgrick perryThere were three things I wanted to do. One was make sure I looked handsome. Done. Two was wear a bright red tie to make sure I knew I was Republican. Done. Three. Hmmm. I know it was a good one...2012-03-26T16:42:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/24/you-surprise-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/mosaic-stan-kathy.jpgMosaic Stan Kathy2012-03-26T22:17:17+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/23/what-did-i-expect/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/innocent_radiation.jpginnocent_radiationI take every precaution I can, but still harmful influences insinuate themselves in my life. Such was it ever. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/old-ladies-at-computer.jpgold ladies at computerDon't get your bras in bundle, Bubelehs. I'm almost finished my review on Amazon, then I have to go to GoodReads and post it there. Oy! The book was so good, it would be a sin to keep it to myself.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/coma1.pngcoma1Looks like a great way to spend a date night, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/waves.gifwavesOh yeah. Feel the rhythm. Up and down. In and out. Undulating with pleasure. That's what I'm talking about...the love of quilting.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dangerous-curves.jpgdangerous curvesYou got me. This is the reason I drink all that herbal tea. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/shopping-cart.jpgshopping cartDo you have a license to operate that thing? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/ashamed.jpgashamedIt's always worked before. If I don't see you, you won't see me. And I really don't want you to see what's popped up in my life. 2012-03-24T18:57:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/22/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-32212/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dalai-lama.jpgdalai lamaThis picture was taken right after the Dalai Lama was asked what he recommended we do to encourage world peace.2012-03-23T15:05:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/20/the-vernal-equinox-voodoo/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/images.jpgimagesOh, yes, I'd like it to hover above the road in case of heavy traffic...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/hello_goodbye__gif_by_hairofsnow-d3ebpia-1.gifhello_goodbye__gif_by_hairofsnow-d3ebpia (1)The Fab Four is back: Me, Myself, I, and that zany Dizzy Blonde Blogger. Tickets on sale now!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/little-shop-of-horrors.jpglittle shop of horrorsMy problem with gardening is I don't know enough about what kind of plant I'm planting. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/planting.jpgplantingThis a very rare, authentic photograph of Mayans planting their fields. It took me a long time to find this. You're welcome.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/stuart.jpgstuart...but apparently not for you. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/hot-pants.jpghot pantsWhoa! Believe Brothas and Sistahs in the power of hot pants!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/killer-kitten.jpgkiller kittenSilly Kitty, nothing will protect you from the power of the Mayan Calendar system.2012-03-23T15:05:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/17/extra-extra-write-all-about-it/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/lady-at-typewriter.jpglady at typewriterI'd get cracking if I were you. Looks like the competition is going to be stiff. Look at her. I bet the world she creates is going to be naughty.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/mr-america.jpgMr. AmericaI didn't do so badly judging this contest. I believe my judgement is improving all the time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/tv.jpgtvWhy are you all sitting around watching the boob-tube when you could be writing the Great American 1,200 word story?2012-03-26T16:35:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/16/tomb-therapy/2012-03-23T21:11:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/15/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-31512/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/relaxing-1.jpgrelaxing-1Sometimes I think Scrappy is challenging me to a "Relax-Off." He'll win, paws-down, every time because he's had so much more practice!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/winnie-the-pooh.jpgwinnie the poohOkay. I'll admit that this cuddly guy is not tops on most peoples' list of profound and motivational figures. But he sure looks great in red and was my son's favorite character until the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came along (a sad day in Pooh's and my life).2012-03-16T12:29:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/13/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/writers-block.jpgwriter's blockYeah, no. It's hard. But if I write better as a result, you'll thank me, because you have to read this malarky, not me. See? I really need to tighten up my writing, People.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/jane-hathaway.jpgjane hathawayThis hurts me more than it hurts you, but I must put aside my feminine need for affection and focus on my obviously superior asset: my fine fashion sense, hair style and diction. Oh yes, and my goal to write the great American Memoir.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/inspiration.jpginspirationThis is what happens when you wait too long for inspiration to find you , give up, and take matters into your own hands. I'm hoping to avoid this kind of thing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/susan-boyle.jpgsusan boyleI need to turn my Web Cam off. It serves no good to see me after a hard day of trying not to write...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/majong.jpgmajongMeet my newest "peeps." Don't let them fool you; they're tile sharks.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/air-quotes.gifair quotesCome one. How hard can it be to write a book? It's just words, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/question.jpgquestionPlease. Can't you see I'm deep in thought? My mind is at work contemplating the deeper meaning of life and why, after all this time, people only take me seriously when I wear only black.2012-03-19T15:42:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/08/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-3812/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/headline.jpgheadlineTomorrow's headline: "News Reporters Verifying Leads on Breaking News: They Don't Want to Get Blamed for Bumming out the Public Before They're Sure" 2012-03-16T12:26:32+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/05/dear-divine-ms-l-5th-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/river.jpgriverI close my eyes and envision this when I flush the toilet. It's really nice living in my world. Any of you are welcome to join me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/afghan-hound.jpgafghan houndDon't underestimate me because I'm blonde and beautiful. If you really had brains, you wouldn't have asked such a dumb question.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/bird-typing.jpgbird typingAnd I bet you make fewer typos than I do...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/john-dancing.jpgjohn dancingUm. Hmm. What were we talking about?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/stuffed-cockatoo.jpgstuffed cockatooIf you want to keep Fluffly McFlapperson in pristine condition, don't put the little guy in the middle of a pentagram surrounded by lit candles. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/clicker.jpgclickerEnough with the clicker, already. I get it. I'm supposed to turn into a zombie and do as you say. I'm pretty much there.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dr-phil.jpgDr. PhilDon't argue with me, Lorna. Now get on over here to get some of Dr. Phil's special kind of tough loving.2012-03-09T15:24:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/28/i-wish-my-fanners-could-read-and-write-gooder/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mccarthy.jpgmccarthyI'll separate the Spam from the decent hard-working honest messages if it takes the full force of my office (which is kind of tiny in this condo, but for women size doesn't matter as much).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/fan.jpgfanIt's hard to concentrate on proper grammar when your only relief could slice your fingers off, or worse--mess up your hair before your husband comes home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/newman.jpgnewmanYeah, yeah. I'm reading the post now and I'm sending the message as we speak.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/devilish-girl.jpgdevilish girlFuture spammer. Maybe current spammer once she pops all the Mr. Bubbles in her bath. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/scratching-head.jpgscratching headAnd she's a writer with a Ph.D., you say? You'd think she could be a little more clear.2012-05-15T21:48:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/03/01/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-3112/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/baby-shocked-gif.gifbaby-shocked-gif2012-03-04T21:47:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/23/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-22312/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hugging.jpghugging2012-02-27T21:28:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/24/it-wasnt-just-the-bossa-nova/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/time-to-leave.jpgtime to leaveOoh. I think it's time for me to go. I hope you don't forget me. I sure won't forget you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/plan-b.jpgPlan bSince I don't have a projector, I had to settle for Plan 2.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dog-reading.jpgdog readingIt's a good thing you have pictures in here to distract the readers from the abysmal mistakes in the text. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dinner-party.jpgdinner partyIs anyone else bothered by all that chatting, laughter, and clinking of glasses?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/unexpected.jpgunexpectedhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/elvis.jpgelvisWhere is he going to put a cell phone? I mean, really?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/polar-bear.jpgpolar bearThe warning signs are never where I can see them until it's too late.2012-03-05T10:23:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/21/blame-it-on-the-bosanova/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/exorcism.jpgexorcismMaybe that was my excuse for a heap of bad decisions 30 years ago, but not now.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/moose.jpgmoosehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/tech-support.jpgtech supportIs there a "Reset" knob or dial?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/no-crying.jpgno cryingNo crying in Zumba either...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/ostrich.jpgostrichLights appear to be on, but the screen is frozen. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/elaine_sequence-frontpage.gifElaine_Sequence-frontpageMirrors are not my friends; closed eyes are by BFF.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/nursing-home-party.jpgnursing home partyHow's a person supposed to do a proper cha-cha when it's this crowded. At least the woman with the walker had a weapon to keep her area clear.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/golden-girls.jpggolden girlsWhen these 3 came in, I knew I was in trouble.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/zumba-party.jpgzumba partyExhilarating!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/lassie.jpglassieAt least Timmy had Lassie when he kept slipping down the well. Scrappy isn't interested in making that kind of effort. 2012-03-01T14:59:23+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/20/im-here-to-tell-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/one-on-one.jpgone on oneScrappy, when we go for walks, you have to poop. I'm here to tell you, Walking isn't all about the sniffing and peeing. Pooping is important.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bow-tie1.jpgbow tieEnergetic, likable, foreign policy expert, witty and snazzy tie. He may get resistance from Constitutional sticklers about citizenship requirements, but let's not get hung up in details. Focus on the tie.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bow-tie.jpgbow tiehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/walrus.jpgwalrusDon't be shy. Spill your beans. I did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/beatles.jpgbeatles"She Loves You, Yes, Yes, Yes" just wouldn't have been the same. Neither would've been "She Loves you, Yeah,Yeah." Both sound like need sigh and an sarcastic eyeball roll to accompany the lyrics. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/weightwatchers.jpgweightwatchersI'm here to tell you, keep your mitts off our food. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/gene-wilder.jpggene wilderI did NOT create you. In a funny little way, you created me. Now let us both suffer the consequences playing with Mother Nature...I mean English.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/time-bomb.jpgtime bombLorna is at it again, trying to diffuse more linguistic "tics" before they explode. Is it too late?2012-03-01T15:00:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/18/the-girls-are-not-in-the-mood/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/plantar-wart1.jpgplantar wartIgnore the socks-flotsam and focus people. This is my once virginal sole. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/plantar-wart.jpgplantar warthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dog-with-booties.jpgdog with bootiesIf the prophylaxis booties don't convince you I'm serious, take a good look at my face. I've still got a virginal right foot and she's staying that way. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/stone-fish.jpgStone fishI should have known. It's this kind of thing that grows in the water.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/old-ladies-in-pool.jpgold ladies in poolYou'd think at least they'd show a little compassion for me after I whacked my head on the side of the pool, but no; they were jealous of my Sexy Speedo shape as I sunk.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/noodle.jpgnoodleOkay, so maybe I overestimated my noodle-to-sinkage ratiohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/exercise.jpgexerciseHint: leave the iPod at home when this is your exercise routine,https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/wanted.jpgwantedI know you're just dying to know what this is all about.2014-10-14T14:02:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/16/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-21612/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/friends_eating_ice_cream3.jpgLet Me Have Somehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hands.jpghands2012-02-19T03:55:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/15/my-first-love-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/nurse.pngnurseYeah, sure. He's fine. I've got things under control. I'm just not sure if he's supposed to take this orally or rectally. Then again, it might be part of that gizmo on the bed that hasn't been working right. Don't worry. He's in great hands here at Lord Have Mercy On Us Hospital.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/wind.jpgwindYes, I know this picture is kind of creepy, but you should have been at that grave site. Talk about creepy...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mob.jpgmobWhat he was killed with? Letter opener. Why? He was Lorna's boyfriend. Who ordered the hit? Miffed grandparents.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/may-dec.jpgmay decYou can see how this would scare away boys my age, can't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/brady-boys.jpgbrady boysHey, Peter Brady! Yeah, you cutie in the blue shirt. Can you see me? I've got my new big girl bra on under this tee shirt...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/best-in-show.jpgbest in showWe had no future. Setting aside that he was married to my grandmother, the age difference alone just would have been too difficult for him to handle.2012-02-27T21:23:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/14/my-first-love-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/martin-and-lewis.jpgmartin and lewisWe were a team, like Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis--but not nearly as refined.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/starsky-and-hutch.jpgstarsky and hutchLike Starsky and Hutch...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dump-chair.jpgdump chairMy chair never looked this good, but you get the idea.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/child-smoking.jpgchild smokingHe gave up smoking long before I knew him. Mostly he chewed tobacco and smoked a pipe. He let me try the pipe once and got a kick out my gasps for breath. That's that first and last time I smoked anything.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/octoberfest.jpgoctoberfestWhoa! Before you get any ideas that he corrupted me, beer was never my drink of choice. That was something I enjoyed only as a pre-teen and only with him. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/beer-bottle-lamp.jpgbeer bottle lampImagine the chic chandelier he could have made if only he didn't have me chuck all those bottles out of the car... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dump-flies.jpgdump fliesThose dump flies had special chubby-blonde-girl-heat-seeking equipment. I swear.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/fat-man.jpgfat manNot even that lollipop would sweeten the deal for me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/chimp-behind-bars.jpgchimp behind barsIt never came to this. I swear.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mghappydog.gifMGhappydogBeing with him was always like the first time...2012-02-27T21:16:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/13/if-you-have-eyes-youve-got-to-look-at-this/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mr-ed.jpgMr. EdHello, DarkGlobe! I'm phoning in my vote because my hooves are too large for the standard keyboard. I cast my vote for ...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bull-fighter.jpgbull fighterhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/fuel.jpgfuelIf your Valentine offers to fill you up (with gas) these days, you know it's serious.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/super-pac.jpgsuper pacLooks like all you need for a Super PAC is a cover letter, lots of rich friends, and star power. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/matrix.jpgmatrixIf he's that flexible, surely he can find time to go vote.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/clock_hands_spinning_import_300_wht.gifclock_hands_spinning_import_300_whtTime will fly. It always does! 2012-02-21T13:17:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/11/my-first-love-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mr-magoo1.jpgMr. MagooMr. Magoo had the good life, even if he couldn't see it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mr-magoo.jpgMr. Magoohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/topper-beer.jpgtopper beerThe secret to his genius. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/eat-here.jpgeat hereBeing a fart-joke aficionado, he would've loved this sign.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/2-dwarfs.jpg7 dwarfshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/trailer-trash-2.jpgTrailer trash-2My first love. Can you blame me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/man-and-dog.jpgman and dogThat's more like it. I was game for anything. So was he with me by his side.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hugh-hefner.jpghugh hefnerNo, no, no, no, NO!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mighty-mouse.jpgmighty mouseThis hunky rodent was my real first love, but since he was a cartoon and a mouse, I couldn't take him seriously after I turned 6 or 7.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/upset.jpgupsetThere weren't that many people to get upset over my love affair, unless you count some neighbors who love a good drama.2012-02-27T20:56:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/08/when-does-no-mean-thanks/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/toothache-poster.jpgtoothache posterJust giving you time to search for these on e-bay. You may need them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/deflector-shield.jpgdeflector shieldAnd you thought I was making this up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dexter.jpgdexterNot your most wholesome crime-stopper...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/crushed-watermelon.jpgcrushed watermelonObviously two pleasures meant to be enjoyed separately.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/crazy-headline.jpegCrazy HeadlineI can believe the alien baby. I mean, she's all about inclusiveness. But look at her hair. That seems a little fake, don't you think?