Why does everyone always have to exaggerate everything they’re talking about all the time?

Do you notice anything even a little bit ironic about this first sentence?

I’ve noticed a tendency to aim high, higher, and highest when it comes to describing people, places, things, or actions (in the parlance of grammarians: nouns and verbs). Yes, I’m talking about using a  superlative when a comparative or plain old adjective or adverb would suffice.

Is this too technical?

Let’s use an example: big (adjective); way bigger (comparative); ginormous (superlative); awesomely, titanically huge-o-rific (superlative with a cherry on top). While this example is probably grammatically incorrect and illegal in most states, it makes my point: most people exaggerate when trying to make a point.

Cases in point:

“Is that the new iPhone? It’s off-the-hinges, redonkulusly bitchin’.” I simply don’t know what to say except … thanks?

“That pizza was the best pizza in the world!” Oh really, I didn’t know you had been around the world and had dined at every pizza-serving establishment on the globe. I hope you don’t have slides of your trip you expect me to view.

“If I eat another bite of this cheesecake, I’ll explode!” Thanks for the warning. I’ll back away slowly and call 9-1-1 because I know you’re going to finish the whole thing.

“I’ll just die if I can’t find the right color shoes to go with this outfit!” Hmmm. That will be one interesting obituary. In lieu of flowers, send donations to Gucci.

“Look at all these weeds. This garden is a disaster!” A disaster usually involves some sudden calamity and causes great loss of life, damage, or hardship. I don’t think the Little Shop of Horrors people-eating plant is the problem here.

“Can you believe that professor? She was one rambling, tedious, windbag.” No comment.

“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Super-latives!” Coming to a conversation near you, if they haven’t already.

Colorful language is fun and comes in handy when you want to make sure people understand you. But if you get in the habit of exaggerating, what are you going to do when you’re faced with having to describe something that requires a superlative? When you’ve used up “disaster” for the weeds in your garden, how are you going to describe the tornado that just decimated your garden, home, and community?

It’s just something I was thinking about while I’m avoiding the yard sale preparations looming over me like Niagara Falls after 25 days of torrential rain. I’m not exaggerating!