Americans love nothing better than trendy stuff.
Well, let’s be real. Americans really love lots of stuff.
They love:
1. Sugar
2. Humongous gas-guzzling off-road vehicles that they never drive off-road
3. Trucks (see #2)
4. Sugar
5. Guns
6. Cheese
7. Large-screen TVs
8. Reality TV shows they watch on large-screen TVs
9. Meat
10. Freedom to eat crap they know isn’t healthy, drive gas-guzzling vehicles, carry guns, buy large-screen TVs for watching reality TV shows
11. Looking in the mirror
12. Mirrors
13. Anything that starts with Mc (McDonalds, McMansions, McNews, McChurch…)
14. Sugar
15. Trendy stuff
See? Trendy stuff is on the list of things Americans really love.
So, I was thinking (always a dangerous thing)…
If you wanted to mess with Americans, mess with one of our trendy things.
The resulting chaos would be, well, totally chaotic.
Take kale.
Yes. I said kale.
Have you noticed how this dark green leafy abomination has been showing up in everything lately?
It’s the new “in” superfood, People. Kale is all the rage.
Kale is in soup, salad, pizza, chips, stew, crackers, shampoo, facial scrubs, decor–you name it. For the ultimate “green” wedding, try a kale bouquet.
Apparently, we can’t live without kale.
Forget that it tastes like crap. It’s loaded with vitamins, fiber, and dirt.
Imagine if some up-to-no-good-doers targeted the kale production and distribution system in America.
What would we do?
We can’t go back to spinach. Spinach is so yesterday. It’s wimpy and tasteless.
Spinach just sticks to your teeth; it doesn’t get wedged right in there, good and tight like kale does.
There isn’t a variety of lettuce that stands up to kale. Heck, there isn’t a variety of corrugated cardboard that stands up to kale.
With the kale supply destroyed, nutritionists would have to find a new and equally unpalatable food to trick convince the public into believing its superior taste and health benefits. Kaleless children would cheer and run amok with joy. So would your less health-conscious adults.
We just couldn’t have that. The thugs would win.
The next time kale shows up in your life, just think about national security me and my socially astute observations. Or just think of me.
Be afraid of kale, People. No. Wait. Be afraid of no kale. I’m confused. Just to be safe, be afraid.
This is serious, People.
Lorna's Voice 
Apr 24, 2015 @ 13:43:53
Hahaha!
Apr 24, 2015 @ 11:54:45
. . . or the compost heap. Whatever.
Apr 24, 2015 @ 10:25:21
Although I like kale, I can only take so much of it. I think I’ll donate your portion to some health food store or restaurant! 😉
Apr 24, 2015 @ 02:14:48
I’m sticking with spinach, Lorna. You can have my share of kale.Ugh.
Apr 23, 2015 @ 02:25:43
Thanks for making my day! 😀 I have to agree with everything here. It’s all true! Love that peanuts Gif. I detest Kale though… horrible tasting stuff. yuk! Give me spinach instead, any day! Spinach bouquets? 😀
Apr 22, 2015 @ 23:29:12
I like kale and I liked it before it became a trend. I don’t like it raw however, and I sure don’t need it in everything I eat! I like spinach too and I agree with you, Lorna, it’s tasty and easier to eat than kale. Kale takes a whole lot of chewing! And so true, Americans do love their sugar! 🙂 Moderation, people!
Apr 22, 2015 @ 21:56:02
I am kale-less and plan to remain that way. Because to be kaled sounds just too fiber-intensive.
Apr 22, 2015 @ 18:57:34
Yes, if you discovered on your own, it’s not a trendy thing for you. You are safe, my friend! 🙂
Apr 22, 2015 @ 18:43:41
I abhor trends, trendiness and trendy wannabe’s all equally. Yet I find myself often swallowed whole by a trend or swallowing one almost whole as in the case of Kale which I love. But I first learned of it from my mom so not sure that counts as a trend, maybe I am still safe, lol.
Apr 22, 2015 @ 14:35:25
I don’t even watch Dr. Oz and I got swept up in the Kale Kraze! What’s up with that? And during my move across country, I got rid of more stuff than I ever thought possible. I mean stuff that I’ve had since I was a young woman–and that was a LONG time ago!
Apr 22, 2015 @ 14:33:20
I’ve had lots of compliments on them. I might post some pictures…thanks!
Apr 22, 2015 @ 14:29:47
Hahaha! Good commercial! 🙂
Apr 22, 2015 @ 05:35:16
YUP … Kale is the new trend. We all want to feel and be healthy so we’re willing to do and try anything. I remember when kale was a poor mans food similar to collard greens. I dislike ( no hate ) trends. Who are these people telling us that this is a super food? You know they’ll find something wrong on the way it was grown – pesticides or something. UGH … !!!
No one was injured in this commercial by Isadora. 😁
Apr 21, 2015 @ 19:58:46
You should post pictures. I’ve seen your quilts so I bet your purses are beautiful.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 19:14:13
I think Dr Oz made kale trendy. Folk rush to the store before the show even goes off good. Personally, he makes me anxious and I stopped watching him years ago.