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/no-thanks.gifno thanksYeah. No. I mean it. Yeah. NO!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/7x7_link_award.jpg7x7_link_awardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/abc-award.pngabc-awardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/inspiring-blogger-award.jpginspiring-blogger-award2016-05-27T14:18:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/09/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-2912/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/smile.jpgsmile2012-02-13T17:25:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/05/the-shoot-off-is-still-on-just-wanted-you-to-know/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hippo.jpghippoWould you stop shooting your mouth off, Mom? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/power-to-the-people.jpgpower to the peoplehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/dangerous-curves.jpgdangerous curvesThe Power of the Photograph...or is this a different kind of power? No matter, this is one awesome example of overexposure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/flash.jpgflashThat's me trying to "artsy" with my camera. I still don't understand when to use flash. I also don't understand why my right boob is back lit. I haven't worn that kind of bra in years...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/scrappy-tongue-out.jpgscrappy tongue outI just wanted a nice picture of Scrappy after I brushed him. Scrappy doesn't like to be brushed. Can you tell?2012-02-08T13:30:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/04/dear-divine-ms-l-4th-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/howard.jpghowardReally?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hair-net.jpghair netI get off at 2:00, after the lunch rush at the soup kitchen. Wanna see how I learned how to scoop and slide like a pro?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/kevlar.jpgkevlarAnd you're ready to start quilting!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/moonshine.jpgmoonshineYee Ha! We is good to go. Them tires look fine to me. Course, I been quality assuring the moonshine all day...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/inside-a-church.jpginside a churchExcuse me. You may want to check the restroom. Something isn't working properly in there, so help me God.2012-02-16T15:14:23+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/02/scared-not-saved-by-the-buzzer-not-bell/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/whittling-poster.jpgwhittling posterGuess who inspired this poster?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/black-eye.jpgblack eyeWhat doesn't pop your sister's eye out makes for a great story.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/lily-tomplin.jpglily tomplin"Is this the party to whom I am speaking? Well, goodie-two-shoes for me. I'm going to ask you for the last time: stop buzzing me. You know how much it bothers me!"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/black-phone.jpgblack phoneThis phone looks close to our set of phones. Ours was rounder, bigger, and didn't have what looks like birth control pills next to it.pillhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/nixon-and-elvis.jpgNixon and ElvisWhen Tina wore a cape, she ruled. Elvis got this tip from her. Too bad Nixon didn't listen to her...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/scarecrow1.jpgscarecrowThere's a cornfield this way and there's one that way. Then there's one that way. Now for the cows...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/scarecrow.jpgscarecrowThere's a cornfield this way and there's one that way. Then there's one that way. Now for the cows...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/three-chimps.jpgthree chimpsIt was a simpler time when three big hats some snazzy duds meant some fun times.2012-02-09T14:19:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/01/hit-us-with-your-best-shot/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/stacks.jpgstacksAnd If I get dizzy and fall off the ladder, don't feel guilty. I made the choice to do this. Just send donations to "The Scrappy Dog-Walker Benevolent Society."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/in-bed.jpgin bedI simply can't say no to you. I'll stop work on my memoir and judge your photo contest. Anything else you'd like?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/who-me.jpgwho meThis is an exact re-enactment of when DarkJade68 asked me to judge Dark Globe's photo contest. He even said those exact words. I was just minding my own business reading about someone else's business ...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/2012-feb-shoot-off4.jpg2012-feb-shoot-off42012-02-03T21:49:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/02/02/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-2212/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/stars.jpgstars2012-02-06T05:09:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/31/boomerang/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/charlies-angels1.jpgcharlies angelsWe were told to stay together, so I don't see what the problem is.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mighty-mouse.jpgmighty mousePépé had pretty big tights to fill, but he did. I loved him more than Mighty Mouse because he could give me a real hug.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mother-orangutan-baby.jpgmother-orangutan-babySee, Lorna. When the grass gets this high, we have to mow it down or else we'll get in big trouble from you-know-who.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/telephone-booth.jpgtelephone boothAnd I always wondered why I couldn't have any friends spend an overnight at my house...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/carrot-top.jpgcarrot topIf Carrot Top was female, he and Skinny Michele could've been twins.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/doll-uniform.jpgdoll uniformSnap! Back to reality. Remember, I was in Catholic school where anguish was part of the curriculum.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sexy-uniform.jpgsexy uniformYeah. No. But if it makes you feel good to think about it, go right ahead.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/chimp.jpgchimpForget about it. You won't find the answers to lies ahead in a book called "The Unknown." I mean, the title is kind of discouraging, don't you think?2012-02-01T20:33:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/26/lighting-up-the-blog-o-sphere-one-flicker-at-a-time-12612/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/occupy-the-blogosphere.jpgoccupy the blogosphere2012-01-28T19:04:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/26/so-thats-why-she-was-so-grumpy/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sleeping-with-stuffed-animal.jpgsleeping with stuffed animalI may have drooled on the stuffed dog as well and cried on it. Tina might still have it and could do a DNA analysis to be sure. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/cone-of-silence.jpgcone of silenceIf the audience can hear them, so can I. I don't know what all the secrecy is about.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/big-pill.jpgbig pillIf you had to take a pill like this twice a day, you'd be cranky, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mumps.jpgmumpsI really could have used my Mommy. Nothing against Lisa, but my mumps were a big deal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/crazy.jpgcrazyYeah, you got it, Honey. I was the perfect child. Ain't I just perfect now?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/swoon.jpgswoonI wished I could put on a believable swoon, but I didn't have the right body type. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/pouting.jpgpoutingTina was Miss McMiserable. I didn't know if it was something about me she couldn't tolerate or if being snippy was just her nature. 2012-02-01T17:02:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/24/if-you-wanna-talk-about-hoarders/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bookshelf.jpgbookshelfMade in America. On Friday. After Happy Hour.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/double-negative.jpgdouble negativeThese horses don't live in America.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/oprah-and-dr-phil.jpgOprah and Dr PhilThey're just waiting for Sweeps Week...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/duel.jpgduelI know I shall never disqualified from the Legislature of my find state, but my chances of winning were slim anyway, what with my womanhood and brazen tendencies working against me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/out-of-gas.jpgout of gasAnd the po-leece are on their way. Y'all have a nice now, y'here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/charlies-angels.jpgcharlies angelsGuess my sisters and I can't go out in NYC. We can't help dancing when good music starts to play...no matter where we are.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/penguin_dancing.gifpenguin_dancingI was, to put it mildly, excited. But, being 59, I had to pace myself.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/weather-girl.jpgweather girlFocus on the lovely white puffy clouds. You can't miss them. Well, sorry, you will miss miss them when Ms. D-Cup is arrested for misleading her male audience into thinking white puffy clouds are everywhere.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/papers-in-window.jpgpapers in windowI know this is the people's house, but I don't think the people should be able to see through the windows.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/steve-drinking.jpgsteve drinkingOkay, I think we've had enough.2012-01-29T21:24:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/20/ransom/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/icu.jpgicu2012-01-28T18:53:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/19/starting-over-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/earl-girls.jpgEarl GirlsTina is bloated due to steroids she had to take. I'm naturally husky. Tina is probably 8, I'm 6 and Lisa is 4. Mom is just ageless and beautiful.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sisters-1.jpgsisters-1Lisa and me many moons later sitting on the same stoop. Both vegetarians now, we're not pondering hot dogs ... or Mom's fate. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/little_girl_on_phone.jpglittle_girl_on_phoneWhoo, boy! I know I'm in bog trouble. No Mommy and I'm dialing out for pizza...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/zuichs.jpgZuichsPronto, Bambinos! Mangia, mangia! Ana don't toucha no nothin'. Capito?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/angelina.jpgangelinaIf she said she had a bad tummy ache, I'd believe her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/welcome.jpgwelcomeI've got a good feeling about this, don't you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/talk-to-me.jpgtalk to meOkay. I think I've got the appropriate protective gear to hear more of this story. I don't know how much more of it I can take without the proper protection. 2012-01-26T19:14:40+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/09/unfinished-business-brace-yourselves/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/rudolph-award-2011.gifrudolph-award-2011https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/one_lovely_blog_award1.jpgone_lovely_blog_award1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/kreativbloggeraward.jpgkreativbloggerawardhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/versatile.pngversatile2012-01-15T17:39:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/06/im-not-dead-yet/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sketeton.jpgsketetonhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dog-at-computer.jpgdog at computerNo cats. Definitely no bloggers.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/tissues.jpgtissuesOkay, so I'm not buried in soggy tissues. But it's bad. Real bad.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bedridden.jpgbedriddenCan't tell is this is a man or a woman? Well, you couldn't tell if you got a look at me right now, either.2012-01-10T00:30:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/03/dear-divine-ms-l-3rd-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/brad-pitt1.jpgbrad pitthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/brad-pitt.jpgbrad pittThe look of a man who just cut a Buddhist fart.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/red-undies.jpgred undiesWell, you could try a more flattering shot...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/screw-loose.jpgscrew loosehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/its-getting-hot-in-here.gifits-getting-hot-in-here"Lorna" is an unusual name. If she's also a Scorpio, what the heck did you expect when you married her? Of course she's hot!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/jennifer_aniston3_180_240.jpgjennifer_aniston3_180_240Totally believable because she doesn't wear hair hair like that anymore.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/magician_s_assistant.jpgmagician_s_assistantThat's the last time I fall for a job ad like that.2012-04-06T15:44:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2012/01/01/dark-globes-blogger-of-the-year-photo-finish/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/victory_dance_animated.gifvictory_dance_animatedWell, I didn't win Outstanding Dancer of the Year Award...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/photo-finish.jpgphoto finishThat's me in the middle.2012-04-03T19:58:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/31/midnight/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/bell-tower.jpgbell tower2012-01-01T22:08:44+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/27/the-holidays-confuse-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/teepee.jpgteepeeNo decorations, no 30-person best-china meal. That's my kind of HSP "Holiday."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/quotation-mark.jpgquotation markAlmost as annoying as him...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/old-lady-yoga.jpgold lady yogaMy teacher says she's only been at this for 2 years. Is that in dog years or anabolic steroid use human years? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/shy.jpgshyDon't let appearances fool you. I'm 100% Fluffernutter.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/birthmark.jpgbirthmarkSome things you just learn to live with...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/thanks-for-nothing.jpgthanks for nothinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/santa-escaping.jpgsanta escapingThere are many ways to avoid the "Holidays."2012-01-03T13:41:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/19/baby-boomer-expands-exercise-regime-pharmaceutical-stocks-skyrocket/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/downward-dog.jpgdownward dogSomeday I'll be this flexible and my butt will be this round and cute.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/health-chart.pnghealth chartThe trend is clear, People.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/festus.jpgfestusHe had to make nice with that mule so he could get around quickly...when the mule felt like moving, of course.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/robot_dance_by_c_puff.gifRobot_dance_by_C_PuffThat's not the the whole routine, but you get the idea.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/feel-the-burn.jpgfeel the burnWhen I said to keep going until you feel the burn, I didn't mean literally...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/warning.jpgwarningDon't confuse me with the truth!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/norm.jpgnormSo many blogs, so little time...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/exercising.jpgexercisingEither this is exercise class or practice peeing without having to sit on those nasty public toilet seats.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ibuprofen.jpgibuprofenThat should be enough to make me feel healthy.2011-12-31T21:56:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/19/vote-early-vote-often-and-never-mind-what-i-said-before/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/voting.jpgvotingNo need for violence, people. Remember, I'm Buddhist, so let's take that blog by peaceful means. Flooding it with comments is perfect. Water comes from nature and is gentle yet powerful. Namaste.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/blowing-kiss.gifblowing kissUntil we meet again...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/inbox.jpginboxYou won't find Lorna's Voice in that Black Hole of messages...at least not for a while.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/parade.jpgparadeI could never walk in those shoes, but people need to see me in them, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/lets-dance-crazy.giflets-dance-crazyJust being nominated is a thrill.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/changing-mind.jpgchanging mindI think boofier hair is more flattering when it comes to drawing attention away from my overly large...eyes.2011-12-26T19:13:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/16/the-best-gifts-dont-always-come-in-small-packages/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/angel.jpgangelThat's me alright...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/you-got-spam.jpgyou got spamIf I could create graphics like this, I wouldn't have to steal them from Google Images.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/spam.jpgSPAMIt looks so innocent...2011-12-27T08:55:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/17/the-alex-chronicles-or-how-i-raised-a-great-child-in-spite-of-myself-the-end-so-far/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/okay.jpgokayAll in all, this motherhood thing seems to have worked out okay.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/yellow-shoes.jpgyellow shoesTrue Freedomhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/david-tennant.jpgdavid tennantGuess who also has a "sonic screwdriver?"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/kittens.jpgkittensAw. Here little Aragron, https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cat-attack.jpgcat attackDogs don't generally do this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/winking.jpgwinkingHey, Alex, you hunk-o-boy-love, whatcha doin' at recess tomorrow? Meet me at the swing-set, 11:30, sharp.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/chair-dancing.gifchair dancingImagine the job opportunities...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/go.jpggoI always felt it was my maternal duty to prepare him to leave, um, er, to lead a successful life.2012-03-23T21:12:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/13/a-simple-praise-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/sister-act.jpgSister ActYeah. No. Not in a million years. And not because we were all white...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/polite-smile.jpgpolite smileYou never want to see that smile. Ever.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/garland-rooney.jpggarland rooneyMickey: "I got plans. Big Broadway plans." Patsy: "There's no place like home..."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/mr-bill.jpgmr billOh no! We were stuck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/head_on.gifHead_onChoir Director was a man, but you get the idea...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/welk.jpgwelkAnd a-one-a, and a-two-a. Come on-a, folks-a. It's-a not-a that-a hard-a.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/kid-choir.jpgkid choirWith the robes on, do you really care if they can't carry a tune in a bucket? 2012-02-14T15:27:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/15/a-simple-praise-the-end-thank-god/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/daryl.jpgdarylNeed I say more?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/young-judy-garland_0001.jpgYoung Judy GarlandThere's always Karaoke or singing in my car...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/tin-man.jpgtin manI know, he always had a heart. But try finding a non-gross picture of "no heart."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cat.jpgcatWh-ha-at? Did he just say that? In that tone? To me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/faint.jpgfaintDoes this look like a woman ready to sing her heart out?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/mr-smith.jpgMr. SmithFilibuster. Sermon. Power struggle over who has control over the floor/service. It was hard to tell if we were citizens or congregants.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/applause.gifapplauseI'm as impressed with Christoph as I am with myself. And that's a lot!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/pointing.jpgpointingNot the look you want from your man on "date night."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/independent.jpgindependentYes, Dear. I think that would make a great anthem for the choir. You're so talented! What would we do without you?2012-03-09T15:25:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/11/a-simple-praise-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/finale.jpgfinaleThat's astounding!