I’m not one to brag.

I’m too humble for that kind of thing.

Do you notice how humble people like Paris and me try to hide our assets so we down draw unnecessary attention to ourselves? That's just how we are.

Do you notice how humble people like Paris and me try to hide our assets so we don’t draw unnecessary attention to ourselves? That’s just how we are.

But my blog is, like, really, the best blog to follow…if you’re looking for a great bloggerific experience, that is.

Does it look like I could use some diversion?

Does it look like I’m ready for something new and exciting?

Oh sure, you need more than just my word that this is the blog equivalent to Nirvana, right?

If you’d just trust me, which you totally can, this would be a majorly short post.

And why wouldn't you trust me? I just got back from the, um, er, rest home. Yes, that's it, where they tuned me all up. My brain is working better than ever. I just wish I could remember where I left my body...

And why wouldn’t you trust me? I just got back from the, um, er, rest home. Yes, that’s it, where they tuned me all up. My brain is working better than ever. I just wish I could remember where I left my body…

But, no, you need proof (and by “proof” I mean “a list of reasons I came up with when I woke up early this morning”).

Fine. I can give you proof.

1. I hardly ever post. If you’re maxed out on time, no worries. So am I. You won’t see me popping up in your reader or email in-box a bazillion times a week. Nope. I don’t have that much to say. You’ll be lucky if I show up once a week, and that’s after I get all my boxes unpacked from my move across country (which will be sometime in February if they stop spontaneously multiplying). I’m a low maintenance blog, People.

None of the modern day equivalent of this kind of thing necessary to keep up with me.

None of the modern-day equivalent of this kind of thing necessary to keep up with me.

2. If you love language, congratulify yourself for finding me. I adore words. All of them, even ones that aren’t registered pure-bred. Don’t mutts make the best pets words?

Scrappy is one of those made-up pups and I think he's scrappalicious!

Scrappy is one of those not-one-breed made-up pups and I think he’s scrappalicious!

3. You’ll never read a rant here. No. No. No! Never. This is a NRZ (No Rant Zone). Why? You’d be amazed how much trouble you can get into when you start telling people what you think. I found that out right before my husband left me.

 

Yeah, I find that annoying. How about you?

Yeah, I find this annoying. How about you?

4. I like silly pictures and I bet you do too. Nabbing them from Goggle Images isn’t the worst thing in the world, is it? Especially when the perfect zany picture and caption makes you smile.

Like this one. Is he as confused about the hat as I am? I'm thinking he got himself inducted into some secret brotherhood of and now he is stuck trying to figure out the secret hand shake and how to explain his long absences every other Thursday evening to his wife.

Like this one. Is he as confused about the hat as I am? I’m thinking he got himself inducted into some secret brotherhood while drinking with his “buddies” and now he is stuck trying to figure out the secret hand shake and how to explain his long absences every other Thursday evening to his wife.

5. I mix it up around here. You never know what to expect, except that it will brighten your day and maybe even give you something to talk about with the people you talk to. I’m a former college professor and I’m a dizzy blonde. If that isn’t a formula for fun and informative posts, what the heck is?

6. I don’t cuss, curse, or use naughty words. Gomer Pyle would be proud. I know dropping the F-bomb is all the rage, but that’s just not the way I roll.

Shazam and golly! The way they drop the F-bomb on that there HBO channel, it's enough to give a guy like me the willies. And think about all them women-folk who have ta listen ta that. I sure am glad my momma taught me better.

Shazam and golly! The way they drop the F-bomb on that there HBO channel, it’s enough to give a guy like me the willies. And think about all them women-folk who have ta listen ta that. I sure am glad my momma taught me better.

7. Finally, you’ll never leave my place saying to yourself, “Well, that was a real downer.” If you do, seek professional help. Really.

That'll make you feel better.

That’ll make you feel better.

I hope you’re convinced, because I’m tuckered out.

Do you have any idea how many boxes I didn't unpack today because I decided to write this post? Oy Vey!

Do you have any idea how many boxes I didn’t unpack today because I decided to write this post? Oy Vey!

For those of you who have followed me for a while, how about helping me out? Why do you follow my zany little blog?

For those of you fairly new to Lorna’s Voice, what made you join in?

For those of you just whizzing by, what made you land here even for the briefest of times?

By the way, the answer to the quiz is to write with a red marker. Go figure, huh?