Here’s the dirt dope scoop skinny totally trivial dealio.
I was perusing my junk mail yesterday.

Do you mean to tell me…? Oh, never mind. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stupid things in my life, but are you trying to make me throw something at you?
Okay. Stop your Judge Judy attitude right now.
I know I have better things to do. But when you’re on hydrocodone and weak from not eating, editing your novel is not the best use your time. Heck Fire! I’m not even supposed to operate heavy equipment. My head sure feels heavy.
But I figured a quick blog post couldn’t do too much damage. And what I found in my Junk email box was just too good to keep to myself. Plus blogging is a way I procrastinate when I just don’t feel up to being seriously book brilliant–as opposed to being seriously blog bonkers.
So, anyway, back to Spammer Sara…or as I like to call her, SpamSara.
Among the plethora (lots) of other messages about facial hair removal, getting my male groove thang going, and offers to save long-lost and random relatives around the world by sending a mere $300, I had FOUR (4) messages from a nice sounding, real sounding person-spammer (or perspammer) named Sara.
On the message line, SpamSara wrote:
*Jan. 26: “You have a new message from Sara.” Aw. It’s just like when Meg Ryan got those great emails from Tom Hanks in “You’ve got Mail.” I’m telling you. It was hard to resist finding out about what my “new message” was.

Be still my heart! Another new message! What could it be? Should I read it? Oh the mystery of it is making my life seem so much more exciting than it was before.
*Later that same day from the lovely-sounding and intriguing SpamSara: “See my nude photo.” Okay. Kinda glad I resisted the urge to find out what SpamSara wanted to tell me before.
*Jan. 28: (Still from SpamSara) “Private Message from Amber.” So maybe she’s thinking that I’m into three-ways–and I’m not talking about a conference call, People.
Feb. 1: (Again from SpamSara, who, you have to admit, is persistent when it comes to looking for BFFs) “Amber wants you to contact her.” Wow! Sara and Amber really want me as a BFF. But why is she using Amber to get to me? Maybe she’s re-thinking that nude photo message. You shouldn’t rush things when trying to establish a BFF relationship. Lesson learned, eh, SpamSara?
Should I take a chance on SpamSara? It’s nice to be such an ardent fan of a seemingly pleasant perspammer (well, except for the nude photo thing). Did you know that Sara means princess? Shouldn’t I be able to trust a perspammer with a name like that? But Amber means fossilized tree resin or the color orange/red. I sense a sticky situation or two with her.
So, I’m asking you.
Thanks for your help. Someone as drugged up, in pain and calorie-deprived as me needs all the help she can get!







Feb 10, 2014 @ 13:59:30
All emails are permanently deleted. 🙂
Feb 08, 2014 @ 23:09:13
MMMmmm … decisions … decisions.
Sooo … many questions and soooo many things to think about.
I’m not sure.
I had trouble putting one leg inside each pant leg this morning. That is what I’m supposed to do … right?
You know … tell them you’re busy. After all. you are. LOLOL
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:22:50
Well, Peter, I thought that I wouldn’t write another memoir. Why? Nothing more could possibly happen to me. Wrong! So I’m looking at this as more book material… 😉
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:21:09
Ever the gentleman, Al. I’ll forward those messages to you post haste! 😉
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:20:05
The only reason I check is because sometimes legit emails end up there for some strange reason. I feel like I have to save them from SpamLand. And isn’t it odd that there is even voter apathy in blog voting? 😐
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:17:19
I think that they were just covering all bases. Don’t take it personally. Spammers rarely have exclusive relationships, right? 😉
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:15:45
I erased all messages without opening them. Just thought these 4 were funny… 😉
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:14:56
It can mean whatever you want it to mean! 😉
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:13:31
I think they know you have lots of friends and you’re a great sales man! 🙂 As for the nudie pics, don’t know, Rob. I could send SpamSara your email address…
Feb 07, 2014 @ 20:10:59
Naughty Narelle! 😉
Feb 06, 2014 @ 21:27:24
I can’t believe I was trying to click on the highlighted words “See my nude photo”. You got me, Lorna xx
Feb 06, 2014 @ 03:07:12
Why do I not get the offers of nude photos… all I seem to get is offers of penis enlargement .. do you think someone is spying on me..??
Feb 05, 2014 @ 21:52:12
Does BFF mean Being Frightfully Familiar?
Feb 05, 2014 @ 20:24:52
Just say I’m not ready to decide yet. Then take your time to see if it is right for you. ( use your female powers does it feel right? But please wait until your head clears up and have a good meal.)
Feb 05, 2014 @ 17:45:22
I thought Sara and Amber were my BFFs! Now I find out their propositions meant nothing to them…
Feb 05, 2014 @ 16:57:49
I love that the percentages represent 3 votes. That cracked me up. I think I may have just become #4 with “I need to think about it.” Also, I think friends of spamsara have been infiltrating my spam box as well. I don’t look at spam anymore, just delete. Hope I’m not missing sumthink ‘portant. xoxo
Feb 05, 2014 @ 16:10:09
A poor soul in your condition should not have to be bothered by such obvious attempts by strangers to get you involved in some kind of debauchery. In the spirit of the close friendship I believe we have developed through this blog, I want to help. Just tell Sara to leave you alone and send those invitations to me.
Feb 05, 2014 @ 15:51:54
You reminded me to look at my spamfolder to see if any old friends had popped by to comment. No, just the same mad junk as you suffer from. I’m sorry you are having to battle so much on the health front. It’s not fun at all. I hope you get to feel better soon. 🙂