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/howling.jpghowlingAnother view of the sopranos. From a distance, we don't look as old. I'm the one on the far right.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/simon.gifSIMONChoir Director tried to stay calm in the face of what he saw as a brewing storm.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/simon-cowell.jpgsimon cowellhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/soprano-section.jpgsoprano sectionThe Soprano section soothing their vocal chords before rehearsal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/babe-in-arms.jpgBabe in ArmsHis dreams were big for a little guy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/kumc_choir.jpgKUMC_choirThis is more like the singing group you should be picturing. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/beatles.jpgbeatlesWe didn't have to go this far back in time, but wouldn't it be nice...Oh. Back to my story.2011-12-27T08:58:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/09/hey-buddy-its-called-buckshot-not-buttshot/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/yellow-lab.jpgyellow labWhat? You said I needed a bath...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/decoy.jpgdecoySee all the pandemonium decoys cause? Little ducky heart attacks waiting to happen... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dick-cheney.jpgdick cheneyI wonder if it's loaded?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dog-with-gun.jpgdog with gunWho knew Buddy spent his weekdays at Sniper Training Camp?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/elmer-fudd.jpgelmer fuddThis is the way the story is supposed to go according to the hunter. But the hunter isn't telling this story. He's recuperating nicely at home.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/news.jpgnewsOh, that Lorna is at it again! She found a funny news story and made it even funnier. What a gal!2011-12-13T15:26:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/07/dear-divine-dr-l-1st-edition/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cowardly-lion.jpgcowardly lionAll the Lion needed was some peace and quiet. But no, Dorothy just had to mess with the Wicked Witch...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/typewriter.jpgtypewriterYou should see some of the questions I get. They shock the pants and other critical garments right off me!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dumbfounded.jpgdumbfoundedVhat! Deer are pooples lookink foor der old cuckoo ladies? Mien, too! Und dem hotsy doggie frauleins vit da buzz cut? Va va va voom! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ta-ta1.jpgta taTa Ta For Now (TTFN)! I'll be up to another bag of tricks soon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ta-ta.jpgta taTa Ta For Now (TTFN)! I'll be up to another bag of tricks soon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/unlikely-couple.jpgunlikely coupleOf all the green fields, in all the zoos, in in all world, she walks into mine...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/psychic-hotline.jpgpsychic hotlineSee? A real live person!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/honesty.jpghonestyThis should clear up any lingering questions from my answer.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/lindsay.jpglindsayIf that's what a robot looks like, I may reconsider my former position on total body replacement.2011-12-13T14:48:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/05/meet-the-wack-a-doodles-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/private-daddy.jpgPrivate DaddyMy Daddyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/maxine-serenity-prayer.jpgmaxine serenity prayerGrandma was too devout for this version of the Serenity Prayer, but she must have felt this way sometimes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/doubfounded.jpgdoubfoundedYep. That was me. Only I was a bit heavier, blonde, white and female. But otherwise, spittin' image.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/writing-a-letter.jpgwriting a letterHow do I put this? The reason I hated you all my life was... No. How are you? I am fine.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/church-sign.jpgchurch signIronic. Perfect.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/owls.jpgowls"Oh no! I can't look, Harry." "Well, I can't NOT look, Florence!"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/drama.jpgdramaWhat should I do, Dahling? The most dramatic thing, of course!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/evita.jpgevitaThat family took "Be fruitful and multiple" very seriously.2011-12-26T19:11:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/03/meet-the-wack-a-doodles-part-4/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/make-up-still.jpgmake-up stillHad to make sure my make-up and hair were perfect for this particular Greatest Show on Earth.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/tent.jpgtentI hired these guys to figure out an escape route. They just took the money and ran.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/turtle.jpgturtleGrandma was as pragmatic as she was religious. She also has a wicked "Dowagers Hump" and lived in Florida, so don't judge me for this picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ad.jpgadI needed to remember there's always more than once side to every story, right? "Blow in her face and she'll kick you in the balls." https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/jerk.jpgjerkTina wasn't religious, but if she was, she would agree with this version of the Creation Story.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/curious.jpgcuriousWhy did the chicken cross the road? How many lanes? Dirt or paved?2011-12-11T04:45:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/30/i-didnt-pinky-swear-so-dont-blame-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/pinky-swear.jpgpinky swearThis seals the deal. She looks like she means business, and I'm with her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/river-dance.jpgriver danceWhen I put my foot down, I try to do it with style.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/what1.gifWhatWhat? I should have known the darned pinky-swear omission would get me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cute-but.jpgcute butSee what I mean. I'd go with "psycho" not cute.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/grumpy-baby.jpggrumpy babyI nabbed a baby picture of Harry. I hope you don't mind, old pal...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/pinky-swear.gifpinky swearIt's a done deal. You saw it here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/reader-appreaciation-award.jpgreader appreaciation award2011-12-14T15:39:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/12/01/the-toppest-top-chef/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nun.jpgnunI hope God bakes some cookies to go with this milk...What? I'm not Nun Material? And I look so good in black.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/relaxed-chimp.jpgrelaxed chimpPondering always works better with a floppy hat, glasses and a pipe...even if you're a little chubby blonde girl.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/chef.jpgchefWell, he could still feed the hungry...and in no time flat!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/eyeroll.gifeyerollWell, it wasn't quite that obvious...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/food.jpgfoodOnly half the plate is showing. It's a crime to only capture only the top half of the Pietà...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/huh.gifHuhWho are you people and why am I here?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/family-reunion.jpgfamily reunionPerhaps I should have read this book. But it wasn't written when I needed it most.2011-12-11T00:52:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/29/meet-the-wack-a-doodles-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/fish.jpgfishYeah. Well, I feel the same way about you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cabbage-patch.jpgcabbage patchDo I look like I can eat anything? If I open my mouth, I'll shoot a wad of red cotton right into that platter of lobster.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/headphones.jpgheadphonesI don't know my colors yet. Which one is the Pain Dial? And go easy. My gums are sensitive.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/crying-fish.jpgcrying fishI know how ya feel, Kiddo. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/groucho.jpggroucho"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx and I must've been related.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/metal-teeth.jpgmetal teethSee what I mean? If the light hits one of those teeth just right...poof!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/grandma-and-grandpa1.jpgGrandma and GrandpaThat's Grandpa on the right, in case you were wondering.2011-12-05T16:56:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/27/um-donkeys-may-be-flying/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/mae.jpgmaeSee? I'm a bit too sassy for marriage counseling. Then again...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/flying-donkey-294x300.jpgflying-donkey-294x300https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/haunted-computer.jpghaunted computerHey, Ghoul in my Hard Drive, I don't want any swearing if you're going to start posting things under my name.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cleaning-lady.jpgcleaning ladyDon't look at me. I'm a temp. Kind of like your spam.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/chart.jpgchartThe facts are staring at you right in the face. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/notice.jpgnoticeConsider yourself notified.2011-12-11T00:53:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/25/meet-the-wack-a-doodles-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/bush.jpgbushShe has not trouble, but I'd be like Bush: even upside-down, the words won't come out right side up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/a-is-for-amy.jpga is for amy"L" is for Lorna the loser.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/old-lady-happy.jpgold lady happyThat resembles Grandma's happy face.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/church-lady.jpgchurch ladyShe would have approved.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/circle.jpgcircleWell, it did involve sitting around in a circle...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/palin.jpgpalinNot feeling the love here either.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/grandma.jpgGrandmaThat's Grandma. Not the warm and fuzzy type.2011-12-03T18:44:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/22/the-wack-a-doodles-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/men-playing-cards.jpgmen playing cardsSinners!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/grandmother-reading.jpggrandmother readingIn my dreams. Maybe if that was the Bible...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/hansel-and-gretel-irony.jpghansel-and-gretel-ironyYeah. That's how I felt.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/hansel-and-gretel.jpghansel and gretelhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/know-it-all.jpgknow it allSave your breath. I know it all.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/bear-hug.jpgbear hugOkay. You. Can. Let. Go. Now. ... Please?2011-11-29T23:22:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/20/freaking-psychopath/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/back-orange.jpgback-orangeRotten to the core, er, seed, um, pit, that one...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/frolicking.jpgToyako Cosplay FestivalThe electrified barbed wire fences are out of view. So are the armed guardshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/twilight-zone.jpgtwilight zoneNo. You're not in the Twilight Zone. These creatures live among us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/psychopath_test.jpgpsychopath_testThis book is, to say the least, eye-opening.2011-12-19T14:29:30+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/18/can-we-go-back-i-forgot-some-things/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/duh.gifduhYou're right. When I go to a publishing house, I'll leave my bunny ears at home. I hope Scrappy doesn't try to wear them...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/meg.jpgmegSmart. Blonde. Fox. It can happen.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/buddha.jpgbuddhaRight Buddha. Wrong button.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/horse.jpghorseOkay, so maybe I didn't think this whole thing through. I know there's a way to make this look like I wanted this to happen.2012-04-29T13:38:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/17/epilogue-just-because/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lost.jpglostWell, where the heck did I put myself?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/marilyn-phone-marilyn-monroe-gifs-fantasy_largejpg.gifMarilyn-phone-Marilyn-Monroe-gifs-fantasy_largejpgKeeping in touch with all of you has kept me sane. Can't you tell how happy you make me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/bump.jpgbumphttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/penguin1.gifpenguin1I wish you'd stop embarrassing me like that. Oops, I just meant to give you a love tap. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/independent.jpgindependentI read the whole separation agreement over, Chuck. It doesn't say anything about us being "BFFs."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/chewbacca.jpgchewbaccaAnd I'm a bit worried about some of the "friends" he's been hanging out with lately, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dr-who.jpgdr. whoHmm. This looks a bit sticky. I think I'll step back inside the TARDIS until this blows over.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/spanking.jpgspankingI would've deserved this if I'd left you without some kind of closure to this roller coaster ride I took you on.2011-11-22T12:21:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/15/and-so-it-begins-or-ends/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/luging_415x313.jpgluging_415x313Let's time our run for rush hour, okay?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/stoplight.gifstoplightThis is the perfect signal for me. I'll know when to either go freely or proceed with caution. Stopping is not an option. It never was.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/karens-bag.jpgkarens bagMy design for a shopping bag.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/phil-and-lorna-kissing.jpgphil and lorna kissingI can't suppress my smile even when I'm kissing the guy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dancing.jpgdancingThe real tricky part is not getting the leash tangled up with the earplug cords. Well, that and not falling on your butt when Scrappy decides to stop and sniff and I'm still moving forward in oblivion. It's a talent that takes nurturing.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/eco-chic-shopping-bag.jpgEco Chic Shopping BagIt was like this "Eco Chic" bag (my design), only in reds and yellows.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/yosemitie-sam.jpgyosemitie samOkay, so I had a headache that wouldn't quit, was without a home for nearly 3 months, and was tired of financial people yanking my chain. But those aren't reasons to go all Yosemite Sam on the guy's butt. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/unwanted-houseguest.jpgunwanted houseguestI didn't want to be one of those people who overstayed her welcome.2011-11-22T12:22:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/12/its-more-smoke-than-mirrors/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/blog.jpgbloghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/kramer_is_out_gif.gifkramer_is_out_gifYeah, well, Kramer may be out (for reasons all his own and that have nothing to do with anything on this post), I'm here to tell you I'm still here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dana.jpgdanaOh, this is going to be fun.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/ghost.jpgghostIt's like I'm there, but I'm not...and no lap top, either. That's the spookiest part of all.2011-11-16T15:06:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/09/i-crawling-look-at-me/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/hamster.jpghamsterSee? Short and sweet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/speechless.gifspeechlessJust go ahead and say it. I can take it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/confetti.jpgconfettiConfetti, really? Aw, shucks. And, Creepy Searcher, please take note of the uniformed officer packing heat.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/baby-crawling.jpgbaby crawlingOnce I got a taste of freedom, Honey, there was no stopping me.2011-11-14T15:21:00+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/12/lost-and-found-in-november/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cairne.jpgcairneThis isn't the cairn that I built, but it's close enough.2011-11-16T15:07:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/11/im-really-one-in-a-million-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/can-you-feel-this1.jpgcan you feel thisDon't worry, I haven't lost one this month...yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/stupid.jpgstupidWhen you have a lot on your mind and you've just been struck by lightning, don't play games of trivia. I'll just make you look bad.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/i-cant-see.jpgI can't see[Muffled] Are you sure this is necessary? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/can-you-feel-this.jpgcan you feel thishttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/tree-light.jpgtree-lightIf this was the tree that got the direct hit, then I am the lamp. Simple, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/firefighters.jpgfirefightersTechnically, they were wearing shirts for the examination portion of the evening...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/monty-python.jpgmonty pythonAt least they had a cart and help. I had nothing but my wits, and they were nothing to write home about.2011-11-16T15:11:19+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/10/im-really-one-in-a-million-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/goldie.jpggoldieYup. No prolem. Sir, um Tina. Iz me. Um fine.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/rain.jpgrainIt's all fun and games until a freak lightning bolt decides to strike.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/zombie.jpgzombieMust. Change. Into. Something. More. Comfortable. Boots. Killing. Me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/wet-tee-shirt.jpgwet tee-shirtSee how embarrassing this look can be?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lady-gaga.jpglady gagaMy taste in hats has been somewhat controversial ever since that fateful day. What's her excuse?2011-11-14T15:21:49+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/09/sister-can-you-spare-your-home/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/packing.jpgpackingAh, my future path is so clear. I'm ready!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/marriage-counseling.jpgmarriage counselingMaybe that's why marriage counseling doesn't work so well...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lightning.jpglightningWell, it wasn't quite like that...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/phil-and-lorna.jpgPhil and LornaLook closely, you can feel the sparks.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/driving-scrappy.jpgdriving ScrappyNo, Scrappy. I told you that you can only drive on back roads.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/angelina.jpgangelinaI'm sure those mortgage geeks imagined me like this. Well, they weren't TOO far off, except for the scary looking robot thingy sneaking up behind me, the dark hair, and I never wear garter belts--too uncomfortable.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/laura-croft.jpeglaura crofthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/steve-martin.jpgSteve MartinI'm ready for my new life in my "condo made out of stone-a". Bring it on, King Tut!2011-11-14T15:18:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/07/he-was-my-20000th-sigh/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/paul-newman.jpgpaul newmanCharming, witty, kind, and versatile. This guy would make a great stunt double, but I bet Phil could do most of his own action shots.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/ticket.jpgticketChildhood memories still leave pretty deep scars, right Phil?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/don-knotts.jpgDon KnottsI hear this guy could "cut a rug" with Thelma Lou when he wan't on duty...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/head-stuck.jpghead stuckI always wondered how the SPAM filter worked...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/playground.jpgplaygroundYou never know what to expect at Phil's playground.