Okay. This is an unfortunate and totally understandable oversight. What I’m talking about is way bigger than this.
I don’t know about you, but I feel misled.
That’s right.
The Pacific Northwest is supposed to be:
1. rainy
2. cool
3. rainy
4. damp
5. cloudy
6. wet
7. not hot
Have you seen a weather forecast for Oregon or Washington State for this weekend?
I didn’t sign up for this!
My smart phone keeps giving me high heat warnings, and not because it (the smart phone) is having a power surge.
Apparently I moved to this area at the very same time that this area decided to become a freaking desert (not ever to be confused with dessert).
Unless you burn the smithereens out of your tasty dessert, then desert and dessert are easily confused…
In case you didn’t know, I’ll tell you:
1. I am extremely (as in terribly, horribly, obnoxiously) light and sun sensitive.
Me when I’ve been outside for too long on a sunny day…I try to protect myself from the sun, but I simply prefer being out when the sun isn’t.
2. For some reason, my body has forgotten how to sweat, so when I get hot (and I do get hot), I get the symptoms of heat stroke rather than have moisture pop out of my pores.
3. If there are too many consecutive days of sunny weather (AKA “nice” or “beautiful” days), I get irritable, huffy, testy, cranky, surly, peevish, snappy, prickly, and generally cantankerous.
Okay. That’s off my chest.
It’s time for my weekly (weakly) submission for Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers Flash Fiction 100-word story.
The photograph that all the writers used to inspire their story was taken by Kent Bonham. Thanks, Kent!
My realistic fiction story comes in at exactly 99 words.
Lizzie Smiled
“I don’t like this place.”
“What’s not to like? It’s Paris. It’s almost midnight. And no chaperones!”
“Those are all reasons I don’t like this place.”
Mandy sighed. She loved her older sister, but, damn, Lizzie was such a burden since the “accident.”
“Come on, Lizzie. Mom spent big bucks on this vacation so we could have fun. She trusts us.”
“I don’t trust us.”
“I know. But I want to live a little … for once!”
Lizzie crossed her arms and looked up. “Get it back, Mandy.”
“That stinky garlic necklace doesn’t actually protect you. It looks ridiculous.”
Lizzie smiled.
*****
I totally made this one up.
By the way, those two murderers who escaped are still on the lam. Where does this phase (“on the lam”) come from? Best I can tell, “lam” originates from some Norwegian word meaning “to beat until lame.” So the word came to be used as slang for “beating it” as in “beating it out of here.” Where did that phrase come from? Slang for the beating of the feet as people skedaddle away…
Yeah, that’s how I imagine those fugitives are feeling now that the Adirondack bugs have had their way them.
Enough of this. I need to find another place in the world more suitable for me to live in…
I know how you feel, Lorna. People judge us because we’re timeless beauties who have it goin’ on. And why are we such beauties? We avoid the sun.
Disclaimer: Except for the screenshot from my smart phone and the photo for the prompt (for which I gave credit), all photos were nabbed from Google Images for pure entertainment value.
Lorna's Voice 
Jul 16, 2015 @ 11:05:33
I love when that happens! Good for you–lots of missions got accomplished that day! 🙂
Jul 16, 2015 @ 10:56:17
If we didn’t water (and some don’t), everything would die. Trees are even losing their leaves. Fall in July, imagine that! Golden lawns. Amazing. Sprinkled a bit a few nights ago–1st rain in 2 months! And they said it was rainy out here…
Jul 16, 2015 @ 10:54:08
Thank goodness, the weather divas saw fit to bring us cooler temps (low 80’s). Still above normal, but quite a relief from mid-90’s. Even had a few clouds. My eyes enjoyed the break from the glaring sun!
Jul 09, 2015 @ 14:45:55
I am sure it is tough. what are your average temps these days?
