Since I use my cell phone mostly for talking and my only social networking is what you’re seeing now, I’m insulated from most Internet slang. I’m also as confused as a monk at a strip joint when it comes to all those acronyms—what are they all doing where the words are  supposed to go? And what happend to the vowels?

I did my due-diligence Google-based research and found lots of foreign language translators, Internet Slang being one of the foreign tongues into which I could translate any English phrase. But it was all too confusing.

I decided to make up my own Internet Slang for people of my generation. I think it’s only fair that if the Texting/Twitter/Facebook savvy-set can befuddle me with their code-language, maybe the few of us out there who are wondering what TRDMF or PCMCIA means will develop our own acronym-based language. It will be like the Secret Code Club of the  Cyber-Challenged.

The following are some of the abbreviations and their meanings that I thought might be handy when I may, on the rare occasion, text someone like my sister or a friend my age or older. You may find them useful, too.

IFMG: I forgot my glasses.

TDLATS: These damn letters are too small.

W8TIH2P: Wait, I have to pee.

KITR: Kids in the room

LMFEBS: Let’s meet for the Early Bird Special.

MBH: My back hurts. (This could have lots of variations: MHH—My head hurts, etc.)

CUG2G2ER: See you! Got to go to the Emergency Room.

FSIP: Funeral Service Information Pending

BB: Bathroom Break

BFF4RL: Best French Fries for real

IC: I’m confused.

OMG: Oops, major gas.

LOL: Liberal on Lithium

OP: Operator Problem

2BHWU: To be honest with you

QT: Quiet time

DITOS: Did I turn off the stove?

MTIC: My therapist is crazy.

MFTVSIO: My favorite TV show is on.

TTTTT: I left my finger on the “T” button too long.

WTF: When telephones fax!

ICR: I can’t remember.

CMICFMP: Call me. I can’t find my phone.

DUKAGP: Do you know a good podiatrist?

UL2Y2B50: You look too young to be in your 50s!

WBRUIN2: What books are you into?

CU@BNGO: See you at Bingo.

HMLDUW: How many laps did you walk?

WIN: Well, I never… (a nicer substitute for the cruder expletives out there)

TE: The end.

If you are brave and want to decode the Internet slang zipping around in the ether, you might want to visit this site that I found most helpful and perplexing at the same time. I find it easier to write the whole sentence than to remember long acronyms, but I am getting older. My brain holds less information at the same time that mini-gizmos hold more–and my fingers aren’t getting any smaller or more agile…

http://www.web-friend.com/help/lingo/chatslang.html

MTFBWU: May The Force be with you!

DEMTRAOT: Don’t expect me to remember any of this!