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/bill-the-cat-2.gifBill the Cat 2You may know him as Phil.2017-04-04T03:11:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/07/new-political-stategerty-keeping-the-voter-guessing/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/old-man-at-door.jpgold man at doorI don't have time to answer your questions. I have questions of my own, like what place am I supposed to age in? Or where's there nearest public restroom? These Depends Undergarments are about as helpful as this brochure.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/wink.gifwinkhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/issues-and-concerns.jpgIssues and ConcernsBold Leader's opponent's "platform"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/pol-sign-retouched.jpgpol sign retouched2011-11-09T20:15:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/08/i-wasnt-just-twiddling-my-thumbs/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/sassy-mom-and-alex-1.jpgSassy Mom and Alex-1It was a fun party!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/earl-girls-grown-up.jpgearl girls grown upMy mom, the Unbreakable Middle Child and my sisters, Tina and Lisa. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1010835.jpgP1010835https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/catwoman.jpgcatwomanIf only Chuck knew I was too busy lying around practicing my alluring "meow" pose and had no time to purr-loin the family "jewels."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/gossip.jpggossipSwear on your Pretty Pony that you won't say anything, but I heard that Lorna was faking her illness just to keep Chuck from being successful in his business. He had to leave her cuz she was destroying his business. Can you believe that? Yeah. I could use a refill, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/overalls.jpgoverallsYeah, no. When he came dressed to fix the furnace for the 15th time like this, I decided it was time to learn about home heating systems and self defense.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/toilet-paper.jpgtoilet paperWhy didn't I think of that?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/duck-waiting.gifduck waitingWhat should I do now that I'm 50-ish, single, and confused. Probably Match.com isn't the best idea right now.2011-11-16T15:13:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/06/whats-the-definition-of-insanity/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/split.jpgsplitHe's giving the "thumb's up," but that's gotta hurt. Kinda like signing those papers...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lurch.jpglurchEven dressed up, I just wouldn't have looked well after a long legal battle.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/right.gifrightQuick. I like the sound of that. Just get me out of here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lets-do-this.giflets do thisSure. Why not? It worked so well the last time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/columbo.jpgcolumboCan you talk a little slower? My memory ain't what it used to be. So, when you say you need to find yourself, exactly where you lookin'?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/albert.jpgalbertHmm. I'll try again to flatten my hair by inserting my head through my patented follicle tamer. The first 58 times hasn't been successful. 2011-11-12T12:53:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/05/was-i-voted-most-leavable-girl-in-high-school/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/i-hate-sandcastles.jpgi hate sandcastlesWhy do they make us build these dang things out of sand and near water? If they're trying to prepare us for life, all they've done is tick us off.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/tammy.jpgHammyIntroducing Miss Hammy Swinette with her new hit Single, "Leavable Lorna, She Never Met A Man She Couldn't Scare Away."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/crying.gifcryingMaybe Chuck didn't react because he didn't recognize this hysterical woman. I don't either.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/crying1.jpgcryingI'm sure you know the feeling.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/crying.jpgcryingThis critter is much more in control than I was, but we both had the same searching eyes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dinner1.jpgdinnerI hate to say "I told you so," but there's a reason most people don't go out to dinner before they separate. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/ape.jpgapeI tried blow-drying my hair, nothing would cover up the evidence of a week of crying.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dinner.jpgdinnerYes, just what I had in mind. A nice intimate dinner to celebrate our separation...2011-11-12T12:47:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/04/disturbing-the-peace/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/what.gifwhatDid I hear you correctly?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cat-smoking-joint.jpgcat smoking jointhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/karate-kid.jpgkarate kidOld Chinese saying: First practice on laundry basket. Next, attack recliner and occupant.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/communication-problem.jpgcommunication problemWe had all the hardware to communicate effectively, but something just wasn't connecting properly. I think we had an operator problem.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/jazzupclose.jpgJazzUpCloseSweet Jazzy Girlhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/remember-me-1.jpgremember me-1"Remember Me" hand appliqued, machine pieced and quilted.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/jeannie.jpgjeannieWhat do you think of my meditation space? See how hard I'm working on my mantra?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/disturbed.jpgdisturbedAllz Iz can sayz iz Iz was lookin fur a liddle peaze an da whole ting kersploded.2011-11-15T20:53:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/02/not-just-your-typical-quilting/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1020002.jpgP1020002Wool candle mat, hand blanket stitch.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1020001.jpgP1020001https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/scarf-purse.jpgscarf purseMachine appliqued handbag. I designed this one after a scarf I love.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/winter-dreams-in-keene.jpgWinter Dreams in Keene"Winter Dreams" Machine appliqued, Shiva Oil Stickshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1010818-e1320234235135.jpgP1010818"Remember Me" (or something like that) Hand applique, machine quilted. A quilt I made for Chuck, started during the summer of 2009 and finished for Christmas that year. He left me that fall, but I finished it and gave it to him.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1010559.jpgP1010559"Eco Chic" high-end grocery baghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1010946.jpgP1010946Teal and Purple Handbaghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p10106871.jpgP1010687"Fresh Flowers on Old Chair" Machine applique, Shiva oil sticks.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/p1010687.jpgCountry flowers"Country Flowers" Machine applique, Shiva Oil Stickshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lake-champlain-moonshine.jpgLake Champlain Moonshine"Lake Champlain Moonshine," wall-hanging with batik fabrics and thread painting.2011-11-14T21:20:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/03/amateur-hour-in-new-age-ville/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/peace-fire.jpgpeace fireWell, if love hurts, then I guess peace can burn.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/please-stand-by.jpgplease stand byRequest for "peace" is vague and will be interpreted in a most unusual way. You may also want to fasten your seat belts.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/veggies.jpgveggiesNow you know the "secret" to Lorna's revolutionary "Dizzy Diet,"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/marilyn.jpgmarilyn... this. You can see I'm a bit tired, but overall, not bad looking.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/carol-burnett.jpgcarol burnettPerhaps Chuck prepared the public for his wife to look more like this ...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nag.jpgnagI don't know why you insist on calling it "nagging." Clearly this is a case of whispering sweet somethings into his ear. It's not her fault if he doesn't want to hear her "sweet somethings."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/bear.jpgbearSheesh! I wasn't trying to hurt him or change him or snack on him. Really I wasn't.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/confusing-road-sign.jpgconfusing road signI think I'll head toward "Lost." I know that place well...2011-11-10T15:36:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/11/01/the-miracle-with-an-expiration-date/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/three-tenors.jpgthree tenorsSnark Warning! I mean, it's not like he was one of the Three Flipping Tenors...although, there may have only been 3 tenors in the group...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/p1010638.jpgP1010638The one picture he took of me that evening. If it looks familiar, it's my Avatar.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/p1010069.jpgP1010069Me and Reg cuddling the day before he died. My smile is what you'd call a brave one.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/gas-masks.jpggas masksThis was no case of simple "spring cleaning." I had some major dust-busting to do.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bus-stop.jpgbus stopWhy so glum, Lil Lady? It ain't like you never done played a dizzy blonde before. I kinda like this way.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sticky-notes.jpgsticky notesWhat's the difference between miracles and sticky notes? Not as much as you might think.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/headline.jpgheadlineSee? Miracles happen all the time.2011-11-22T12:23:23+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/31/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-and-what-you-dont-ask-for/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/parrot-dance.gifparrot danceThis isn't Reggie, but he has the same moves. I got some of my Bubble back when Reggie and I danced.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/confusing-road-sign.jpgconfusing road signhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/exclamation-point.jpgexclamation pointI'm not kidding. I was on fire, Baby!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dance-spin-big.gifDance--Spin-BigGuess what song I was singing: Sister Golden Hair Surprise. Perfect, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sitting-still.jpgsitting stillDon't worry, that's grape juice.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sick-woman.jpgsick womanYes, this is more like it, Lorna. Be a good, dizzy girl while I'm at work.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/huge-dancing-banana.gifhuge-dancing-bananahttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/spiked-hair.jpgspiked hairDoc, every time I touch this thing, I get all tingly inside. Oh, so if I want to stop feeling that way, stop touching that thing. Hmmm. Why didn't I think of that?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/blah-blah.jpgblah blahOkay, I forgot how to pray the proper way. But there must be a translator Up There. I need some serious help.2011-11-08T14:58:37+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/29/honesty-is-the-best-policy-if-you-want-to-annoy-your-husband/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/calgon.jpgcalgonAh. It's marvelous when you're inspirationally revolutionary.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/images.jpgimagesI was pretty desperate. Buddhists don't generally pray, but you can see why I resorted to an alternate plan.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/get-smart.jpgget smartWhat's that you say Lorna, you vow to love me forever? I seem to have lost my connection...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/angry-man1.jpgangry manI've had it with all your blasted kindness, Woman. Stop before I do something you'll regret.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/angry-man.jpgangry manI've had enough of your blasted kindness, Woman! I can't take it any more!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/spock.gifspockI'm not liking the sound of this. No. Not at all. You are not being logical.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/patti.jpgpattiSing it Patti, "I'm feeling good from my hat to my shoe, know where I am going and I know what to do, I've tidied up my point of view, I've got a new attitude."2011-11-08T14:50:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/27/i-had-to-let-go-before-i-gave-up/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/gaslight.jpggaslightLorna: Oh, Chuck. I'm so serene and happy. I've discovered the secret to happiness regardless of my circumstances. Chuck thinking to himself: "She's finally gone off the deep end. Now what am I going to do with her?"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/boy-gangsta.gifboy gangstaYup. I needed to roll more like this Dude, only without as much Bling and less crotch-grabbing action...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ostrich.jpgostrichSexy for bird legs, eh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/flamingo.jpgflamingohttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/medic-alert.jpgmedic-alertGee. These things work real well.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/deepak.jpgdeepakLorna, I thought that what happens in Syracuse stays in Syracuse. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/full-body-cast.jpgfull body castNo, really, I can get it. I'm fine. There's this great program on healthy living I don't want to miss.2014-05-08T15:11:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/30/halloween-costume-parade-alex-style/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-biker-dude-jpeg.jpgAlex Biker Dude.jpegAlthough not a Halloween costume, Alex used to dress up to dole out candy. This Bike Dude costume was one he used for a school play, Little Shop of Horrors.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/marilyn1.jpgMarilyn1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-factoid.jpgalex factoidFactoid Boy! Truly an Alex original. He came up with the idea and I came up with the costume. A real team effort.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-mummy.jpgalex mummyAs the evening unraveled, so did his mummy get-up. We bought all the gauze in our local pharmacy. They must have thought we were harboring a wounded criminal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-batman.jpgalex batmanBy far, my greatest sewing achievement and one of his proudest moments...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-don-johnson.jpgalex don johnsonIf you don't remember Don Johnson, here is a very good likeness of that 1980s "Miami Vice" heart throb. I made Alex's white suit. Notice his gold chain and my attempt at giving him a "5 o'clock shadow."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-clown-1.jpgalex clown-1I din't make this costume, but notice how much better I'm getting with the make-up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-ghost.jpgalex ghostOkay, this one didn't require too much imagination on my part, but it did require my fine make-up skills and my hat. His cousins' costumes were fancier, but I think they're all adorable in their own way.2011-11-14T15:10:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/26/adjusting-to-retirement-the-unconventional-way/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/old-lady-wheel-chair.jpgold lady wheel chair... this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/flexible-old-woman.jpgflexible old womanI saw my future go from this to ...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/magician.jpgmagicianYeah, if that were real, I felt like the woman in the box, only worse.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dsc00125.jpgDSC00125Ha! I got out of my cage and I'm going to shred your "Easy-Up" while you try to relax on your deck.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chimp-typing.jpgchimp typingI should be working on rewrites for my own novel, but I did promise to review Christoph's new book...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/tired-old-woman.jpgtired old womanOne of my tricks to make me feel peppy even when I'm tired is to dress in snazzy outfits. 2011-11-06T22:19:34+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/25/you-know-things-are-tough-when-your-hair-is-the-only-predictable-thing-in-your-life/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/zom.jpgzomThe Zombies. Morose and alienated? Yes, I'd bet on it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/zombies.jpgzombiesThey look pretty exhausted and achy to me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/early-retiremnt.jpgearly retiremntSearching for a picture of "early retirement" I found this picture, which looks like something you'd find in an ad for back pain, bone health, erectile dysfunction, or early onset Alzheimer's. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/submarine.jpgsubmarineQuick, raise the sail! Darn. Its. Too. Late. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/monkeys.jpgmonkeysYou have no idea what it's like living with a wife who needs you to do everything for her. And I mean everything.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/rams.jpgramsAny chance you're ready to call a truce?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hairy-back.jpeghairy backNo, no, no! I said my hair had my back, not this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/short-blonde-hair.jpgshort blonde hairNot in a million years did I look like this. Every minute in a million year I wanted to believe I looked like this.2011-11-03T13:03:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/24/i-better-not-have-a-screw-loose/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/blank-keyboard.jpgblank keyboardPerhaps this is my problem...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/derby-hat.jpgDerby hatSo maybe I went a bit overboard. The pearls were too formal for a college meeting.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/buzz-cut.jpgbuzz cutSome women can pull this look off. I wasn't one of them, especially with a big circular scar above my left temple. I could feel the screws, but couldn't only point to them, since the word "screw" wouldn't come out of my mouth. Probably a good thing... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bush.jpgbushWhat? I just didn't didn't have a lot of confidence in him.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/i-dont-know.jpgI don't knowYour fancy instruments aren't helping. I still don't know what year this is and where the heck I am.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/3-stooges-doctors.jpg3 stooges doctorsNothing was too good for me. I survived brain surgery. All the finest surgeons in the area came to witness the miracle.2011-11-03T13:06:08+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/23/desperado-dont-blame-me-if-youre-searching-makes-you-want-to-hang-up-your-spurs/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/lorna-hs.jpgLorna HSImagine me singing you a love song while strumming my Martin guitar, which I still have, by the way...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/desperado.jpgdesperadoSteady, Ole Blue, I can tell we're on the right track. We'll find Lorna right soon, I reckon. She's been leavin' more tracks than a herd of heffalumps and woozles.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chimp-heading.jpgchimp headingI'm glad I'm not quite human. Those homo sapiens are into some very disturbing things. Now, If you'll excuse me. I must read more about their odd proclivities. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/computer-dog.jpegcomputer dogRex is excited when his internet searches lead him to blogs that tickle his funny bone, which he buried under the rose bushes.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/computer-barbie.jpgcomputer barbieThis may explain some of the more, shall I say, "unusual" search terms that I discovered on my "Stats Page." Barbie should go to bed at a descent hour.2011-10-24T23:42:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/22/have-you-heard-the-one-about-the-blonde-who-has-brain-surgery/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ben-casey.jpgben caseyDon't worry, Larry, oh, um, sorry, Lorna. I'm going to just check my state-of-the-art brain-o-meter one more time before someone checks my make-up and I drill into that skull of yours. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/head.jpgheadUh oh. See. I knew I'd never be the same. Blondes, not brunettes have more fun. Does she look like she's having fun? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bald.jpgbaldYeah. No. She couldn't even pull the half-hair look off.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/muppets.jpgmuppetsEveryone knows sociology is just common sense and anyone can teach it, so we just decided that one of us is as qualified as you. Don't we look like we all have a lot of common sense and social ologies?