Jul 09, 2015 @ 14:45:14
We go back and forth between super Mild and HOT in Alabama. Everything is still lush and green from all the July rain. Things are normally green, but most of the grass that isn’t watered is pale or browning in July.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 12:31:50
Heck, no one came. Who wants to be out in that heat. But I’m a happy camper ’cause the Reno-Sparks Gospel Mission came and took away everything, including a couple of big items that took up half the garage.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 11:04:09
Glad you had a “hoot!” 🙂
Jun 30, 2015 @ 05:20:08
That was a great piece, Lorna. You gave us so much more than just the story for the prompt. I laughed out loud at the little owl. Really well done. 😀 — Suzanne
Jun 29, 2015 @ 08:44:01
Nope, not at least in my imagination. I was thinking more of a brain injury…
Jun 28, 2015 @ 22:28:31
Wait. Did the “accident” involve fangs?
Jun 28, 2015 @ 14:00:53
Dang! I should be more fashion conscious!
Jun 28, 2015 @ 13:59:13
This year is potato bracelets. Garlic necklaces is sooooo last year 🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:59:47
I LOVE watermelon! Have a big bowl of it the refrigerator now! And thanks for liking my flash fiction!
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:58:48
Bring your sunglasses when you come out here. You’ll dry out by the time you leave!
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:56:40
🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:53:52
Yes, the ocean on the Oregon coast is the place to be! Much cooler! Enjoy your writing poarch. I’m staying inside with the A/C on and the blinds closed!
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:52:20
I plan to. Hope the sale went well and the work was worth the sweat! 🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:50:18
Oh good! I wanted the reader to wonder about the accident and what was happening. Is mystery in a story a bad thing?
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:48:06
I’m so glad you have all these questions. That was my intent. I wanted to leave the reader guessing and wondering. Is that bad of me? I was imagining that Lizzie had a brain injury and Mandy was stuck tending to her older sister’s needs. The dad? Well, he bolted when the girls were young, before the accident and Mom has been holding the family together and also needed a break so she sent her girl on this trip–probably a tour package arranged by a local church group or something…
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:43:18
Sorry to exhaust you. Heavy a heavy sigh and blow that exhaustion away! And I love the Pacific Northwest, too. It’s a great place to live. I shouldn’t complain so much! 🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:42:08
I intentionally left this story mysterious so you would have to use your imagination. Although I wasn’t thinking that Mandy and Lizzie were vampires. Lizzie is definitely “off” due to her “accident,” but what kind of accident? That’s where I wanted to make the reader wonder. I guess it worked! As long as you stay away for these two vacationing gals, you’re safe to go to Paris.
As for my eyes, I claim no responsibility. Genetics, what else can I say? 😉
Thanks for stopping by and joining in the conversation! 🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:27:45
Well, “chunky” jewelry is “in”… 😉
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:26:37
I purposely left some mystery in this one to see what would happen. Would readers like the ambiguity or not? I was thinking brain damage…
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:25:27
And some girls don’t… 😉
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:24:31
I would have to agree with that. I mean, bulkley jewelry goes in and out of fashion. Which is it this year? 😉
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:21:44
Oh, thanks. You’re a sweetheart. I’m not used to this, but I’m sure I will acclimate just in time for things to cool down! 😉
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:20:49
Thanks for the advice. I have central A/C and don’t go outside unless I need to. I feel badly for anyone who has to work outside and for the animals, though…
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:19:14
Peter, were we twins who were separated at birth? 😉
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:17:38
Yes, I tried to leave lots of mystery in this one so the reader can fill in the blanks with whatever you like.
And I come from Scandinavian roots–I prefer cool, dark climates. Maybe I come from bats!
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:13:36
Right you are. Dick is down. Dave must be running scared.
I might join you in South Australia for a dose of winter. Don’t know if I can take two more months of this perpetual sun and heat wave. I have Scandinavian blood running through me. 😐
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:08:41
Ha! I know about the rain and cool weather in the NE. My family keeps telling me. Oh well. It’s gotta get cooler and rainier sometime, right? The weather always changes.
