I dislike the news. Like “Reality TV, the news is a choreographed train wreck with lots of gore and drama meant to both scare and entertain us.

An “aw-shucks” positive story pops up for a 2-minute segment; but that blip of feel-goodness just isn’t worth the horror that precedes it. It’s kind of like a quick orgasm after sitting through a really bad porno film (or so I’m told).

But sometimes the news is hard to avoid. I watch “around it” to see the weather forecast. Don’t ask me why. I know meteorology is as much of an exact science as astrology. I also scan the internet for odd news stories, looking for something funny to share.

Here’s a sampling of evidence that strange things are happening in America, which portends one of two things: we’re headed for annihilation and this is just practice for Doomsday OR the summer heat is making us a danger to ourselves and others.

  1. Manure Truck Makes a Big Splash. A tanker carrying manure crashed into a building, ejecting its contents far and wide. While no one was hurt, it caused a big stink and missed a pizza parlor by a couple of hundred feet. They reopened the next day. Yummy.
  2. Man Can’t Resist Wearing Bunny Suit in Heat Wave. An Idaho man was freaking out neighborhood children by wearing a big bunny suit and hiding behind a tree. It’s not Easter and what’s up with hiding behind a tree? Isn’t it hot enough for you Mr. Bunny Suit Man? A Baked Potato Suit … now, that I can understand.
  3. Snake Hitches a Ride.  A Memphis family spied the freeloader as he slithered up the windshield from underneath the hood. They just kept driving and the boy in the car said, “cool.” Did they not see “Snakes on a Plane?”
  4. Somebody Got Nap-Time Mixed Up. An 8-year-old boy was stopped by the police for his erratic driving while his drunken father slept in the passenger seat like a baby. I wonder if he was properly secured in his car seat? They were on the Louisiana Interstate highway–more lanes, less accuracy needed, right?
  5. Local Stores Run Out of Air Fresheners, Local Woman Missing for 2 Months. It took two months, really? You’d think someone would have gotten suspicious or sick of the smell. These are not observant people. Note to self, don’t vacation in Mesa, AZ.
  6. Couple Had Sex in Public Pool for 30 Minutes. Yes, it took onlookers half an hour to make sure that these lovers (39 and 40) were actually doing the “dirty” in the pool before calling the manager. Chlorine levels were dangerously high the following day. See what happens when you’re a tattletale?

I admit that I have no common sense, but I’m having less and less faith in the general population (and let’s not get started on the politicians that represent us).

So look around. Are we headed for inevitable annihilation due to our own ineptitude and lack of judgment, or will sanity and salvation creep back once the mercury begins to fall?

It will get cooler, won’t it?