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/speechless.gifspeechlessUh. Um. Er. Huh. Whoo. Puh. Okay. I think I'm done here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/mccoy.jpegmccoyIf I open her skull and you feel a rush of air, don't worry. She's blonde. It's normal.2011-11-03T13:07:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/21/holy-foliage-batman-im-glad-i-peeked-out-of-my-cave/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bimbo-bakeries.jpgBimbo BakeriesI kid you not!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/on-the-way-back-to-car-1.jpgon the way back to car 1Snapped this one our long trek back to the car.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/the-end-almost.jpgthe end almostWe signed out as proof the Forest Rangers could rest easy and so could we. But our journey wasn't over yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/lorna-nearing-end-of-hike.jpglorna nearing end of hikehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/lorna-realy-nearing-end-of-hike-e1319059325463.jpglorna realy nearing end of hikeOkay, no surprise. You all know I'm prone to melodrama.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/stream-we-crossed-without-bridge.jpgstream we crossed without bridgeWe had to cross two, count 'em, two passages with boulder and water and tree roots that would have challenged a billy goat. I had the kind of sneakers that rock when you walk and I'm dizzy all the time. You do the math. I'm here to tell you: there's crying in hiking. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/p1020095.jpgP1020095I looked up to the Universe for comfort and saw this. I was comforted.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sign-posts.jpgsign postsAfter deciding to loop around the other way, we see this sign. I wasn't encouraged, but Phil was his ever-optimistic self. Plus he had on hiking boots.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/no-wonder-we-lost-our-way.jpgno wonder we lost our wayCan't read this sign? Neither could I. We had a choice to go back the way we came or loop back another way. I think this sign said "Go back the way you came, Fool." But I couldn't read it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/p1020100.jpgP1020100Dam view in the background. Dam washout in the foreground.2011-11-03T13:07:48+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/20/perception-its-all-about-how-you-look-at-it/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/angry-owl.jpgangry owlDoctorates in sociology make the worst patients.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/whispering.jpgwhisperingDon't worry, even if they catch us, we have tenure. And who'd suspect us anyway? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pee-wee-herman.jpgpee wee hermanI love you, but...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cher.jpgcherThe Poster Woman for CFS in America. I wonder why there wasn't a "Little Black Ribbon" campaign?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/snowman-cropped-4x6.jpgSnowman cropped 4x6Wolfer was wise and did his best thinking in the snow.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/keep-your-eye-on-the-ball1.jpgkeep your eye on the ballKeep your eye on the ball. Great advice! Okay. Now which curvaceous, shapely, object are we supposed to be focused on? 2011-10-25T10:27:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/17/physiology-its-not-an-exact-science/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/spinning-circles1.jpgspinning circlesI know. Annoying, isn't it? Welcome to Dizzy Lorna's world.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/washing-machine.jpgwashing machineHey! I'm already pure as the driven snow. I don't even swear. I can't be any cleaner. Please let me out of here!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/an-eyesbackandforth.gifan-EyesBackAndForthNeed I say more?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/brain-surgery.jpgbrain surgeryNo thank you, Dr. Buzz Saw. Hand over my head and allow me to exit with my brain and tumor in tact.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/mash.jpgmashI'm pretty sure these were real doctors who just played mischievous actors on TV.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/spinning-circles.jpgspinning circlesYeah. I know. Annoying, isn't it? Welcome to my world.2011-10-22T20:05:43+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/16/hussy-heal-thy-self-husband-carry-on/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/owl.jpgowlBet you didn't see that coming, did you? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/stop-sign.jpgstop signPick a color, any color. Oh. That's not how we're supposed to make this decision.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/coffee.jpgcoffeeNothing? Really? Well, I'm glad I can make such delicious coffee for you, Honey.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cialis.jpgcialisI'm so glad they invented a hydrolic lift for these tubs. My back hurts so much I can't move. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/morticia.jpgmorticiaNo, not Morticia Addams, a mortician. Do you see how this dizziness affects the brain?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/mud-wrestling.jpgmud wrestlingWhile out counselor was female and I did have individual sessions with her, we always played, ahem, talked inside and never, ever, poured beverages over each other. We both had our professional standards.2011-10-21T20:12:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/15/pushmi-pullyu-part-4/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/michael-c.jpgmichael cIt's not about me. It's about The Family. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/book-sale.jpgbook saleAgnes was thrilled to find the new stash of self-help books. Her knitting group was getting tied up in knots over a certain member always making her sweaters too tight. She thought a little self-awareness coaching might help keep the husbands away. one another and she wanted to https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hussy.jpghussyMen were powerless around me, Lusty Lorna. Well, all men except for my husband who seemed immune to my hussifed charms.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/viewmaster.jpegviewmasterGee wiz! I feel like I'm in another world when I look in there. This is awesome!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/stewart-smiley.jpgstewart SmileyDon't laugh. It worked. Well, go ahead and laugh. It still worked.2011-10-21T20:15:45+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/14/wordpress-has-talent/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/wow.jpgwowThat was me as I listen to this song by one of our very own WordPress bloggers.2011-10-18T15:08:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/14/pushmi-pullyu-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bridge.jpgbridgeBest to stay on my side and you stay on yours. There's no such thing as meeting in the middle in this scenario.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/frosting.jpgfrostingLittle know fact, when it's on the beater, the frosting has just half the calories.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/train.jpgtrainI didn't say we were speeding along or it was all easy going...just that we were together.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/the-incredibles.jpgthe incrediblesMr. and Dr. Incredible, only we were rarely seen in our fancy-pants outfits so as not to forewarn our opponents.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/books.jpgbooksI'll take all of these for a start. If I don't find the answers I seek, I'll be back. Um, do you take personal checks?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/kid-writing.gifkid writingMy Divine Journal was much more organized and I tend to purse my lips when I concentrate rather than loll my tongue out. Other than that, this is a good rendition of how focused I was on journaling.2013-04-16T14:52:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/14/the-alex-chronicles-or-how-i-raised-a-great-child-in-spite-of-myself-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-tiara.jpgAlex TiaraAlex was a free spirit. Wearing my tiara without accompanying jewels was his way of reviling social expectations.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-and-mom.jpgAlex and momWe're not exactly snuggling here, but you get the idea.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/screaming.gifscreamingYelling seems to be quite common. Still, are they yelling at each other to stop their yelling?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/puppy-dog-eyes.jpgpuppy dog eyesYes, that was the look. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-in-jail.jpgAlex in jailSheesh! The one room they had to finish in the "Broken House" was the Jail House. It figures.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-sassy.jpgAlex sassyI'm growing up and you know what that means? Yup! Mommy's about to learn some more things.2011-12-18T00:39:00+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/12/pushmi-pullyu-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/opera.jpgoperaYou see, he wasn't even trying to listen...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/woman-with-earpiece1.jpgwoman with earpieceI know I'm supposed to hear or feel something, but for some reason, I'm not getting much.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/divine-chart.jpgdivine chartAll of a sudden I had all these rectangles, arrows, words, and one suspicious lightning bolt to process. I needed a large journal.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/tom-or-p.jpgTom or PThat's what he looked like when I first met him and called him Mr. Super Nova. Ten years of work and family aged us both and we were heavier, but that Tom Sellick look-alike was still there. Now, though, he felt more like Mr. Haley's Comet: zooming in and out of my life.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/italian.jpgitalianDon't let the dark hair and eyes fool you, we became just as Italian as they are. We had the pizza boxes to prove it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/clock.jpgclockLooks like it's about time to change things up...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/lorna-luft.jpgLorna LuftRecognize her? Seen her at the Academy Awards? Emmy Awards? Best In Show Awards? No? Didn't think so. That's Lorna Luft. Liza's half-sister... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/push-me-pull-you.jpgpush me pull youWhich way is this exotic beast heading? Both ways, you say? Neither way? I think you're right.2011-10-16T10:58:31+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/11/pushmi-pullyu-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/weightlifter.jpgweightlifterEnjoy the applause, Olga. We got a tank and a XXXL fur coat waiting for you outside for your trip up north.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/james-bond.jpgjames bondWhy do the martinis make him think even quicker and shoot even straighter? It's not fair.2011-10-13T18:19:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/10/turnabout-is-fair-play-i-suppose/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/glinda.jpgglindaOh, no, Deary, Glinda is not in denial. She knows in her heart that her magic wand works. It's the glittery star at the end that has the real poof-power. That and Glinda's total break with reality.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/calvin.jpgcalvinhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cow.jpgcowYes, we lived in the country, but still you'd think Chuck would've noticed me. Especially with that lovely necklace I purchased from Avon.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/shark.jpegsharkUm, the "Broken House" actually looked better before. I know you are designed to keep moving or die, but could you just chill-ax?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bill-clinton.jpgbill clintonAnd this is the best part, Hilary, er, Monica, um, Lorna. We can write off the expenses we use to fix up the house on out taxes as business expenses. This is going to be great!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/thee-amigos.jpegthee amigosLiving proof: everything comes in threes. But is that a good thing?2011-10-13T13:34:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/08/brother-can-you-spare-a-job/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/roller-coaster.jpgroller coasterSometimes you know you're in trouble, but you're already way too committed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/oh-snap.jpgoh-snapI was looking rather haggard and feeling quite sassy by the end of that day. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/conference.jpgconferenceI hope you don't mind, but we invited a few of our colleagues in on your interview and they all have some questions they'd like to ask you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/robot-woman.jpgrobot womanYes, that looks like the the woman who got the job instead of me. I'm sure the students loved her affable personality.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/poof.jpgpoofWas this the first time the lightning struck or the second time, ten years later? It doesn't matter, crap like that doesn't happen!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/polar-bear.jpgpolar bearJust when I was comfortable on this rock, you tell me you're going to put me in a hard place? Aw, come on...2011-11-02T17:05:58+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/07/the-alex-chronicles-or-how-i-raised-a-great-child-in-spite-of-myself-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cats-shaking-heads.gifcats shaking headsAlex and I developed our own code for sighing. It wasn't quite as satisfying and eventually took a toll on my neck, but at least we got to wear fun hats.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-chronicles-1-1.jpgAlex chronicles 1-1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-smart-glasses.jpgAlex smart glasseshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sigh.gifsighShe's so cute when she sighs, er, um cleanses her breath. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-rethinking.jpgAlex RethinkingTotal rhetorical question. Alex always asked a lot of questions--even before he could talk.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/alex-hard-work-raising-parents.jpgAlex hard work raising parentsHe's older now, but he's still my super man.2011-10-10T23:28:03+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/07/the-little-writer-that-could-or-might/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/no-way.gifno wayWhat does this all mean? Do I have to make up business cards and begin shameless self-promotion like I am doing in this post? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/youve-got-to-read-this.jpgyouve got to read thishttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/see-no-evil.jpgsee no evilI just pushed the "Submit" button and tried to forget about it. I wouldn't talk or think about it. Having supportive friends who don't want to talk or listen to you about your writing is sometimes quite helpful.2011-10-11T19:40:59+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/06/child-of-the-moon/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/moon-magic1.jpgmoon magic"Moon Magic" a "stained glass" quilt art piece with hand-dyed batiks, machine quilted. Even the "frame" is fabric.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/moon-magic.jpgmoon magic2011-10-13T13:13:21+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/05/my-karma-ran-over-your-dogma/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/einstein_2.jpgarrogant professorI don't care if this is class about Criminal Justice, you will listen to me practice the violin because that's what I want to do. Teach yourself the material. I don't have time for such nonsense.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/opening-a-letter.jpgopening a letterOh, looky here, a survey. Could this be my chance to settle the score with Dr. C.? He sure can't hurt me now. How about that? Karma came to me, special delivery!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/monty-python.jpgmonty pythonI may no longer have my thrown, but I still control my lowly slaves, er, um, graduate students. Come and lick my boots while telling me I know everything.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dishonored.jpegdishonoredDr. C. probably doesn't have this plaque hanging on his wall with duplicated of his Ph.D. and other officious-looking documents like The Cannabis Cup Award, The Most Slovenly Dressed Professor Award, and The Author With The Most Books Sold To Yourself Award.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ask-me.jpegask meOoh. Ooh. Call on me, please. I have the bestest answer in the whole wide world! Honest I do!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/fifi-gets-even.jpgfifi gets evenI didn't got that far, but you could say his image too a hit...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/high-horse.jpghigh horseBet you're not used to seeing this end of your High Horse, are you Dr. C-onceited?2011-10-07T14:26:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/05/the-day-is-done-sunset-challenge/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sunrise-sunset-2.jpgSunrise, Sunset-2Fabric, machine quilting, Shiva Oil Sticks, "Sun Setting, Leaves Falling" by Lorna2011-10-10T13:23:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/05/down-the-drain/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sectionals-1x13-gifs-glee-9373292-374-211.gifSectionals-1x13-gifs-glee-9373292-374-211Look, just look what I've done. I've cured you. I'm so proud of me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/glee-proud1.gifglee-proudLook, just look what what I've accomplished. I've cured you, Lorna. I'm so proud of me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/unhappy-meatloaf.jpgunhappy MeatloafDoes this look like the face of a happy man? I didn't think so either, but I was fit-shaced, so I wasn't always the best judge back then.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/glee-proud.gifglee-proudThat's my girl. I knew if you followed my coaching, I could cure you. I don't don't who I'm more proud of: me or you. I think it's me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/camel.jpgcamelThat's not really me. My hair was more blonde, my eyes were more blue, I didn't have nearly that much facial hair, and a small bottle of vodka wouldn't never have been enough to quench my revved up thirst.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sleeping-cat.jpgsleeping catI actually read a book about how to make a cat's cradle once I didn't spend my evenings looped. See my handiwork?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/owls.jpgowlsOkay, Lorna, you passed for now. Was this included in the "For better, for worse" clause?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fish-drain1.jpgfish drainHow thoughtless could we have been? All that booze went into to environment and now the blood-alcohol-level of those inncocent creatures were on our hands.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dumpster-diving.jpgdumpster divingHey, the bag was heavy and, yes, I had a hard time letting go. Look! Someone threw away a perfectly nice lamp. I think I can reach it...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fish-drain.jpgfish drainOh, Jeez, we never once gave a thought to all those critters in the sewer and beyond. Their blood-alcohol level was on our hands. 2011-10-04T21:42:56+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/04/hey-lets-do-the-limbo-rock/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/aching-back.jpgaching backSheesh! How much lower is this bar going to go? You can see I'm not the fittest critter in the forest.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/limbo-party.jpglimbo partyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/wires.jpgwiresWhat do you see? All the nice wires that will make things work OR the potential fire hazard and absence of wall-plates to cover the wires?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/therapy.jpgtherapyLet's see if I've got this correct. Chuck, you were sheet-rocking a wall and Lorna didn't have the knife, the level, the chalk line, the screw gun, or the correct number of screws available at the exact time you needed them. Lorna, you say Chuck didn't ask for these things but expected you to know when he needed them. And that is when all communication between you broke down. Is that correct?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/needs-repair.jpgneeds repairThis is not our house. I left those pictures behind, sure I would never want them. This is just another indication of my amazing psychic abilities.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/panda.jpgpandaI saved you this time, but only because I wandered in here by mistake myself. This place is dangerous. Let's go play in the road where it's a lot safer.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pole-dancing.jpgpole dancingSee how much easier it is to have fun when the pole is vertical rather than horizontal?