Okay, so maybe I didn't think this whole thing through. I know there's a way to make this look like I wanted this to happen.
Whoa! In my fixation fervor fortitude to finish my memoir, I forgot to start it. I also skipped a few itty bitty, teensy weensy, oh heck, hilarious and important events that lend even further proof that my life’s journey is worthy of a Nobel Prize for Ridiculosity an Academy Award for Best Mocumentary a Pulitzer Prize for Tragicomedy a pat on the back when I’m not coughing a click on the new WordPress “Love Ya Like Da Buddha” button (hey, they’re changing things here all the time; it could happen).
Right Buddha. Wrong button.
You may think this means I’m very ditsy disorganized in addition to being dizzy. Maybe I am; or maybe I’m smart like a blonde fox. I’m doing one of those flashdance flashback things so popular in edgy movies I find hard to follow while looking away to grab some popcorn. “Wait. Who’s that kid? Why do the cars look so big and heavy? Just a second ago everyone had cell phones and now that guy in a hat is waiting to use a phone booth. What just happened? ” Yes. Flashbacks. That’s what you’re in for.
Smart. Blonde. Fox. It can happen.
Here’s my smart like a blonde fox plan.
- I’m going to post no more than 3 or 4 times per week so both you and I can have more time for life Beyond the Blog.
- Some posts will be “Duh, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you about that!” related to the story most of you already know (from teen drunk to dizzy divorced blissful blogger).
- Many posts will be about how “Little Lorna” came to be, how she grew up, and why she suddenly refers to herself in the third person.
- A few posts will acquaint you with my grandparents, parents and sisters because they have a lot to do with my life story even though I tried my best to insulate myself from a few of them.
- I’ll throw in a post now and again about silly things I’ve heard or observed—just for fun and to keep things interesting.
Let’s just pretend I had this plan all along. It’s genius, really. Anyone who is new to my blog doesn’t have to feel left behind. Everyone will be starting at the beginning, right? (Work with me here. I’m trying to make all of us feel better, and by “all of us,” I really mean “me.”) If I admit that I just launched blindly into blogging and started telling my life story at random with no plan in mind, well, that would be just the truth silly.
Maybe this is the reason I’m not published yet.
Duh! You're right. When I go to a publishing house, I'll leave my bunny ears at home. I hope Scrappy doesn't try to wear them...again.
Lorna's Voice 
Apr 29, 2012 @ 09:38:49
Will do!
Apr 28, 2012 @ 16:27:09
You need to do just that. You write good “little stories” if I ever read good little stories! Get busy.
Apr 28, 2012 @ 16:24:02
I don’t know what to say. I really admire your work and to have you say such lovely things about my little stories is simply amazing to me. I am working on pulling all these snippets together to somehow form a book. I get distracted frequently since it’s easier (and more fun) to write these posts than it is to organize a whole book. But I feel I need to birth a book.
Comments like yours give me the kick in the pants I need to get back to the chapter I was working on. Thanks!
Apr 28, 2012 @ 16:13:51
Lorna, you are undoubtedly the most intelligent person in this little pond. If you aren’t published, somebody is asleep in the publishing business. I read a lot. A whole lot. Your “voice” is unique and smart and clever and downright funny. The idea of crossing out words, for example. Now, who would have thought of that? I have never seen the most effective descriptions in a piece crossed out! That’s pure genius. I may stop reading anything else. 🙂 At least, I can start some of the days of the week grinning from ear to ear! (It’s really, really hard to get an old woman to grin, you know!)
Mar 26, 2012 @ 12:45:18
You’re so sweet to say that. I promise I’ll have things in some kind of logical order in my book. I’ll also have things in the book that I didn’t reveal here–just to give my loyal reader something to look forward to!
Mar 26, 2012 @ 00:16:36
I don’t care what order you put things in, I know I’ll enjoy reading every post. As long as you keep writing, I’ll be happy. 🙂
Feb 28, 2012 @ 17:39:27
Nov 28, 2011 @ 14:36:38
You know you’re just encouraging me to keep going, right? I do have many more stories to tell, so you’ll have plenty to read during those times when you have time. 🙂
Nov 27, 2011 @ 12:08:26
I have two blogs that I tuck into an email file called “read later”, when I just can’t keep up. But then I get to read three or four in a rush and laugh for quite a while. (and cry, but don’t they often go together?) It has amazed me, your whole story, but it’s good to know it isn’t yet the “whole” story — plenty to look forward to.
Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:17:46
You are too kind!
Nov 22, 2011 @ 05:28:41
There are so many blogs I have to catch up on. Yours is one of the one’s I always stay up to date on, partly because you post regularly, and partly because I’m always interested and entertained!
I think your plan is a great one. ^_^
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:43:01
I imagine that’s an online support group… 😉 I hope they don’t spam you.
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:41:16
Yippee! We’ll have lots more fun, I assure you. The unpleasant stuff is out of the way. 🙂
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:40:15
Androgoth, I always appreciate your comments and I really appreciate that you visit so frequently. You’re a sweetheart!