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:05:58
Yes, it is crazy! Where is all this heat coming from? At least it’s not humid like it is back east, but come on! I hope you get some relief, Amy. 😐
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:04:29
Yes, I wanted to leave lots of mystery in this for the reader’s imagination. Glad to know that I may have succeeded.
I’m lucky to have central A/C and I don’t have to be out during the heat of the day. I feel so badly for workers who do, though…
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:02:26
Yes, you should try the Flash Fiction. It is quite fun and you meet a whole bunch of new bloggers who write so well.
As for the weather, I moved at precisely the wrong time. Everyone out here keeps telling me that this is very wacky weather…and, back east, they are having “Portland style” weather, too! My luck! 😐
Jun 28, 2015 @ 11:00:02
Thanks, Narelle! 🙂
Jun 28, 2015 @ 10:57:38
Now what made you think poor Lizzie had THAT kind of accident? I mean, really?
As for the land of the eternal and infernal sun…I’m doing my best to bring back the ghostly pale look as the “in” healthy look. So far, I’m getting lots of attention from concerned citizens and medical professionals asking me questions about “anemia,” “chemo,” and “health care proxies.” It’s an uphill battle. 😐
Jun 28, 2015 @ 06:54:07
Tell Lizzie it’s not uncommon for a lady here age to have an accident from time to time. Maybe she should consider Depends when going out in public. From what I hear, garlic has no effect on incontinence or bladder control.
Back in the 20s pale skin was considered a sign of beauty in many parts of America. My father said his sister would roll up in a sheet and lie under the bed on hot, sunny days trying to keep her skin snow white. Maybe you can revive that trend.
Jun 27, 2015 @ 20:46:41
That owl makes me laugh. So do you!
Jun 27, 2015 @ 18:46:27
Well, it seems that Chicago has stolen the pacific northwest’s weather. It’s been rainy and cool about 80% of the time since I arrived. I’m loving it, because I had that weather forecast you showed for 6 months straight out of every year without a break. Sometimes I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin from so much heat and humidity. I feel ya girl. BTW, nice flash fiction. I admire the talent. I’ve never tried that … I should.
Jun 27, 2015 @ 17:28:16
I’m guessing Lizzie’s ‘accident’ had something to do with forgetting to put on her garlic necklace one time. Lots between the lines in this story – I’m enjoying filling them in. Hope you can find some cool spots to shelter in.
Jun 27, 2015 @ 12:00:05
I don’t know about you, but seeing a garlic necklace late at night in a Paris train station…well, I think I might be afraid too! You wouldn’t like it here in California then, Lorna. We had temps of 106 this week! Next week, I see a high of 108 for Wednesday. Gads! It’s crazy!!
Jun 27, 2015 @ 10:28:23
Well, this is so full of ‘fun’ that I’m smiling like — someone on the lam…? I moved to NE from the Pacific Northwest (SF bay area). Lots of sun in SF bay area now, much less in NE. Come on east!
But don’t bring any garlic necklaces!!!
Jun 27, 2015 @ 03:42:46
Well down here in South Australia, its so freaking cold that the Penguins keep trying to crawl into my bed!
Nice story 🙂
(Ooh, and I think Tricky Dick the escapee has been killed in a shootout now – David is still ‘on the lam’).
Jun 26, 2015 @ 11:37:36
Many seems to have other ideas of fun than her sister. I guess it’s her who had the accident? And I don’t like too much heat either.
Jun 26, 2015 @ 08:40:02
I think we are the same on the weather thing. I really don’t like hot weather which, in my case is anything over 75 and even that is pushing it, but for some reason my trusty phone is warning me that we could see temperatures in the 90’s, Time for that fan, a glass of water and a decent helping of self-pity
Jun 26, 2015 @ 08:20:26
Try not to melt. Drink lots of liquids … not just water though … or you can dump too much of your electrolytes if you drink more than 16 oz in an hour.
Jun 26, 2015 @ 08:19:22
I am sure that is a BIG adjustment! I am used to a combo of all your weather mixed with heat. So … I feel for ya!