As for stuff, well, I’d get kinda upset if somebody stole any of mine. I do hate packing and packing it though.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 18:08:54
It could be. “They” are always cooking up some way to destroy life as we know it…whoever “They” are… 😉
Apr 21, 2015 @ 18:07:49
The are difficult to keep clean. Haven’t decided on counter tops yet. Oy vey. And I’m with you on the spinach thing! 🙂
Apr 21, 2015 @ 18:05:56
Like I said…sugar! Oh well, we may get lucky and someone will target the kale supply for mass destruction. But some other superfood will come along and be the next trend in yucky but good for you stuff. And I have to admit, I do like kale. But I love spinach, too! 😉
Apr 21, 2015 @ 18:03:09
Or how about injecting stuff into your lips to make them bigger? What’s up with that? And I would never pay more than $25 for a handbag. Heck, I make my own! 🙂
Apr 21, 2015 @ 17:18:16
Kale is a super food and packed with good stuff, but it’s like chewing on bad tasting paper. Still, if you want the nutrients, I guess it’s worth a try. I don’t mind trends if they make sense, but I’m totally perplexed over trends like super-high platform heels, thousand-dollar purses, injecting stuff in your butt to make it bigger, giant metal-rimmed holes in earlobes, and drinking green smoothies (unless it’s a McDonald’s (notice the Mc again?) Shamrock shake.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 16:10:19
Trends crack me up. They’re usually so outlandish and we all look like such fools succumbing to them. Kale is one trend to which I will not succumb. It’s putrid and vile. There, I said it. Next you’ll be telling me people want to eat dandelions and seaweed. Oh wait! It’s been done! Enough. Pass the chocolate, please.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:50:59
Kale chips-yum! Poor kale, you just have to massage it (it is stressed by your blog) once massaged it yeilds to your desires!
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:38:45
I agree. I heard they’re difficult to keep clean and granite doesn’t wear well. Kale is OK, but I’m a spinach gal.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:03:47
Yes, those strange grains are quite popular over here, too. Best not to order rice lest you want to be given a lecture… 😉
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:02:51
Thanks for the warning, Lorna. I had no idea the kale conspiracy was this serious.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:01:24
Wasn’t that cat photo precious? I certainly have fun looking for images on Google! Not to worry about kale crops, Al. I’m sure another superfood will come into vogue soon enough. I’ll be sure to tell you all about it… 😉
Apr 21, 2015 @ 11:59:35
Yup! For some people, gluten-free is a necessity, but not for everyone. And kale, well, I think we’re going overboard on that one. Although I like it, I love spinach and that lovely green stuff is getting harder to find!
Apr 21, 2015 @ 11:57:39
Thanks! I actually enjoy kale, but was thinking about how it has replaced spinach (which I really like–so much more tender and tasty). And I agree with you about the trendy things in houses. We just bought a home with neither and are upgrading just for the eventual resale value. I don’t even like stainless steel appliances! But I bought them. ARG!
Apr 21, 2015 @ 11:54:48
No. That is unforgivable. Kale definitely needs some help to make it go down! 🙂
Apr 21, 2015 @ 11:53:41
Absolutely! I love kale, too. I thought of this post while I was putting kale in a lentil loaf I was making! 🙂
Apr 21, 2015 @ 11:45:15
Ha, ha, loved the column, love kale – I can do that, right?
Apr 21, 2015 @ 10:39:33
Went to a new local restaurant a couple weeks ago with friends and ordered a kale salad. It came without the salad dressing. They had run out of salad dressing. No one thought to tell me before hand so I went to the kitchen counter and asked for oil and vinegar. That didn’t help too much. Can you imagine a new restaurant running out of salad dressing and bringing out a kale salad, raw and … ?! Not going back there again. 😉 (true story)
Apr 21, 2015 @ 07:48:05
If you’d put Gluten in the title you’d have been run off the blogosphere! I so agree. And it applies to so many things. Granite countertops and stainless steel appliances (we’re trying to sell our house without either of those things). Love this post.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 07:23:47
hehe, love number 10 especially and kale facial scrubs 🙂 Isn’t it funny how people look to their food and their eating/not eating to demonstrate their piety (aka, superiority)? Used to be icons or church-going, now it’s kale and gluten free.
Apr 21, 2015 @ 07:17:30
Just what I was looking for….something else to worry about. I’ll fret about a kale shortage just as soon as I get over my anxiety about man’s plight due to climate change. Oh wait….I AM over it.
You pictures (and cartoons) are priceless as usual. I won’t sleep tonight thanks to that cat photo!
Apr 21, 2015 @ 06:00:54
Thanks for the heads up on this.. what is trendy now in the USA will only become trendy here by us in a year or two… it took nearly two years for our woman to stop wearing minis after you lot stopped (we were grateful for that)… however when the kale trend reaches here I will lead the movement against it by warning the nation…. now about the al-Qaeda threat against the USA… let them destroy the Kale trend, it is better that than other things…
Love this blog…
Apr 21, 2015 @ 04:55:25
This story must be titled ‘the kale of the missing spinnach’ over here in the UK it is cous cous or Quorn. yuck!!!