Warning! This post may not be suited for anyone whose hypertension is exacerbated by linguistic blunders. Why? It’s full of them, that’s why. I’ve compiled a list of grammatical and conversational pet peeves from my “To be honest with you…” post. Here is the first batch, quite eye-opening, or eye-closing, depending on your perspective. I’ve committed to keeping my posts relatively short, so this is the 1st in a series. Feel free to comment and add more. There’s no telling–like the Limbo— how low we can go with this examination of linguistic tics.

  • Beginning or ending a sentence with “so”: “So, I couldn’t find my underware.” If that’s how the conversation began, where was I when it started?  “I can’t remember how I got home last night, so.” Okay, you’ve got my attention. Why? Did you plan filling me in, or did you just stick a “so” on the end of your sentence because saying “the end” sounded pretentious? Newsflash! Sentences end with some form of punctuation. Periods don’t happen just in hockey or once a month for females of childbearing age.
  • Saying “you know” or “you know what I mean” after you’ve explained something: If you’re explaining quantum physics to me, a scientifically-challenged individual, checking in on my comprehension is justified. But saying, “I got drenched when it rained, you know what I mean?” I do, indeed, know the experience of getting wet when it rains. No need to check my comprehension.
  • Qualifying an introductory phrase with but: “I really like your dress, but…” “No offense, but…” “I love you, but…” You know that the 3-letter word but negates everything that came before it. I recently said this to my son as I was finalizing some post-divorce personal business, “I don’t mean to be morbid, but do you want my ashes after I’m cremated?” He replied, “Mom, there’s no way that sentence was going to end well.” He was right, so…
  • Using basically, in other words, or simply put in your conversation or monologue: Either you feel I am too dumb to understand everything said up to that point, so you have repeat it, but spoon-feed it to me this time; or you just said a lot of unnecessary stuff when you could have just said the basic or simple stuff. Why didn’t you use those ostensibly better “other simple, basic words” in the first place, you know what I mean?
  • “Needless to say: or “It goes without saying”: Don’t tell me something is not worth saying and then say it. Needless to say, that’s just silly.
  • Misuse of perfectly wonderful words and phrases, making them ho-hum words and phrases: “I just had the most awesome cheese sandwich.” Really? The cheese sandwich took you places of wonderment and inspiration beyond imagination. Wow. Where can I get one of those? Or, how about this? “Hey, New York, I love you!” says a comedian on Comedy Central. The guy spent his set putting down everything about the Big Apple.  Is his heart truly bursting with deep affection and devotion for all +/- 8,500,000 New Yorkers?

Part 2 is coming soon…