Jun 26, 2015 @ 00:07:07
Whether it protects you or not, you have to look stylish in Paris – lose the garlic!
Jun 25, 2015 @ 21:36:42
oh yeah, anything goes. some girls just wanna have some fun. 🙂
Jun 25, 2015 @ 18:36:40
Yikes, those are temperatures and a half.
Also, I wonder what the “accident” was?
Jun 25, 2015 @ 16:53:27
Ho.. that sounds like the wrong travel companion.. and a cross works as well and will not look as ridiculous as a garlic necklace.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 16:24:36
Intriguing story with many questions. Are they both vampires? Is Mandy at risk? Am I at risk if I go to Paris? And how did you get such pretty eyes? Nice job!
Jun 25, 2015 @ 16:23:58
AnElephant is exhausted reading this piece.
So much happening!
Neat tale.
PS He also loves the Pacific North West.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 15:56:41
Mandy could be dangerous for Lizzie. What was the accident, by the way? Where’s dad in all this?
Jun 25, 2015 @ 15:16:30
Dear Lorna,
Hm. This makes me wonder what the accident was. Personally, I’ll take Paris, you can keep the garlic.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Jun 25, 2015 @ 13:33:33
Gonna be 103 here on Saturday and, of course, we’re having a garage sale…something I usually eschew (I remember your thoughts on that word!) :0) Stay inside, Lorna.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 13:25:43
Used to live in Washington, went for a weekend to the beach. Temps were in the high 90’s except on the Oregon coast where it was barely above freezing. Amazing. Love the NW though. Stay cool, I’m on my back porch enjoying the cool weather, for the time being here in PA. I too have to hide from the sun. Great writing time! Vamps and garlic are the hit this week. Hope it provides the protection they’re looking for! Could be a falsehood put out by the vamps to secure some good eats.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 12:57:52
I love garlic…but not around my neck! lol
Jun 25, 2015 @ 12:20:19
Laticha Lee!
Jun 25, 2015 @ 12:06:29
Come to the great northeast. We have so much water/clouds/cool temps we are soggy. I stopped wearing shoes in the backyard, they take forever to dry out.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 11:58:41
Okay, so our weather (Phoenix) is a dry heat, but once you’re at 110+ degrees, hot is hot. Stay inside, stay hydrated, and don’t leave animals or children in your car. And most important–eat lots of watermelon. BTW, your short fiction was awesome.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 10:17:50
Yes, things will change…eventually. 😐
Jun 25, 2015 @ 10:17:15
You, too! A/C on, blinds closed…
Jun 25, 2015 @ 10:16:12
Those options are worth considering, Al…
Jun 25, 2015 @ 10:15:09
YIKES! I need a cold shower…
Jun 25, 2015 @ 08:54:43
If you wanted to know what’s it’s like to visit moi, you’re experiencing it. lol 🙂
Jun 25, 2015 @ 07:52:15
I had always heard that the Pacific Northwest was wet and rainy 3 out of every 4 days. I’ve been there twice……for 10 days in Portland and 1 week in Seattle. The weather was gorgeous (translated: cranky Lorna weather) both times. Then this past week, the U.S Open was played near Tacoma and again, it was beautiful the whole weekend. I’ve come to the conclusion that all the residents talk about how bad the weather is to keep the rest of us from moving there. Is it possible that people could be that duplicitous? If it’s any consolation, we’re getting high 90’s here everyday in Virginia Beach so I don’t think there’s anyplace to run to for the foreseeable future, with the possible exception of Siberia and then you run the risk of being hit by a meteor or thrown in a gulag.
Jun 25, 2015 @ 00:44:50
I am on the other side of the state from you and I know exactly what you are feeling. It is indeed gonna be sweltering. I plant to hibernate in my of so cool basement. Stay cool!!
Jun 25, 2015 @ 00:40:25
Enjoyed! I haven’t heard or read the word skedaddle in many, many years! I’m sorry about your weather…hang in there ….things will change. 😎