Several unfortunate events happened to me yesterday–so many, they’re too painful and numerous to recount in a post I try to keep under 1000 800 600 words. I’ll pick one minor observation, mostly to distract myself from the major ones. However, a bit of backstory is necessary.

My son (“A”), 25, had eye surgery yesterday. He’s fine. The procedure was a follow-up on earlier surgery to attach is nearly detached retina. Since he lives about 150 miles from me and I promised to take him to the hospital, I had a fairly long drive ahead of me. For long-distance truckers and road-trippers, a 300-mile round-trip probably seems like a walk around the block. For me, not so much. I have this annoying neurological/immunological condition that renders me constantly dizzy and hypersensitive to overstimulation. Baffled doctors say I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I say I’m a Dizzy Blonde doing my best to just appear blonde. The drive was complicated by heavy rains, a truck driver who cut into my lane while I was still in it, spray from other vehicles, the incessant tick-tock of the windshield wipers, and Annoying GPS-Lady constantly saying “re-cow-clue-ating.”

I picked up “A,” got to the hospital, hugged him, and They whisked him away. The hospital has rules about extraneous maternal personnel in pre-op. So, I waited with my mom, who came with me for moral support and excitement.

Wall-mounted TVs in the surgical waiting area were tuned into a soap opera daytime drama, Get a Life to Live or something. Like the dessert menu in the restaurant you’re in after your Weight Watcher’s meeting, you have to look even when you know better. In 10 minutes I knew way too much about these very intense TV people.

The real Todd Manning (hunky) isn’t who you think he is (I don’t know who you think he is, either), so another DNA test is ordered (I know the Mannings don’t have an HMO). Destiny (sexy) is abortion-bound decides to terminate her pregnancy. Nora (also sexy and has Destiny issues) discovers that Matthew’s (hunky) bun is in Destiny’s oven. She wants to raise that baby with her beau, Bo. So, the sexy girls get ugly with each other. Commercial break. Clint (Huh? Plot change) is going to die if he goes to prison (makes sense, I guess). Viki (sexy) offers to keep Clint (hunky) at home with her under “private” confinement (seems a little too convenient), which the judge (graying but hunky) agreed to (yeah, like that would happen in As the World Turns).  Commercial break.

My ex-husband entered and we had lunch while waiting for “A”.

I was exhausted by the time I got home–tired but not sleepy. That’s when my brain went traveling back to Destiny, et al.

If normal people behaved like the characters on that “daytime drama” (or in Congress), we’d have anarchy. (I know I took a long time getting here, but I’m still reeling from yesterday’s traumas).

3 simple communication tips, based on my 10 minutes of daytime TV education:

  1. Turning away from the person you’re talking to will not make them listen harder.
  2. If you’re about to say something out loud that you’d only think when angry, alone, and schnockered–shut up.
  3. Throwing the past in someone’s face is not an act of love; it’s an act of shove (as in shoving your face in “it”). If you can’t resist sharing the “shove,” turn away silently, look toward the camera and fade to commercial.

Daytime TV can be educational, but I wouldn’t make a habit of watching it. Still, I wonder what will happen to Destiny’s Child?