Hey, Grandma, I hear on TV that you’re bankrupting America. Mom said not to say anything to you because of your heart condition, but I  since I hid you’re hearing aid, I figured it was okay.

I have some things to tell you. If I tell you to keep them to yourself, will you promise to tell everyone you know? Even if these things are true?

Good! You didn’t hear any of this from me and swear you won’t tell a soul, okay? And just so we’re clear, you heard all of this from me, and tell everyone you know, okay. Gossip is a pretty easy concept, people.

I Have Another Contributing Writer Gig

Yes, and when I put a whole bunch of letters together in just the right way, sometimes interesting and amazing things happen, like my hair curls just the right way to make men notice me…

Legends Undying, formerly known as Dark Globe, has invited me to be a regular contributor on Sundays. Dark Jade’s new site focuses on showcasing writers as they develop their craft, having a different writer for different days of the week.

Sunday is a free-for-all day and that’s where I come in. If you’re looking for random uber-posts that make your readers wonder if they’ve wandered onto the wrong site, I’m your gal. I posted a beguiling little opinion piece about Halloween over there today. Well, in my opinion, it’s clever and tantalizing–especially the parts about candy. Check it out.

Oh, and if you still have electricity after Hurricane Sandy blows through, I have a post scheduled on Tuesday on Phil’s site. You won’t want to miss this one. It reveals something about me you don’t know yet. I have honest-to-goodness supernatural powers. Oops. I guess now you know. Oh well. At least you don’t know what kind of superpowers I have. Well, you’ll have to pop over to Phil’s blog to find out. On Tuesday.

I Have Been Given Another Blogging Award

Sarah from Write Away awarded me The Compassionate Communicator Award. Sarah is a fairly new blogger and, like me, has written a book and is facing the daunting world of publishing. I expect that both her book and blog will be very successful. She claims she’s a novice, but writes like she’s not. Thanks, Sarah, for giving me such a meaningful award. I am a Buddhist and compassion is a big part of my practice!

As always, there are obligations with accepting these awards. Click here to find out the rules because Sarah laid them out beautifully.

Sharing seven things about myself is hard because I’ve opened up my life to you already. If I reveal more, my blog won’t be G-rated any more.

Of all the sights Rex expected to see during his frolic in the forest, he certainly didn’t expect to see this overly interested canine.

Let’s see…

  1. Writing my book was the easy part. So all you aspiring writers staring at an empty screen or page, just go for it and enjoy it. Writing is the fun stuff. Figuring out all the publishing stuff will, if you’re like me, drive you bonkers.
  2. I wish I was as funny in person as I think I am in writing. Okay, I have my moments in person, but I’m way better when I have time to think about clever stuff, which means my fingers are funnier than my mouth.
  3. The only cartoon I ever liked was Mighty Mouse. I really dislike modern cartoons meant for adults.
  4. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you’ve noticed I don’t swear. No one ever cussed around me when I was growing up and, to this day, I find it offense.
  5. I find it both funny and frustrating that the more I try to do healthy activities, my body revolts and I get injuries like a torn butt. Yoga shouldn’t be dangerous.
  6. I like being alone so I don’t have to hold in my farts. (Can you tell I’m really reaching for stuff to tell you at great risk to my reputation as a dignified human being? Oh, I blew that reputation a while ago? Great, I feel so much better.)
  7. I have a touch of  bit of an issue with  certifiable case of OCD. It manifests most clearly in my compulsion to have the bed sheets and comforter perfectly straight and symmetrical. Area rugs must be straight as well.  The water in my Britta container must be topped off, too. At all times. I can handle a messy divorce, but not a messy bed. Explain that one.

So now that you know I’m panicked klutzy prude with gas who is mentally ill, do you really want me recommending other bloggers to you?

Don’t look at me. I only pass gas when I’m alone. Focus on how precise the bedding is…

That’s what I thought. Plus, I know too many compassionate bloggers to single out just a handful. So here’s the deal. If you don’t have this award on your wall of awards and feel you deserve it, take it. I trust you. But if you take it, follow at least some of the rules.