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/new-moon.jpgnew moonI lived in a New Moon Trailer. Look! It has everything a family could want: windows, walls, carpet, a ceiling. Now that's a home!2011-10-05T19:46:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/03/home-is-where-the-black-walnuts-are/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/haunted-house.jpghaunted houseHmm. I'm sure I was wearing a heavy coat and hat. The skeleton must have scared them off of me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/superman.jpgsupermanSure, Chuck, that house is an A # 1 winner. And I'm just a plain old reporter for the Daily News who has absolutely no interest in Lois Lane.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cat-driving.jpgcat drivingMrs. Whiskers anticipated her difficulty reaching the gas and brake pedals, but she never gave a thought to how to drive with all those bright lights coming at her. At her kitty-calling-hours, many would speak of her problem with miscalculating situations. Poor Mrs. Whiskers...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/doormat.jpgdoormatMy in-laws were too gracious to put a doormat like that out, but those 8 months were long.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/make-shift.jpgmake shiftMy older sister's family and their camper--the only bathroom on our property for a while.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/proof-2.jpgproof 2My mom, Alex, his cousins, and me sitting on the front porch. We all look a bit shell-shocked, except for me. I'm wearing Jackie-O sunglasses and darned proud of it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/proof-1.jpgproof 1That's Alex and his cousins. At least Alex had the good sense not to try to hold the house up.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/broken-house.jpgBroken HouseThis is the house we bought. I know you don't believe me because I take so many zany pictures from Google Images, but this one is for real. I have others to prove it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dreamy-man.jpgdreamy manI look upon thee, oh House Magnificent, and vow that someday, you shall be mine. If thou dost resist mine advances, oh Home Lovely, I shan't be shy to use mine trusty mallet to break down your walls so fine.2011-10-05T18:16:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/02/how-curious-are-you/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/curious-toddler.jpgcurious toddlerIf I've told you once, I've told you twice--I don't have time for these types of head games. And, no, I didn't find the Halloween candy you hid behind the cat food.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/curious.jpgcuriousUsing all his powers to figure out what the heck this post his about, all Johann could do was generate some nice mood lighting.2011-10-04T22:34:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/01/imagine-the-disappointment/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bird.jpgbirdThis is what I came here for, right? Or is it? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/advice.jpgadviceDear Lorna, to be honest with you, I don't really know what it means when someone says, "I'm not going to lie to you..." and then tells me something. Can you help me? Signed Honestly Confusedhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/junk.jpgjunkWhat do you find when you do a general web search without carefully considering your search terms? Look closely at this picture. That's what you get.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/tony-soprano.jpgtony sopranoWhatcha need, Babe? You gotta have a coupla more hits on that blog a yours? Hey, you want that. It's a phone call away.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/christie.jpgchristieIt's all about reinventing yourself, Baby! https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/confused-face.jpgconfused-faceI thought the Interweb was supposed to be smarter than I am. That's why people are always telling me to "Google it," right?2011-10-04T22:34:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/10/01/the-in-laws-not-the-movie-the-move-in/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/thuston-and-lovey.jpgthuston and loveyLook at her, Lovey. She's a beauty, I tell you. Dahling, look at her with your heart, not your eyes, like we look at our bank account.. We simply must have her.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lucky-underpants.jpglucky underpantsCan you believe that my lucky underpants didn't even work in our house-hunting. They've always come through--but, then again, I've always worn them with white pants.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mom-and-lex-at-grad-party-1.jpgMom and Lex at Grad Party-1If Alex and I share anything, it's our ready smile, sense of humor, and innate kindness. Not bad for a mother who didn't have a clue.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/laughing.giflaughinghttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/todd-and-copper.jpgtodd and copperWhat better way to get my anti-hunting agenda across than to select a book in which a fox and a hound are best friends? Brilliant! If only I were Queen of the World...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sophia.jpgsophiaAh, yes. I am a desirable, beautiful actress without the shackles of daily life. I don't even have the shackles of daily clothes. Life is grand behind my eyelids. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/work-6123435-1-flat550x550075f-having-just-way-too-much-fun.jpgponyJust to be clear, I'm the pony in the this picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/gwennth-paltrow.jpggwennth PaltrowMy face was fleshier, my eyes had dark circles (think raccoon), and my hair was poofier (it was the late 80s), but that was definitely my reaction to Chuck's plan of moving in with his parents "temporarily." We all know how that plan works out, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/house-hunting.jpghouse huntingHouse-hunting is never easy. But doing it long-distance and only on weekends in a seller's market was impossible.2011-12-17T19:25:22+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/27/how-small-is-infinitesimal/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bad-mom-proof.jpgbad mom proofAs a qualified researcher, all I can say is statistics and frighteningly steep lines on as graph don't lie. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dolly.jpgdollyI can play the guitar and I look really good in red. Close enough.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/too-many-kids.jpgtoo many kidsI'm drawing a blank. Too stunned by this image. Going into shock. h.e.l.p...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/guilt-trip.jpgguilt tripI'll take a round-trip ticket, please. Yes. I think a life-time book of tickets will be appropriate. Thank you.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/thank-god-not-a-protestant.jpgthank god not a protestanthttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/spot.jpgspotNo, not that kind of "spot." But he sure was a great dog...I'm getting off track.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/goldie1.jpggoldieUm. When I get all confuzzled by life and the lines I'm supposed to deliver, I just dance myself silly. Hee hee. Sometimes I get so busy dancing I forget about my confuzzlement, life, lines, and pretty much everything. Dancing is better than...well...dancing is great!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/goldie.jpggoldiehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pumpkin.jpgpumpkin2011-09-29T09:14:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/26/youll-find-me-in-the-bedroom/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/judy-holliday.jpgjudy hollidayI just have one more word to look up, then I promise I'll clear all the books off the bed and we can not sleep for a change.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/caterpillar-tug-of-war.jpgcaterpillar tug of warI...don't...know...why...this...is...so...difficult. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/alex-reading-parents-mag-1.jpgAlex reading Parents Mag-1Um, Mommy, it says here in that you should spend more time with me and Daddy. Do you want me to read it to you, or just bookmark the page?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/alex-bath-microphone.jpgAlex bath microphoneWe had the soap, but not the box. This wasn't going to stop Alex from his goal of becoming a great orator.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/alex-first-birthday.jpgAlex first birthdayDon't know if it's the sugar or the smashing, but I could use a nap.2011-09-30T18:57:01+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/25/2012-end-of-the-world-pre-game-show/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/waiting-for-the-end.jpgwaiting for the endMyrna takes to bed with a "sick headache" and her alarm clock, knowing the end is near. She waits. It's only a matter of time. But, then again, the reason she has a headache is because she just learned that time isn't real. Myrna beats her alarm clock to death, fully realizing the irony that she just killed time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/succesful-update.jpgsuccesful updateThis is not something you're used to seeing, so take your time, adjust your eyes or glasses or medication, and take a few deep breaths. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/defying-gravity.jpgdefying gravityBy "messy" I mean all the fighting among the miffed wine drinkers...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dog-pee.jpgdog peehttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/zombie-chart.jpgzombie chartStudy this chart carefully and consider yourself warned.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/weather-guy.jpgweather guyAnd this is why I try never to miss the weather.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/einstein.jpgeinsteinAh, I knew it. I vas able to luke into dee formula und dee future und zee dee potential for zee sing dat vould beat light. Und here he is: Hip Hopper, Neutrino.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/nick-cage.jpgNick CageIs this picture worth a million dollars? Some man in Seattle thinks so. He says it's a picture taken in Tennessee in the 1870s and proof that Nickolas Cage is a vampire that regenerates himself every 80 years or so. You have to admit Nick looks pretty dapper in a mustache and bow-tie.2011-09-30T18:59:24+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/24/a-much-better-actress-than-circus-performer/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/woman-smoking-pot.jpgwoman smoking potWe had a mixture of traditional and non-traditional students in Dr. C's class. I remembered that last class well. I can't speak for the rest of them...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sewing-marvel.jpgsewing marvelThat was my problem. I needed to live in Oregon and have machines that could help me multi-task.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/broken-glasses.jpgbroken glassesTake a good look at these "birth control" glasses. Was Dr. C the one wearing them or was he the one who knocked them off some innocent, near-sighted kid?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/3rd-rock-from-the-sun.jpg3rd rock from the sunCan you tell who's alien and who's not just from looking at them? Neither can I. See my point. They walk among us and teach our young to pee and poop in the potty.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lucy-chocolate-factory.jpglucy chocolate factoryIt's not a matter of too many chocolates; it's all about having a large enough mouth, hat, and bra. Unfortunately, I only had one of these three. Care to guess which one?2011-09-30T19:00:11+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/23/crying-isnt-just-for-babies/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/marilyn-monroe-glasses.jpgmarilyn-monroe glassesI need a little "stimulation" of the, um, contextualization, no... brainification, yes! That kind! Gee, I really need to be around some grown-ups. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/i-give-up.jpgi give upWhat? I only have one child? No. I swear I'm out-numbered. They're everywhere, I tell you...everywhere!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/contortionist.jpgcontortionistIf only I had made Alex practice more when he was limber like that. Imagine the Reality Shows we all could be watching him win...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/breast-feeding.jpgbreast feedingYeah, Boo-Rah, for Baby! For Mommy: take a belt-sander to each nipple and rub until entire area is unrecognizable. Then have Baby reject milk by projectile-vomiting over Mommy's clean-but-worn-out man-shirt (the only thing that fits). https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/panda-bear.jpgpanda bearSee what I mean? The nursery made special accommodations for Alex to make sure he was comfortable, but we all had our moment of doubt until the identity bracelet was checked....https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/water-buffalo.jpgwater buffaloI remember saying those exact words...uncanny. I'm sure I looked and left like this ole gal, too, right before Alex came into my life and changed it forever.2011-09-25T13:53:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/22/an-embarassment-of-riches-the-versatile-blogger-award-returns/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/versatile_blogger_award1.jpgversatile_blogger_awardLike a frog during mating season, this critter is popping up all over the place!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/confused-baby.pngconfused babyI've already revealed so much. Is anything really random? How do they make these new diapers so absorbant yet comfortable? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/versatile_blogger_award.jpgversatile_blogger_awardLike a frog during mating season, this critter is popping up all over the place! 2011-12-11T00:51:18+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/21/the-end-of-the-beginning/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/panda.jpgpandaLook closely. That's me. Yeah, the little one with the big attitiude and something strange happening in the butt area. Getting-Bigger-Bugger is in for a rude awakening if s/he thinks I'm like Unemployment Benefits--no Act of Congress is going to extend your stay!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/i-hope-my-smile.jpgi hope my smile...because he's not touching me again until this baby is in school and can see my feet again. Can I freshen your coffee, Honey?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/orangatan1.jpgorangatanWhat? I'm still eatin' fer two and I gotta get me plenty of fiber. I got some u..g..l..y happin' where my butt used to be.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/gorilla-in-dress.jpggorilla in dresshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ouija.jpgouijaPretend that's my belly and the words floating in the air are: "Are you still alive?" "Did your Mommy kill you?" https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/elephant-lying-down.jpgelephant lying downI know I shouldn't get up, but I'm developing bed sores. Hey, what's for lunch? I'm bored. If I stretch I think I could reach my Sociological Theories text book...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pregnant-man.jpgpregnant manHow touching. Does he get hemhorroids, too?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/boat-entering-rapips.jpgboat entering rapidsDang! Everything was "smooth sailing" until I made that bend in the river. A couple of "idiot alert" signs would've been handy a few miles back.2011-09-23T16:38:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/21/what-unties-oops-unites-people/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/meditation.jpgmeditationAchieving this state of bliss is hard work, Baby. Buddhist Mindfullness Meditation is not for the faint of heart or weak of soul. You have to be ready to face your inner https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dexter.jpgdexterThe Dex is the 21st Century Superman: a sociopath ridding the world of worse sociopaths. What could go wrong with that plan?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/guru.jpgguruNo one had that kind of upper arm strength.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/untied.jpguntiedApparently I'm not the first to make this particular mistake. Nice to know. Dog works in mysterious wasy.2011-09-23T20:35:26+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/20/breadcrumbs-of-kindness/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pooping-on-people.jpgpooping on peopleI figured it wasn't accidental. Consider being called a "bird brain" a compliment.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/youve-got-mail.jpgyou've got mailCome to think of it, this task seems a bit overwhelming, too. Here, Scrappy! Wanna learn how to dance like the Stars?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/st-francis.jpgst francisSt. Francis of Assisihttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/girl-feeding-birds.jpggirl feeding birdshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/colorful-bird-feeding.jpgcolorful bird feeding2011-09-21T20:50:50+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/20/one-plus-one-equals-three/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ice-cream.jpgice creamI'm sure I saw her at good old B & R for an ice cream fix. We agreed and horizonal stripes in maternity tops were a cruel joke but that our belly-shelves came in quite handy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/baby-power.jpgbaby powerYo, Mommy. Before I lead this march for Civil Liberties, I think I'm gonna need a refill on the apple juice.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/trolls.jpgtrollsI could probably manage these guys. But notice, some of them are naked and apparently passed out. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lemon.jpglemonYou do the math, or physics, or whatever. Do YOU have an oriface that this object would easily fit into or come out of? Now picture a watermelon...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/martian.jpgmartianReally? You had to wait until I got dressed up in this tin-foil outfit and put the antenae on to tell me that the aliens decided not to attack? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/unabomber.jpgunabomber2011-09-22T09:00:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/19/a-little-piece-of-peace/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/once_in_a-_blue_moon.jpgonce_in_a _blue_moonFabric, thread, and oil-based paint stickshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/peaceblogfestbutton.jpgpeaceblogfestbutton2011-09-21T20:49:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/19/cha-cha-cha-changes/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/the-birds.jpgthe birdsWhen life hands you attacking birds, either get ready for perpetually bad hair or move to a bird-free zone. Can you blame me for moving to a bird-free zone?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tiger-cub.pngtiger cubThis can't be happening. Not now. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mr-mischief.jpgmr. mischiefHe never wore a hat and this dude doesn't have "birth contol glasses," but Peter was short and thought he was quite funny. His version of "mischief" was my version of "misery." He wasn't yellow either, but I was slowly turning a sickly sallow color...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/cars.jpgcarsLet's get our alternators outta here, guys! We've got to let the oil settle before we try this again. Do you think the boss will notice we lost another one?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dolly-parton.jpgdolly partonYou want me to tone down my hair because you can't see if the rest of the pee-ons are adding and subtracting without taking a break? Is there anything else you'd like me to "tone down?" https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/inspector-clousseau.jpginspector clousseauI woont to belief you, Dahling, boat, cannot you zee, dat I half falleeing for your femeenine vays...ooh, la, la. I muzst not allow myzelf to be foo-eld yet onece a-gain. Ve should poot zome clothes on, Dahling. Yes? 2011-09-21T12:38:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/18/a-little-help-from-my-friends-please/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/misery.jpgmiseryI even tried linking myself directly into my computer to figure this problem out. All I got out of that experiment was a really neat hat, horrible bags around my eyes, and oddly puffy lips. Kids, don't try this at home. The Cyber-Brain Melder 500 has been recalled due to a malfuntion in the hat apparatus.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/help.jpgHelpMy computer doesn't have one of these buttons. I knew I should've purchased a fancier model.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/air-mail.pngair mailI'd be fine if notices of your new blog posts and comments came to me this way.2011-10-02T12:48:41+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/17/lets-play-pretend-well-figure-out-what-to-do-with-the-bodies-later/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/little-lorna.jpgLittle LornaSome would say the brightness comes from this photo of me not being preserved properly. I prefer to believe that it's my natural star-shiny self just coming through.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/marilyn-monroe-on-set.jpgmarilyn monroe on setUh huh. Okay. Anything you want, Sir. Oopsie! Am I smiling too much? I'm a little tipsy, but don't let that worry your handsome head. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Anything. I mean it, Poopsie, oops, Sir. Anything...