This ad may have worked a 80 years ago, but not now. The drinks are way too small.

This ad may have worked 80 years ago, but not now. The drinks are way too small.

In the world of marketing, you can tell pretty much tell what’s going to sell well if you know your target audience, cultural and economic trends, and the future. Plus, you have to be creative with your “pitch.”

I’ve watched enough of Madmen to know this. And this is basically all I know about marketing.

Well, maybe I know a little more.

What you want is a win/win where the product sells like tickets for the Rolling Stones before they roll into a nursing home (win for the company) and the customer is slap-happy with the product (win for the customer).

See how happy everyone is?

See how happy everyone is?

What you don’t want is a lose/lose product–one that is so unpopular that no one wants it, so sales are sink-city (lose for the company) and customers hate it (lose for the suckers who wasted their money on the product).

Who put the vegetables in my Jello? The green Jello isn't lemon/lime, it tastes like celery. And the red should be cherry, not tomato.

Who put the vegetables in my Jello? The green Jello isn’t lemon/lime, it tastes like celery. And the red should be cherry, not tomato.

But I think I found an anomaly. Only time (and maybe you) will tell.

Here it is.

Do not be fooled. Even on a non-emaciated person, this devise is large.

Do not be fooled. Even on a non-emaciated person, this device is roomy.

First, do you know what it is?

I’ll give you some choices:

1. The newest cure for migraine headaches/neck pain. You can either refrigerate or microwave the pouch (depending on your comfort preference) and rest your head as it is supported in cooled or heated comfort. This device also blocks out noise, always a nuisance to headache sufferers. They are working on an accompanying device to go over the eyes for a total blackout experience.

2. The newest innovation in thermal protection for very cold climates. The exterior is made of windproof and waterproof material. Multiple layers of air and fabric similar to the exterior layer ensure that frigid exterior temperatures stay on the outside. The interior is lined with a fabric that absorbs/reflects your own body/head heat, creating a cozy bubble around your head even in the most arctic circles.

3. The latest design in protective head-gear for your avid cyclists (a.k.a. a bike helmet). It’s inflatable, so just blow and go. If you tip over with enough force, the helmet may have enough bounce to set you upright. The aerodynamics, however, are all on the inside protecting your noggin. So wearing this helmet may slow you down, but you’ll arrive at the Finish Line with your brain safely inside your skull, unless an opponent pops your helmet with a pin, which is really poor sportsmanship. But those cyclists will do anything to win a race.

Which one do you think it is?

Why am I thinking so hard? I know which one it is...

Why am I thinking so hard? I know which one it is…

It’s a bike helmet.

Don’t blame me. The Swedes came up with the design. My heritage is Finnish. We came up with the sauna, Angrybirds, and Santa Claus. I’m sure they are related in some way.

But, I digress…

Actually, it’s called “The Invisible Bike Helmet.”  

I bet you're thinking what I'm thinking, "I can see that helmet."

I bet you’re thinking what I’m thinking, “I can see that helmet.”

Am I right?

Here’s the deal. These Swedes were thinking about the major problem of “helmet hair” that keeps a lot of would-be champions off their bikes. So they designed an “air bag for bikes.”

This was one of their first designs, but they thought it might be too cumbersome, especially for children.

This was one of their first designs, but they thought it might be too cumbersome, especially for right-handed children and people.

The gizmo straps around your neck while you ride, your hair free to blow in the wind. If it senses a collision (maybe it has a scream/cuss word-recognition system), the bubble helmet “deploys” before you hit the ground/tree/person/dog/vending machine/building/lake/car/train/tricycle/parade float. You’re on your own getting the helmet back in the neck brace/cuff/cowl.

I call this a win/lose because I can see the company selling these helmets to sports AND hair enthusiasts–both big buyers of products who seem to have lots of money to spend on their enthusiasms.

And yet I don’t see these customers totally happy with their helmets.

The sports people seem to want the aerodynamic and color-coordinated “edge” that the more traditional helmet provides. Plus, should the thing have to deploy, the air resistance would really be a drag.

Do you see how important a helmet can be to aerodynamics? These bikers need all the help they can get to fight wind (and other forms of) drag.

Do you see how important a helmet can be to aerodynamics? These bikers need all the help they can get to fight wind (and other forms of) drag.

As for the hair enthusiasts, most who I know would rather go down in glamour than to suffer the embarrassment of being rescued by possible hot EMT guys while having what looks like a really full diaper around their heads. They are the cyclists not likely to wear helmets anyway.

Polly knew she wanted to be a professional cyclist, so she made sure her hair would fit the helmet. Most girls her age weren't as committed to their sports.

Polly was as committed to her cycling as she was to her hair. She was a rarity.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I’ll be kind of scarce around here until my novel’s first draft is finished. My next post will be one that announces my success in that goal. It will take me as long as it takes me.

Until then, I wish you all the best of health and happiness throughout the holidays.

I’m leaving you with a better picture of me and my blasted braces. When I looked at the post where I revealed them, I got scared.

Better? I think so...

Better? I think so…