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It’s happened.

I’ve become one of those people.

You know the kind. Well, maybe you don’t. I may have to spell this out for you.

Fine. I have to do that with increasing frequency these days, which is part of why I believe I’ve become one of those people.

*I don’t understand current pop culture references or the latest slang.

*Those slangy utterances sound ludriculous emerging from my decidedly pre-Gen-X face.

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*I’m appalled that “FOMO,” “dix,” “TMI,” and “WTF” have been added to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. I know the language evolves, but is it supposed to dissolve into “#$!&”?

*I sometimes forget my phone when I go outside…or upstairs…or to the bathroom. And I don’t appreciate being yelled at because I wasn’t there to immediately respond to that text/email/call I missed when I was “unplugged.” Confession: sometimes I don’t forget. Sometimes I look at the thing and tell it to occupy itself for a while without me. Hey, it’s a cyborg. It’s capable.

Either they are Nestles Chocolate Kisses Enthusiasts (unlike me) or they are worried about all these gamma-goblin rays from the cyber-billions of electronic do-dads pinging, poking, and vibrating us.

Either they are Nestles Chocolate Kisses Enthusiasts (unlike me) or they are (like me) worried about all these gamma-goblin rays from the cyber-billions of electronic do-dads pinging, poking, and vibrating us.

*I’m not excited when a new version of some software system wants to update on my hardware. It all seems so, well, personal and invasive. What was the matter with my old version? I seemed to be working fine. Why is newer always better?

*When driving, I don’t take the faster route to my destination. I leave early and take the route with the least traffic. And more scenery.

*I used to have a come-hither look; now I have a come-wither look.

*I used to have bedroom eyes; now I have I-need-a-bedpan-eyes.

*Speaking of practicality over fun, I care more about fuel efficiency, comfort, and safety in a vehicle than I do about the sex appeal of the contraption. Hey, I’m sexy enough, what with my Scorpio Vibe and dizzy blondness oozing out all over the place (or is that my moisturizer?).

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Do I look like someone who needs a flashy car to get a sweet parking spot at the marijuana, um, er, drug store?

*Upon news of my demise (or my blog’s demise–I’m not sure which is more tragic), people are quite likely to say, “Well, it’s sad, but she had a better run than most. She would want us to move on, so let’s do just that in her honor.” Click.

*Having too many choices overwhelms me. Does anyone need 97 shades of white paint? 414 different fabric choices for the 158 types of lift-chair you might buy? 313 breakfast cereal choices? Thousands of fonts for word-processing? Have you looked at the OTC pain reliever or allergy relief aisle in your local grocery/pharmacy/home goods/clothing/auto/sporting/garden/gift/jewelry/electronics/pet store lately? I just shake my head and try to find my car in the giant parking lot.

*I’m dismayed that too many people think they are informed about critical issues because they are active Twitter followers. Give me 140 characters and I’ll give you something to think about, not something to know about.

*I listen to music by artists with names like: “The Beatles,” “The Rolling Stones,” “The Beach Boys,” “ZZ Top,” “The Eagles,” “Foreigner,” and “Bon Jovi.” I know how to dance to their beat. What does one do to songs by: “Dyslexic Speedreaders,” “The Asbestos Tampons,” “Sex Rat,” “Electric Vagina,” “Butt Stomach,” or “Fartbarf”? Nevermind. I don’t want to know.

So, yes, I’ve become one of those people.

Those old oldish mature experienced sixty-is-the-new-forty people.

When did it happen?

Oh, Shizzle Sticks! I seem to have forgotten my memory. What was I saying?

Oh, Shizzle Sticks! I seem to have forgotten my memory. What was I saying?

Something about butts, stomachs, and farts…Oh, yes! I’m getting older.

WTF?!?!? (That’s a real word now, so I feel quite proper using it. Not “WTF,” but “!?!?”. Or that might be the name of a band the youngsters listen to these days.)

Huh? This language thing is going to be trickier than I thought. Or maybe not so much.

Huh? This language thing is going to be trickier than I thought. Or maybe not so much.

How are you feeling these days?