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/arsnic-and-old-lace.jpgarsnic and old laceYou think you're going to trick us into spilling the beans, eh? Well, Mr. Fancy Pants Investigator, just have a little of our homemade elderberry brandy and see how far you get with us.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ali-mcgraw.jpgali mcgraw"Oliver...Love means...oh, I'm slipping away from you...never having to say...oh, I see a bright light...you're sorry. Don't be sorry I'm dying, Oliver. You'll get many more movie roles and find love again with one of Charlies Angels. Oh, speaking of angels...I see a beautiful angel. It's time, Oliver. Goodbye..."2011-09-19T21:33:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/15/i-know-i-could-hardly-believe-it-myself/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/rabbit.jpgrabbitOkay, I know what you're thinking. But I'm actually putting this cookie back. I saw it on the floor and I knew it didn't belong there. What? You don't believe me? Why don't you believe me?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/fairy-godmother.jpgfairy godmotherHey, you think it's was easy as "poof-a-loof" and a wave of my magic stick? I had some major dickerin' to do with the...well, let's just say you owe me BIG TIME, Missy!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/girl-running.jpggirl runningIt was Sunday, so I had my "Sunday Best" dress on and I carried my own lunch box because I didn't think donuts were good for my waistline. But I dashed out of the meeting as fast as my little legs and patent leather shoes could carry me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/diana.jpgDianaThis shield helped to protect me from the all the toxic stuff swirling around me. To this day, I have it and use it regularly. I call it my Shield of Serenity and Hairdo Preservation. It's one-of-a-kind (like me) so don't bother checking for one on e-bay.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/orangatan.jpgorangatanWhere was this upbeat fella when I needed him to tell me I, like Mary Tyler Moore, was going to make it on my own. Cue uplifiting music and hats being gleefully tossed into the air.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/covered-wagon.jpgcovered wagonFrom the looks of it, Matilda, we ain't gonna have ta worry 'bout you fallin' off the wagon. The wagon done fell out from underneath us. Ain't that the darnest thang?2011-09-17T14:59:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/16/and-santa-isnt-real-either/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/invisible.jpginvisibleThank goodness for stripes. You can't miss a portly girl in horzontal stripes, no matter how good she is.The problem with being good as your talent is that everyone gets used to it real fast and just expects it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/flames1.jpgflamesMy dreams of attention and glory, poof, up in flames. The problem with being good as your talent is that everyone gets used to it real fast and just expects it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/flames.jpgflameshttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/no-santa.jpgno santaYeah, that news broke about the same time. At least I still had the Tooth Fairy. What? Oh no. Don't tell me. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/confused-and-upset.jpgconfused and upsetOh my goodness. Whatever shall I do now? My world as I know it has changed, and yet I must stay strong and good and true blue. I can do it. I must. Just tell me I don't have a run in my stockings. That would be too much for me to bear.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/rockem-sockem.jpgrockem sockemIt's all innocent enough until someone loses their head. And then everyone gets mad at the innocent bystander who feels sorry for the fighters. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/3-girls1.jpg3 girlsThere we are. What was my mom thinking? Dressing me in polka-dots? Could I look any chunkier? Little Lisa looks like a disinterested cherub and Skinny Tina is a ballerina in stripes. And you wonder why I have Middle Child Syndrome...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/3-girls.jpg3 girlsThere we are, all in a row. As you can see, I was the most hardy of the bunch.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/praying-girl.jpgpraying girl"My Father who art in Heaven, could you come down here and tuck me in? And bring a pony and a real live angel with you, too? Amen."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/kate-hudson.jpgkate hudsonEvery problem can be fixed with a kiss-and-make-up attitude. That and a willingness to explore bondage. 2011-09-17T15:45:54+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/13/instant-social-life/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/chasing-vampire.jpgchasing vampireI was overwhelmed with The Program and the kind, but intense, members of AA. They wanted me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/gweneth.jpggwenethOkay, so I didn't look quite that glamorous and they didn't give me a solid gold trophy or make me stand in front of a microphone. But the tears were real. And the shaking...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/glee-crying.jpgglee cryingI didn't dress that fancy for the meeting. Sheesh, I felt conspicuous enough for an anonymous alcoholic.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/smoking-noose.pngsmoking nooseThat would've put an end to my built-in social, ach um, life...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/chesterfields-ad.jpgchesterfields adGood old Ronnie. He must've been friends with lots of the people I met in AA.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/racoons-praying.jpgracoons prayingWow, AA seems to have turned these former bandits into devout followers. The Program is powerful stuff.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lucy.jpglucyWhat's the worst that could happen? 2011-09-15T14:06:05+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/11/last-call/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/blowing-in-the-wind.jpgblowing in the windAre you getting a good feeling about these blowing, changing winds? I'm not.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/quicksand-kitty.jpgquicksand kittyEveryone's "bottom" is different. At least I hadn't sunk so low that I was a complete gonner.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/press-what-number-i-need-more-options.jpgpress what number I need more optionsIt was a confusing time, what with the fire, my shame, the thought of a life without vodka, and admitting I wasn't perfect to a stranger on the phone. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/drunk-woman.jpgdrunk womanI don't recognize her and I could've been looking at myself at 40 years old.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sobbing.gifsobbingMy fave is more oval and skin tone more peach--but the blue eyes are spot-on.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lindsey-lohan.jpglindsay lohanGood grief! I turned into Lindsay Lohan and she wasn't even born yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/playing-with-fire.jpgplaying with fireThis kind of thing would just hamper the efforts of those brave firefighters. Best to stay inside and avoid trouble.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/john-wayne.jpgJohn WayneIt's perdy serious Lil Lady. I reckon I best git back up there before things git too far outta hand. If we need supplies, I'll be back. They're countin' on me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/house-on-fire.jpghouse on fireI imagine it looked something like this. I had the common decency not to go outside and take a picture or offer assistance in my inebriated state.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/woman-watching-tv.jpgwoman watching tvAs I said, we were poor, the daytime dramas were, well, dramatic, and my vodka was stashed under that bench.2011-09-13T12:11:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/08/im-speechless-just-kidding/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/girl-with-calculator.jpggirl with calculatorSure, easy for you, Little Girl. You have all those educational programs, software and calculators. When I was your age, I had Romper Room, coloring books and nothing but my own noodle to memorize complicated mathematical formulae like 4 + 6 = 10 and 10/2 = 5.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sesame-street-gang.jpgsesame street gangYup. I count 6. You Liebster Award Winners can decide among yourselves who you want to be.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/shot-in-the-dark.jpgshot in the darkI tell you, Mr. I can't see a thing. It's like someone turned the lights off in here.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/heart-potato.jpgheart potatoNow that's one beloved hot potato. Don't be afraid to catch this one!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/miss-america.jpgmiss americaAnd all I ever really wanted was world peace...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/liebster_blog_love_blog_award1_thumb4.jpgliebster_blog_love_blog_award1_thumb4And the Award goes to...2011-09-12T20:12:07+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/24/it-all-began-with-the-dogs-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/crazy-old-lady.jpgcrazy old ladyAfter 25, it's a slippery slope ladies. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/june-cleaver.jpgJune CleaverThis is where I keep the Beav's homework. Would you review it while I go upstairs to rearrange the linen (my liquor) closet?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/doll-bridge-players.jpgdoll bridge playersIt would take these gals way too long to drop their drawers, what with the support hose, girdles, grannie panties, and Depends...They're better off with a hand of Bridge. But me? Was I supposed to be one of these women?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/get-a-man-keep-a-man.pngget a man keep a manI'm pretty sure he had stacks of these books and just gave me one of these to read. I don't know where it is now--probably gave it to the Methodist Thrift Shop.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/knight.pngknight"She's worth at least 15 acres and 100 head of goats. Let's drink to you taking her off my hands, young lad!"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/suitcase-liquor.pngsuitcase liquorSamsonite had a suitcase for any and all ocassions. It was a heavy bugger to carry when full; but it ddidn't stay full for long.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cross-eyed-woman.jpgcross eyed womanWait! Don't bring Chuck and the Gang-of-Four in yet. I have't't finished my Valium Juice.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/fortune-teller.jpgfortune teller"I am Chuck the Magnificent. I can see into the future 5, 10, even 20 years from now. Lorna, you will become a different person." By Golly, he was right!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-love.jpgdog loveChuck really loved dogs. He would risk his life and his leather vest to save a dog if he thought it was dog-paddling its way into danger or into the lining of a kiddie pool.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/boy-fighting-girl.jpgboy fighting girlI should've known better when he wanted "our" song to be "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me."2011-09-12T11:11:28+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/26/it-all-began-with-the-dogs-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bicini-bride.jpgbicini brideImagine what my future mother-in-law what've thought if I'd shown up drunk and forgotten to put on my wedding dress? I'd be a legend in the Methodist church. Well, "legend" may not be the right term...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/out-of-bottle.jpgout of bottleAtta Girl! Get rid of the Middle Man...no glasses necessary. Party on!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wedding.jpgWeddingYep, that's me and my mom. She's not wearing black. She's the only one in my family who supported my mate selection. Her outfit was deep wine--how appropriate.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tug-of-war.jpgtug of warLittle known fact: alcohol mends freyed rope and nerve fibers.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/gorrilla-thinking.jpggorrilla thinkingI get dizzy when I think too hard about things. That dress isn't going to make itself.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/jennifer-anniston.jpgjennifer annistonLisa, who thought no man was good enough for me, stared me down and told me, "Oh no, you're not marrying him. Over my gorgeous body..."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/janet-leigh.jpgJanet LeighOkay, maybe I shouldn't have told Tina when she was taking a shower. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/modern-bride.jpgModern BrideA researcher by training, I knew I could plan and organize my wedding. I just needed the right tools: reference materials and vodka.2011-09-07T15:45:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/31/the-honeymoon-that-wasnt/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/packed-car.jpgpacked carI couldn't leave my wicker baskets behind. But I still needed to find room for Humphrey, my Old English Sheepdog. I wasn't leaving him behind.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/angel_devil.jpgangel_devilYou'd think he could overlook one flaw in an otherwise pretty perfect woman. But no, my feminine wiles were of no interest to him, especially when I was passed out.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bully.jpgbullyOh, yeah, and Pirhana Boss did that to me, too. In the lunch room. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/cheap-vodka.jpgcheap vodkaAh yes, this stuff was best when tossed back quickly and never near an open flame. Although my esphagus felt like an open flame for a while after drinking the stuff.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/crying-into-glass.jpgcrying into glassI cried a lot of tears. Wait! How cool would that have been if I could cry vodka into a glass? Talk about the ultimate in recycling...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/shack.jpgShackA reasonable facimile of our honeymoon destination, bats hiden inside due to excessive shyness.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/oh-brother.gifoh brother"Mr. and Mrs. Who?" I need a drink to catch up with these guys.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/michael-and-lisa.jpgmichael and lisaSometimes a couple can seem happy, but there's just something that just doesn't bode well for them...2011-09-07T15:40:42+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/09/01/my-sassy-pants-gave-me-away/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/poofy-dress.jpgpoofy dressHow about this? I think this dress would've reduced visibility in the car for both passenger and driver. And eating at a restaurant would've been challenging. Plus, those bare arms may have been too sleazy for Chuck's taste.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/superman.jpgsupermanDon't worry Lois, er, I mean Lorna. I am here to save the day. But you've got some explaining to do.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/sorry.jpgsorryUm. I'm sorry. It's my fault. You're right. I never should've raised my voice, it's just that...I think I may have, um...a drinking problem."https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/woman-undressing.jpgwoman undressingFine. I'll wear this hideous thing if it makes him happy. Anything to make HIM happy. Maybe there's a place to hide a liter of vodka in all these folds...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/oes.jpgoesTa be honest wit ya, I was too busy sniffin' an peein' to pay attention ta what dem two was yellin' about. But people started ta gawk, an I had a reputation ta tink about, so I had to go incognito fer a while.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/blue-jean-skirt.jpgblue jean skirtThis is what he objected to. He didn't want to be seen in Ellicott City with me dressed in a skirt like this. And I was wearing senisble shoes--not these sex-pot shoes I'd wear today.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/scarlet-ohara-spoof.jpgscarlet ohara spoofWhy Chuck, I mean Rhett, do you approve of me in this ole thing I just whipped up for our celebration? You do! Fiddly dee and my oh my.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pants-too-short.pngpants too shortSee how perfectly aligned the two pant legs are? So what if the pants are a teensy bit short. It shows off his nice ankles.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/shocked-man.jpgshocked manAnd you couldn't tell me this little "problem drinking" detail BEFORE the wedding?2011-09-07T15:40:09+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/19/it-all-began-with-the-dogs-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/puppy-in-string.jpgpuppy in stringLet's see if you can do better than I could.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lucy-and-desi.jpglucy and desiLove means you always have to say you're sorry. Wait...that's not quite right.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/finsihing-school-drop-out.jpgfinsihing school drop outEverybody could use a few "improvement" tips, right?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/fire-in-kitchen.jpgfire in kitchenUnless you're looking to date a fire-fighter, you don't need this kind of thing happening in your kitchen. Lettuce sandwiches rarely combust.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/george-bush-and-baby.jpggeorge bush and babyIt's really all about the baby. We all want the baby to be happy. That's what I keep telling myself when I run from anyone pushing a baby stroller.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sexy-woman-walking-dog.jpgsexy woman walking dogHow does he expect me to look sexy for him, walk the dog, watch the kids while volunteering at the community pool, and have dinner ready? Plus I have a report due tomorrow right after my Vogue photo shoot...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/my-fair-lady.jpgmy fair ladyOh, I'm not supposed to shove all of them in my mouth at once? And what's wrong with my hat? It looks like a giant turtle has taken up residence on my head, you say? Thank you so much for turning into a better, different person. I'm sure the world will like me better now.2011-08-23T21:38:35+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/17/it-all-began-with-the-dogs-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marilyn-pondering.jpgmarilyn ponderingI'm befuddled. And now Humphrey ran away. I could use a drink to clear my head.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/whats-baseball.jpgwhats baseballAnother theme...The Bieb looks pretty confused about baseball, too...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/whats-hockey.pngwhats hockeyThe Bieberster wasn't alive then, but "C" knew about as much as hockey as the unborn Bieberific.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/zoolander-face.jpgzoolander faceWhat? I have a question. I ask it. I didn't get a chance to ask this question until the date was nearly over because "C" was a talking machine. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dangerous-curves.jpgdangerous curvesI still carry this sign as a public service.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bird-on-a-ladder.jpgbird on a ladderDid you hear that? It sounds likes those blasted Joneses are down there trying to keep up with us. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/milton-freidman.jpgmilton FriedmanThis is really Dr. Milton Friedman, but it could either be my step-grandfather or "C." My step-grandfather would be explaining me the finer points of his most recent fart joke. "C" would be explaining the beauty of "trickle-down" economics. In either case, my role would be wide-eyed listening.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marilyn-and-arthur-in-car.jpgmarilyn and arthur in car"C's" car was an old Toyota Corola and we were traveling at night, so I wouldn't have needed sun glasses. Plus, "C" never smoked a pipe, but my step-grandfather did. Hmmmm.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marilyn-and-arthur.jpgmarilyn and arthurSeems we have a theme here... Tall, slim, intellectual, doesn't seem to be her "type." He isn't her step-grandfather, is he?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marry-marilyn-monroe-glasses.jpgmarry marilyn-monroe-glassesOkay, I didn't wear glasses then and wouldn't be caught dead with a dead animal around my neck. Otherwise, she's a dead ringer for me looking for love. Are there too many "dead's" in this caption?2011-09-12T11:15:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/11/sister-golden-hair-suprise-no-more-surprises-for-now/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/diana-dorr.jpgdiana DorrDo I look like I have time to plan my future. I'm very busy holding up this pole while trying to balance on these 3" heels. I need to focus on the present moment.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/judy-holliday.jpgJudy HollidayOh, boys, stop. I'll make up my mind about which job I want. Just give me a little time.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sleeping-with-books.jpgsleeping with booksBy passing out on my books, the information seeped into my brain. Well, do you have a better explanation?