I really should stick with objects from nature that are less apt to move quickly and startle me.

I really should stick with objects from nature that are less apt to move quickly and startle me.

When last we left Lorna, she was happily en route with Ninja Turtle to some bucolic wetland where Savior and Saved could blissfully part ways. Perhaps with ethereal music playing in the wind to honor the universal and sacred human-turtle connection. Let’s see how this story ends…

If you missed the first part of this story, go back. None of this makes sense without reading Part 1. Actually, none of this makes any sense at all.

Ninja Turtle was safely in a large cardboard box in the back of my Prius. Since my car is whisper quiet, I wasn’t concerned that my already probably frightened passenger would be troubled by engine noises.

I spoke in soothing tones to Ninja Turtle. “Don’t worry, Big Guy. I’m taking you to a beautiful place with plenty of water and probably lots of your kind. You’ll be cool and safe. You just have to trust me. I’ll get you there as quickly as I can. It’s okay. I know you’re scared. I would be, too. But you’re safe. Really you are.” Probably kidnappers not on the extreme end of the psychopath scale tell their victims the same kind of story just to keep them quiet.

Shush. There's no use putting up a fight. You're gonna lose.

Shush. There’s no use putting up a fight. You’re gonna lose. Stay calm and no one will get hurt. And by “no one” I mean you, Cuddle Pants.

I heard scratching noises coming from the back of my car. Maybe the turtle was trying to find a comfortable place to nap for the journey.

I hadn’t even made it out of my condo development.

Hmmm. I left the box open at the top so “my turtle” wouldn’t feel trapped. I was only thinking of its emotional comfort.

I checked my rear-view mirror as the scratching got more, shall I say, frantic. I was about one-quarter of a mile down the road when I saw a rather large turtle head and two thick turtle arms peeking over the edge of the box.

Imagine that this is not a building but the back seat of my Prius. Oh come on! Just use your prone-to-histrionics-imagination. There you go!

Imagine that this is not a building but the back seat of my Prius. Oh come on! Just use your prone-to-histrionics-imagination. There you go!

“My turtle” was really was a “Ninja Turtle.” It was fixing to climb over the back seat and attack me. I could see its plan in its Ninja Turtle eyes, which were large, shifty and generally berserk.  Or maybe those were my large, shifty and berserk eyes. Someone’s eyes were definitely large, shifty and berserk.

Since there was a stop sign, I hit the brakes. Maybe I hit them a little too hard given the surge of freaking panic that an enormous, possibly snapping, very agile, decidedly aggressive turtle was gunning for me.

After I stopped, Ninja Turtle disappeared. I didn’t know if it fell back into the box, onto the back area of my car, or the back seat of my car. No matter, I had a feeling it was reloading.

My serene vision about gently releasing this noble creature I rescued into a  lovely marsh imploded. I was now hoping to get rid of this freak of nature without having to go to the ER and explain how I got multiple turtle bites.

Well, then it nibbled on my lace collar here, Doc, before it started in on my earlobe. That's when I lost control of my car and hit a tree.

Well, then it nibbled on my lace collar here, Doc, before it started in on my earlobe. That’s when I lost control of my car and hit a tree.

Luckily I live within 5 minutes of a large lake. Ninja Turtle was going to be released there…if I could wrestle it out of my car or off of my neck. Who knew turtles could move so fast?

I drove like the maniac I was turning into. I kept hearing scratching sounds, but they weren’t getting closer to me, so I figured The Thing was still safely in the back of my car.

When I parked at the top of the hill that leads down to a swimming area only locals use, I asked the first man (who happened to be buff and good-looking), “Could you please help me? There’s a huge turtle that’s loose in my car. I need to get it back into the box so I can get it to the water.”

I wasn't in a picture-taking frame of mind and he did have a shirt on, but he could have looked like this...

I wasn’t in a picture-taking frame of mind and he did have a shirt on, but he could have looked like this…

He was with his two young boys, but he was good enough to stop. How could he resist helping a blonde in short shorts who was in obvious distress. Plus, how often does anyone say they have a turtle loose in their car? Once his boys heard “turtle,” he had to stay.

I winced and opened the hatch, not knowing what I would find.

There was Ninja Turtle crawling around outside the box. Turtles have a much longer neck and legs than I ever gave them credit for. At least this one did.

The handsome, muscular man stepped back from the car. “Wow! That’s a huge turtle!”

“Yeah. I know.” I was standing back, too. It’s as if we both thought it would dawn on a cape and fly out of the car, preferably not in our faces.

Too much? Yeah. Where would it get a mask like that, anyway?

Too much? Yeah. Where would it get a mask like that, and how could it tie it on, anyway?

“Daddy, can we keep him?” One of his boys stepped closer to the car, but Daddy pulled him back.

It was clear “Daddy” wasn’t going near “my turtle.” I reached in, picked it up from behind and put it in the box. It immediately tried to climb back out, but I closed the flaps to cover the box this time.

“I can help you carry it down,” Muscle Man offered.

“No thanks, I’ve got it from here.” Now he gets all brave and helpful with me…

Come to think of it, he may have looked more like this.

Come to think of it, he may have looked more like this.

I walked quickly down the hill. There was a lot of scratching and general thumping around in the box. I was hoping that turtles don’t eat cardboard.

Once I got to the bottom of the hill, I had a choice to make. I didn’t want to release it near the beach. Too many people. Thankfully there was a marshy area on the other side of the road from the beach. A culvert drained into a low spot and, with all the rain we’ve been getting, it looked like a small, but adequate wetland for Ninja Turtle.

I tipped the box and slid Ninja Turtle out into a marshy area well away from any people. Rather than scampering off and giving me even an ounce of satisfaction, however, the darned thing just froze…like a turtle.

Maybe it was in shock. I sure was. I stood there for about five minutes trying to convince it to move. “Your ordeal is over. You are free. Go toward the light water.” No deal. It just stayed put with its arms, legs and head out. Frozen.

Maybe that's where the term comes from.

Maybe that’s where the term comes from.

 

I finally left it, hoping that it would move once I, the well-intended enemy, was gone.

From now on, I’m going to call in the experts when I see critters in need of rescue. And that includes critters like me…

Yeah, right. This is either photoshopped, it's a trained seal, or sedatives are involved for one or both of the "actors" in this shot. From my most recent experience, you don't just go pick up a wild animal and rescue it. The animal may have some opinions of their own.

Yeah, right. This is either Photo-shopped, it’s a trained seal, or sedatives are involved for one or both of the “actors” in this shot. From my most recent experience, you don’t just go pick up a wild animal and rescue it. The animal may have some opinions of their own.