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:38:36
Good to know!
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:38:18
Now that I wrote through the really though stuff (the motivation for my daily posts), I don’t feel the urge to post daily. It’s nice to have the pressure off.
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:36:49
Yes, I know the scene well. I’d be stuffing the chocolate in my uniform and hat, though. Not in my mouth! 🙂
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:35:35
You got it!
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:35:11
Great! I was hoping for a positive reaction to my plan.
Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:34:18
Yes, this plan seems like a good one. But, you know me and plans… 😉
Nov 19, 2011 @ 20:58:26
Yes, it does get diffeicult to read all the blogs and not feel like a blog reading zombie. I love your posts. I look forward to them. I think your new plan fits right in with mine. The holidays are coming …. ya know … it’s hard when you have to celebrate so many – like me. Chanukah, Christmas – well – I won’t bore you but you get it, I’m sure.
Keep on keepin’ on – whatever way you do it, Sista.
Toodles,
Izzy xoxo
Nov 19, 2011 @ 16:20:32
Cool..looking forward to more! No matter what order it comes in. You rock Lorna.Smart.Blonde.Fox!
Nov 19, 2011 @ 07:58:08
very glad to hear we’ll all have 3-4 post per week to look forward to, and to fill in the blanks! Everyone’s life can be a fascinating story, but it takes an exceptional writer to tell it. Excellent reading, keep writing.
Nov 19, 2011 @ 01:09:16
I’m with Tots on this one, still wanna see the movie! 2-5 sound like I’m rubbing off on you as much as your grounded intelligence is trying to rub off on me 🙂 🙂 🙂
Love,
Lucy (aka your dizzy redhead wanna-be writer friend)
PS
I could sincerely see us together on that chocolate line, too, do you know the one I mean where Lucy and Ethel… Oh. Wait. That was us, lol lol 🙂
Nov 18, 2011 @ 23:56:03
I spend a great deal of time reading blogs and commenting because I enjoy them. Then I have fun squeezing in time to write. But I admit…I love good posts that are published sporadically. I’m not sure I understand the drive to post daily…
Nov 18, 2011 @ 20:47:33
I’m with you all the way, I don’t always comment, but do always enjoy the memories, cheers catchul8r molly
Nov 18, 2011 @ 19:53:09
Well personally I think that three or four postings a week will be ample Lorna but I know that you will be adding those in between ones too, I mean everyone that follows your writing knows how wicked you are (Wicked in a nice way I mean) and that one day your writing will be published, that is for certain my wickedly fine young friend 🙂
Yes I know that I don’t add a comment on every single posting, well after the quality of some of my past offerings it is easy to see why? 😦 But I do call in as often as possible, and even though I sometimes miss the odd one or two, I still try to keep in touch with my… wittering, waffling thoughts 🙂
Have a wicked one this weekend Lorna 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Nov 18, 2011 @ 17:26:50
Yes, let’s go back–I’ll be right here with you all the way–we’ve had so much fun together so far! 🙂
Nov 18, 2011 @ 16:25:23
Good! Now I can tell that stupid blog withdrawal support group I won’t be attending any more meetings!
Nov 18, 2011 @ 09:47:34
So if the folks around your office see you skipping and hear you whistling, just blame it on catching a “Scorpio Vibe.” 😉
Nov 18, 2011 @ 08:26:18
I enjoy reading you, whatever the reasons. That you are willing to keep on writing here is sufficient reason for me to be happy.
Nov 18, 2011 @ 07:49:53
I read all of your posts, too Peter. And you’re being too humble. Everyone’s style is different. I only use the pictures because my son advised me to do so and I found they add a bit of fun and visual relief to what could otherwise be some “heavy” reading. Yes, I do work hard on my posts, but so do you–that is quite clear. You are thoughtful and often poetic in your prose. Funny, too. Personally, I think being Freshly Pressed right out of the gate was the fluke of the decade. What did I know? 😉
As always, thanks for your kind words and I’m so happy to have gotten to know you through your posts and your comments here. 🙂
Nov 18, 2011 @ 07:32:36
Will certainly continue to enjoy Tales from the Life of Lorna: The Dizzy One. You’ve gone through a great deal and triumphed with graceful charm and wit. I still wanna see the movie.
Nov 18, 2011 @ 07:21:45
Well, thanks, Ursula. Now I have to live up to those high, higher, highest expectations!
Nov 18, 2011 @ 07:19:51
You are a better woman than me, Lorna. Which makes you very good indeed.
U
Nov 18, 2011 @ 06:57:08
I try not to miss you posts, and I think I’ve read and commented on a lot, if not most of them. The story has been gripping and I was very pleased it had a nice ending because I’m a bit of a nice ending junkie. I am always pleased to see any post from you however often you publish them. I am in awe of all the pictures and things, and the work behind it all must be considerable. I find it hard enough just to write things myself, never mind the illustrations. Having said that your Blog has been very succesful, and Freshly Pressed so you you are certainly doing something right. Well done you.