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/exhausted-pandas.jpgexhausted pandasAnother candidate. Another election. Another reason to take a nap.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/daily-news.jpgdaily newsYessiree! That's how I felt! Like I was down on my knees in front of millions who knew exactly what was written on the paper. Is it possible to be morified and flattered at the same time?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tom-sellik-in-car.jpgtom sellik in carI promise--this is the last picture of Mr. Supernova Look-Alike. And, yes, he really drove aways from inside the library in a red Ferarri.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dark-shadows.jpgdark shadowsIt was kind of like this, only not with a creepy tall guy next to us. And we weren't that close. And I'm taller, better looking, and have a better figure. And P didn't want to bite my neck...well, wait...maybe he did.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tom-selleck-puppies-in-danger.jpgtom selleck puppies in dangerHe was just out of the Marines, Special-Op (probably not recusing puppies, but if the mission included pup recon, he'd be your man).https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/warning-signs.jpgwarning signsThe planning is futile. It's best to heed the warning signs and follow the heart, at least in Lorna's World.2011-08-12T14:03:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/09/sister-golden-hair-surprise-part-4/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/old-man-sleeping.jpgold man sleepingRule 1 for staying awake while teaching: Never lecture in a lounge chair.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tom-sellik.jpgtom sellikThere weren't cell phones with camera's back then, but if there had been and I'd snapped a picture of that tall, dark, handsome stranger, he'd have looked eerily similar to this guy. No kidding!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-psychologist_sm.gifdog-psychologist_smThis one seems at least as valid as the ones I learned...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/one-flew-over.jpgone flew overEveryone has their "issues." It's just a matter of which side of the door you're on...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/professional-barbie.jpgprofessional barbieTo the world, I looked like I could accomplish any job assigned to me. I could even be a secret agent--we all know how good I was at keeping secrets.2011-08-10T23:24:51+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/05/sister-golden-hair-surprise-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/catholic-girl-gone-bad.jpgcatholic girl gone badSee? I wasn't the only lost lamb in the flock...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/alcohol-counselor.jpgalcohol counselorProbably not exactly what my professors had in mind...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/philadelphia.jpgphiladelphia"So, when you call me, what name will you be using?"https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/he-man.jpghe manM wanted to be this guy. M wasn't this guy.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/house-oh-no.jpghouse oh noI should've listened to my gut and not exposed by butt...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sleeping-dog.jpgsleeping dogI didn't say it was pretty, just that it was new to me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sentence-structure.jpgsentence structureDon't give up on me just because I'm complicated.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-with-beer-bottles.jpgwoman with beer bottlesIt's not my fault! Men couldn't control themselves around me, especially when the demon liquor loosened us up.2017-02-09T00:45:02+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/08/01/sister-golden-hair-surprise-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/woman-on-bar-top.jpgwoman on bar topSee? I told you I would get noticed when the music moved me...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dress-up.jpgdress upSometimes my sister would indulge me in my Actress Fantasy. And don't believe for a minute that was tea or juice in my cup...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/lettuce-sandwich.jpglettuce sandwichI know this looks tempting and you may feel the need to make yourself one, but please, finish reading before you sucumb to your craving for this epicurian delight.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog-pulling-on-leash.jpgdog pulling on leashI'd like to think we both looked a bit more civilized on our evening walks, but I'm pretty this is a fair representation of me (except I wore shorts). Humphrey, being an Old English Sheepdog was fluffier, but just that exuberant when descending the stairs.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/black-russian-terrier.jpgBlack russian terrierUh, not the kind of Black Russian I was talking about...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dont-be-afraid-of-change.jpgdont be afraid of changeSure. Easy for you to say, Ms. I'm Still Typing On A TypeWriter. Golly, you have a job and probably a really swell Sweetheart, too.2011-08-03T14:58:55+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/30/sister-golden-hair-surprise-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/lady-di.jpglady diFocus not just on the shorter hair, but the whole package. This was my goal (even if she didn't come on the scene until a few years later). A girl can dream, can't she?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/lady-gadiva.jpglady godivaWhoa! Focus on the hair, people. And my blonde locks were a bit shorter even before I cut them.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/john-boehner-crying.jpgjohn boehner cryingTough Love: It was enough to make a grown politician cry--and I was just a 22 year-old drunk girl who just got dumped for a short girl with kinky hair..https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/woman-in-overalls.jpgwoman in overallsI can't believe he would dare break up with me. This is the definition of a woman who an bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan (then use that pan as an "incentivizer" if need be). His loss.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/jumping-clown-woman.jpgjumping clown womanOkay. This is not quite an accurate depiction of the woman who stole my husband-to-be. I'm pretty sure she wasn't that athletic or didn't have quite that fine a sense of fashion.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/fish-is-dessert.jpgfish is dessertCan you blame me for wanting a drink and some company?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sophia.jpgsophiaThere I am, studying in my room. Then, whammo, he hits me with the news that he's dumping me for someone he met in his Human Sexuality Class.2011-08-01T19:11:47+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/25/it-was-all-in-the-genes-and-the-jeans-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/spock_chess.jpgspock_chessI don't think Spock even cared about the game. He was just placating the Captain when there weren't any aliens to outsmart or seduce.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/bad_skier.jpgbad_skierThey didn't have enough room on the bus for my ski equipment--and I needed all of this for my safety. Sitting in the lodge drinking hot toddies was illegal, but way less work.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/irony.jpgironyI never could resist a good pun.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/dog-glasses.jpgdog glassesMaybe being passed out next to my textbooks helped me absorb the necessary materials to ace my exams.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/lucy-and-desi.jpglucy and DesiThey seemed like the perfect couple, right? https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/criminal-record-check.jpgcriminal record checkGo ahead. You won't find me in any state or federal criminal data base--not even under my alias, Angelique.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/cheerleader.jpgcheerleaderLike "Brandi," I was a cheerleader who excelled at standing still. Jumping up and down was also a crowd-pleaser. Brandi knows what I mean...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/bowler.jpgbowlerBowling Club members were enthusiastic. Was it the thrill of the ellusive Strike or the bags of M & M's and cans of Pepsi that fueled their bowling lust?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/loopy.jpgloopyMy eggs after a night of drinking with me.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/old-prostitute.jpgold prostituteAlcohol is hard on the body, and fashion isn't a big priority when you're trying stay balanced on the bar stool.2011-07-30T12:17:53+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/21/good-catholic-girl-becomes-imperfect-buddhist/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/monty-python.jpgmonty pythonHistory doesn't lie (although Monty Python stretchs the truth). When on a mission from God, good Christian soldiers will stop at nothing to stop...whatever.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/bad-buddhist.jpgbad buddhistI may not be the best Buddhist meditator, but at least I still believe in non-violence.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/states-of-mind-tack.jpgStates of Mind tackI was headed for the Danger Zone in less than 5 seconds. Impressive to drag racers; discouraging to meditators.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/meditation.jpgMeditationSure, this looks easy enough, but not when someone drops an unexpected bomb.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/goofy-with-children.jpggoofy with childrenThe odds are against the one supposedly in charge...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tiger-and-monk.jpgtiger and monkYeah, no. You have to practice Buddhism for many lifetimes to get this relaxed...and the monk must have been practicing for a long time, too.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/new-age.pngnew ageI sampled most of the offerings to become enlightened. My wallet definitely became lightened, but I started feeling empowered. I guess it was worth it.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/methodist.jpgMethodistThis religion was WAY to social and chummy for me. They were always meeting, eating, and being helpful. It seemed odd for a religion. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/agnostic-cemetary.jpgagnostic cemetaryBelieving in nothing made me feel empty, so I decided to be undecided.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/athiest.jpgathiestI wasn't even that devoted to the concept of Atheism. I non-believed in silence.2011-07-25T19:25:29+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/20/it-was-all-in-the-genes-and-the-jeans-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/oh-no.jpgoh noNot Lorna! She's such a smart, polite young lady...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/whirl.jpgWhirlhttps://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/solid-gold-dancers.jpgsolid gold dancersYup! That's us! Only my sisters are the same race as I am, we wore less skimpy outfits because we weren't quite that fit, and would've broken our legs with boots like that. Otherwise, I'd swear that was a picture of Tina, Lisa, and me after "Jumpin Jack Flash" just got butchered by the band.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/pink-things.jpgpink thingsYummy! Maybe I had two bags on some days. Excuse me, I have to run to the gracery store.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sexy-pose.jpgsexy poseI'm sure this was taken without my permission after I fell off my chair from having had two too many Black Russians. Come to think of it,, this probably isn't me, but just a figment of my boyfriend's over-sexed imagination. I wouldn't have looked quite so graceful being sprawled out on the floor... https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/relaxed.jpgrelaxedHealth care costs due to ginormous self-imposed stress: bazillions of dollars. Self-medicated relaxation: priceless!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/ocd.jpgOCDWell, I am not! Obsessive, that is. Just because I have certain standards or routines that must be upheld or the world will end, it doesn't mean that I belong in therapy. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/curse-scene.jpgCurse-SceneI certainly don't remember things ever getting this bad...but my memory is a bit fuzzy on some details.2011-07-27T19:57:33+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/14/it-was-all-in-the-genes-and-the-jeans-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/underpressure1.jpgUnderPressure1https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/crazy-woman-drinking.jpgcrazy woman drinkingI could be related to her...well, I could.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/barbie.jpgBarbieAll pictures of me back then are badly faded Poloroids. This will have to suffice. It's a good likeness.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/jeans.jpgjeansGarments should be worn, not torn off...unless a bottle of Boone's Farm wine enters the picture.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/forget-it-all-with-the-drink.jpgforget it all with the drinkThe more things change... Scary, huh?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/love-of-the-bottle.jpglove of the bottleI can't blame my relatives. Alcoholism wasn't invented yet.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/baby-beer.jpgbaby beerDon't forget the the brandy to soothe those sore gums while teething...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tightrope-walker.jpgtightrope walkerJust keep telling yourself, "You can pull this off, Lorna. Smile and fake it if you have to. The show must go on!"2011-07-18T19:38:13+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/16/monkey-business-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/monkey-bars1.jpgmonkey-bars1They looked a lot more fun from a distance.2011-07-12T10:19:04+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/17/monkey-business-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/monkey-bars11.jpgmonkey-bars1Do these children know the danger they're in?2011-08-05T12:11:12+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/17/monkey-business-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/monkey-bars12.jpgmonkey-bars1How would medics get an iron lung in the middle of this contraption...should a kid need one?2011-07-12T10:18:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/19/monkey-business-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/my-own-stunts.jpgmy own stuntsI always have; I always will.2011-07-12T10:17:52+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/23/blind-date-it-was-no-laughing-matter-or-was-it-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/nordic-goddess.jpgnordic goddessI can't compete with her. I have a dog, not a horse. And my breast-plate is out for repairs...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/underdog-heroic-color.jpgUNDERDOG HEROIC COLORPretty impressive as a cartoon hero dog, but not so much as a date...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/underdog.pngunderdogPretty impressive for a cartoon dog, but for a date?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/blind-date.jpgblind dateWhat was I thinking?2011-07-12T10:17:10+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/24/blind-date-it-was-no-laughing-matter-or-was-it-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/featherman.jpgfeathermanAnd there were still 4 sealed bags of goose down somewhere in his apartment...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/down-defying-gravity.jpgdown defying gravityUp, up, and away! Catching loose goose down is like grabbing a whisper. Good luck!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/i-am-sorry.jpgI am sorryI can't live with myself if I feel like I've let you down. Of course I'll go out with you and let you abuse me as long as stop giving me the cold-shoulder treatment.2011-07-12T10:16:46+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/26/blind-date-it-was-no-laughing-matter-or-was-it-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/white-water.jpgwhite waterI was a virgin-canoe-er and Brain took me out in waters like this.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/get-me-out-of-here.jpgget me out of hereHelp! I'm trapped in a bad relationship and I don't know how to get out.2011-07-12T10:16:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/07/mission-impossible-part-2/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/shes-bad.jpgshes badBut she's still oh so good...the Perfectly Imperfect Girl!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/someone-has-soiled-the-air.jpgsomeone has soiled the airJudgement Day was upon me, and it wasn't looking (or smelling) good.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/old-bathroom.jpgold bathroomDoesn't this seem unholy to you?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/shirley-temple.jpgshirley templeThe Perfect Child, that's who I tried to be. But my plans were dashed by an egg salad sandwich.2011-11-07T20:20:14+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/12/mission-impossible-part-4-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/einstein-praying.jpgeinstein praying"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." Yeah, what he said, that's what I decided to believe--not that God versus the Devil stuff.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/mark-spitz.jpgMark SpitzThe one poster I hung on my wall. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/summer-of-42.jpgsummer of 42When I read this book, I finally learned that sex was more than lying down and sleeping side by side. It blew my mind!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/secret-hygiene.jpgsecret hygieneHush! We wouldn't want anyone to know what happens to half of the population.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/spanky.pngSpankyWoulda look at those?https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/innocent-teen.jpginnocent teenMy problem is that I'm a natural blonde who can think. Freak of nature or natural wonder?2011-07-14T17:44:25+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/08/mission-impossible-part-3/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/holding-breath.jpgholding breathThe "F-word" was stuck in my mouth. https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/ellie-may-clampett-with-gun.jpgellie may clampett with gunEllie May was blonde and not as dumb as you might think. Her weapon was pretty obvious. I was blonde, smart and I kept my weapon concealed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/cussing.jpgcussingSo many 4-letter words, so little self-contol...https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/nordic-quizical-look.jpgnordic quizical lookWhat's a girl to do once her reputation is, um, soiled?2011-07-12T10:12:38+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/07/06/mission-impossible-part-1/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/angels.jpgangelsGood Children try their best and feel like they never tried hard enough.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/do-not-anger-the-gods-sign.jpgdo not anger the gods signWell, I wasn't trying to anger God or anyone else, for that matter.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/devil-girl.jpgdevil girlJust look at this Bad Child--no rules, no worries! It's unnatural.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/halo-girl.jpghalo girlGood Children try their best and feel like they never tried hard enough.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/rules.jpgrulesAnd that's just the Preface. The whole rule book is longer than "War and Peace."2011-07-27T19:58:06+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/27/blind-date-it-was-no-laughing-matter-or-was-it-the-end/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/bride-of-frank.jpgbride of FrankIt would have been a match made in...oh, I don't even want to think about it!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/danger-sign.jpgdanger signI've needed this sign more than a few times in my life...2011-06-30T13:54:00+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/19/thats-crazy-talk-part-3-the-end/2011-07-06T14:54:20+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/18/oops-i-think-i-did-it-again/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/thanks.jpgthanksThis one kind of says it all, too!https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/oopsy.jpgoopsyKind of says it all, doesn't it?2011-06-22T19:30:27+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/06/07/pecking-order/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/fingerprint1.jpgfingerprintI needed to be sure Mom knew I existed.https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/fingerprint.jpgfingerprintI needed regular authentication.2011-06-10T12:55:16+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/2011/05/06/hello-world/https://lornasvoice.blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/lightning.jpgLightningLife is full of surprises!2011-06-01T19:22:15+00:00monthlyhttps://lornasvoice.blog/published-researcher-creative-writer/2013-04-19T20:54:09+00:00weekly0.6https://lornasvoice.blogdaily1.02025-05-17T18:01:23+00:00